Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 7:12:21 AM   
weregirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline 		I've been dating someone. It's going great; the chemistry is just awesome. I think I'm ready to make with the secks with him about now. The thorn in this side, however?

He's had sex all of twice. I've had sex all of thrice. Neither of us have done anything remotely kinky, and I'm pretty sure he's not even into it; however, when he kisses, he kisses like a man who would be into it.
  1. Is this wishful thinking?
  2. Should I jokingly refer to spanking/handcuffs?
  3. Ask him outright what his fetishes are, after telling him one of mine is [mildly kinky thing].
  4. Abandon all hope?
Any hope at all would be so greatly appreciated. I adore this man so very, very much so far, but our "talk" today just might be a dealbreaker.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 7:31:27 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I would not jokingly talk about something if I was serious about hopefully incorporating it  into a relationship.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 7:57:30 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:05:00 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		For starters skip steps 1 and 4. Go into this with a positive attitude. Go with what Rover said.  

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:44:35 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Go with what Rover said.  


::swoon::




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:55:02 AM   
weregirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I would not jokingly talk about something if I was serious about hopefully incorporating it  into a relationship.


I don't think I'm so brash when it comes to things like that. He's practically a virgin- and I've never had this sort of experience, either! :/

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you.

John


I wish I could, heh. I tried!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:56:14 AM   
weregirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline 		And now I'm hyperventilating because he misinterpreted me because I'm a social retard and I think I mucked it all up

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:59:11 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: weregirl
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you.

John


I wish I could, heh. I tried!



If you can't tell him directly, then write him a letter (does anyone do that anymore?), note or email.  Some things may be easier to say from a distance.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 9:01:31 AM   
weregirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline 		Oh yes, I do write letters-- quite a few people do. Don't fret about that.

I'm talking to him via AIM right now, though, because he's leaving for work soon and we have a date tonight. And I'm "too kinky" for him. And now it's incredibly awkward.

But everyone's advice is so vastly appreciated! Believe it or not, you're peer pressuring me (in the best possible way) through this.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 11:12:34 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

he kisses like a man who would be into it


What comes after thrice? Fries?

How does a man kiss who is "into it"? Considering you've never done "it", how do you know? How come you can talk about "it" with us, but not with him? Why can't you just find someone who is into "it"? Why do you have to have an all-in-one solution?

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 11:22:46 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		     Oh you young people????    Here is a helpful suggestion for you both....."Less thinking and more kissing!"

Kissing is way better than talking and easier too dear!   The only thing you both need to think about is protection okay?

  After words when you are both done and way relaxed then you can do silly talk...."Hey, did you ever think of??"   well hope you get it?

  Enjoy life as it comes dont think it to "death" okay?

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 11:25:10 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Ask him and don't assume from a kiss. Communication is the key so use it.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 11:29:41 AM   
anamericaninfife


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: weregirl


I'm talking to him via AIM right now, though, because he's leaving for work soon and we have a date tonight. And I'm "too kinky" for him. And now it's incredibly awkward.




If he tells you that you're too kinky for him, but you do have genuine thoughts and desires that revolve around bdsm, then that's something that you need to take very seriously. How important are your bdsm fantasies to you? Obviously you're really into this guy, but if he was never going to be Dominant toward you, then would you really want to be with him? You're the only person that can answer that, but just remember that websites like the one you are on are chock full of people who are divorced or cheating on their spouse because they didn't stop to think about, or at least be honest with themselves about, how very important their being able to fulfill their bdsm-style fantasies really are to them.

(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 11:46:01 AM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		Well, considering the 'lack of experience' on either party's behalf, I'd not suggest trying to jump up and make things happen immediately.

Let things work out slowly; it's kind of like building a house. The concrete foundation has to dry a bit before you build the rest. Don't get too eager or jump the gun. D/s isn't the only part of a good relationship. If it happens, it happens. If not, then you'll be able to work things out a bit better.

_____________________________

Maturity is patience. Mastery is nine times patience.


!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 12:57:35 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		We don't know what it is you've suggested to him. Most people do not begin their sexual life with hardcore BDSM. It's more often something you move towards as you learn what you like, sometimes pushing each other as you identify preferences and different techniques. I've known girls who were very quick with innuendo, kiss like demons and then...clueless in the doing of the deed.

_____________________________

Hitman for the Subby Mafia

(in reply to JewAndCelt)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 1:02:56 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think you should just keep kissing and let what happens happen.  You might be pleasantly surprised.  Or maybe even swept off your feet.  Or not.  But it sounds like you're trying to pre-plan and orchestrate a scenario that hasn't even happened yet. 

For many, probably most, of us, first-time sex with someone new usually doesn't make the earth move.  That usually doesn't happen till maybe the second or third time, once the first-time awkwardness is over with. 

I would stop trying to control the whole situation and just go into it together

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to JewAndCelt)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 1:43:39 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		You could try renting and watching together a bondage video then ask if he would be open to trying some of those things.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to weregirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 2:09:39 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

he kisses like a man who would be into it.


isn't that called horny?

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 5:21:36 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Most people are far kinkier than they want to let on and are terrified someone else will think they are freaks.  When someone else tells them they are a bit kinky, they don't believe them, instead they imagine the person is trying to test them.

Stick to your guns, be strong, allow him to adjust to the fact that you ARE kinky and see what happens.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 - 10/17/2008 8:47:39 PM   
faithbunny


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anamericaninfife

If he tells you that you're too kinky for him, but you do have genuine thoughts and desires that revolve around bdsm, then that's something that you need to take very seriously. How important are your bdsm fantasies to you? Obviously you're really into this guy, but if he was never going to be Dominant toward you, then would you really want to be with him? You're the only person that can answer that, but just remember that websites like the one you are on are chock full of people who are divorced or cheating on their spouse because they didn't stop to think about, or at least be honest with themselves about, how very important their being able to fulfill their bdsm-s,tyle fantasies really are to them.


God, is that ever the truth, not just about BDSM but about sex in general. I've had so many guys tell me that they really love their wives/girlfriends/fiances, everything else is great, BUT... So they're online looking to supplement, because they're unhappy. Our very civilized society likes to pretend that sex doesn't matter, but sex is HUGE.

That said, this is a new relationship between two inexperienced people who don't know yet how kinky they really are, I'd say. Given that you haven't even slept together at all yet, I'd start vanilla and see where it goes. I was 30 when I met my beloved, LOVED sex and had been as kinky as my vanilla ex-husband could manage (anal, golden showers.) Everything changed when I met Impulse. If you had told me 8 years ago that I would be begging someone to choke me and beat me with a belt, I'd have told you that you were insane. I taught him things, too, and some things we tried for the first time together. Our sex life just gets better and better (except that I'm constantly horny and he's always telling me no--that hasn't changed. ; )  If this is the right guy, you might be shocked at how much you find you enjoy kink together.

~faith


(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078