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RE: types of submission - 12/12/2005 5:45:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

quote:

i respectfully disagree; i see submission is an active stance.

I said a passive personalility which makes the "active stance" REactive to the DOM's actions, needs, wants, desires, or instructions.

I would disagree simply because personality really doesn't come into it at all, Plenty of submissives have dominant personalities and plenty of people with submissive personalities are not oriented as a submissive at all.

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RE: types of submission - 12/12/2005 5:53:47 PM

candystripper

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quote:

said a passive personalility which makes the "active stance" REactive to the DOM's actions, needs, wants, desires, or instructions.

fldrkhorse

i suppose learning to please Him is a bit reactive; but since i want to please Him in 1,000's of ways, i'd be looking for cues, asking questions, etc. Still seems active -- not passive -- to me. However, i am not terribly interested in an argument over semantics, which is all this probably is.

candystripper

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 4:51:27 AM

fldrkhorse

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quote:

However, i am not terribly interested in an argument over semantics, which is all this probably is.

hmmm..not interested in arguing over semantics but still felt the need to respond...hmmm

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 4:55:00 AM

nephandi

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i can not fit myslf into a lable but i can describe my submission as a deep feeling of being lover in rank than most, now do not misunderstand me, this do not mean less worth, less inteligent or anything like that. i function best whne i am under somone`s control.

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 5:07:11 AM

Chris123

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After reading this thread and numerous others on the bords, I'm pretty sure I'm a 'bottom' not a submissive. As in, I'm just kinky. There is no way I want to let someone control my life. A bedroom submissive or whatever you may call it.

I have a submissive personality, but I try to be be less submissive because sometimes I let people take advantage of me, but I don't have any kind of desire for Total Power Exchange. As in, my career and endeavours are going to be entirely up to me.

Is this uncommon on these boards?

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 5:10:08 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

^Slaps a lable on IrishMist's ass; reads "very fine peaches", LOL^

candystripper

Woohoo...I am very fine peaches....

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 11:05:56 AM

MsIncognito

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I think there is a definite hierarchy that many in the community follow whether they're conscious of it or not and bottoms and Tops are on the lower rungs and Masters and slaves occupying the coveted top rungs. How many times have we heard people refer to themselves or others as "just" a bottom. It's no wonder that so many people on both sides of the slash misrepresent themselves with certain words are used as pejoratives rather than non-value laden descriptives. No one wants to be "just" anything.

The role I take on is fluid and largely dependant on the role my partner takes. With some I'm "just" a bottom. With others I very easily slide into more submissive/slave-like roles. With others I take on what people would consider to be a dominant role - somebody's gotta be in charge and if the person I'm with won't take charge I will out of necessity. I've had people be pushy about the fact that they think I should be out there exploring my dominant side. Pfft! I'm not sure what part of "no interest" they're not getting but the interest is definitely not there. I have more than enough opportunities in my life to take on leadership roles. I don't want to do that in relationships, too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

I get the feeling from time to time that bottoms are looked at as the low end of the D/s pond, which is far from the truth, but do any other bottoms feel that way too?

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 11:47:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chris123

Is this uncommon on these boards?

No. It's uncommon to find someone comfortable enough to admit and be happy with it.

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RE: types of submission - 12/13/2005 11:56:22 AM

nephandi

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Chris no it is not uncommon, to be honeset aboute it however is a bit more rare, good for you.

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RE: types of submission - 12/14/2005 3:46:48 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

It is always intresting to hear how some labels are interpretted. I am a bottom, I'm also a masochist. But there is so much more to who I am. I get a bit confused when I read some of the defintions of a bottom. I definatly like more than just being spanked. I serve my Top inside the bedroom, in the living room, the basement, in public (bet you were all thinking just sex *ss*) when I am with Him I defere my choices to Him. I don't negotiate scenes before hand. There are safe words but in the long run I'm not there for my own pleasure I am there for His. What does that make me? A submissive? not to the full definition of the word. A slave, nope.I still make my own decisions when it comes to diffrent things in life. A bottom, sort of but I don't play with anyone else. It has been a struggle to try and figure out my place in the scheme of things. There are times where I feel I just don't fit in any where but I think we all have days like that. I don't serve Knight because He is a Dom/Top/Master (pick a title) I serve Him out of respect and trust. Because it brings me pleasure to make His life easier or put that wicked sadistic glint in His eye.

I get the feeling from time to time that bottoms are looked at as the low end of the D/s pond, which is far from the truth, but do any other bottoms feel that way too?

denika

denika,

May I offer some thoughts on your question of what does that make you?

Whether a person is submissive or not is not defined by their relationship choices. I was submissive long before I ever got involved in a D/s relationship. Your relationship structure with my Lord does not define who you are. You are a submissive who has a relationship structure of Top/bottom. Just like I am a submissive and I have a relationship structure of Master/slave.

Choices that each of us have made in our lives and experiences that we have had, have led us to the Mist House. But our choice of how we structure our relationship within that house does not make you or I more or less submissive.

Hope that helps.

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: types of submission - 12/14/2005 4:21:43 AM

denika

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Thank you kyra, you are right we are not defined just by the relationships we have but by who we are. I wonder if there is a catagory for A-type submissive? *s*

For a long time I used my career as a personal descriptor. Understanding and accepting that being true to my nature is a good thing *s* is a bit of a work in progress.

Knight has the ability to bring out the best in all of us by helping us be true to our nature.

denika

'Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself'

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RE: types of submission - 12/14/2005 9:43:45 AM

candystripper

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quote:

hmmm..not interested in arguing over semantics but still felt the need to respond...hmmm

fldrkhorse

Yes, of course i responded...You aired a point with which i disagreed. As i was writing my post in reply, it occured to me there might not be a disagreement; but rather, a different usage of the same words. So i put in "don't want to argue about semantics".

It wouldv'e been nice if You had responded with some clarification of what "passive" means to You, and told me if in fact we do agree. If instead, we really do disagree, i wonder what my responses to You have done to Your POV; did You consider the ideas i put forth when You posted Your reply?

So, if we are in agreement, all's well. If we disagree, i'd be interested in hearing You expound on Your ideas.

Thank You Sir.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/14/2005 9:45:23 AM >

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RE: types of submission - 12/14/2005 9:57:04 AM

candystripper

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i am a self-described "pleasure submissive". i seek my One and will want a 24/7 TPE relationship with Him, but i have no interest in S & M activities. However, i will be endeavoring to please Him in as many little ways as possible, both in sex/play and in daily life. i want our home to be His kingdom; His oasis; His refuge. i want Him to stop all thought of the world; all anxiety and worry; as He comes thrpugh the door and i greet Him.

The Men who've approached me have sometimes rebuked me for not being willing to be a masochist, and have sometimes told me i am a "bedroom submissive" or a "bottom". To me, those labels describe a much different type of relationship than the one i seek. i reject the idea that only masochists or service-oriented submissives and slaves can engage in a 24/7 TPE relationship. However, i recognise and respect that many Men want/need/desire a masochist or a service-oriented submissive. If i had found my mate, believe me, i'd be overjoyed...so it's fair to assume that hasn't happened yet.

candystripper

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Post #: 33

RE: types of submission - 12/18/2005 7:12:22 PM

physcsdrk

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quote:

A submissive is a passive personality with limits.

I disagree. Well, I disagree on the premise that I am actually what one might define as a submissive.
I am not passive at all. I am a "dominant" person outside of the bedroom. Meaning I frequently take the leadership role in any non sexual situation. I also don't passively wait around and wait for my dom to tell me what to do. I am always looking for little things that please him......My greatest reward is his smile.

< Message edited by physcsdrk -- 12/18/2005 7:13:00 PM >

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Post #: 34