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Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 5:11:55 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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How many have found our selves in a place where we wished we had not gone. Went with someone only after awhile found out they are not all they said they were. Or have been manipulated into something that was totally wrong.

    Bad Partners happen to everyone. So you find your self with one of these creatures what do you do.

ask your self these things. Did you hook up under false pretenses. People telling you that they had been or done or looking and was not the case

maybe there was no chemistry. Maybe there was outside circumstances.   There are many reasons for suchs things

  step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince. things can get complex fast
Step three have a evacuation plan (this in the acase of abuse )
Step Four after you do break it off take time out for you to shed the negitive energy that may come from a wrong situation.

we never like to waste our tallents on the wrong person it is like business it always cost you in someway
and some sure there more that people want to add lets here from you

Post #: 1

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 6:59:00 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
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mmm with step you don't mean the priority ..not?

(becasue if there is abuse..I prefer to have an escape plan first...befor I try to talk ;) )

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/16/2008 7:01:25 AM >

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 2

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 6:59:45 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How many have found our selves in a place where we wished we had not gone

Almost every single dayum day. Going in to work has a tendency to that to me.

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Post #: 3

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 7:12:23 AM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
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If it's not working, you say goodbye. let them get on with finding the right person while you do the same. It's not rocket science

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 4

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 7:35:59 AM

Chi

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

I believe most of us throughout the course of our lives have found ourselves in a place or position where we neither belong, want to be nor should be, especially where D/s is concerned and I have come to appreciate the thinking of change is the product of action. Don’t’ talk about it, don’t think about it just immediately walk away from it without offering cause reason or explanation.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 5

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 7:52:39 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Yes i have picked partners unwisely, invested in people i really shouldn't have. How i have dealt with that has been different in every case. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for a break up.

quote:

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.

A good plan if they are prepared to listen, some people just aren't.
A good plan unless you hooked up under false pretenses as you mentioned. The chances that they are prepared to admit they lied are slim.

quote:

Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince.

This would have been step one for me and then step three after talking, if talking was productive.

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 6

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 8:51:27 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

I believe most of us throughout the course of our lives have found ourselves in a place or position where we neither belong, want to be nor should be, especially where D/s is concerned and I have come to appreciate the thinking of change is the product of action. Don’t’ talk about it, don’t think about it just immediately walk away from it without offering cause reason or explanation.

I agree except for the last part, depending on the situation/circumstance. Leaving with dignity and an explanation is my way. Other people dont need/want dignity or a reason.

(in reply to Chi)

Post #: 7

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 8:54:04 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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there is no such as easy. But I have found that it is better to spend life with the right one then the wrong one giving all you have to the right not to some wanna be can never be what you want granted it is always hard to tell in the honey moon period of the relationship you can sure tell after it is over

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 8

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/16/2008 11:18:20 PM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***
Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince. things can get complex fast
***takes me a LONG time to trust enough to meet in the first place - public places first - then if the trust is there - maybe a hotel - last will be His or my home.***
Step three have a evacuation plan (this in the acase of abuse )
***Should never get to this step - but it should in any case be step ONE***
Step Four after you do break it off take time out for you to shed the negitive energy that may come from a wrong situation.
***that is a natural reaction. After a hard breakup - us humans usually pull back a bit to think things true - lick our wounds - and take our time before we try again. For some - the trust in others is broken indefinately.***

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 9

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 12:41:15 AM

greyjay

Posts: 72
Joined: 2/7/2008
From: South Korea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Yes i have picked partners unwisely, invested in people i really shouldn't have. How i have dealt with that has been different in every case. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for a break up.

A relationship truly is an investment. We have all made bad decisions, myself included. Most recently I was with a sub who, over the course of a year long relationship, borrowed over 4000 dollars and broke it off with me by changing her phone number and completely ignorning my communication. Aside from the emotional loss, I have to sue her Judge Judy-style to have any hope of getting any of my money back. My mistake was simple, I felt sorry for her because she was going through bad situations and felt I was the hero who could come in and rescue her. I think in a way, my willingness to be so nice is what caused her to walk away. I won't make that mistake again.

_____________________________

So this guy walks into a bar, and says, "Ouch!"

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 12:43:33 AM

greyjay

Posts: 72
Joined: 2/7/2008
From: South Korea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***

I agree. Women in physically abusive relationships should walk away without looking back. Especially if kids are involved.

_____________________________

So this guy walks into a bar, and says, "Ouch!"

(in reply to badlilthang)

Post #: 11

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 1:21:31 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Breaking up is hard to do, for sure…

You’ve got the grumblers, the blamers, the defensive one’s too, then there’s the back stabbers, the victims and sadistic bastards too… yes breaking up is hard to do.

You’ve got the liars and cheaters, the ho’s and bleeders, the criers and the jumpers and those that howl at the moon… yes breaking up is hard to do.

But one thing is certain even if breaking up is hard to do… in most cases its worth it and breaking up shouldn’t be so hard to do.

(in reply to greyjay)

Post #: 12

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 5:55:47 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Is this another 'beg for release' thread?

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Post #: 13

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 6:00:18 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

After reading Lockit's post, I totally heard Toby Keith in my head.

We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

Tee hee!

But seriously, yes, I have been with someone where I was "wtf am I doing here??" I employed all the steps the OP listed, along with beating my head against the wall. I finally had to say, sorry about your luck but you are not the one for me. We aren't good for each other. No abuse, no need for an evacuation plan, but we were not a good fit. It wasn't easy, we didn't want to hurt one another. Life lessons were learned, and I know I grew a little from the experience.

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 6:18:21 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to compliment you on your excellent timing with this post.

The thing about it is, it doesn't necessarily mean the person on the other side of the kneel is a "bad" partner. It just means they weren't right for you. Sure, there are circumstances that might get in the way. It could be distance, financial, or a score of other things. It doesn't make either party a bad person. Just not a good fit for each other.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/17/2008 6:19:48 AM >

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 15

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 7:03:34 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

I've learned in life that I don't have to stay in ANY type of bad situation. Sure I've been with people who turned out to ultimately be a bad fit. After much soul searching, I left. Did it hurt? Of course. Do I regret it? Not in the least.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
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Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 7:09:48 AM

ohitsfine

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: brooklyn, new york.
Status: offline

I was able to leave a situation that was not best for me by just simply being honest. I let him know that at this time in my life, I wasn't able to continue. He was disappointed, sure.. but honesty says a lot more about the person then lies when they are trying to leave a negative situation.

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-- m.

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 17

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 8:39:49 AM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyjay

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***

I agree. Women in physically abusive relationships should walk away without looking back. Especially if kids are involved.

**been there - done that - it still took 13 years to get out. Why? Because some abuse sneaks up on You very slowly - day by day drips - until you realize one day - you are one of those "battered and abused women"...**

_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to greyjay)

Post #: 18

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 10:45:06 AM

sailorfrank

Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline

Dont suffer thru it all longer than you have to. Be firm but polite and honest, state why you are leaving and then leave dont allow your mind to be changed.

Think for yourself and learn from your mistake so you wont be stuck in yet another bad situation. Move on with "your life" and enjoy your next hook up as it will be the one thats right for you!

(in reply to badlilthang)

Post #: 19

RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme - 10/17/2008 2:51:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

sure there are many reasons why something does not work out. It does not mean someone is always going to be a bad person. but knowing when it is right and when is not is the key and even it is right you still have to work at it or it might go wrong so there is no 100 percent warranty with your new Dom or Domme or sub purchase

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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