darkinshadows
Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:
Please try and rein in the histrionics a tad. No one asked you to break anyone's confidence. I just asked you to give an example to corroborate a statement. You don't seem to have any difficulty communicating, so I'm sure it's well within your ability to give an example or two without divulging any identities. I can think of a couple of specific situations where patience (at least how it appears you define the word) might be considered sub-optimal, but I doubt you were referring to nonagenarians or hospice patients so my question remains.
quote:
I don't have the patience of a saint, although it's something I work on every day. I think part of the problem here is that you seem to equate patience with inactivity, and that's simply not the case. You can still 'seize the day' and exhibit patience at the same time.
If your waiting for a bus that doesn't arrive - what do you need? Patience. But what if you don't have that? What if your late for work and you are going to get fired if your are late? What then? You have other options. You leave earlier and are there, three or more buses ahead of time - you take another route - you use another vehicle or you make your own way. Sometimes, you might just stay overnight. Patience isn't effortless, but sometimes extra effort can assist where patience may fail you.
You cannot pin it down, because it is individual, just like patience. When it is right, it is right. And then - sometimes it is wrong - but patience isn't always the virtue it is cracked up to be. Patience doesn't always lead to the best outcome. Nearly always, patience mean an action - so inactivity is not particularly relevant. Patience is an action in itself. In real life, patience is sometimes negative. Sure, for online or interaction in a written medium, it can be an aid - but not everyone is finding partners online, even if they are reading there. There are submissives or dominants who have 'lost out' because they decided patience is supposed to be the 'right way' because thats what others insisted and now regret doing such. Now one can suggest that 'if it is worth waiting for is more important' - that is not always the case - individual cases are impossible to pin down. You can say that patience is important in BDSM - and we are being specific here(but it can crossover to outside a BDSM relationship) - but it isn't a means to an end. Trust and consensuality are important. But subjects like patience, respect, politeness - they are all subjective. You want me to love the article and stand by it? I cannot. Critique commends me to say that the article is adequate and well written, but general in it's approach. I can't be tighter in my narrative than that, because it is such a broad subject.
quote:
We're not talking about a procedure or a protocol. This is something that can be used in every aspect of life, not just looking for a partner or a playmate.
Like I said above - You can say that patience is important in BDSM and it can crossover to outside a BDSM relationship and used in everyday life, but the article is specific in that it is from a BDSM site(otherwise the title would be different), talking about the subject of BDSM. If you want to go broader, we can... and I would still say the same thing. Patience is not the be all and end all. If you want to make the article relevant to the whole spectrum of life that exists, then the article is adequate and well written but general in its approach.
Simply by posting such a 'hot topic' on a BDSM site for some people - and I was being specific in mentioning newcomers - believe that that it is a protocol or specific procedure. I know your not naive enough to believe that many do not think that way stef - and sometimes, to some, its a relief to see someone write or hear someone say - you don't have to do what is written.
quote:
I didn't dismiss your thoughts, I'm trying to ascertain why you feel the way you do. For what it's worth, I'm not close to the author anymore and I'll say it again because you seem stuck on the idea, that's not why I disagreed with you.
You raised your relationship with the author - you did it for some reason otherwise what relevance does it have whether you know her or not? - And yes, possibly show a bias - I am not saying you do - it is a suggestion. It is an assumption, maybe a wrong one. But we do tend to show bias one way or another dependant on how a relationship went - not always - but it is human nature. Now, your relationship with the author aside, if it is purely because you are 'boggled' by my not accepting patience as good advice or feel I am 'stuck on the idea' - that is again, another assumption - and the only thing that I am 'stuck on' is that one cannot generalise patience. Each situation is unique and requires thought. If the article was on contemplation or thinking - then it may have relevance to me. But one doesn't need patience to contemplate or visaversa. Patience doesn't always work and doesn't always help - that is my stance. What else do you want to hear from me? Does that mean I would never recommend patience? Of course not. But I would look at each individual case and at each individual person involved before I threw around any advice that was asked for from me.
Peace and Rapture
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.dark.
...i surrender to gravity and the unknown... |
Words of Wisdom by margo - 
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