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What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 8:29:53 AM   
anamericaninfife


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline 		I've been on this site several times in the past, and I'm now back for another go around after once again realizing that a vanilla relationship is just never going to work for me.

I've not really had the best of luck on this site, though, I must say. I think that part of that just boils down to the sheer numbers that Doms/Masters face on here and on most dating sites. The men far outnumber the women. And, of course, the women get bombarded with tons and tons of emails, so it's extremely hard for a good Dom to stand out from the rest of the crowd. Well, okay, maybe it's easy in some regards--I've read enough profiles to know what the standard emails from men are like here.

But, that said, I figure that I still have much to learn--not necessarily about bdsm (although I certainly am always learning about that, too), but about what makes for a good profile. What do you think? What could a Dom/Master say in his page that would really get your attention???
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 8:41:32 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		He'd say something that made me think about him as a man, not just as a Master.  Maybe it would be funny, maybe it would be touching, maybe it would be honest.  This would make me think this person is worth getting to know.



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 9:18:08 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with MOS, profiles that give you a sense of the person.  Are you funny, are you the serious type, your day to day interests. I think also knowing just how involved into BDSM you are, and your interests there also. Are you looking for a relationship, play partners, poly? Are there issues that are set in stone, such as age/height/marital status/UM's/religion/ethinicity/orientation?

It sounds like a lot for a profile, but most of that can be covered in a few short paragraphs.  Good luck, and wb!

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 9:43:28 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I think your profile is very good up to a point.  It's good to be explanatory about what you want and to go into some detail about that.  However, if you don't mind the constructive criticism, your profile becomes repetative about a third of the way down. 

Also, there's a part where you basically state that you believe what you seek is hard to find or elusive.  I would read that as a negative attitude.  Having it there not only enforces your own belief that you may not find this, but turns the reader's thought to the idea that you're seeking something out of line, or uncommon. 

Then the whole bit about all the exact details of every finite thought and contigency just gets to be too much.  You can discuss all that with the person/s of your interest when it gets to that point.  I think that part leaves FAR too much for someone to read into and would quickly eliminate a lot of potential subs based on the stringent content.  No one is going to fit into every single thing there in the exact detail that you are looking for.  People are going to eliminate themselves before they even get to the end, based on something that you might actually compromise on if you had the girl of your dreams before you.  I'd loosen it up a little bit in that regard, and tighten it up on the length and repetative nature.

And the whole bit about not being willing to contact people first, might turn a lot of girls off.  Of course this is your option, but you may want to consider that the approach of adding them to your favorites, then basically saying "I won't contact you.  It's your place to contact me because I've shown you my interest by putting you in my favorites"  comes off like a very passive aggressive approach.   Think about it:  You read someone's profile and they are of interest to you, and instead of writing and directly telling them you're interested, you are saying, "I've added you to my favorites because I'm interested in talking to you, but I'm not willing to initiate contact to tell you why I'm interested".  That might come across not only as "off-putting" to a lot of females, but also like you lack initiative. 

Of course this is all your option, but since you mentioned not having luck at couple of times under other names, I thought this might give you some food for thought.

Good luck in your search.  :)



_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to anamericaninfife)
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RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 9:57:52 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Eh - you lost me less than halfway thru. i might be the minority here as i almost NEVER contact a Dom initially but i say shorter is sweeter. The details can come later. If i wanted to read a novel, i'd pick up a book and run a bubble bath :)

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
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RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 9:59:24 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Imagination. Don't conform. Be yourself.

_____________________________



(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:00:15 AM   
DontUDare


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline 		I read your profile and have a few points to offer, take them or leave them.

It is horribly long. Horribly. I understand you need to convey your full intent, but what you need to do is summerize a bit at the top, try indexing your profile like you would an essay, then shortening each part to it's core and, then go to details lower on the page. And if you want to use the "I favorite you, you send me mail" approach that needs to be mentioned at the top, not the bottom.

Best wishes.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:04:21 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not an expert, and I'm sure my profile needs some improvement, but this is what I look for:
Be concise.  Let me know who you are and what you are seeking without giving me an epic novel to plow through.

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:09:09 AM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		the picture is the first thing people see, and the biggest factor in whether they will look at your profile or someone else's instead.  it's a maker or breaker before people even have a chance to read the info you're worried about typing.

i recommend you not just post a snapshot you have lying around, put time in taking a self portrait and try to show yourself to others through your own eyes.

as far as writing goes, don't just tell the submissives what you're looking for, tell them what they will find in you; write down what is pertinent in regards to this lifestyle, and what qualities define you. 

don't tell people you're funny and like to read, make them laugh and explain your passions.

be sincere, be yourself, and read what you've written every so often.  not just while you're typing it, read it 2 days from now, a week from now, a month from now.  new things will come to mind, better ways of saying things you struggled to find the words for will seem apparent.


_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:09:36 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		It is not as much as the profile you have as it is on how you come across this forum.

(in reply to DontUDare)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:10:00 AM   
anamericaninfife


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for the answers, and the constructive criticism, but to be truthful, I really wasn't expecting this to turn into a public roasting session. I'm grateful for any feedback concerning my own profile, but could we send such feedback to my personal inbox and keep the discussion about what makes for a good profile in general???

(in reply to AMaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:11:00 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		If you think this is a public roasting, you ain't seen nuffin' yet, baby  .

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(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 10:48:46 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Wank fodder

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 11:27:28 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		A public roasting? Really? Feeling a tad bit over-sensitive today? Looks to me like most responses gave constructive criticism. Guess you've never spent any time on the boards before. If you ask a question, you're likely going to get answers - sometimes even ones you don't like much. If this wasn't about YOUR profile, you might wanted to have stated that in the OP.
Just sayin.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 11:33:28 AM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		just some more roasting to make sure the edges are golden brown~

i'm only kidding, my original post was just 'speaking of profiles in general', but after you mentioned it, i had to read and now i want to offer more personal advice.

your profile starts like this
quote:



About Me and My Ideal Partner:

I am a 30 year old Dom/Master who is...



boring... it starts off being about as interesting as an instruction manual.  it's your profile, they know it's about you and your ideal partner, it's obvious you're a dom, and information such as your age is provided an inch to the left.  you also aren't going to have enough information to merit subheadings.

i mentioned the importance of a photograph, but as the photograph attracts their attention, their eyes will then be lead to your headline or the opening paragraph itself.  the first sentence is very important and you want it to hook the reader's interest and the rest to maintain it.  i'd take out everything that's in that quote box and pull something more interesting out of your copy or write something new altogether.  such as "a committed relationship in which bdsm is a fundamental aspect of the relationship itself, that... is what I'm here for.", or "But, there is also the bdsm side of me, that side of me is deviant, and bold." which would be a fun way to start out because it's sort of quentin tarentino style and makes you instantly curious what the other side is like~

if you want to make an interesting profile, don't write a manual, tell them a story; your story.

the body copy you have isn't bad per se, it's organized, has good structure and grammar, but you sound almost like you're arguing with yourself about submissives and slaves most of the time, almost giving the impression you don't know what you're after.  i'd recommend you altogether ignore the self chosen titles of sub and slave which have no concrete definition, and instead, simply describe the sort of relationship you seek with a 'woman'.  this will both reduce superflous text in your profile making it leaner, and leave it overall more interesting to read, helping to maintain the captivation you try to gain in the beginning.

your conclusion however i think needs to be nuked completely.  i know you already don't want people commenting on 'your' profile, but i'm actually going to comment on your way of doing things altogether.

saying "I refuse to send you a message until I hear from you first" makes you sound amazingly pretentious, which might be fine except you're probably not really pretentious.  beyond that, i see too many dom/mes that only wait to be approached and too many s types that only wait to be plucked up.  both have their reasons for it, and can argue their standpoint often pretty well, but the truth of it all is, if you only wait to see what life brings you, you have no room to complain about what you have gotten out of it.

it's not enough to play games with admirers list, and you can be sure that adding them to your favorites rather than writing does you no good to seperate yourself from other men, nor does it show you to be any different than the tons of men that add people to their favorites yet never write.  so many s types will sit there and say, "yeah it's great that you 'have interest' enough to add me to your favorites, but what kind of a dom/me doesn't have enough nerve to actually step up like a man and say hello?".

both sides are missing out on a whole lot of potential, filtering out people who might be the 'one' they're seeking so badly over something as trivial as to who writes who first.  i think you'd be much better off to put a line in your profile basically saying you welcome and encourage all people with interest to write, and for the same reason i encourage you to do so.  otherwise people might continue down their paths endlessly without ever giving them a chance to cross; don't take the chance of missing out on the things you seek.

lastly, whether you take those 2 paragraphs out or not, you need a real conclusion to your profile rather than...

"Sound intriguing? I can of course share much more, but I'll leave it with this for now.

Talk soon..."

a recap, a last thought, a personal quote, anything to help leave a lasting impression and reward people who do read it to the very end. 

something like "surrender the rights you were born with and i can give you new freedom" [that would actually make a nice intro too] or "give me your mind and i will give you insight, give me your body and i give you sensation, give me your soul and i will give you fulfillment, give me your heart, and you will have taken mine.".

not that you should copy and paste what i have written because they're not your words and will lack the impact of your own sincerity.  but i hope my examples can help you to see the effect you can leave upon people.  do some real thinking, and try to figure out what you really want to say, otherwise it's going to sound faked, forced, or like you just filled out a questionnaire.

lastly, although i have not used the features myself, you can upload a video or an audio clip.  the video i don't see as being the biggest of deals, but if there's one thing i can assure you of, the human voice is the most powerful and effective form of communication.

you have some great things to offer, do you know how much i'd kill for the chance to not only find a fulfilling relationship but to also have the perk of being able to pursue my career without having to worry about or be dictated by its success?  and how cool would it be not to just have someone to call master/mistress, but also doctor, and wouldn't being in the hands of a doctor completely alter the level of trust and confidence someone has in you?

but doctor, it is my personal belief that you're not putting yourself out there in the way that would be the most beneficial to you.  you are of course welcome to seek a second opinion~

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 10/17/2008 12:10:35 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 11:40:02 AM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say as a good profile would be someone that doesn't brag about what a great Dom/Master they are.  I think that they should be honest with their level and they should tell you what they expect.  Ask a lot of questions, and don't take anything less than a great match for yourself.  In the end, if you like eating scat and they HATE the thought, it wouldn't work (just an example) :)

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 2:17:38 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Boring picture, boring profile. It was way longer than it had to be. The first part dragged on, I think two paragraphs about 1950's houses or something. The middle, at least, was one paragraph long a piece and the end was just silly. Oh wow, you stuck a gal on your fav list but won't make any effort to say hi; that's just rude and lazy. I wish CM would let us monitor who ads us to their fav list because it's annoying when people just randomly (or not so randomly in your case) ad a profile but don't even bother to talk to the person.

As said before your profile reads like a manual. Not really much about your vanilla interests you want to hold onto so badly as you stated in your profile and nothing about what you have to offer a woman besdies...a home in America?

What makes a good profile? Being straight and to the point about things. Being funny helps. Being as detailed as possible without sounding like a check list. Not sounding rude or negative. (Some people are into that whole bitchy/asshole attitude but I think you catch more flies with honey really) Say what you want and say what you have to offer. And a good picture is a big bonus!

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 2:31:42 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		"I refuse to send you a message until I hear from you first"

Well, golly, that seems like the main problem to me. No matter how eloquently written, that entire paragraph read to me as, "Wah, wah, wah, whine, whine, whine."

As to what makes a good profile, it depends on the purpose. The rarer your interests, the harder it will be to find a partner who matches them. Someone looking for, say, super intense submission, but not a doormat, someone who will relocate on his whim, but still have a career, and a long-term girlfriend even though he'll be moving halfway 'round the world in a few months may have a problem.

Witty, non-snobby profiles catch my attention. I don't want your life story. I don't want wank fodder. I don't want to know your salary or how big your 401K is or any of that crap. A funny, interesting profile will catch my attention. A shady, red-flaggy profile won't ('must b discreet'), and a long, bitter rant about the horridness of women online won't ('Wah wah wah').

  Doms have to send out e-mails. So do subs. You can't expect to find your perfect partner if you're not willing to put some effort into things. Ex searched for more than a year hardcore before he found me: online every day, e-mails every day, constantly searching for a year.

  If someone adds me to their Admirer's list...well, they think I'm pretty. Maybe they actually read the profile and thought we were funny. Maybe they're just trying to make as many online "friends" as they can to feel loved. I don't know. I can't say I ever look at that list, and I certainly wouldn't read a super-long profile from that list unless the guy was local and in the right age-range. While I sent a few e-mails in my single days, many submissives don't.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to anamericaninfife)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 2:41:05 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Eh, I don't know what makes a great dom profile, but I'll tell ya what I like in a sub profile: truth, honesty, and bare bazooms.

(in reply to ExKat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What makes for a good profile??? - 10/17/2008 3:16:52 PM   
KrysFyre


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		The one thing that makes a good profile is something that stands out (okay granted my profile is deathly dull but hey i'm not searching). Sometimes its a play on words or pictures with furry friends; anything out of the ordinary that shows who you are is going to get more notice than a shopping list/lecture (and god isnt there enough of those?). 

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 20
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