Stating attachent

Stating attachent (Full Version)

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colouredin -> Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:08:41 AM)
I dont know if this is true of male subs they arent in my search but I have noticed something. Im a bit of a perv and I look through girlies profiles on a regular basis, I have spotted a spate of profile changes to state that they are owned, however upon looking at their owners profile I see no such thing stated. I was wondering what peoples take on this was. Is it less important for dominantes to put their relationship status, do they take longer to want to do it, do subs rush in too quick? I know that its just internet profiles but I have seen it with people I know to be in relationships to work a similar way.

PanthersMom -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:14:35 AM)
weird, isn't it? i always thought that it would be mutual, but i guess not. guess it's one of those different strokes for different folks things. PM

KatyLied -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:16:58 AM)
Sometimes it is mutual. But I think more often than not, it's the submissive who notes the change, not her dominant. There could be plenty of reasons why, we'd just be guessing. Maybe he's still looking, maybe he's poly, maybe he's having her do it in order to submit to his authority, maybe she's gushing.

missturbation -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:22:20 AM)
It could be what you have stated. It could be they are still searching despite having a slave etc etc etc. Another oddity i notice is that the subs tend to say i am owned by (insert name here), where as the doms only tend to say they own someone. Again could be a myriad of reasons including those you and i have both suggested.

akisha -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:23:17 AM)
If i changed mine to involved and his said still looking I'd be pissed but that's me. My Dom didn't put in his profile that he was attached, he just deleted his profile. Says if he wants to read the boards etc, he'll just do it through mine. I guess I could technically change mine to a couples profile but never got around to it.

softness -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 10:42:18 AM)
When DV and I split ... he only had to change details in on FetLife to indicate there was a change in his status we had been together off and on for 3 years .. but then we were online online/cyber/pretend .... thats probably why

Blaakmaan -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 11:12:39 AM)
Of course, I could be wrong, but... I think submissives state they are owned because they've found their "one" and that's all they're looking for, or because their Dom wants them to in order to ward off other the attention of other Doms. I don't know that Doms believe in the concept of their "one," and most of them aren't trying to ward off other submissives. If the relationship is understood to be exclusive, then that might be different.

colouredin -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 11:43:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softnes but then we were online online/cyber/pretend .... thats probably why Dunno if this part was aimed at my saying internet profiles or not, but i think im going to clarify the statement, I was just talking about profiles rather than relationships, i was aditting the fact that a profile really isnt that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

CruelDesires -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 11:53:43 AM)
I do not state my relationship statis in my profile. But then again, it says to go away and leave me alone and always has. So the point is moot. I do it as I am a private person and its none of their business. I am also poly and do play with others. But.. usually with ones that I know real time and not people I meet on the net. shrugs C-D

OttersSwim -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 11:59:26 AM)
Both I and my Lady changed our profiles to reflect the other after week 3 of our relationship...and at the same time, added tag lines to signatures. [:)]

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 11:59:57 AM)
I know that, in our situation, we may have s-types under consideration, but because of our household's dynamic, it doesn't mean we're 'off the market' when we're considering someone. We don't encourage or discourage s-types under consideration with us when it comes to posting on their profiles that we're considering them or that they're in a probationary collar -- though we do like it when an s-type is proud enough of being considered that he'll put it on there. CFB

IvyMorgan -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:02:58 PM)
I didn't change my profile during my last relationship. I've not changed it yet either. I'm not sure there's anything in my profile to suggest I'm looking for anything more than friends though. And I'm not "activly seeking" anything. And the four of them don't have profiles here, anyway.

Usako -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:20:43 PM)
I would assume it's the dominant type ordering the sub to change theirs to "mark their territory" and don't feel it matters if they do. If I went through the trouble of changing my status, I'd expect the other person to do it too. But then even if I was with someone I wouldn't change my profile or add some cute lil sig; just looks more stupid when you break up then EVERYONE knows you got dumped which it really is none of their business. I'd rather be private.

KatyLied -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:31:52 PM)
quote: I'd rather be private. The main thing about outing yourself is that if it doesn't work out it looks dumb and dysfunctional. And it also brings other people along for the ensuing drama. It is nice to make a public pledge of ownership, but I'm sort of on the fence about how public it should be.

Cyis75 -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:32:09 PM)
Well the only relationship status that's mentioned in our profile is our marriage. While we're looking for submissive partners as couple we're not quick to update and change our profile until we know it's something that is going to work out. We see the merry-go-round of profile changes that go from unowned, to owned, to looking again that we are not as keen to change ours until something lasting and more established is found. We have met several good submissive ladies through CM so far we haven't found one that has become and established partner so we haven't felt a need to update our profile but once we did I'm sure the change would be made.

Daes -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:37:06 PM)
It's for a variety of different reasons, sometimes there are things going on that simply can't be explained unless you are directly involved. shrugs In my case for example, it is justified and I don't complain, I have no doubts about my place in his heart - what matters is our relationship with each other.

CelticPrince -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:37:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin I dont know if this is true of male subs they arent in my search but I have noticed something. Im a bit of a perv and I look through girlies profiles on a regular basis, I have spotted a spate of profile changes to state that they are owned, however upon looking at their owners profile I see no such thing stated. I was wondering what peoples take on this was. Is it less important for dominantes to put their relationship status, do they take longer to want to do it, do subs rush in too quick? I know that its just internet profiles but I have seen it with people I know to be in relationships to work a similar way. colouredin, In my view, it cuts both ways. If a "s" takes a collar and reflects it in her nick as she should then the "D" should also be honored to reflect that he has taken his/her "one" But that is just me. What occurs on CM, Alt, and Bonage is another animal all together. CP

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:45:25 PM)
maybe one type of person wants to brag about their newfound relationship out of excitement or to deter other people from pursuing; while the other might just has it slip their mind to update their profile, or is doing the 'oh shit a cute girl, switch ring to other hand before she notices' keeping options open at all times sort of thing. i think i'd be the sort that just wouldn't have it come to mind to change my profile if i finally found someone to get involved with because i'd either not be on cm much because i'm too busy 'having my relationship' to alert the media, or i wouldn't be thinking about how i present myself to others period, not sure. it'd probably take a reminder of some sort like this thread, or the person i'm dating to point it out, or maybe if i received interest from someone else it could dawn on me 'oh right, i might want to update my status'. dom/me could also be poly and the other could be doing that whole 'sub frenzy' thing.

BeIgnited -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 1:53:24 PM)
I've been involved with someone before I ever joined CM, so I never intended to use it as a dating site. I figured stating I was in a relationship would cut down on some of the mail I'd get (and I think it has...sort of). For his part, he changed his profile shortly after I got one to say he was involved with someone. His profile is and as far as I know always has been more of a blurb about himself than a list of what he's looking for. I think I'd be (hypothetically) more bothered if someone I was with kept the "what I'm looking for" bit as if he were still looking for it (at least in later on in the realtionship) than if he listed he were involved with someone.

littlewonder -> RE: Stating attachent (10/14/2008 2:47:07 PM)
Ok so I'll explain why my profile reads as "not seeking" and his does not.... While I'm not technically owned or collared and he never asked me to change my profile, I did so because I'm not interested in getting to know anyone else and I'm strictly monogamous... He is not and we are sorta long distance although we see each other as often as possible and I've never asked him to change his...that's not my place to do so. We're still in the dating stages and both are still free to see others. I'm simply not interested in doing so though.

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