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RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 5:09:55 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		See - simple rules, and if you look at the end result you can see the reason VL has them.
Very logical.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 6:10:54 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Well, the problem with a whole bunch of rules is that it means that the dom/me has to spend a lot more time enforcing them.  If he or she has nothing better to do, then that's fine.  What the point would be, I've no idea, but that's just me.  Fortunately, I have more interesting things to do with my life than constantly police someone's behaviour. 


Sure, I imagine there is plenty of relationships out there where the submissive party has no desire or motive to follow the rules and attempts to break them. But in a relationship where two adults are working towards the same goal and not against each other, then rules just provide clear expectations for how someone can be pleasing, thus becoming a constructive tool and not a burden on the dominant.


And, as I said, if someone has the time and the inclination to enforce a bunch of rules, that's great.  I don't. That's why I said above that I have one rule:  be considerate.  That's how a sub can best be pleasing to me.  I'm not sure why this is a point of discussion.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 6:30:09 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Personally I wouldn't agree to a bunch of rules.

And rules others have come up with their sub, won't always be right for your situation.
quote:

ORIGINAL: smoky

Hello-

I'm wondering if you all could give some examples of rules you have for your sub, both in and out of the bedroom.  My Dom and i are both new to this and both would like to have more rules for more control.  I would be interested in hearing what rules you all have that you have particuarly enjoyed.

Thank you.


(in reply to smoky)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 6:35:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Rules can be hot, though.

The first time I confronted "rules" was with a guy I was dating, we were not D/s (at the time I didn't know what D/s was).  One afternoon he handed me a folded piece of paper that was titled "Terms of Engagement".  It was a list of things that he expected me to do, including how I was to greet him when I went to his house.  Immediate melt.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 6:43:27 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		That depends, you have to absolutely know for sure they'd like it.  I did something one time I thought was thoughtful, and there for daddy would like and he was unhappy with my actions.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

good pups can't go wrong with asking themselves, 'What would Mistress like?' before any action.

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 6:56:27 PM   
intrainingformas


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/16/2008
From: Scottsdale, AZ
Status: offline 		Now, certainly I do not place myself in any form of expertise, but thought I would share just a few of my Master's rules. Keep in mind I am a greenie, and have only come to my awakening in the last 3 months...
Master has simple rules for me right now
1. always address him as Master, and sign off as submissive jaime
2. respect the Doms/Masters I do encounter
3. never masterbate with out permission
4. write in my slave journal in only my attire. (yes I read the post on being a slave.. and I have no issues with that)
5. recently, I was granted permission to meet and connect with woman, so long as I am clear of whom I belong and provide him with visuals.

Not hard.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Rules for subs - 10/18/2008 11:26:02 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		About the only rule He has is for me to keep the cat away from Him. 

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to smoky)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Rules for subs - 10/19/2008 1:22:04 AM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

1. Trust Sir's judgment.
2. Be honest with Sir at all times.
3. Understand that you are Property.
4. Your primary Goal is to please Sir.
5. Your primary Fear should be Sir's displeasure.
6. Rewards from Sir are earned, not given.
7. Pain is a gift from Sir; cherish it always.
8. Always be aware you are a Sexual Creature.
9. Constantly strive to better yourself.
10. Never forget that Sir, while your Lord and Master, is still human.

 
Why are you using third person speech??
 
Nevermind, I just couldn't resist. I'll go quietly. 



K.




< Message edited by Kirata -- 10/19/2008 1:40:46 AM >

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Rules for subs - 10/19/2008 5:10:17 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		More behavioural norms than hard rules: be nice, be civilised, be kind, be good company, make an effort with your appearance, play by the rules outlined from the off, don't even begin to waste my time with anything remotely approaching gossip and petty sniping........in other words, be a woman with whom I want to spend time.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 10/19/2008 5:11:33 AM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to smoky)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Rules for subs - 10/19/2008 6:51:21 AM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		Set rules that you can both live with, agree upon and make sense.

To anyone suggesting that rules are not needed/wanted because you don't have time to enforce them- If your submissive doesn't break rules then there is nothing to enforce. If you find the rules are structured in a manner that requires that much attention there is a problem somewhere that needs to be addressed. Fix the problems don't drop the structure. Of course this doesn't apply to many people because they just don't think there is a need for structure and BDSM is 100% about the fun. I'm not one of them.

Dolf



(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Rules for subs - 10/21/2008 8:28:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Take care of myself, tell him when he's making a major mistake, don't put myself down, don't stay up all night, don't skip meals (still working on that one), come to him with my problems even when he has his own (still working on that one).

Basically: communicate with him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 12:42:56 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yours let you TIE stuff to them??


naaaa  It's much better to shove a broomstick up their ass.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 12:47:50 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

Fox has very simple rules. Ask permission to get things, leave the room, and hug people.
Get permission before starting an online conversation with someone new, and permission before talking to someone on the phone aside from family and certain friends. (Blanket permission was given for certain people when we met, to keep from having ot answer yes all the time)
And be polite in public, online and real life, unless someone else cops an attitude first. My Fox might be a submissive, but I wont have him being walked on for it. He is allowed to stand up for himself.

DV



This makes me glad I didnt immediately hug him.. not knowing this it could have been awkward.....


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 12:49:37 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yours let you TIE stuff to them??


naaaa  It's much better to shove a broomstick up their ass.

BadOne


*smack*

Cats do NOT get broomsticks up their ass..


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 1:10:29 AM   
lunadancer


Posts: 211
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		 oooooh nooooo..........must not hurt kitties,    they are my friends

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 4:18:30 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

and my floor is forever covered with mini-me cats... using them as mops would only exacerbate the problem.. *sigh*  I wish I could teach them to sweep....


We give our cat plenty of home made yarn balls. They pick up dust and hair better than a swiffer. Just replace them every few days.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 10/22/2008 4:19:25 AM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 4:49:05 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My rules are fairly simple
1. Obey me
2. Contact me everyday to let me know how he is doing.
3. Remind me to take my medications.
4. When we are home alone he is naked wearing only his slave collar.
5. When we are out in a restaurant I order for him
6. He cuts up the meat on my plate or pulls it off the bone.
7. He asks permission to masturbate or to cum.
8. He has to ask permission to turn the radio on in the car.

I think too many rules make it more of a job than something pleasurable.

~Lashra



_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 5:25:02 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yours let you TIE stuff to them??


naaaa  It's much better to shove a broomstick up their ass.

BadOne


*smack*

Cats do NOT get broomsticks up their ass..



 i agree - that would soooo not work here! Although i must admit they sometimes fly around here like they have something up their ass! LOL!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 5:30:20 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		my rules with my Leather Sir and my Master

1. Dont effin argue with me
2. see rule one

(might be a bit of a brat.....)

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Rules for subs - 10/22/2008 5:45:35 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

One of the mistakes I've noticed quite a few new dominants make is the false connection between "having rules = strong authority"



Yep.  All the rules in the world won't make someone dominant if they aren't.  The more dominant someone is, the fewer rules he or she needs.  How about just one?  Be considerate.


I don't know I necessarily agree with that, but then again I am one of the lone voices on this since I tend to take a more systematic approach to my dominance (I'm one of those guys who's lost in his own little world of plans, rules, strategies, and schedules since I find they are effective tools for accomplishing things in an efficient way).

So basically I find a lot of benefit from rules, protocols, and rituals if they are used practically and reasonably (Apparently, judging from the mockery here in response to what I thought was a pretty reasonable question, other people don't find benefit from them or just don't like them because they aren't "COOL") I don't find them beneficial when they are used arbitrarily or to apply some kind of superficial band-aid to a lack of strong authority.

Does a lot of rules equate to weak dominance in every case? Nah, it can just mean someone has very specific standards and therefore needs a lot of rules to get those standards met.

But...hey...god forbid we implore common sense to make all expectations and standards clear in a nuanced fashion so there is no miscommunication or confusion. That won't be "COOL".


Hey Mad Rabbit,
I wanted to let you know that I love love love rules - gives me the structure that I crave and need.  I get so confused without them.  Now I'm no dummy and I do the whole "what would Master want?" thing, but when I know for sure, I am so much more relaxed and a better servant, and a happier gal.  I adore all those rules.  I remember once telling someone my rules with a former Master.  There were, dozens of them.  I was so happy.

BTW, I've never considered rules something to break, more like guidance.  What good is it to be submissive if I don't actually submit?

Well wishes,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 10/22/2008 5:48:50 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 60
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