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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/17/2008 6:23:51 PM

ExKat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

Gotta love living in the ghetto. (Emphasis added.)

Sorry, but it's a myth that abuse only happens among the poor, or that poor (and wealthy) abuse victims will go crawling back to their abusers so why bother trying to help. This sort of ignorance hurts.

Et all, as I read furthur

Well, Candy, I do live in the ghetto. And although I hear these fights frequently, and the cops do occasionally show up, the family is always back together the following day. So, I'm sorry if you misinterpreted me as saying that applies to all abuse situations. You all jump on me about making assumptions...

Although it's up to the state to press charges, they can be hard to prove without victim testimony. And, seeing as the police have been here at least three times in the past several months, apparantly the marvelous law system hasn't worked yet.

As for not calling the police, it's easy for an armchair quarterback to tell me to. However, they don't live here..if the neighbor decided to retaliate against me, or my family, or my pets because I keep calling the police when they get drunk and decide to rough each other up, you're not the one who have to deal with that. I'm sure you'd all applaud me if they smash in my windows and kill my cat, as long as I was doing the right thing. But, I choose apathy rather than 'helping' these folks who aren't interested in help to assure my safety and my family's. So sue me.

There was a famous case 'round here where my GP shot her husband because she'd been in an abusive relationship for years and he threatened to kill her. I know as well as anyone that domestic abuse doesn't only apply "in the ghetto."

< Message edited by ExKat -- 10/17/2008 6:26:50 PM >

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/17/2008 6:34:32 PM

tsatske

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Unless I had some specific reason to feel that I was *NOT* Hearing abuse, I call the cops.
My last niehbors before I moved to Master, I called the cops once a week. in an apartment with thin walls, I shared a wall with the bedroom of their daughters, and often heard the 10-11 y.o. girl crying, and the mother saying things like, 'don't you dare cry!' or, the classic, 'i'll give you something to cry about!' I heard the sounds of children hitting the walls and then crying.
Yea, i called the cops. Same thing for domestic abuse - I understand those people are adults and they *are* consenting by staying, but i also understand that a call to the cops might give them the hand up that they need to get out. if they chose not to take it, that's on them, but, yes, i put it out that.
and, as someone said, if it is playtime, send Master to the door while you scurry up a robe and present yourself as fresh looking as you can, so copper can know you are okay.
Yes, what we do is illegeal, when you get right down to it, and, yes, a cop could drag him in, but most won't, if they really belive it is consentual. an awful lot of cops share our hobby, if he aint one of them, chances are, he knows one.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/17/2008 6:54:51 PM

OneMoreWaste

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

Well, Candy, I do live in the ghetto. And although I hear these fights frequently, and the cops do occasionally show up, the family is always back together the following day. So, I'm sorry if you misinterpreted me as saying that applies to all abuse situations. You all jump on me about making assumptions...

Although it's up to the state to press charges, they can be hard to prove without victim testimony. And, seeing as the police have been here at least three times in the past several months, apparantly the marvelous law system hasn't worked yet.

To my way of thinking, after the first time the police come and she tells them to go away, it's consent. *shrug*

And, while I'm on the insensitivity/political incorrectness train, I may as well toss in- it does come down to bad decision-making. There are millions of men out there that would never, ever hit their partner... but everybody wants the "bad boy" instead

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/17/2008 7:10:01 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

As for not calling the police, it's easy for an armchair quarterback to tell me to. However, they don't live here..if the neighbor decided to retaliate against me, or my family, or my pets because I keep calling the police when they get drunk and decide to rough each other up, you're not the one who have to deal with that. I'm sure you'd all applaud me if they smash in my windows and kill my cat, as long as I was doing the right thing. But, I choose apathy rather than 'helping' these folks who aren't interested in help to assure my safety and my family's. So sue me.

I have called the police in a neighbor domestic violence situation. I heard loud banging, screaming, begging to stop, etc. ... I am convinced that she was getting te crap beat out of her. She was pregnant too, I felt it my human responsibility to call... it took the cops well over an hour to respond. I was very pissed off at the cops because by the time they responded she could have been dead, as it was they had made up before the call... I would call again. Also, your neighbors need not know who called. The police do not always tell who calls them

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/18/2008 1:33:27 AM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

Well, Candy, I do live in the ghetto. And although I hear these fights frequently, and the cops do occasionally show up, the family is always back together the following day. So, I'm sorry if you misinterpreted me as saying that applies to all abuse situations. You all jump on me about making assumptions...

Metropolitan Police stats on domestic incidents one year to August 2008

Lambeth - 2,035
(takes in the ghetto districts of Brixton, Stockwell and Kennington)

Hackney - 2,147
(the poorest metropolitan area in the UK covering the inner city districts of Hackney, Dalston and Shoreditch)

Ealing - 2,171
(takes in the outer London suburbs of Ealing, Greenford, Hanwell)

Greenwich - 2,559
(takes in the upmarket suburbs of Blackheath, Greenwich and Charlton)

Croydon - 2,554
(takes in the outer London districts of Thornton Heath, Croydon, Purley, Waddon and Addiscombe)

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/18/2008 9:43:31 AM

MistressOfGa

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I have been remiss in not thanking you all for your comments. I have read the entire thread and y'all have given me something to think about.

As for me, I would call the police. Better to be safe than sorry as someone pointed out. But then again, not much scares me. I have been beaten by some pretty big guys, so I am pretty tough when it comes to violence. I do, however, fear being hit in my liver, which seems to be the first place I got hit most of the time.

Stella, good luck with your paper and thank you for sharing your findings. It would be interesting to see the statistics for this in the US.

We can argue till the cows come home, what constitutes abuse to each of us, but I think with each of us, the definition (as it applies to our own lives) changes with each situation.

But I could be wrong..ect... (As Sinergy says)

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/19/2008 10:29:17 AM

LadyPact

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I've read the thread and I have to put My vote in on the side of calling the cops. I base this on the notion that I still happen to believe that there are a lot more incidents of spousal or significant other abuse than BDSM going on. In My opinion, there are still fewer of us than there are of them. The chance of Me interrupting someone's consensual scene probably isn't as high as intervening in a non consensual situation where someone is being harmed.

One thing Locket mentioned a few pages back is that there are some states where it is not required for an alleged victim to press charges should the police be called in and find a situation occurring. Having lived in that state prior Myself, I can tell you that the BDSM community is very well aware of this fact. It's not like people don't have a clue and don't take precautions. Not to change the course of the thread in any way, but two simple things apply. Know the law regarding where you stand should the police come to the door, and buy a gag.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/21/2008 7:41:51 AM

CatdeMedici

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This is one of those situations where a pat answer just won't work--there are as many deviations as there are patterns of snowflakes--and each one has to be handled based on the available detailed data---and just because someone knows that the couple next door is into wiitwd doesn't mean that someone hasn't cracked and decided to take that forbidden step.

Each time you flip the coin you get a 50% chance that you misread things, but then again there is that "flipside".

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/22/2008 8:42:52 AM

unbroken33

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Ignore it. Next time she'll just do the damn dishes and you won't have to hear that. Or knock. All jokes aside, i'd probably knock, and i say that because i've been in that situation and did knock...

< Message edited by unbroken33 -- 10/22/2008 8:57:20 AM >

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/22/2008 9:04:10 AM

persephonee

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i only call if i think there are children involved or if my doorbell gets rung at 1 am. i have been embroiled in other girls abusive situations in the past and it never goes my way in the end. im always the bad guy and i cant stand the girl's behavior afterward. If this makes me lose my Sisterhood status, so beit. i am responsible and accountible for every decision i make in my life. i expect nothing less of my neighbors.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/22/2008 1:43:25 PM

sirsholly

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i didn't read any of the responses so forgive me if i am repeating.

You bet i would call the police. How would you feel if the next noise you heard was an ambulance?
If they are in fact engaging in a consentual sex act/bdsm play then it is their responsibility to keep their kink to themselves.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/22/2008 7:25:18 PM

xxblushesxx

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When I was in an abusive relationship, I know it was obvious to the neighbors. I always wondered why they didn't care enough to call the police.
I was very young.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/22/2008 9:07:21 PM

unbroken33

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

When I was in an abusive relationship, I know it was obvious to the neighbors. I always wondered why they didn't care enough to call the police.
I was very young.

i'm sorry for what you went through. People suck. There have been many instances where an individual was robbed and beaten in public, and bystanders simply did nothing.

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RE: Hypothetical Situation - 10/23/2008 4:17:55 AM

zach7

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

As for not calling the police, it's easy for an armchair quarterback to tell me to. However, they don't live here..if the neighbor decided to retaliate against me, or my family, or my pets because I keep calling the police when they get drunk and decide to rough each other up, you're not the one who have to deal with that. I'm sure you'd all applaud me if they smash in my windows and kill my cat, as long as I was doing the right thing. But, I choose apathy rather than 'helping' these folks who aren't interested in help to assure my safety and my family's. So sue me.

Also, your neighbors need not know who called. The police do not always tell who calls them

Mind your own buisness. It wouldn't be that hard to figure out who called the police?? It could only be a few people right?? Someone that lives across town isn't callin. Someone that lives within an ear-shot is.
I read posts where people would actually knock on the door?? Are you crazy?? What if you do knock and someone answers the door holding and baseball bat, lead pipe, kitchen knife, a gun and decides they're gonna attack you, what then? Is it really worth you own well being? Think about it.

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