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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/10/2005 5:24:02 AM

MHOO314

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Lte Me apologize to all the posters here, post 17 was meant for another thread and somehow with the slowness of My system and My inpatience with the speed, it ended up here---I did try to see if it could be removed but to no avail yet---in the meantime I really am taking My meds--sincere apologies---

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/10/2005 6:29:31 AM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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I think it's great that you giving the BDSM life style a try. For some it takes time to know more about your Dominant side, Submissive side, and also your sadist/massochist sides as well. I encourage you to continue reading the message boards as well as other peoples profiles.

As for choosing your paths in the life style, my advice to you is to always be confident. It never hurts to start things off with cuffs, blind folds, and a spanking tool. Instead of going "Well I don't know, I don't know, I just don't know" while trembleing and having your head down, go in head strong with the "Get R Done!" attitude. Don't knock anything untill you've tried it twice. Weither you decide to go with being a Dom, Sub, or switch, just make each choice with confidence. You'll get more respect from just about everyone that way and find more that will want to participate in your ideas.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/10/2005 7:45:26 AM

fldrkhorse

Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
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There are somethings to which there are no short cuts. Wisdom, maturity, patience, and experience. One must live, explore, understand, and continue growing. In response to the question posed by the young dom, life begins at 40. Everything up to that is childsplay.

Part of that growth for me was understanding myself, and there have been years of introspection of my actions, choices, triumphs , and failures. What did I learn in that process? What was it I was meant to learn? Why did that person come in my life at that time? Why didn't that relationship work? What did I do to sabotage it? What personality blends best with my own? Everyone comes into my life at the right time to teach me something. It's up to me to have the wisdom and patience to learn.

I disagree with many profiles (mostly male) that are overly sexual and/or geared strictly to BDSM. The core of good relationships are not physical, they are psychological. The physical is a by product of a good relationship. The good relationship enhances the physical.

You had asked before of why some don't reply. For me there are keywords I don't respond to i.e slut and whore. If anyone identifies themself as a slut, I know we don't have a lot in common. I know myself. I know what personality type I blend with. And I am comfortable with myself. I did not arrive at this place over night. From years of seeing a pattern of self destruction I was able to understand, adjust, accept, and now pursue.

Your impatience show immaturity. Immaturity in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Immaturity in BDSM is a red flag for danger. I'll share this one story and if any laughs I'll never post again.

With a BDSM group, there was a class on flogging. Finally it was my turn. The Master put the flogger in my hand and immediatly I felt the power. It was as if an electric current went through my body and my hand was fused to the grip. I trully cannot put into words the sensation. Then I saw my helpless victim. (keyword here is not helpless or victim, but my) He was blindfolded and restrained, totally helpless, and the power grew ENORMOUSLY. I didn't have the maturity to say I'm not ready for this. Or maybe my ego thought the others would laugh if I backed down. The MASTER was very skilled with his verbal instructions, but I didn't hear a word. I saw that bare skin and it shined like a beacon calling me home. After the first couple of times my mind wandered. "I never did like your momma." WHIP WHAP. "Remember the time you embarassed me in front of the fellas?" WHIP WHAP. "Damn right I should have had a pre nup." WHIP WHAP.

I'd probably still be there now if they didn't take the flogger out of my hand. You have to grow in your own right and at your own pace, understand yourself, be in control of yourself, and be prepared to accept another as your responsibility. It's not something to ever be taken lightly because the consequences can be, and usually are, catastrophic.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/10/2005 1:21:22 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

someone else suggested i try being a switch.
i just basically need some experience from both sides of the coin and i really dont know where to begin.

Careful Switches are not the most well thought of or well understood creatures in our lifestyle. This is a difficult label to embrace long term as many view a switch as someone that is just looking to get a little sumthin-sumthin regardless of what they have to do (top or bottom) to get it.

Long term Switch will mean embracing that others don't understand your choice of label. Many tell me that because I have a boy that I should just say I'm Domme, others that know that I have been a sub to an alpha think that I have somehow betrayed all subdom by turning to the Top side.

You see my point.

Learning which way you lean through online and book education as well as munches are the more likely map for finding which direction you lean. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Many like myself show more respect for someone that admits to what they don't know than those that claim to be experts and reveal themselves to be liars. Munches are a nice way to meet like-minded people and in finding others like yourself (even if at first it's just here) is a step in the right direction...welcome.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/10/2005 1:24:37 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

As for the name, it does cut down on the potential dominants who might want to play since it seems to state you are dominant. Other than that do what you want. My first scene name was "John" but there were so many other "John"s around that when a submissive started calling me "Mentor" people picked it up and it pretty much became my regular scene name until the book came out and people knew my full vanilla name.

Good thing that John has caught on again, the universe's gift to our spanky little world takes too long to type.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 3:15:30 AM

fldrkhorse

Posts: 158
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From: North Carolina
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Some Things to Look for in a Dominant
(From a submissive's point of view)
by
jade

<article deleted>

[Mod Note: Please do not cut and paste articles from other sources here in their entirety. The original source for this article can be found at Castle Realm.]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 12/11/2005 8:41:56 AM >

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Namaste, I honor the divine in you

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 5:50:34 AM

FTopinMichigan

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Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackdomuk

i have no experience of going to munches or being a master or being sub to a mistress.

Wow...that's quite a contrast to the "No Reply" thread, and the profile you had listed when you started that thread.

Nice to see the change in your profile, blackdomuk. Honesty is best.

K

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 5:55:18 AM

B1gbear

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Joined: 5/7/2004
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I don't think anyone can say they are a good Dom without experience. I want to congradulate you for being brave enough to say you don't know and need experience. That is the first sign that you have it in you to become what you wish to learn to be. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help or suggestions. Dom's have to learn just like subs do. Munches are absolutely the best first step. Get out there and see how it works.

If more new Doms took the time to admit they are just learning or are not even sure if they are Dom or sub, far fewer subs would be jaded or emotionally damaged from those they mistakenly put their trust in.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 5:58:35 AM

MHOO314

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Bravo!

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 6:20:52 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackdomuk

thanks for the tip, i might give it a try.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

You might want to try this site for information on munches in the UK:

www.informedconsent.co.uk

Be well,
Julie

Do try it I am a member, and many people there will be glad to help you. As for munches great way to get to know people, there is one in London no reason to be shy they are a great bunch just go and enjoy yourself.

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Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 10:09:47 AM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

If more new Doms took the time to admit they are just learning or are not even sure if they are Dom or sub, far fewer subs would be jaded or emotionally damaged from those they mistakenly put their trust in.

HUmmm I think you just found the secret decoder ring for weeding out the do-me boys

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/11/2005 12:46:47 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

I disagree with many profiles (mostly male) that are overly sexual and/or geared strictly to BDSM. The core of good relationships are not physical, they are psychological. The physical is a by product of a good relationship. The good relationship enhances the physical.

You had asked before of why some don't reply. For me there are keywords I don't respond to i.e slut and whore. If anyone identifies themself as a slut, I know we don't have a lot in common. I know myself. I know what personality type I blend with. And I am comfortable with myself. I did not arrive at this place over night. From years of seeing a pattern of self destruction I was able to understand, adjust, accept, and now pursue.

Your impatience show immaturity. Immaturity in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Immaturity in BDSM is a red flag for danger.

I read all through this post and this reached out more than all others. This right here is the best advice on being impatient with experiance.

Experiance is growing, learning. The day you quit learning anthing, should be the day you die.

Take your inexperiance and learn from it. Reading each one of these post and commenting on each and every single one is not the way to show you are learning anything. Though you really need to lighten up. And stop 2 things that I have seen you do on the forum.

Stop whinning!!!!!! You have whined about both sides. Domme's not replying and subs ignoring. Read the responses to your post and learn from it, not reply again with yet another whine.

Calm down!!!! If this is the life you have chosen. Things will come to you as you relax and accept things. And as you explore, you'll learn what side of the coin you want to be on. Hell be on both sides, nothing wrong with that either.

I don't state this to sound mean. I had to have 2-3 people on here explain things to me too. I posted a few on line question as well that I thought some responses were attacks on me more than not. but with others patience and understanding, they helped me calm down and learn from the posters to my questions. And stop feeling like I was being picked on or attacked.

Good Luck to you there.

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RE: im tired of being inexperienced - 12/12/2005 5:06:32 AM

GIGGLEBOB

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Joined: 12/7/2005
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Good advice caitlyn but I kinda like being a switch lol.

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