Aneirin
Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Okay, I promised. Please keep in mind that these are the opinions of people that know me rather well, both college educated, one a professor and the other a retired teacher. Both are not white, he is older than she, late 50's or early 60's I believe (age is not something I am good at guessing and it doesn't matter enough to ask.) and she is early 50's, I think. Both came from difficult childhoods, he was, in his words, your typical inner city, angry, young black man, at one point. She was the biological child of a black soldier that was having a good time in another country and brought to america to be given "a better life". It was not stellar.
I was a bit apprehensive because I had begun to doubt myself and have been feeling horror and a really deep sadness that maybe something I was unaware of in myself, was peeking through my words here. A very small part of me was afraid in opening those words up to my friends, I would hurt them, and get a reception that reflected that. I did my friends a disservice in that regard. I got huge hugs, which brought tears to my eyes.
I won't boor you with a word by word account of the whole discussion. Only the highlights.
Things that were pointed out to me.
Discussions of race, some of the things I've seen in the news lately have been more upsetting to me than I was aware of. I hate it and seeing it used as a platform, even subtly has really really bothered me.
When it comes to problems, I am acknowledgely too black and white (not enough gray zones) and am not as sympathetic as some would like.
Because I am not racist, and abhore it in others, part of me subconciously feels that because there is no validity in being so, then it is "a problem solved" to a degree, so deal and get over it. It is very similar to how badly I handled my daughter's mental illness as a teen. If you have a problem, you figure out how to "fix it", do so, then get busy moving forward. It wasn't that simple, and still isn't.
I've always been a, pick yourself up by your bootstraps, put on your grownup drawers, quite pissing and whining, and do what needs to be done to suceed (whatever that sucess may be) type of person. It is how I've always driven myself, therefor it is I push others accordingly.
I will repeat one flaw in myself I see that causes me the most problems, I am not hugely sympathetic. That is probably even an understatement. As I said in previous posts, regardless of the problem, I see excuses, whining, etc......as a weakness. My friend remembered this from a "debate" I had with someone regarding domestic abuse. My thoughts on that have always been the, "hit me once shame on you, hit me twice, shame on me" mindset.
Now, as for the specific issue of racism. I needed to understand through the words of someone that dealt with it from the other side of the coin, I needed to understand how, in this day and age, my "pick yourself up, quit pissing and whining" method of dealing, wasn't appropriate. Without having specific words written down I will do my best to remember how it was explained to me.
My friend the professor explained it something like this.....First of all, racism, being an angry black man and feeling descriminated against can be a bit like wearing a hair shirt. That anger eats at you, constantly chaffing. Sometimes you would like nothing better than to remove it and pretend it doesn't exist. But, other times you are terrified to remove it. Because when you remove the hair shirt you are naked, you are removing a large part of your identity. What else do you have to identify yourself if not that anger? You have to find a new identity, a new measure of yourself as a man. That is terrifying, especially if you have no support system, or nothing to replace it with.
Then, he told me that he did a quick test with a few pupils this morning. He read them some of my words and asked how they would feel about them if they had been written by a black woman, that had used that mindset to push her children. The feed back was all positive. Then, with different students, the same words, only told them they were written by a white woman. Totally different response.
The perception of assumed racism was glaring. Okay, I get that, but WHY?? Well, several reasons #1 The mindset that because I am not black I cannot imagine what it might be like to be black. Therefor I have no right to be critical, regardless of context, of anything that might be a challenge due to being black. So I try to compare it to something that used to annoy me.......the whole, people that are not parents should not tell people that are parents how to raise a child. Am I getting it?
No, not really my friends told me. It is explained to me that it goes much deeper. A more visceral reaction even. Something that goes to the very core of self identity. Remember, innocent people died just because of this difference. Pure evil hatred to the point of innocent people dying. Which brought more fucking tears. I was beginning to feel like a naive, ignorant, putz.
My dim little lightbulb came on, weak though it may be. I began to see that living that from day one, could create a mindset that would make it very difficult, if not damned near impossible, to "just quit your whining, pick yourself up, and deal" Not only that, I began to see how, if a person came from that life, my words and mindset, would have the potential to really piss someone off. Sort of a "Oh, so you really think it's that fucking easy do you?!?!?" Especially if they had very few people in their lives that they really respected, telling them something similar, with love.
So, while I know the nature of my intent I now humbly admit that I can see how my wording was totally offensive. My deepest applogies to anyone I may have hurt. I will attempt to reword it to reflect the nature of my intent.
My hopes that young black/mixed race persons will see Barack Obama and be inspired, and begin to feel hope that they can aspire to their dreams. That there will be a time, hopefully in my lifetime, that skin colour will never be a determining factor in a person's value or aspirations. I also hope that there will come a time when we can discuss the ills of society without questioning race as an undercurrent.
But you found out the reality and the reality is most likely something alien to most of us in the white race, we cannot see the other point of view, because we have never in recent history if ever experienced as much. There is no substitute for experience and experience over a period of time not defined.
Here in the UK, we have mixed race as everywhere, but the mixed race are not reffered to as black, despite their skin colouring. They are mixed race and that is that. My cousins are all mixed race, and they suffered when they were younger for their skin colour, not only whites, but blacks too and even the police. All those cousins are now successful and wealthy, but what it took was to move away from the dense areas of cities, their home to other parts of the world to find their worth. One even appeared on the front cover of Spanish women's magazine, there, their ethnic background and colouring, totally irrelevant. The cousins are now back in the UK and going from strength to strength in their chosen business lines and even employ others in the course of their business, white skinned people included, race irrelevant, personality and skills matter more.
I recently tried to ask my cousin about his experiences as a youth in a rough city, he shuddered at some of the memories, but said it gave him the impetus to find a place where colour was not an issue, he found that and when he was ready, came back, his thoughts to colour totally at the back of his mind, it is a non issue when you are in an entrepeneurial position and can choose where you live. The entrepeneur mentality came from being abroad, his colour forgotten, his natural skills came to the fore.
I am not saying everyone should go away, but what I am saying here, is that I have no idea of what it is like to be mixed race and the problems that are encountered, it bothered me that a person of mixed race can be the subject of abuse from both white and black races, a sense that mixed race is neither one nor the other, no fixed identity by nature. The police, well it has long been known that they are institutionally racist.
_____________________________
Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha
Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone
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RE: one of my hopes for an Obama Presidency - 
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