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RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:35:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you are demanding he sets rules all the time that he has no interest in, then who is serving who?

The initial training period is intense, but that's true of all new relationship energy. Abandoning a relationship because you aren't sitting anxiously by the phone hoping it will ring is foolish if what you have instead is a solid ground filled with love and respect.

Sounds like you're hooked on NRE and not on the person providing it for you.

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Post #: 21

RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 11:20:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

i have question, have you ever become bored. i ask this because i am a person who needs a lot of contact and stimulation. Once i get something i get it and new something new to keep me interested. i love my Master, but i feel i need new rules or something to keep me going, if the rules change on a regular basis then i feel it would keep interested and more focused on Him. i know for some the changing of the rules may be stressful but, it keeps me going. i know i am not child and do not need to played with all the time (although that would be nice) but my attention is starting to wan. i guess i should state for me the rules are important because my Master and i live a good distance apart and the rules are one way that helps me to stay focused on Him and connects me to Him on a daily basis. i have spoken to my Master regarding this, but i am wondering how others deal with this, how do you prevent this from happening to you.

My relationship is not about new and shiny things. If I was here to get bossed around I would be vastly disappointed. I am happy with boring familiar comfy

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Post #: 22

RE: Are you still interested - 10/22/2008 12:40:35 AM

dangerousangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/12/2008
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So, I'm the type that really really really likes the new shiny. I like the part of a realtionship where you're pursuing and being pursued, where you're still learning everything about the other person and it's risky and scary and fun.

I've been with my Owner for 6 years, and no, I'm not bored. I think it comes down to the fact that I love the man more than anything else I've ever known in the world.

That said, though, I do understand the desire to have a new thing from time to time, or something that changes things up and makes things new. I've learned that it works pretty well coming from me. I had to adjust my brain to understand that my needs -were- being filled and that filling my wants could happen if I learned to squish my wants around his wants.

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RE: Are you still interested - 10/22/2008 5:42:47 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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at what cost? personal growth.

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RE: Are you still interested - 10/22/2008 7:33:56 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

i do have children, i do work, have friends and hobbies. if that were all i needed in my life then there would have not been any point of my being in a relationship with anyone. i am totally aware there will not be sparks or passion everyday, that goes with any type of relationship. But i do feel there has to be something there to keep my interest, as is the case with many things in life. i guess i really need to rethink our relationship and decide if it is something i still want. It will be a tough decision because i do care for Him and so want to be with Him. But at what cost?

From this last post one thing shouted out at me and that was, he does not have your head because if he did you would be thriving and satisfied on everything he had offered you so far.

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RE: Are you still interested - 10/22/2008 7:49:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dangerousangel

So, I'm the type that really really really likes the new shiny. I like the part of a realtionship where you're pursuing and being pursued, where you're still learning everything about the other person and it's risky and scary and fun.

I've been with my Owner for 6 years, and no, I'm not bored. I think it comes down to the fact that I love the man more than anything else I've ever known in the world.

That said, though, I do understand the desire to have a new thing from time to time, or something that changes things up and makes things new. I've learned that it works pretty well coming from me. I had to adjust my brain to understand that my needs -were- being filled and that filling my wants could happen if I learned to squish my wants around his wants.

There have been studies done on the new parts of the relationship, when it is all brand new, the rush of it. Falling in love is a distinct part of a relationship, and then it is replaced by something else, in my opinion something different.

Some people are "addicted" to the rush of shiny and new relationship, and so when they get "stale" they move on to the next.

I do not expect my mate to entertain me. I expect him to spend time with me, listen to me, and treat me with kindness... and I love doing things with him.. but if I am bored, that is my issue to solve, not his

This is just how I feel.. not judging how you feel

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 26

RE: Are you still interested - 10/23/2008 11:04:47 AM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

i have question, have you ever become bored. i ask this because i am a person who needs a lot of contact and stimulation. Once i get something i get it and new something new to keep me interested. i love my Master, but i feel i need new rules or something to keep me going, if the rules change on a regular basis then i feel it would keep interested and more focused on Him. i know for some the changing of the rules may be stressful but, it keeps me going. i know i am not child and do not need to played with all the time (although that would be nice) but my attention is starting to wan. i guess i should state for me the rules are important because my Master and i live a good distance apart and the rules are one way that helps me to stay focused on Him and connects me to Him on a daily basis. i have spoken to my Master regarding this, but i am wondering how others deal with this, how do you prevent this from happening to you.

Okay - well here's the deal for me. I'm an excitement junkie. I know this about myself. However, my needs and desires are my responsibility, not someone else's. My Master is happy to satisfy my desires and needs when it suits him, but it's not his "job" to make sure I get my "fix". I think it's real easy to focus on someone - in this case your Master - and expect them to keep you constantly amused and satiated. Focus on my Master does not mean that I focus on how to get him to give me what I want (hmmmm sounds like what a dominant does). It means focusing on what his needs and wants are, tending to providing what he wishes, anticipating what brings him pleasure and also having a well-rounded, full life as an individual. So for me I get my excitement fix in other ways too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking, even begging for what I want and need, but I MUST accept that the terms of this dynamic mean - it's his way, not mine.

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Post #: 27

RE: Are you still interested - 10/23/2008 12:40:27 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Yes, sometimes I get bored. But I immerse myself in whateveritisI'mdoing so deeply that it's just an inevitable consequence. When I do finally get burnt out on whateveritis, (bdsm, poker, writing, you name it) then I find something else to fixate on. I learn EVERYTHING I possibly can about that subject. Then I get burnt out again, and find something else. I always come back fresh though, and ready for more.

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Post #: 28

RE: Are you still interested - 10/24/2008 11:44:21 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bound4more

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

i have question, have you ever become bored. i ask this because i am a person who needs a lot of contact and stimulation. Once i get something i get it and new something new to keep me interested. i love my Master, but i feel i need new rules or something to keep me going, if the rules change on a regular basis then i feel it would keep interested and more focused on Him. i know for some the changing of the rules may be stressful but, it keeps me going. i know i am not child and do not need to played with all the time (although that would be nice) but my attention is starting to wan. i guess i should state for me the rules are important because my Master and i live a good distance apart and the rules are one way that helps me to stay focused on Him and connects me to Him on a daily basis. i have spoken to my Master regarding this, but i am wondering how others deal with this, how do you prevent this from happening to you.

Okay - well here's the deal for me. I'm an excitement junkie. I know this about myself. However, my needs and desires are my responsibility, not someone else's. My Master is happy to satisfy my desires and needs when it suits him, but it's not his "job" to make sure I get my "fix". I think it's real easy to focus on someone - in this case your Master - and expect them to keep you constantly amused and satiated. Focus on my Master does not mean that I focus on how to get him to give me what I want (hmmmm sounds like what a dominant does). It means focusing on what his needs and wants are, tending to providing what he wishes, anticipating what brings him pleasure and also having a well-rounded, full life as an individual. So for me I get my excitement fix in other ways too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking, even begging for what I want and need, but I MUST accept that the terms of this dynamic mean - it's his way, not mine.

Great post... well said

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Post #: 29

RE: Are you still interested - 10/24/2008 7:44:05 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
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quote:

Because of distance my Master and i are only able to see each other once a week, if work schedules allow. I guess the right thing to say is that i am more attention starved than anything.

You're making it very hard for me to feel sympathetic....lol. i wish i had once a week time with Sir...

Perhaps you are doing too much reminiscing...that's a dangerous thing. Your ex-Master is your ex for a reason. You acknowledge the fact that you know his style and your current Master's style are different. But to try to incorporate the ex's ways into your present relationship may be setting it up for failure. Perhaps letting the Master lead might be the best way to do your M/s relationship. i find that as submissive partners, we tend to want to assist...when we should desist. Good luck.

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Post #: 30

RE: Are you still interested - 10/26/2008 11:14:44 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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I've had this problem at times, or rather, I thought it was a boredom issue. I simply wasn't analyzing what I needed out of the relationship and was waiting to be told or given.. and if that didn't seem to 'do it' for me I felt 'bored'. It predictably went from there to 'pay attention to me' mode, and from there just general unhappiness.
Is it really rules you want, or more attention, or is the attention and rules you do get not satisfying your needs? Really sit down and think about it, and be realistic with yourself too, are you expecting too much, or things that just won't happen? Once YOU have an idea of what you need to feel content on a more regular basis, then talk to HIM about it openly.

One suggestion I may give, which worked for me in the past, set up 'special' times to look forward to, it may only happen once a week or once a month, but if you have something to turn your gaze forward and keep your mind on him, it'll help you from feeling mired in place or stagnant.

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Post #: 31