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RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/13/2008 6:15:58 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

I think if I had intercourse with a submissive then I would be just another woman.


I prefer not to dominate OR have sex with men who submit to OR have sex with every other woman they encounter.  But that's just me.

quote:

Why ground the magic?


I don't feel that BDSM activity is especially more magical than any other form of sensation exchange between loving partners, or that intercourse is by definition "unmagical".  Intercourse creates life, after all--what's more magical than that, sexually speaking? But hey, maybe other people are just doing it wrong. 

quote:

 Why do what every other woman on earth can do for them?


There is nothing that I do with a person I care about, including intercourse, which I consider mediocre or commonplace.  If I found out that any man I was with felt this way about me and any aspect of our sexual relationship that was meaningful to me--the entire relationship would be over.  

quote:

They always want what they can't have, it's don't touch the red button syndrome, they'll never get that from me. With me, they can keep wanting.


I recognize that what you are saying is true of a certain sort of man.  I have never had any use for such men--I consider them misogynists, quite frankly, and I've never found anything particularly magical, uplifting or empowering about some guy's Madonna-Whore Complex.

*shrug*  Obviously there's a reason that we have such diametrically opposite approaches to D/S relationships.  It takes all kinds to make a world, as we can see.  Threads like this should really work wonders to dispel any notion that "All Dommes Are Alike". 

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/13/2008 7:38:55 PM   
HotMistress22


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I'd be frustrated if I didn't have an orgasm or 10 but that's part of our play.  We've been married for almost 20 years and have an enormous sexual attraction for eachother.  Not so much with other subs though.  Then I'm more into the power exchange aspect.  Not sexual at all.  UNLESS, I'm cuckolding subhub, then I demand lots of pleasure.  So, that's a yes, no, yes.  lol

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/13/2008 7:40:12 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		I'd say "often" or "usually", yes.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/13/2008 7:44:17 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		oddly my Dominance tendencies (im a Switch) are not sexual for me at all, I just want to see you hurting, or begging. Dosent get me off in an i want to fuck way, more like a "Yes,I am an evil motherfucker, and you better just lay down, smile and beg for more" way.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/13/2008 10:48:15 PM   
GodlessJezebel


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline 		New member here.  Hello to all!  Now my two cents:

I don't get any type of physical arousal from Domming someone, but I do get mental arousal (my own term) if that makes any sense.  It really depends on the context of the relationship.  For instance, I have a bottom with whom the attraction is both physical as well as D/s.  I have an amazing sexual and bdsm relationship with him because that's how it began and the criteria we set. I've evolved a bit since we became involved, so any future relationships now differ.

With any new potential bottoms/subs, my intent is not my own sexual gratification.  I'm not comfortable making myself vulnerable enough to be sexually gratified by the bottom/sub.  However, I do get mental & psychological gratification from engaging in bdsm as well as knowing that someone has put enough trust in me to be the vessel through which their desires are fulfilled.

Miss Arlene

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 12:02:57 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Does domination make you want to have sexual intercourse or orgasm?



Uh-huh.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 12:37:15 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was asked this same question by someone else not too long ago.  I did a pretty lousy job at explaining it then, and I probably won't do any better at it now.  Hopefully, it will make sense to someone out there.

The answer to this for Me really comes down to yes and no.  After reading the whole thread, I think the question that's really being asked is does topping make you want to have intercourse or orgasm.  In My little world, domination and topping are two different things.  It's really the topping part, whether that be physical, mental, or emotional, that tends to heighten arousal for Me.  Simply put, yes, topping turns Me on.

Here's where it gets a little more complicated.  Generally, no, it doesn't create a need for a sexual release.  If I have a good scene with someone, I hit top space and get that rush, I'm completely satisfied with that.  Even though playing turns Me on sexually, I don't need the completion (orgasm).  The act of the play alone can leave Me more than happy and content.  Sure, I may be turned on even to the point of having physical evidence of being so (wet), but if My sadism need has been satisfied, the sexual consummation doesn't have to follow. 




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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to GodlessJezebel)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 12:46:44 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



Does it turn you on in a manner that to not have an orgasm would be frustrating?

Akasha



no
I find satisfaction in seeing her serve and grow. I can skip sex then.
That wasn't always the case..especially not when I was 18~20.
And as a Dom you can take sex when you want....so it don't need to build up till you get desperate ;)


ps. I think frequency of meeting is an important ingredient too.
If you meet once year...you propably want sex...but that is not related to Domination.
That is pure sex   lol


OOPPPPS  I came here from the frontpage..and dind't read " Mistress "...apology

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/14/2008 1:11:02 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 1:16:27 AM   
HardToTame


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I have never quited figured out my own wiring when it comes to femdom lust and arousal.  I was doing BDSM a few years before my first orgasm, and a few years before my first sexual experiences. I was tying guys up for innocent high school necking and heavy petting.  Adding blindfolds.  Getting handcuffs.  Long before I had seen a guy naked, had oral sex, or had intercourse.  It's a separate, yet often overlapping lust of mine.

That said, I get incredibly wet when I do any kind of domination or topping.  It's a natural physical response.  So moving into sexual activity is a natural and obvious progression.  But, it's not necessary. That's what's odd.  When I get wet from vanilla foreplay though - kissing, fondling, normal foreplay, the arousal I feel is absolutely undeniabley SEXUAL.  And that's what I want.  An orgasm, intercourse, or that kind of release. 

So if I keep BDSM on a physical, emotional, "topping" level, I don't have much angst related to needing to have sex or orgasm, but I do have a desire to do more domination or scratch that "itch."  If I was told that all my power exchange and topping could NEVER include orgasm, it would be disappointing, but not impossible.

However, my sexuality is always laced with femdomish overtones; I could not remove hairpulling, face slapping, bondage or at least BDSM fantasy from intercourse 100%.  Maybe half. Hard to say.

I wondered when I was younger if I'd start to lose that separation, but it hasn't happened.  I can still have fairly rewarding, intense, mind blowing BDSM and table the orgasm for later, despite how wet I get.  Very weird.

Akasha




I like the way you think.  Personally, I just like pleasuring a women.  Be it making her cream or, what ever.   I always figured sex was part of it.   As I've said a few times here, this whole, bondage thing for me is purely a bedroom thing so, yes definately.  I'd want to serve a mistress who would go all the way and climax, even if that means that, I don't actually penetrate or have sex with her.  If she climaxes, I'm happy.  If she's just like... Bondage for bondage sake, just being too lazy to do things her self or what ever, then I'm not interested.  Might sound shallow but, yeah, I'm shallow :D

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 5:09:05 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Domination in a broad sense? Then no, as that’s just a part of me, and my need for me to be ‘in control‘ within my personal intimate relationships.

But I guess you mean in a playing/topping/doing a scene/doing BDSM type things. My short answer is: sometimes.

As a singular entity, when I do BDSM type things, it’s a non sexual catharsis. I’ve never done yoga, but I guess it would be pretty similar. I’m not a sadist, and don’t ‘get off’ on the act of a sadistic activity, but playing sadistic games with my sub gives me a buzz from the power and release. I get a buzz on watching the reaction of my willing victim. I also get a buzz from the control, which spurs me on in a way that makes it more about me than just being a top. Sometimes this buzz can feel similar to that buzz one gets from the afterglow of lengthy physical exertion (amongst other things), so I guess it is hitting the same pleasure sensor somewhere.

I go into a ‘zone’ which seems to be a complex mix of many psychological and physical aspects; it is incredibly hard to describe so I refer to ‘her’ as a separate entity. My sub has informed me that I apparently get a certain ‘look’ in my eyes when ‘she’ is coming out to play. The ‘zone’ I get in tickles spots very close to my lusty spots, sometimes.

Here is where it gets even more vague. The ‘zone’ is more often than not, plenty satisfying as a singular entity. But sometimes (not always) using my sub to reach an orgasm is a natural follow on, or part of it. Sometimes the mood takes me. Sometimes seeing that my sub has been turned on by certain things is enough to make me sexually responsive. Sometimes I want some physical pleasure. Sometimes just toying with my subs arousal is super hot. I think because I am sexually attracted to my sub, that the two often blend. But hypothetically speaking, I could do BDSM type stuff to someone I was intimate with, but not sexually attracted to. But then, I would need more reciprocation than just being the top in that circumstance than just reaching the ‘zone‘; and I am not completely sure I could reach it so satisfyingly.

But the times with my sub that the ‘zone’ does lead to that ‘rawr, I got to come’ feeling, then yeah, I would feel pretty frustrated if I didn’t. Sometimes it will lead to intercourse if my mood takes, but that would just be foreplay as I don’t come from intercourse. Other times, I will use my subs body in another way to make myself come.

'Tis such a simple question you ask, but invokes quite a complicated response, lol.


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 7:08:02 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		hmm look what the cat dragged in, where's your Christian charity Ms Scarlett, i never said it was demeaning to defer to women, i plainly said it is difficult to be a sub nowadays because of the attitude in some quarters of the media that it is degrading for a man to defer to a woman. But that is not my opinion, it is what some parts of SOCIETY unfortunately think. I actually think its courageous for sub men to defer to a woman as by doing so the sub is not following the herd but what is important to him.  In other words the sub has a mind of his own, he doesnt allow himself to be influenced by busy bodies outside.  Now with that i must apologise, you are a woman of integrity Ms Scarlett and you are not just the typical girl with a whip on these boards.  However if you still do not want to understand me, i will gracefully accept the situation. Hope this helps. As to should a Domme want intercourse, well its between the Domme and the Sub involved isnt it
kevin

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 7:10:08 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		That should be Ms Starlett. Apologies again. i really am mucking up today. Once again apologies.
kevin

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 7:14:01 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		is sadism like a session at a party or does it go beyond that. what does sadism encompass for you Lady Pact
kevin

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 7:48:07 AM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		I find all of this very interesting.  For the ladies, when you are in control doesn't that do something in the arousal section?  I can understand not getting aroused by giving orders such as "make the coffee, bring the paper, fix dinner, etc".  Those are everyday commands that have no sexual conotation.  However, if you give a command of "on your knees, bow to me, kiss my feet, etc", doesn't that evoke some kind of sexual response?
What does the act of being in dominate frame of mind do for you?  I know a woman can be dominate without being turned on...I guess you could also be very sadistic, but wouldn't that turn you on?  Even though you were abusing another whom you do not have an intimate relationship with, wouldn't it turn you on enough to satisfy yourself in another way?
Please don't take any of this the wrong way, I am just trying to understand.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 7:57:11 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Very little about domination turns me on sexually. It's a high, but not always a sexual high.

The only exception is when it is with a female that I am already sexually attracted to and care about. Even then, it isn't active domination that trips my sexual trigger, it is her total submission that does that.

I am sure that sounds vague but there is a huge difference to me. I can dominate most people around me, no big thrill there. I've done it my whole life, in some way or another. Much of it, in retrospect, I am not proud of.

It is knowing that a reasonably intelligent woman, sees in me, someone they can trust and feel the need to submit wholly to. Regardless of how that plays out on a physical level. That is what rocks my world.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 8:00:48 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i think it depends on the sub . Some of those dont regard women as superior while being slapped is something we would hate rather than like. as for being flogged and caned well some of us would dread that while others like it. one man's fish is another' man's poison. Discretion is sometimes the better part of valour. in this case yes it most certainly is to my way of thinking but for others yep, your right, sadistic women or women being sadistic towards them by inflicting pain on their behinds rather is something they enjoy. in ireland its completely different. none of the women ive met regard themselves as superior while caning and flogging is frowned upon. they are just out for a few drinks and a laugh with their prospective sub or owned sub respectively
kevin

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 1:02:45 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I was asked this same question by someone else not too long ago.  I did a pretty lousy job at explaining it then, and I probably won't do any better at it now.  Hopefully, it will make sense to someone out there.

The answer to this for Me really comes down to yes and no.  After reading the whole thread, I think the question that's really being asked is does topping make you want to have intercourse or orgasm.  In My little world, domination and topping are two different things.  It's really the topping part, whether that be physical, mental, or emotional, that tends to heighten arousal for Me.  Simply put, yes, topping turns Me on.

Here's where it gets a little more complicated.  Generally, no, it doesn't create a need for a sexual release.  If I have a good scene with someone, I hit top space and get that rush, I'm completely satisfied with that.  Even though playing turns Me on sexually, I don't need the completion (orgasm).  The act of the play alone can leave Me more than happy and content.  Sure, I may be turned on even to the point of having physical evidence of being so (wet), but if My sadism need has been satisfied, the sexual consummation doesn't have to follow. 





I think I am wired the same way.  I try to explain, though, that domination (topping, really, I am talking about *doing* things to a man - bondage, pain, humiliation) gives me a clear sensation/rush/physical feeling beyond simply "enjoying it" or it being "fun."  At the very basic, it's exciting, but on a level of "exhilerating."   But in addition, I have clear physical reactions and sensations that are close to, but not exactly, like sexual arousal and orgasm - while also getting very wet at the same time (but again, not wet as in "must have an orgasm, must have sex").

During the course of really good topping with a bottom that I find exciting and there's clear chemistry, I get sensations ranging from goosebumps to mini shivers to the absolutely wonderful *ache* in my belly (area) that is sometimes as strong and wave-like as an orgasm, and feels similarly so.  It can be a sharp, distracting *PING!* type sensation that is followed by a chill on my skin almost, and it's generally in response to a sound, expression, or reaction of a submissive/bottom that seems to push the right buttons.  So when I turn to jelly, in a good way, as a result of something like this, it's hard for me to explan to someone that it's not just "fun" - it's a drug-like-high (this coming from a woman that has admittedly almost no experience with drugs, so I'm guessing).

If I could bottle that feeling, wowzo.  It's better than orgasm, in some cases, and in other cases, it's a fine compliment to orgasm. But to be honest, I can't always be in the same space at the same time - sexually aroused and femdom aroused - it's usually one before or after the other, because at the same time, it's a blur. The femdom lust/urge/rush is much more distracting than the pre-orgasmic rush.

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Does domination make you want to have sexual interc... - 10/14/2008 3:35:28 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I can say unequivocally...it depends! On the day, the time, the circumstances, the people involved. It's so individual for me. Mostly though what i get out of control of my pet is a deep feeling of rightness. I feel pride at his accomplishments, excitement at his joy, and something i can't quite describe when my wicked side gets going and he has a little suffering to do. I can say that there have been times that something simple like watching him strip, has made me quite needy, where as deeper play does not always have any sexual effect.

I do wonder how much of this is affected by our general sex lives. If i were not getting laid daily by my insatiable partner, would i get more turned on by my little one? I can't answer that one personally. Anyone else want to weigh in on that?

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 38
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