RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 12:19:36 PM)

Jeez, I wish it were the same for men. Most of the time, even to talk to a woman on an internet forum, I feel like I first need to hose myself down and scrub with neat bleach.   



thetammyjo -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 12:32:38 PM)

I think to a degree you are correct, PeonForHer, if someone puts up a picture that uses the fetishes and is purposely sexy, I don't personally think they are wise to complain when they get tons of emails about sex and fetishes.

However you don't need that type of picture to attract attention from some people though I think it happens far more rarely when your picture and profile isn't so focused on sex or fetish.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 12:45:49 PM)

But isn't that what you Dommes want, TMJ?  To cut out all the time-wasters - the "pretend-subs-who-think-they're-the-real-thing" types?  I mean, your main pic here isn't geared to press on the "Wow, she's a Domme!" buttons.  You'll cut out a lot of the dross mails as a result, I'd imagine. Good for you for having the guts, I say.



Coupleofwhats -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 12:52:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Jeez, I wish it were the same for men. Most of the time, even to talk to a woman on an internet forum, I feel like I first need to hose myself down and scrub with neat bleach.


Noooo, you don't wish it was that way.
99% of the time, the people hitting on you are not attractive. It's not like we go out and nothing but Adonises beg for our attention.

So, just imagine the kind of women you find totally unattractive making lewd comments at you/trying to block your path to make kissy faces at you. Every day. Regardless of how you dress or act.
Welcome to being a woman.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 1:23:46 PM)

I get that, CW.  But: No.  Sometimes, it's embarrassing walking past a bunch of drunk girls in the town centre because of what they shout.  But it's just not the same.  The bottom line is that women just aren't a physical threat to men.  Women can't hurt men unless the men want them to.  The average man is a third physically stronger than the average woman, and women don't have a bodily organ designed to be pushed inside the opposite sex.  As a man, you just don't go around feeling that way, feeling in any way scared of women, not ever.  A lewd comment from a woman is never more than an irritation and an embarrassment.  It's never remotely intimidating.  It's a different world for men. It's just root and branch easier and less serious trouble for us.  You women are (all too bloody often!) a headache and a hassle, but you're very rarely a real threat to our safety.  I've made many mistakes in my life, but I didn't make the mistake of getting born as that sex which is smaller and weaker than the other.  However much I think of women (which is an awful lot, probably much more than they deserve), I'm glad I'm not one.



Coupleofwhats -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 2:23:50 PM)

quote:

A lewd comment from a woman is never more than an irritation and an embarrassment.


I would say that 95% of all lewd comments I've received have been little more than irritating to enraging, depending on the day. Most of the time, I don't feel unsafe: it's in passing, it's in broad daylight. The few times I felt threatened, it was dark and late: luckily, I carried a butcher knife in my purse. Even crazy men know they don't want to be stabbed.

I just get annoyed when men are like "Man, I wish women would say sexy things to me all day!" As if my life is a neverending porno.
The world would be SO much sexier if men would cut the chest thumping bullshit. It's not helping anyone get laid.
FYI: While I was away from the computer, I walked all of 6 blocks to the bank and back: two Hey Baby's, one What's your name, multiple I've never seen this thing called woman before, let me crane my neck to stare you in the face and then watch your behind's.

quote:

women don't have a bodily organ designed to be pushed inside the opposite sex.


You'd be surprised at what I can do with my fists. [;)]



OttersSwim -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 2:28:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats
You'd be surprised at what I can do with my fists. [;)]


You're scaring me!!!  [sm=runaway.gif]



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 2:50:02 PM)

Well, true, CW.  But you're in New York.  That's an extreme place, you have to admit.  Next to the hickest of hick towns in the USA, Bristol City, UK, is as soft as blancmange.

None of those things - those "hey babies", those "hey, nice asses", etc, etc, are a problem for men, though.  They just make me wince when I get them.  I just think "jeez, develop some style, girl".  Here, the cab drivers prefer to pick up drunk males at weekends rather than girls because males are less likely to urinate or vomit on their cab floors.

Look, seriously:  I know.  Even your pic to the left of my screen says it, with that expression on your face and without words being necessary - "shape up, get real"  :-)  Relations between the two sexes are ballsed up and will need many years of work to achieve some un-ballsing.  It's really tedious.  No, I wouldn't fancy being female.  It looks like a crap deal, frankly. 

I would like to try being a woman for a day or so, just to see what it's like.  However, I think I'd look too imposing a woman for it to work properly.  Even with the best of make-up and style-coaching for walking in dainty heels, I'd never look petite. 



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 2:52:50 PM)

Don't be scared, Otters.  She probably hits like a girl, anyway. ;-)



OttersSwim -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 3:02:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Don't be scared, Otters.  She probably hits like a girl, anyway. ;-)


Heh, these days, "Hits like a girl" can be a complement.  I imagine a blow from CW would rock you back on your heels.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 4:45:20 PM)

Oh do me a lemon, Otters.  Take another look at CW.  An aged hamster with a walking stick could roast her in a fist-fight.  Mere slip of girl.  No way could she throw a decent punch. 



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 4:50:29 PM)

Point of info: how far is "a block", CW?  We don't have "blocks" here in the UK.  And what exactly could you do with you fists except flatten peas if you hit them really, really hard?



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 5:04:53 PM)

Oh hell, I've just realised what you meant about what you could do with your fists.  Ignore my last question.  I wish women would give me warnings before they crack jokes to me. It blindsides me every time. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 5:30:07 PM)

I am a burly grrrl, Peon!  Trust me, I could do a little damage! [:)]

You do have a point about the pictures.  Thing is, I am not photogenic.  At all.  My birth defects do not like the camera.  When I get a good picture, I sieze it with my claws and never leave it!  Also, I figure that most of the men who drool over pictures are NEVER going to see me in real life.  So, I tend to think of my photos as a kind of Cleavage PSA. [;)]  I could certainly post cheerful smiley pics of me knitting--and honestly, I am cheerful smiley woman most of the time.  As CW point out, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. 

Today, some guy said I was doing an awesome Betty Boop!  Never got that one before, but how cool is that??  I will keep the glam costume shots up.  The folks who are worthwhile have had no problem seeing Me, rather than Fetish Model.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 5:48:21 PM)

I've seen your pics, Lady H, so I'll be the judge of whether or not you're photogenic, thank you - and I believe I've already given you my conclusion on that matter.  Dommes get to judge on nearly everything, but not on that, IMO. 

In my experience (which is pretty damned small, admittedly), Dommes are almost always softer than they make out at first (and certainly so re their profiles and photos on Cme).  I'm sure most subs with a bit of experience can see through to who you are. 

But I don't agree with CW there.  I think she underestimates just how visual men are.  You women smile in a photo, you're automatically friendly and approachable.  You arrange an expression like, say, LadyLupine's in her usual photo, and any given male observer will have an urge to phone the police about an imminent lethal attack.  (I say that in the full knowledge that LadyLupine is a marshmallow underneath, though.  Also in the knowledge that she doesn't know where I live.)  

Seriously: It would take hundreds of words to counteract that impression from the photos next to any given profile, I reckon.  I don't think women realise just how instant, and how big, an impression they can make in mens' minds with images - versus words.



LadyPact -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 6:41:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
As a domme have you ever felt objectified, fetishized, or perceived as a sexual object through being who you are?
How frequently have you come across such attitudes or even 'do me' submissives?

How much do you feel this is influenced by images of dominant women portrayed in the media?


For Me, it happens quite often.  I attribute this to the fact that I am the leather clad, whip wielding type.  Someone seeing Me from across the room would most likely see Me that way.  If I were a few pounds lighter, I probably would be looked at like something that had stepped out of a porn flick.

That in particular, I want to address.  I think porn has done us a great disservice.
I don't consider porn "the media" in any way.  Actually, the representation of female dominants is so skewed  by what the adult film industry has portrayed us to be that I've grown a dislike for the whole situation.  When I meet folks who have those preconceived notions, I'm rather quick to set them straight.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 7:45:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

Noooo, you don't wish it was that way.
99% of the time, the people hitting on you are not attractive. It's not like we go out and nothing but Adonises beg for our attention.


Would you like to trade for never, in your life, being "hit on"? Never getting an admiring glance?

Because lemme tell you, from this side of the world, I'm not having the sympathy. At least you get the 1% good to go with the bad.



Coupleofwhats -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 8:05:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh hell, I've just realised what you meant about what you could do with your fists. Ignore my last question. I wish women would give me warnings before they crack jokes to me. It blindsides me every time.


A bit slow, are we? ;)

I'm one of four children: the only daughter.
My definition of hitting like a girl is punching someone much bigger than you in the nuts. Highly effective. And funny too.

A block is... a block! Wikipedia it!



Coupleofwhats -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 8:19:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

Noooo, you don't wish it was that way.
99% of the time, the people hitting on you are not attractive. It's not like we go out and nothing but Adonises beg for our attention.


Would you like to trade for never, in your life, being "hit on"? Never getting an admiring glance?

Because lemme tell you, from this side of the world, I'm not having the sympathy. At least you get the 1% good to go with the bad.



Dude... you're married.
What are you worried about? It sounds like at least ONE person gives you the look... and it's the person who counts.

Twenty years from now, I hope I'm so lucky to have someone at home to ogle me: cuz all that superficial bullshit will evaporate once I quit looking barely legal.



PsyVamp -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/17/2008 8:24:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

.  No, I wouldn't fancy being female.  It looks like a crap deal, frankly. 


Okay... first of all... I LIKE being a female and I don't think it is a crap deal even with all the bullshit.. that is what delete and ignore are for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I would like to try being a woman for a day or so, just to see what it's like.  However, I think I'd look too imposing a woman for it to work properly.  Even with the best of make-up and style-coaching for walking in dainty heels, I'd never look petite. 


0.0

What does petite have to do with being a woman?

Lady Jag



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