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What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 3:24:46 PM   
windy135


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		I'm confused because I'm new to the scene and I guess some might even consider me a player (not lifestyle). What I'm confused about is what I want. I have only had one relationship with a Dom. and it was not a serious one. Most people are looking for sub who are willing to give everything to them. I can't imagine doing such a thing. I have talked online with many Dom's and Subs and it just seems like there is no one out there for me... I can't get this part of who I am out of my life. I like to be controlled/dominated and such. It's something I just can't forget about. So may I ask if others have gone through a confusing time like I am right now when they were first discovering the scene. I guess there is nothing I can do but keep learning and hope I will discover what it is I'm searching for.

"No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed"
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 3:41:10 PM   
Nathaninki


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/23/2005
Status: offline 		Oh My dear just keep looking.

There are many like Myself that enjoy leading a newby throught the darkness of uncertainty, training her to learn about herself and her desires, and prepare her to go out and experience them.

you are wise to know yourself as well as you do, and to be able to tell that some are not for you.

Keep searching...I kn0w that someone is out there to help you.

If you need to talk, please do not hesitate to contact Me.

Nathan

(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 3:42:12 PM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		the neat thing about this lifestyle is there is no one way to do things. but it is my opinion that you take a few minutes and really think about what it is you're looking for within this lifestyle and the type of Dominant you wish. then as you're talking with them you already have it in your mind what you want. be honest with people, if you find yourself more of a bottom (someone that just submits during scening) let them know that's what you are. also, as you grow in the understanding of D/s and also as you find someone that you really have grown to trust....you might be surprised as to actually how deeply you can completely surrender to that person. sometimes it just takes loving, knowing, trusting and the desire to surrender.....

(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 3:48:43 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say that most people do BDSM either as spice or on a part-time/funtime basis. This lifestyle, "everything," 24/7 is actually quite rare: the people doing it just tend to be vocal and its a powerful fantasy.

The only truly important thing is that you and your partner(s) do what makes you both happy. If that's an hour a day, an hour a week, or an hour a year, it doesn't matter.

If someone tells you that if you aren't doing it "lifestyle" or "24/7" or calls you a "player" try to ignore them. My guess is that they are covering up their own insecurities by trying to force their ideals onto you.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 4:09:28 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Keep looking dear, it will happen the way it is supposed to. In my humble opinion the average person who criticizes the way someone does *fill in the blank* is usually full of insecurities. Secure people usually allow one to follow his/her own path. There are many paths to the same destination.

Just my thoughts

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 4:15:23 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		unfortunately we learn thro trial and error. be true to yourself and don't go where you aren't comfortable.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 4:16:09 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Keep on reading and asking and searching the board and make some friends out here, go to munches (you been to ties, right?) and so on.

Discover those things you don't know.
Woman, know thyself!!!!!!!!!

You are gonna have to, you see; 'cause you ain't gonna make it in photography, cuttin' people's heads off like that.

Welcome from a fellow Minnesotan,

You will do well.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to windy135)
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RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 4:50:10 PM   
windy135


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone. You are right that it's something that will just happen .. probably something I have no control over.. I must just keep looking not only for someone else but I need to keep searching for who and what I'm looking for. Its just nice to hear what others think. thanks :)

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 5:18:35 PM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		We spend half of our life trying to find ourselves and the other half trying to convince others we are found. First and foremost do not attempt to place one or more of the hundreds of labels on yourself that are in this lifestyle. As others have said, read, ask and learn. Time will show you.

Welcome to the first steps

D

(in reply to windy135)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What am I suppose to do? - 12/10/2005 5:30:41 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Welcome.
And it's okay to cut your head off!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 10
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