The sexualization and fetishization of dommes

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stella41b -> The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 4:45:22 AM)
(song parody on the basis of the B-52's 'Love Shack') If you see a jaded domme complaining of subs She says fifteen mails from subs with just lunch packs Lunch packs yeah They seem to be writing to me all day Looking for a domme for casual play Heading for dommes for casual play I got me some time to write one liner mails And to send off my pics of my lunch pack I got my form letter I just sent off twenty So hurry up and bring your thigh boots honey Well my lunch pack is my little place Where I make dommes feel better Lunch pack baby (my lunch pack baby) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack Lunch pack, baby lunch pack Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Profiles are written for fools 'Cos sex rules with my lunch pack I'm a male slave 'cos that's what I really feel Just a male submissive with a little lunch pack Droplets on the mattress Droplets on the carpet Droplets on the keyboard Droplets on the mattress Well my lunch pack is my little place Where I make dommes feel better Lunch pack baby (lunch pack baby) Lunch pack, that's where I'm at Lunch pack, that's where I'm at Perving and a writing, thinking of the domming Dommes wearing next to nothing, for the guys into subbing And all at Collarme Yes at Collarme Thoughts of domming, with subs searching around and around and around and around Everybody's perving, everybody's searching baby Subs lining up on these sites just to get down All the subbies searching, all the subbies searching With their lunch packs, with their lunch packs I got me some time here just wrote a one liner mail And I'm about to send another mail I got my form letter, just sent off about twenty So come on and bring your thigh boots honey Well my lunch pack is my little place Where I make dommes feel better Lunch pack baby (lunch pack baby) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack Lunch pack, baby lunch pack Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (not even reading it) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (it's in my bulk mail) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just deleted it) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just blocked you) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (deleted it) Please Mistress read my c-mail baby (I just blocked you) C-mail (in my bluk mail) C-mail (it's deleted) C-mail (in my bluk mail) C-mail.................... you're what? Not actively seeking Lunch pack, baby lunch pack Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack (oh baby that's where it's at) Lunch pack, baby lunch pack... As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are? How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives? As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive? How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?

MsStarlett -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 4:52:07 AM)
Stella, have you been reading my Cmail again? giggle Good Job.

LadyLou -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 5:22:46 AM)
Best read out loud whilst listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZju7TstLrg Nice job! Lol.

OneMoreWaste -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 5:47:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive? Pretty much constantly [8\|] quote: How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media? I'm not generally inclined to blame things on the media. Some guys are horndogs, and they'd be horndogs if they were Dominant or vanilla, they'd just have a different pitch. Okay, so I gotta ask... Am I the only one sitting here thinking "Lunch pack?"

LadyLou -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 6:46:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are? How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives? As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive? How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media? To answer your question, I have found it common place. There is a certain noisy section of men that pervade this lifestyle that try to project their sexual fantasy (whatever persuasion that may be) onto any woman or man they feel even vaguely attracted to, or sometimes anything that is female/male and breathing. There were a few times I came across it, where it reached entitlement complex levels. It has made me rather jaded in all honesty. But ya have to wade through the crap to find the gems I suppose. The contact with the type of male you describe is so utterly thoughtless that for me, it all fades into an insignificance. What I don’t understand though, is why anyone would think that employing that kind of approach is flattering. But I guess it must be working, as it doesn’t seem to stop. Even now, I still get that crap. Yes, I do feel there is a misconception, that is perpetrated by media and porn, that a ‘domme’ means a woman who is open to all kinky desires from men, and who‘ll ‘do’ anyone. I know there is a section of men that seem to think ’domme’ is a fancy word for slut who’ll fuck them. I think most femdoms have found that a high proportion of self proclaimed lifestyle subs are more fetish orientated than submissive. They often still retain that mainstream idea of woman=follow, man=lead, female led relationships are often derided in the media and society. Though I'm hesitant to blame the media for the way people act, I feel it can be responsible for consolidating stereotypes to the masses. But it’s all really no different from vanilla objectification, except that we are portrayed as easier ‘targets’, due to the misconception that we are all about the kink and indiscriminate because we are ‘femdoms‘. I think it will be a long time before mainstream media portrays female led relationships as anything other than derisive and not all about the sex and kink.

thetammyjo -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 6:47:33 AM)
Every time I get a first, second, or heck even an email within the first week of communication that declares that I am the mistress for him/her or that he/she loves me... I know that is an attempt, usually subconscious to sexualize and fetishize me. However, to me that is simply a sign that this person is not even in the same zip code (so to speak) as someone I might see as a potential. I do not allow myself to fall into the trap of feeling sexualized or fetishized.

rulemylife -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 7:16:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I know that is an attempt, usually subconscious to sexualize and fetishize me. I certainly hope noone ever tries to sexualize or fetishize me. I can only imagine the horror.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image]

Venatrix -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 7:46:17 AM)
Stella, that just made me hungry. Now all I can think about is lunch.

PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 10:05:15 AM)
I've got used to those images of Dommes in the media, sure. I've never particularly noticed a stereotypical sub image, on the other hand, though I can imagine that there's a vague belief subs are always gimps - a given something of a boost, I think, since the gimp in Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Domme clothing, These days I just think "Well, you look great it in it, but only wear it if it adds to the feeling for you. You don't have to wear it for my sake." Similar opinion on all the other paraphernalia. I only want to know that a Domme enjoys being a Domme. If I'm projecting a fantasy onto her, then that's what it is. Beyond that, everything's a question of research . . . One line messages, though: well, I've sent a handful of those. I used to have the idea that because Dommes got lots of emails they wouldn't want to plough through a lot of verbiage from me. I've seen enough complaints about one-liners now for me to have changed my policy on that now, though. I might just send audios in future - that way, I could get to show off my Sheer Khan in Disney's Jungle Book impression. The receiving Domme would at least get a laugh, anyway. peon

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 10:07:39 AM)
Peon, you can do a George Sanders voice? That is the kind of skill that will take you places!

yourMissTress -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 11:18:28 AM)
quote: As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are? How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives? I have never felt objectified or fetishized, I would have to allow someone to do that to me. I have met those would would like to objectify or fetishize me, they are usually easy to detect. As far as being perceived as a sexual object, I can't control how others perceive me, I can only control how I allow them to treat me. I have come across more "do me" subs than any other type. I don't think the majority of them intend to be that way, and they aren't all male, but I do believe that's how men are conditioned. It goes with both questions as well. Men are stimulated and aroused visually, the porn industry as well as the fashion industry have played on that and portrayed women as sexual objects for as long as they have been around. Sex sells, men are buying, and women tend to foot the bill.

PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 11:35:07 AM)
It's only a question of flairing your nostrils and putting your tonsils into it, LH. The rest is down to having a plummy English accent of the sort that's known and fondly hated throughout the world. Funnily enough, though, my Clint Eastwood's well-respected too.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 11:40:39 AM)
[;)]I really don't think I possess the right tonsils, Peon....

PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 12:05:12 PM)
Life's harsh for you women, so harsh . . .

dreamerdreaming -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 12:22:41 PM)
Lunch pack! Stella, you're fabulous! I love it. I am very upset about the media stereotyping of dominant women. I am nothing like the cardboard cutout Dommes I typically see in the media, and I think we are vastly misrepresented, as a group. In the media Dommes are consistently portrayed as cold, heartless, and cruel. I have a bit of a sadistic streak but not much of one, really. I pay close attention to the needs and desires of my slave, and I delight in lavishing my love upon him. My main goals are to promote his well being, happiness, and self- actualization. Quite the opposite of the dommes I see portrayed in the media, who seem so one-dimensionally sadistic, selfish,and without compassion or empathy. And yes it does seem to me that a significant amount of subs are influenced by this negative portrayal, because some of them are responsible for perpetuating it in the media! There's my rant, I'll get down off my soapbox now. Thanks for letting me vent.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 1:07:10 PM)
As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are? Yes, of course, and I don't necessarily mind. When I was seeking a sub, it sometimes got in the way of serious inquiries, but in the end it only really matters if I sexually excite my own boy, and he does me. I enjoy the latex/fetish wear look, which may contribute to my relaxed attitude towards the subject. How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives? I've experienced it quite often. However, I think there are just as many over-the-top "give me" Dommes out there. The idea of a "do me" sub is annoying to me if it truly is only the sub who is benefitting. At some point, I think you have to have some idea of what a sub enjoys in a relationship that involves BDSM. There are many things my sub likes done to him, and I enjoy doing them to him. If we hadn't had the discussion about his wants and needs in addition to mine, it wouldn't be a good relationship, in my opinion. LadyJulieAnn

SnowRanger -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 1:53:26 PM)
No thanks... I already ate. Hello All, Gulty as charged, I suppose. My current relationship is devoid of any sexual aspects that aren't in my head. Untill the crop meets the butt it's all fantasy. I will not aplogize for that fantasy. However, I am willing to accept reality. Accepting reality is better that facing total disappointment. I am glad that I am able to serve at all. I do have a fetish for delicate feet (There... I said it!). I admit that I objectify a woman that displays them. However, I'd rather have a relationship with the whole woman. I want the give (mine) and take (her's); and, a bit of toe sucking! Sexualization...? Hell Yes! I would rather have a relationship that included sex. A lot of sex. I love when the underside of my tongue is raw from my lower teeth. I want lots of cowgirl action. There is a lot of energy in sex and I would love to give that energy and strength to my mistress. I would also like to have a bit of... ro... rom... romance (Golly, did I really say that?). I do, however, want more than a tie me up and do me situation. I recognize that you have to meet people (dominant women included) where they are at; and, not where you want them to be. Still, I want the whole ball of yarn if I can get it. Respectfully but Unrepentently, Mike SnowRanger

PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 2:05:35 PM)
What do you mean by 'over the top "give me" Dommes', Lady JA? It seems to me all Dommes are very demanding - but that's what they're meant to be, isn't it? Do you mean that you've come across many who make ridiculous, unreal demands? If so, what sort of demands, for example? Sorry, still quite new, still trying to find things out . . . peon

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 2:36:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer What do you mean by 'over the top "give me" Dommes', Lady JA? It seems to me all Dommes are very demanding - but that's what they're meant to be, isn't it? Do you mean that you've come across many who make ridiculous, unreal demands? If so, what sort of demands, for example? Sorry, still quite new, still trying to find things out . . . peon I'm talking about the "your needs will never matter to me", "you are inferior to me so get used to it", "don't even think you are worthy of my time" type of Dommes. I'm talking about Dommes who want gifts and tributes simply because they call themselves Dommes. They exist, and some subs crave them, but to me, it's over the top. Hope that helps clarify my thoughts. LadyJulieAnn

MistressDolly -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/14/2008 2:45:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are? How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives? As a submissive, particularly a male submissive, have you ever felt that you have been cast unfairly in a negative stereotype or wrongly accused of being a 'do me' submissive? How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media? [/size] A little too much testosterone, mixed in with emotional immaturity and chauvinism. When they get older, they get a clue. :)

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