RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3

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PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 7:29:05 AM)
I can't see that that's too exacting a test, no. (I was vaguely thinking your test might involve a message to you written on the sub's back, for some reason I can't fathom.) Seriously, reading between the lines, though: you're just trying to find out if a man really is a sub or not, aren't you? That's the key question here, it seems.

LadyPact -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 7:37:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi I do not know about tests but I do know there are qualifiers that from the onset are imposed as part of my evaluations. I suppose some of them could be viewed as a test but it would take a very suspicious narrow mind to do so. However, like a qualifier, they are also an eliminators and contrary to the belief of many most males are driven by codes of honor and not at all interested boring unhappy housewives with whips. I'm not sure if the above was supposed to sound as though it had a negative tone to it or not. It does tend to come across that way, even if it wasn't intended. Since the latter is certainly a possibility, I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt. The term "qualifier" may be more appropriate, however I don't think it would have been as easily understood for folks to get the gist of the post. This is in addition to the fact that, when the conversation happened, I wasn't be asked if someone didn't meet My qualifiers. They specifically asked if they were being tested. I used the verbiage to reflect the same. To broaden the concept, I think a person can meet another person's qualifiers, and still not be suitable for the other. I base this on the fact that you can't possibly think of every hypothetical to qualify someone with. At least I can't. There's also that little part that comes up that says, until a person is really faced with a situation in real life, you never really know how they are going to react to it. Sure, you can ask that hypothetical question, and the person can reply that they will do the right thing. Yet it means more to Me when I see that carried out, rather than just said. I think you could probably count Me in with those who don't think there's a 'most' about males having a code of honor, or any other specified group of people having a 'most' about anything. I think you have to take each person on a case by case basis.

Chi -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 8:32:15 AM)
My comment had nothing at all to do with negativity; however, dismissing the fact most males are both governed by and guided by codes of honor rings of negativity to me, however, I am not prone to and guard against leaping to superficial unwarranted conclusions.

MsStarlett -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 8:36:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I can't see that that's too exacting a test, no. (I was vaguely thinking your test might involve a message to you written on the sub's back, for some reason I can't fathom.) Seriously, reading between the lines, though: you're just trying to find out if a man really is a sub or not, aren't you? That's the key question here, it seems. OOOps! Hit a wrong button. Let's 'edit' to actually SAY something. sigh It's October. Yes. It's an extremely simple task to see if someone is actually willing to get up from the key board, walk out the door and DO something just because I asked them to do it without questioning why. I get so many "I'll do ANYTHING to please you on cam" messages that it's ridiculous. I have Zero time and even less desire to sit and watch a man maturate or pleasure himself with pain at my direction. I simply want to see if a sub actually will do what I want him to do, not just top from the bottom.

LadyPact -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 8:52:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi My comment had nothing at all to do with negativity; however, dismissing the fact most males are both governed by and guided by codes of honor rings of negativity to me, however, I am not prone to and guard against leaping to superficial unwarranted conclusions. How are you determining most? I can completely understand how you feel this applies to your personal ethics. However, you can't confuse your personal standards to translate to most. On what basis is your theory that the majority of the male population are living by a code of honor, other than one you have for yourself?

MaamJay -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 10:13:01 AM)
I ask a lot of initial questions to determine fit but I wouldn't call that a test. I do test their initial motivation and obedience with a couple of simple tasks concerned with their self-education and communication with Me ... part of the initial weeding out process. Once they get past this, then there are no elaborate tests here ... as others have said, I'd rather watch and see how they handle what life tosses to them! I also don't take kindly to a sub deliberately testing out My authority! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 10:54:42 AM)
I simply want to see if a sub actually will do what I want him to do, not just top from the bottom. Gotcha. It's so clear that crystal is muddy by comparison. Maybe you should say "A large proportion of what I tell you to do won't turn you on, you won't like, or think is trivial or even pointless. But you still have to do it, because I've told you to do it". But then, maybe you shouldn't, because if he doesn't take such an explanation as read, he's not a real sub (or a real sub for your purposes), anyway.

MsStarlett -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 11:11:50 AM)
Exactly! My 'One Twue Sub' is West. Why? Because he does what I ask him to do, without question, even when it is not sexual, not fun and not even in my presence, just because I asked him to do it and that makes me happy. Example: I took West to a Sci Fi convention with me and my family. My 18 year old son wanted to play a gaming tournament and wanted someone he knew to hang out there with him. I told West to go do it. He got stuck down in a hot room playing a game that he didn't like for FIVE HOURS! West came in 2nd or 3rd place in the tourney and gave his 'prize' to my son. WONDERFUL! He exceeded my expectations. I didn't really think he would be stuck down there for more than an hour, two at the most. What was this 'test' actually about? It gave me some 'alone' time to do what I wanted without him or my son under foot. It established him as a 'family friend' so his frequent visits would not look odd. I almost always have an 'ulterior motive' for what I ask. I just don't always tell people what they are. In the case of a sub, it's not always important for him to know what's going on. For Westie, his excellent performance gained him much respect and rewards from both myself and my spouse.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 11:17:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsStarlett Exactly! My 'One Twue Sub' is West. Why? Because he does what I ask him to do, without question, even when it is not sexual, not fun and not even in my presence, just because I asked him to do it and that makes me happy. Example: I took West to a Sci Fi convention with me and my family. My 18 year old son wanted to play a gaming tournament and wanted someone he knew to hang out there with him. I told West to go do it. He got stuck down in a hot room playing a game that he didn't like for FIVE HOURS! West came in 2nd or 3rd place in the tourney and gave his 'prize' to my son. WONDERFUL! He exceeded my expectations. I didn't really think he would be stuck down there for more than an hour, two at the most. What was this 'test' actually about? It gave me some 'alone' time to do what I wanted without him or my son under foot. It established him as a 'family friend' so his frequent visits would not look odd. I almost always have an 'ulterior motive' for what I ask. I just don't always tell people what they are. In the case of a sub, it's not always important for him to know what's going on. For Westie, his excellent performance gained him much respect and rewards from both myself and my spouse. OMG!! I totally bow down to this guy! Francine, who avoids the gaming room at all cons...

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 11:53:07 AM)
OMG!! I totally bow down to this guy! Dommes aren't allowed to do that, Lady H. I certainly wouldn't allow it, anyway. [;)]

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 11:55:05 AM)
Hell. Five hours worth? By crackey I can see why you keep him.

MsStarlett -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 12:12:04 PM)
It gets better! The next time he came down, I sent him over to my 'storage house' to help my hubby clean up the yard. The lot was a disaster! Hubby and the haunt crew had been over there building props and not cleaning up after themselves. The whole yard was littered with building supplies and scraps, broken props, splintered wood and decaying crap. West spent a hours over there lifting, toting and raking. The whole time, he battling his allergies and getting covered with mosquito bites just to keep the city from slapping a nasty fine on me for that mess. This boy is GOLDEN I tell you!

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 12:19:48 PM)
Ms S, he's an example to us all, no doubt whatsoever . . .

LadyPact -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 12:39:45 PM)
It's always nice to hear the good stories, isn't it?

MsStarlett -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 12:47:11 PM)
Yeah, but you Ladies and guys would get sick to your stomachs if I posted all the nice things that Westie does for me. (But I still enjoy flirting with Hot Brits.)

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 12:50:55 PM)
Yep!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 1:39:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer OMG!! I totally bow down to this guy! Dommes aren't allowed to do that, Lady H. I certainly wouldn't allow it, anyway. [;)] Dude!! I totally give props where they're due!

MzMia -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 2:07:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsStarlett It gets better! The next time he came down, I sent him over to my 'storage house' to help my hubby clean up the yard. The lot was a disaster! Hubby and the haunt crew had been over there building props and not cleaning up after themselves. The whole yard was littered with building supplies and scraps, broken props, splintered wood and decaying crap. West spent a hours over there lifting, toting and raking. The whole time, he battling his allergies and getting covered with mosquito bites just to keep the city from slapping a nasty fine on me for that mess. This boy is GOLDEN I tell you! Now, these are the kinds of stories I love to hear. [;)] MsStarlett, I am a wee bit envious of your boy. A submissive that actually works! [sm=bowdown.gif] Hold on tight to him, he is a rare breed indeed. Did I mention he is a rare breed?

PeonForHer -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 2:42:24 PM)
(But I still enjoy flirting with Hot Brits.) Brits are never "hot", Ms S. They're only ever cool. Cool as cucumbers, straight from the freezer. [;)]

ShaktiSama -> RE: Testing, testing, 1 2 3 (10/19/2008 3:51:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Maybe you should say "A large proportion of what I tell you to do won't turn you on, you won't like, or think is trivial or even pointless. But you still have to do it, because I've told you to do it". But then, maybe you shouldn't, because if he doesn't take such an explanation as read, he's not a real sub (or a real sub for your purposes), anyway. I don't think such a man is "a real sub" for anyone's purposes, really. A submissive is one who yields to the will of another--not just a person who explores his/her own roleplaying fantasies. There are a great many people, male and female, who self-identify as submissive because they fantasize about being controlled or overpowered in some way. A sizable percentage of these submissives cannot yield to the will of another in real life; they are not submissive unless they are "submitting" to their own fantasies. I am not a particularly strict or demanding domme, but frankly I find such people exhausting in the long term. So do the majority of other dominants I know, male and female. I have met very few male dominants who would tolerate a woman who wouldn't obey a particular command just because she didn't like it, wasn't turned on by it, or judged it to be trivial or pointless. They have no use for a woman who claims she wants to serve, but really only serves herself. Female dominants are no different about men who call themselves "submissive". Their attitude is basically: "You want to submit? Prove it. Obey." People who don't want to yield and serve, in sexual AND non-sexual ways, should probably just find themselves a friendly top and enjoy their fantasies in the bedroom. I've never understood why people find it so difficult to be clear and straightforward about what they really need from a dominant, to be honest. There's nothing shameful or dishonorable about being kinky in a purely sexual way.

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