RE: Broken Promises- then what?

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RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 11:04:58 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
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Lies hurt ... and someone that lies to me insults my intelligence .. for they think me stupid enough to believe them or to never find out the truth.

I dont think there is ever a " good" reason to lie .. and lies of omission are still lies in my book. I had a former sub "neglect" to tell me they were working as a pro domme ..... didnt think I would find out and was afraid to tell me, for fear that I would not accept them as my sub. Well I DID find out a few months AFTER they became my sub .. and had they been honest it would have been my choice to accept that part of their life or not. With the lie they broke my trust in them ... and it could not be regained, so they were my sub for a short time ..and then released ... so they gained nothing but heartbreak for both of us and lost my trust in them to the point I could no longer even be their friend.

::getting off my big tall soapbox now :::

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

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Post #: 21

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 12:18:20 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

To me lying is a weakness of character and most everyone is susceptible just because they are human.
It takes a lot of self growth to get over the need to lie, if a Dom was lying to me i wouldnt really look at the reason for his lying cause i believe all lies have the same cause, some illusionary sense of protection, fear of the repercussion of the truth. Looking for reasons would just amount to excusing the erroneous behaviour. What i would be looking for is the ability to accept that lying is a personality flaw and the willingness and ability to change that.

If that was not possible, they would no longer be my Master. How can someone Master someone else if they cant Master them self or aren't willing to make the journey towards that?

(in reply to MissHarlet)

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Post #: 22

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 12:47:57 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you. If you feel that the lie can be worked on and you can learn to trust again - then stick with it. It maybe a genuine mistake and even dominants make mistakes.

If however, the dominant seems unrepentive, or you feel that you cannot deal with the lie or relearn the trust - move on. Otherwise you may find you are constantly questioning the actions of your dominant and that isnt healthy for a relationship. It happens alot so do not feel alone in this. It can be painful moving on, but it could be healthier in the longrun. Above all, be true to yourself. Even if you deeply love or admire a person, without knowing or having trust, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Peace and Rapture and the very best of thoughts.

darkangel

Wise words. However, i would be highly inclinded to leave and it would take great effort on the Dom's part to keep me. IME, once i've been lied to, sticking around just exposes me to drama and bulls**t, which i despise.

candystripper

(in reply to darkinshadows)

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Post #: 23

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 1:54:19 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Okay...playing devil's advocate, times two!

.....

Lies, IMO, are not a necessary part of society. I'm much rather someone tell me my ass looked too big, or if my hair looked like a bird's nest, than be dishonest. Why ask such questions, if you didn't want the correct response/view. It's not necessary to make me think one way, when something is clearly the opposite. Who does this serve?

K

There is a worthwhile book on the subject. I think it is called The Varnished Truth.

Speaking of books, The Diary of Anne Frank would have read a lot differently if certain other people couldn't see lies as necessary to society. This coment is obviously not a reflection on the OP topic of honesty in personal relationships.

But come on. All you hos 'n bitchez want us to tell you you're beautiful.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

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Post #: 24

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 2:30:33 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

IMO, a "lie" is not a "mistake,"...it's quite deliberate, and the motivation behind the lie doesn't change the intent of the lie...to deceive.

I only partially disagree with your statement here...yes, when a person lies they do so deliberatly, with the intent to deceive. But I also believe that some lies truly can be forgiven...not forgotten, but forgiven. While I do try hold honesty above all else; I have been in circumstances where I understood the reason WHY the person lied to me. I may not have agreed with them lying in the first place...and it destroyed the trust that was between us...I was still able to understand the reason WHY ( hence my statement that we are all human,and we all make mistakes at times ). I have also been able to forgive the lies...and while the trust may never be the same between us, it is possible to still build from it.

As you stated, this too is just my opinion though :)

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

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Post #: 25

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 2:42:29 PM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Lies hurt ... and someone that lies to me insults my intelligence .. for they think me stupid enough to believe them or to never find out the truth.

I dont think there is ever a " good" reason to lie .. and lies of omission are still lies in my book. I had a former sub "neglect" to tell me they were working as a pro domme ..... didnt think I would find out and was afraid to tell me, for fear that I would not accept them as my sub. Well I DID find out a few months AFTER they became my sub .. and had they been honest it would have been my choice to accept that part of their life or not. With the lie they broke my trust in them ... and it could not be regained, so they were my sub for a short time ..and then released ... so they gained nothing but heartbreak for both of us and lost my trust in them to the point I could no longer even be their friend.

::getting off my big tall soapbox now :::

quote:

Lies hurt ... and someone that lies to me insults my intelligence .. for they think me stupid enough to believe them or to never find out the truth.

generally a liar when confronted with their lies will lie more

< Message edited by tarnishedhalo777 -- 12/12/2005 2:43:52 PM >

_____________________________

I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

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Post #: 26

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 6:00:34 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

But come on. All you hos 'n bitchez want us to tell you you're beautiful.

Noah

We are not all "ho's and bitches", Noah. And presumably, when You look upon the One You love and call Your own, she is beautiful to You.

candystripper

(in reply to Noah)

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Post #: 27

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 9:11:06 PM

windy135

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Joined: 10/17/2005
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I had a close friend that use to lie about the stupist things in the world. But soon the lies just started to build up and after she started to affect other people with these lies I said enough was enough called her on it and sadly we are not friends. There comes a point where you have to stand up and say "stop". Who wants to live a life of lies?

(in reply to candystripper)

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Post #: 28

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/12/2005 10:08:03 PM

WulfMan

Posts: 115
Status: offline

The sad thing is that everyone has lied or lies. I know I have before, I'm not proud of it, of course. But this is the reality, the major thing is to sort it out with your mate, and make sure that you know that you are aware of thier lies, so perhaps we can sort out our flaws. Yes it may end up in a termination of the realationship, but if that's the case it's for the best.

(in reply to windy135)

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Post #: 29

RE: Broken Promises- then what? - 12/13/2005 3:17:48 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
As you stated, this too is just my opinion though :)

Yep!

It's what I love about this message forum. When I read some posts here, such as yours, it helps me to see someone else's point of view, and sometimes even helps to offer me a differing perspective to my own thoughts. Thanks for posting your opinion...seriously!