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Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:30:54 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

i'm feeling very protective of my Master.
His father is dying. master is caring for his father 24/5. The cancer was only finally diagnosed a month ago. NY the time the diagnosis came Dad has cancer of the liver and bowel and stomach.
Each weekend it is a three to four hour drive to dad's house. Dad's deterioration is rapid. This weekend by the time i arrived dad was naked, cover by a sheet, hooked up to a battery driven meds. pump, had a bag for urine and two home helps coming three times a day and nurses round the clock on call.
he gripped my hands fiercely, communicated by blinking and managed smiles.
Master shaves his face, and wipes his mouth with water. we stroke dad's head and talk to him, play his favourite movies and stroke his head when the breathing is diificult.
Yesterday Master's cousins came and His brother. i made apple pie. And sandwhiches. and cups of tea. They hide their shock at dad's decline very well.
the situation is creating deep bonds between Master and myself. i am honoured to be asked for such service.
But i did badly yesterday. was pre-menstral and got triggered and sat in the kitchen feeling excluded in the presence of the family. i tried to bottle it up. But a a rare break as master took us out to sit by the sea my tears came. i felt protected, wanted to shield Master from the what-i-felt to be prying questions. i want Him to rest. i want to be there at the passing and to ease His grief.
i feel so very deeply protective of Master. This makes me feel strong. As someone who is owned i feel protective and it is a power that for a moment in time i felt had been taken away from me.
But i talkd about it all. It's all ok. The lingering, the difficulty in dying, the pain. It will pass very soon. And i shouldn't have been triggered.
My question though is: has there been anything that has made you feel protective of your relationship?

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

Post #: 1

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:33:32 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

First off I' sorry for the hardships and grief your Master is going through. I wish him all the best...

Second off...I'm protective of all my relationships be it my family, friends or my partner. There's nothing in particular,nothing that stands out. I just am that way with people I care for very much but with the realization that I can only do so much and all I can do is be there for them when they need someone to turn to.

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 2

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:37:18 PM

spankablemilf

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline

First, thoughts and prayers to your Master, you, and his family.

Lastly, our relationship is so new (in the way described) that I can't think of anything of the sort.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

i'm feeling very protective of my Master.
His father is dying. master is caring for his father 24/5. The cancer was only finally diagnosed a month ago. NY the time the diagnosis came Dad has cancer of the liver and bowel and stomach.
Each weekend it is a three to four hour drive to dad's house. Dad's deterioration is rapid. This weekend by the time i arrived dad was naked, cover by a sheet, hooked up to a battery driven meds. pump, had a bag for urine and two home helps coming three times a day and nurses round the clock on call.
he gripped my hands fiercely, communicated by blinking and managed smiles.
Master shaves his face, and wipes his mouth with water. we stroke dad's head and talk to him, play his favourite movies and stroke his head when the breathing is diificult.
Yesterday Master's cousins came and His brother. i made apple pie. And sandwhiches. and cups of tea. They hide their shock at dad's decline very well.
the situation is creating deep bonds between Master and myself. i am honoured to be asked for such service.
But i did badly yesterday. was pre-menstral and got triggered and sat in the kitchen feeling excluded in the presence of the family. i tried to bottle it up. But a a rare break as master took us out to sit by the sea my tears came. i felt protected, wanted to shield Master from the what-i-felt to be prying questions. i want Him to rest. i want to be there at the passing and to ease His grief.
i feel so very deeply protective of Master. This makes me feel strong. As someone who is owned i feel protective and it is a power that for a moment in time i felt had been taken away from me.
But i talkd about it all. It's all ok. The lingering, the difficulty in dying, the pain. It will pass very soon. And i shouldn't have been triggered.
My question though is: has there been anything that has made you feel protective of your relationship?

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 3

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:39:43 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

First off I' sorry for the hardships and grief your Master is going through. I wish him all the best...

Second off...I'm protective of all my relationships be it my family, friends or my partner. There's nothing in particular,nothing that stands out. I just am that way with people I care for very much but with the realization that I can only do so much and all I can do is be there for them when they need someone to turn to.

i'm also very protective of my friends and family. especially my kids.
It's just that i had experienced master being protective of me. And that is how i was expecting it to go. Feeling protective of Him i never expected within the dynamic. It's lovely. It's good. But unexpected: almost like there is an invisible bubble around us that no one else can feel or see. i just want to ease and help and protect Him and do the very very best i can.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:42:17 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankablemilf

First, thoughts and prayers to your Master, you, and his family.

Lastly, our relationship is so new (in the way described) that I can't think of anything of the sort.

We are new. It's only been three months. Well less than three months. It's a deep place to be. It's calling for complete trust and devotion. And it is also exposure to the most utterly intense intimacy, ths sharing of death together.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to spankablemilf)

Post #: 5

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:45:28 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

And just feel like i need to add that my role feels both easier (because as a slave it is prescribed) and also more difficult because it's taking place within the context of the family, health practitioners, neighbors. Not even a role really as i do not intend to suggest any acting out.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 6

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:47:45 PM

Subductrssss

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

You, Your Master and family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are a very brave woman and in that bravery comes the ability to help your Master, you may have felt you failed in one day but think of all the days you are there as His helpmate, all you give to Him each and every day and all that you are there for Him.

He is a lucky man to have such as you to be there with Him and help Him through His father's illness and passing.

There is no greater feeling than to be loved and to love and you and He share this.

Thank you for telling us this and allowing us to share in this with you and He.

I always feel protective of my relationships and the people in them for they are my heart, my soul, my breath I breathe and they are the most important part of my life.

Marsha

_____________________________

Subductrssss

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 7

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 4:52:12 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

God bless the dad, your Master, and all the loved ones. My brother died of cancer in June. It's very hard.

To answer your question, yes. I am fiercely protective of my Master, though He hardly needs my protecting. I agree with the previous poster who said she was protective of her close relationships. I am as well. Whether it's my family, my Things, my friends, my Master, our relationship... I am the very definition of a mama bear whose cubs are at risk.

I take my close ones very seriously and I have bared my fangs when they were being messed with. I've had a couple of sub women try to wiggle their way into my relationship with Him, and it has not proven well for them. He will let me tend to those matters to the point that He will intervene and put such intruders in their places if they don't take the hint from me. He knows how I feel about that, as does He when male Doms start sniffing around. We have been together for 5+ years, and someone trying to mess with what we have just doesn't sit well with either of us, and tends to bring out the redheaded monster in me.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 8

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:03:33 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subductrssss

You are a very brave woman and in that bravery comes the ability to help your Master, you may have felt you failed in one day but think of all the days you are there as His helpmate, all you give to Him each and every day and all that you are there for Him.

Marsha

Thank you Marsha. The illness (which was diagnosed as a heart condition) was the reason for my Master re-locating back to England. Without the illness it is doubtful that we would be together as without the relocation there would have been a greater distance between us.
And the father begot his son who is now Master. So i am viewing it as 'meant-to-be'.
It was a bad trigger that feeling of being 'ousted' but it's not surprising is it really as non of the family had met me before and to them i kind of just suddenly appeared.
It's teaching me that my feelings of protectiveness and caring are a deeper resource than i ever knew i had.
When i went oput to the shops i almost felt like going up to total strangers and saying: we're nursing a dying man. The sun is shining. It's a beautiful day. Enjoy this life, this time. Life is so precious and short. care and protect those you can, deeply and with a passion.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to Subductrssss)

Post #: 9

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:06:50 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

God bless the dad, your Master, and all the loved ones. My brother died of cancer in June. It's very hard.

My condolences. It is indeed a very hard way to die. protracted and painful. The cancer grows and spreads on and on. It's trying to do ones best and doing so without showing fear. i am sure every emotion is being felt and picked up on by Dad.
That's why i want to do it well this caring.
Tired. Just needed to offload.
it changes everything, experiencing death like this.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 10

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:08:33 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Warmest wishes and prayers to all of you. I, too, am sorry to hear of such difficulty.

I had just such an incident only yesterday. We had both endured a miserable day, however, when he told me of someone trying to intentionally cause a wreck with him at work, I was on fire and ready to tear into that person. I wanted to, but we do not live close by. I wanted to cling to him tightly, fix him a good meal, and help him rest from the weary day, but I could not. The misery of the day concluded with us not being able to be together this weekend as we had planned. It crushed us both. I think, for me, it was made worse by this impulsive sense of wanting to shelter, care for, and protect him.

I am very protective of all my close relationships. I do not take well to people messing around with those I care about. I also think there is a special complexity and deeper significance in this special relationship. There is something about duty and desire calling me to guard and protect the one who has so aggressively defended me and shielded me from the evil of this world. It is an honor and only hope I was adequate to the task.

lovingpet

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 11

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:10:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Condolences to all.

But I don't think there's anything wrong in needing to break down, to have an hour off. In fact, you doing that and not being so strong for him always may make it easier for him to break down.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 12

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:29:06 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

Yes: that's it better even than the word protect: duty plus desire. Now that's a really powerful combination.
Even now: it's late and i should be sleeping but can't. Feeling like i need to be on-guard in case the phone rings.
It's something that i have not felt before this feeling of duty. Stronger even than the feeling of service. Absolutely it's my duty to do this for His dad no matter how i feel myself. God sounding like a martyr and really don't want it to come across as being anything like that.
It's reciprocal not in anyway a martyrdom because i know that what i am doing is valued and noted and very much appreciated.
Sorry you could not spend the weekend together. Know how that feels.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 13

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:29:46 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

My condolences to you and your Master and his family. I think it is wonderful you are around to offer comfort and comfort your Master. I have a similar situation with my Master's father who I have not met and who has ended up in a facility due to going into a coma. Since we live about 75 miles I feel helpless in the situation. I offer what comfort I can and do feel very protective of him at this time. As well, Master decided he wanted to take a couple hours for us this weekend but had to cancel because he is now sick himself. I feel this situation will strengthen our bonds. At times, it is very challenging as communication is few and far between right now, but I know his parents are his priority at this time as it should be. He has to go get mom, take her to see dad, then back home and then finally he gets to go home.

Heather

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:32:46 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Condolences to all.

But I don't think there's anything wrong in needing to break down, to have an hour off. In fact, you doing that and not being so strong for him always may make it easier for him to break down.

Yes hadn't thought of that. Thank you. That's something that will have to come. And he's usually so very in control of His feelings. That's why i fully accept the title Master because there's this consistent steadfastness of character.
Actually i really do hope he feels it's ok to break down.....(strange term breaking down?). Just hope He feels it's ok to cry.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 5:39:11 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

My condolences to you and your Master and his family. I think it is wonderful you are around to offer comfort and comfort your Master. I have a similar situation with my Master's father who I have not met and who has ended up in a facility due to going into a coma. Since we live about 75 miles I feel helpless in the situation. I offer what comfort I can and do feel very protective of him at this time. As well, Master decided he wanted to take a couple hours for us this weekend but had to cancel because he is now sick himself. I feel this situation will strengthen our bonds. At times, it is very challenging as communication is few and far between right now, but I know his parents are his priority at this time as it should be. He has to go get mom, take her to see dad, then back home and then finally he gets to go home.

Heather

But so good to be in relationship with someone who values and respects a parent in this way? It's a mark of true character.
It's when the end comes that i am sure i shall feel even more protective as well.
i've been thinking of the process as equivalent to childbirth. We all know that there are those two processes over which, once they are in progress, we have no control: child birth and death. Save with childbirth there is cause for celebration.
For Master all there will be is an empty home (His mother died there 18 months ago, the cause i feel for the shock and cancer setting in). There will have been this momentum of caring and then suddenly a nothingness, an empty home and so much to sort out. There's no particularly strong faith or spiritual context within which his father can find comfort.
i just hope i can be appropriate then as well.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 16

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 7:34:55 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Yes, what you state is so true. I am quite sure you will be appropriate with your Master once his father makes his transition.

As well, it is wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who values and respects his parents. I have 81/83 yr old parents who have health related issues and for Master he is the caretaker of his and I am the caretaker of mine.

All the best,

Heather

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

My condolences to you and your Master and his family. I think it is wonderful you are around to offer comfort and comfort your Master. I have a similar situation with my Master's father who I have not met and who has ended up in a facility due to going into a coma. Since we live about 75 miles I feel helpless in the situation. I offer what comfort I can and do feel very protective of him at this time. As well, Master decided he wanted to take a couple hours for us this weekend but had to cancel because he is now sick himself. I feel this situation will strengthen our bonds. At times, it is very challenging as communication is few and far between right now, but I know his parents are his priority at this time as it should be. He has to go get mom, take her to see dad, then back home and then finally he gets to go home.

Heather

But so good to be in relationship with someone who values and respects a parent in this way? It's a mark of true character.
It's when the end comes that i am sure i shall feel even more protective as well.
i've been thinking of the process as equivalent to childbirth. We all know that there are those two processes over which, once they are in progress, we have no control: child birth and death. Save with childbirth there is cause for celebration.
For Master all there will be is an empty home (His mother died there 18 months ago, the cause i feel for the shock and cancer setting in). There will have been this momentum of caring and then suddenly a nothingness, an empty home and so much to sort out. There's no particularly strong faith or spiritual context within which his father can find comfort.
i just hope i can be appropriate then as well.

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 17

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/12/2008 9:29:47 PM

MAMandSlave

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

My condolences to you and your master. Taking care of a loved one during cancer is both exhausting and rewarding. I took care of my late wife and sub while she fought and lost to cancer. The experience of taking care of her helped me grow both as a husband and a master. I have been fortunate to meet another who loves me and who I love, and who serves me. I now know that if I ever need to I will be able to support her no matter what problems she has. Once again, I do wish you both the best as you care for your master's father.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 18

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/13/2008 3:41:22 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

The experience of taking care of her helped me grow both as a husband and a master.

Dear MAMandslave
Yes i remember you have mentioned this before.
i'm so happy to hear you have another.
Yes; it has helped me see qualities of mastery which i had not considered before.
Genuine caring and compassion. A tenderness and vulnerability. A steadfastness and stamina. These are qualities of character which i am observing in Him when he looks at His father.
i'm not afraid to make mistakes. i'm not afraid to show my fears. i'm not afraid.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to MAMandSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Feeling very protective - 10/13/2008 5:42:03 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

In a small way i understand how you feel about feeling protective ( did that make sense - seems like there are too many "feelings").
my Sir had a pet for a while who didn't work out, and afterwards we found out she was badmouthing my Sir to others in the area.

I wanted to take a singletail to her - and told my Sir i would if she came around again.

I don't think he expected me to react that way - the same way i would if someone badmouthed my children. Grrrrrr - piss me off and the mother bear comes out!!

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 20

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