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im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:29:05 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

i have no experience of going to munches or being a master or being sub to a mistress.
id love to gain experience and then i should be able to know for sure if i am better suited to being a sub or a master?

ps...maybe i should change my screen-name since i havent got any experience as a master?
but i would like to try and see how i get on

< Message edited by blackdomuk -- 12/9/2005 1:36:15 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:36:39 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

You might want to try this site for information on munches in the UK:

www.informedconsent.co.uk

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 2

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:39:38 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

thanks for the tip, i might give it a try.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

You might want to try this site for information on munches in the UK:

www.informedconsent.co.uk

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 3

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:44:00 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

How about reading books, and learning more from within yourself to figure out where you fit best. There is also nothing wrong with being a switch in my opinion, if you want to learn and experience both sides. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 4

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:49:59 PM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Get the biggest, thickest, scariest, leather belt you can find, and start smacking the crap out of yourself with it.

If you hate it ... you're a Dom.

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 5

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:50:46 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

How about reading books, and learning more from within yourself to figure out where you fit best. There is also nothing wrong with being a switch in my opinion, if you want to learn and experience both sides. M

hi and thanks for your advice.
someone else suggested i try being a switch.
i just basically need some experience from both sides of the coin and i really dont know where to begin.
i dont know anyone in the uk that could guide me until i find what best suits me?
and im rather shy with meeting new people but i just got to try and put that aside and just go for it.
thanks again

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 6

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:52:47 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

lol and thanks for the tip!!
dont think ill be trying it though!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Get the biggest, thickest, scariest, leather belt you can find, and start smacking the crap out of yourself with it.

If you hate it ... you're a Dom.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 7

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:55:08 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

read, join groups, watch, find a mentor. There are many ways of seeing where you fit. Welcome to the lifestyle!!!!

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 8

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:57:57 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Pittsburgh Site for New People to the Lifestyle

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 9

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 1:57:57 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

read, join groups, watch, find a mentor. There are many ways of seeing where you fit. Welcome to the lifestyle!!!!

awww!! thank you!!
that was such a nice warm welcome!!

much appreciated!
now..where do i find a mentor?

lol

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 10

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 2:00:54 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

hi katy
thanks for adding a link, ill have a look.
every little helps as they say!!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 11

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 2:04:45 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i just basically need some experience from both sides of the coin and i really dont know where to begin.
i dont know anyone in the uk that could guide me until i find what best suits me?
and im rather shy with meeting new people but i just got to try and put that aside and just go for it.

You do have to just go for it. I'm shy too (something shocking to some of my friends), but you have to be at least bold enough to go do what you feel like doing (in this case meeting people who can help you get what you want/need). I've not done a lot of public play, because those things I enjoy, are relatively easy to learn given my line of work and my willingness to read/learn and feel people in my presence. There are still things I want to see and possibly experience, and I'm working on that by joining organizations that will provide that exposure.
There is nothing to lose by dressing in black jeans/slacks, nice black shirt, nice shoes, and walk into a strange place where people do what we do, saying hello to some people. I did a lot of introspecting and reading before deciding to follow this path, and knew that dominant is what I was born to be, but each person arrives at his destination through different means, so go out, experience, and decide for yourself.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 12

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 2:12:43 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

i just basically need some experience from both sides of the coin and i really dont know where to begin.
i dont know anyone in the uk that could guide me until i find what best suits me?
and im rather shy with meeting new people but i just got to try and put that aside and just go for it.
You do have to just go for it. I'm shy too (something shocking to some of my friends), but you have to be at least bold enough to go do what you feel like doing (in this case meeting people who can help you get what you want/need). I've not done a lot of public play, because those things I enjoy, are relatively easy to learn given my line of work and my willingness to read/learn and feel people in my presence. There are still things I want to see and possibly experience, and I'm working on that by joining organizations that will provide that exposure.
There is nothing to lose by dressing in black jeans/slacks, nice black shirt, nice shoes, and walk into a strange place where people do what we do, saying hello to some people. I did a lot of introspecting and reading before deciding to follow this path, and knew that dominant is what I was born to be, but each person arrives at his destination through different means, so go out, experience, and decide for yourself.
Good luck, M

thanks so much for the encouragement
i need it sometimes.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 13

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 2:20:10 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

The best way to get experience in going to munches is to go to a munch. No special handshake or secret code. Just be yourself and relax.

One thing, if you find a more organized group than a munch, after you get comfortable, offer to help out. Setting up or cleaning up, taking admission, even storing things can get you to meet people and, more importantly, for them to meet you.

As for the name, it does cut down on the potential dominants who might want to play since it seems to state you are dominant. Other than that do what you want. My first scene name was "John" but there were so many other "John"s around that when a submissive started calling me "Mentor" people picked it up and it pretty much became my regular scene name until the book came out and people knew my full vanilla name.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 14

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 4:20:32 PM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

Not all Tops have been bottoms. If it is something that appeals to you go for it. If you want to try switching go for that too.
Now for some advice, stop creating whinny sounding threads. Instead of saying I’m tired of… ask how do I…
If people perceive you as a whiner or a drama queen they are going to avoid you. Most of us have more then enough in our lives as it is.
Join an e-list in your area. Get involved in some real life experienced groups. Do a shit load of reading.
Welcome aboard and have fun,
Tony

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 15

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 4:38:32 PM

luluorange1

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

Reach out and touch someone, you can experiment in different roles but you have to come to terms with who you are yourself.
The inner work we all have to do can not be done by others.
Do your homework and read up, there are so much information out there.
The sensual art of sexual expression in BDSM comes from within.

Enjoy the ride.....

Mistress S

_____________________________

"The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live." Elbert Hubbard.

Mistress S

(in reply to Phoenxx)

Post #: 16

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 5:30:41 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

all good points, but Diesel is "experienced" having been in Atlanta for several years living with a slave and active in the life there----now he seems to have moved on--sans slave---He knows the ropes--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 17

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 5:42:04 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Question 1--why am I driven to this
Question 2--what do I want to gain
Question 3---what value will I bring to a submissive/slave
Question 4---how will I grow and nurture them and Me

If you cannot (IMHO) answer these from your soul and without a sexually oriented response-- you have not done your homework--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 18

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 7:02:52 PM

ToServeIsToLive

Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

As someone who took a long time to learn of munches and even after that took a long time to build up the guts to go, i'll tell you to just toss out your fear, go out to a munch, and be yourself. i'm an extremely quiet person. i'll only chime into conversions for short little bits of wisdom or humor, but i was welcomed warmly to my first munch, and made several friends. From my understanding, most munches are mostly diner and conversation so you shouldn't have to worry about your inexperience causing you problems.

What to do about no experience going to munches is the easy part. Finding out who you are is a much harder problem. Something you should probably search inside yourself for the answer. Other people might beable to help you explore, but ultimately the answer has to come from inside. Reading message boards, informational websites, and books is probably a good idea for atleast learning what goes on in the world, just becareful on the internet to carefully sort true/probable/possibile/improbable/false.

i personally feel websites like these aren't good for finding a match in your life. Matches happen, but i think it's best not to actively search for them on the internet; Definitly don't bet the farm on it. As other people said, the whining approach really isn't the way to go. You just end up alienating yourself in the end.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 19

RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/9/2005 7:19:18 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hello, You gorgeous hunk of Dom (i'm not flirting...not gonna relocate to UK and am not usually this forward...but the obvious needed to be said, imho)

OK, that's that.

My 2 cents worth is this. I'm a very shy type and I found that though I was warmly welcomed at the one and only munch I've attended so far, that I needed a setting that was a bit more structured. So I joined two local bdsm groups-one for femsubs only and the other for Masters and slaves. I find the comraderie and support to be invaluable. And nobody gives a hoot how inexperienced I am, they've just made me feel very welcome and have greatly encouraged me to go at my own pace and figure out who I am in all of this. So, I would say, try any and all and find out what suits you best and read, read, read and talk to others. Try to find a Mentor if you can. A true Mentor is a treasure.

Welcome to the Life! Enjoy!

gina

(in reply to blackdomuk)

Post #: 20

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