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What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:04:28 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You know what thread's got me thinking. 

Over the years I have flitted in and out of several communities.  Almost one per state and I lived in 14 different states when I was married.  Some of them I would have liked to have stuck around but couldn't because work took us elsewhere.  Some of them I was happy to leave.  The difference between the ones I wanted to stay in and the ones I was happy to leave?  Discussion, learning, and the possibility for growth.  Some of those communities were stagnant and some of them weren't.

At the ripe old age of 38 with a couple days or so doing WIITWD, I am still learning.  Everyday I learn something new.  It may be something profound or it may be something really small and insignificant, but I learn something.  It might be about me, a partner, a co-worker, a friend, my UM, my car, my house, my job, the clock on the wall in the ladies room at the nail salon, what it's about isn't important.  What's important is that I have been slightly improved for having learned it.

I stumbled into this forum a few years ago.  I started reading and I learned a lot about the posters and how they interacted with each other.  I learned about an activity or two that may not have interested me before.  I learned a lot about myself as well.  I learned that I had a few opinions that I wasn't aware of.  After a few days of reading I started posting and I learned quite a bit about myself.  With the replies from other posters I had the opportunity to discuss some of the things I learned and some that I already knew.

Some of the posters on this site have presented their views and opinions in ways that I hadn't ever thought of before.  And with those thoughts to ponder and consider, a few of my thoughts and opinions changed.  For example, my thoughts on safewords took a 180 degree turn after a thread posted here.  I had never thought about them before, not really. 

The person that showed me that there was a whole world full of people doing the same things I liked to do told me all about safewords and their importance and I just never thought about it again, until that thread.  I was adamant that they were necessary, and several posters were just as adamant that they were a hinderance at best.  And one poster really made me think, the points of his argument made so much sense to me I couldn't believe I had never thought of them myself.

So that's one of the many things that I've learned here...

What have you learned?




_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother
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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:09:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Collarme specifically?  I've learned that being perceived as a know it all is ok.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:13:39 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		oh it is, and you are my favorite know it all, anywhere.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:14:36 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i have only been on this site for a few months but i have learned that there is no one way or right way to do things in the bdsm world. the way i like candles used on me is going to be diffrent from anyon elses way. i am a submissive and each one of my fellows who identify themselves as submissive is going do be doing it in a diffrent way, from how it is expressed to how is is applied. but in all the diuversity there is so much more to know learn and experince. i am glad of the opportunity to be able to expeince some of it.

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:21:18 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		I have learned not to judge people. I may not understand things that they do but I just keep an open mind and hopefully have a better understanding of what they are about. I never thought of myself as an edge player. But because I enjoy using violet wands, knives, needles and such things. I fall into that group. I just enjoy learning things and have discovered there is always a different way to do things. I finally made it back into our local community and did not realize how much I missed attending the meetings. Knowledge is a wonderful thing and I always need more information.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 7:41:05 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I've learned a few things about myself in thinking about/responding to certain OP topics; certain things that I otherwise wouldn't have thought about or gotten "in touch" with.

I've learned to be more tolerant of certain activities. 

I've learned to adjust the way I articulate, in order to get a particular point across. 

I've learned to share an opinion without necessarily sharing the personal details of what brought me to that opinion.

I've learned how to walk away and never look back to a thread that was draining my positive energy.

I've learned that even people I don't like sometimes say smart things.

I've learned that, in general, I think differently than the majority, and I've come to realize that may be a good thing. 

And I've learned that you just never know who's been watching you...



_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 8:36:34 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I've learned that there are great many posts from people that I'm anxious to read for their insight and consideration.
 
I've also learned that there are a great many that I'm anxious to read for their entertainment value.
 
And not surprisingly, there are plenty that simply leave me fumbling to duct tape my head before it explodes.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 8:52:37 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I've learned that, for as unlikely as what I'd presumed my wants/wishes to be, there is a respectable demographic that understands it. I've learned how to flesh out an understanding of myself and what I seek in a power exchange relationship. I've learned that it's important to notice knee-jerk reactions of mine to certain kinks and dynamics and to reevaluate them from an objective point of view.

Among other things.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 8:52:54 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  I've learned that for every "one true way" of doing things, there is an equal and opposite "one true way". It seems that every single question has two people with completely opposite answers that seem completely right.

I've learned that most things boil down to "Screw what everyone else thinks, let's just do what we want to (as long as we're not going to die from it)" or "Ask him/her/them."

  I've learned that every single stupid question that has floated through my mind about BDSM has also floated through everyone elses'.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 9:18:28 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		What a great thread...yourMissTress

It's kind of hard to know where to begin.. so I'll try the start.

I like this site.. I love being here, I love going through the threads, reading the postings, agreeing, disagreeing, learning, reading, sharing and - when it comes down to impressions, feelings and emotions - experiencing. I've disagreed with some, with most in fact who post regularly in Off Topic, but these are also the people I learn from as well as the others and even though I don't post on most threads or as much as I have been doing in the past, I'm still passively going through these processes.

I have learned so many things, in fact I learn something each time I come here, but for me the learning is just an understatement of my whole Collarchat experience. I've got to know people, many different people, I've made friends, I've had so many questions answered, discovered so much about things, life, and also myself.

There are the times I have read something which has made me stop and think about something in my life, about the way I see things. There have been things which I have read here which have inspired me, people who have inspired me. There have been the difficult times when people have reached out to me, some have sent messages of support, warmth, they have commented, and through this they have touched me, inspired me, reassured me, and made so many days so much brighter.

My tenancy on these boards coincides with a period of my life in transition but also resettlement, and this has caused me not just to feel a tangible sense of support coming from others, whether it's through correspondence on the other side or simply through being here. And this perhaps has given me something which is very precious and valuable to me, something which I never found elsewhere.

My self-esteem, better feelings of self-worth and personal growth. This has taken me on a journey from feeling very depressed, negative, insecure to where I am today, increasingly confident, self-assured, and optimistic about life and the future.

It hasn't brought me much in the way of playing, dates, scenes, and such, but it's provided a solid basis which helps me to be able to find them myself.

Therefore in a way being here is like peeing yourself. Everybody else can see it, but only you yourself can feel the warmth.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 10:53:02 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I've learned you can be old as the hills and still funny *smirks at John*

I've learned that no matter what off-the-wall relationship dynamic I posit, for someone, somewhere, it will in fact be the perfect and healthy thing.
As a corollary, that person will in fact be resident on collarme and be very articulate in rebutting my post *sighs*

I've learned that people are weirder than I would've guessed
I've learned that even a lot of the truly weird ones are a lot like me after all.

I've gotten better at getting out of my own headspace - a never-ending challenge

Most importantly though, I've learned more about trusting the woman I love than I would've imagined possible.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/21/2008 11:10:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

The person that showed me that there was a whole world full of people doing the same things I liked to do told me all about safewords and their importance and I just never thought about it again, until that thread. I was adamant that they were necessary, and several posters were just as adamant that they were a hinderance at best. And one poster really made me think, the points of his argument made so much sense to me I couldn't believe I had never thought of them myself.


I've learned something similar to you, that if you challenge what someone thinks about something you do that they will cling to their beliefs the vast majority of the time... even though you tell them it works for you.

I've learned labels make people feel comfortable as long as they are the one doing the labeling.

I've learned I often rub people the wrong way, and I am too busy to care anymore.

I have also learned from some very cool people how they experience their world... and I am so glad for that opportunity.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 12:22:59 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I Learned no matter how much i have learned thus far , the journey is not over and i still have more questions than answers .Never wish my  learning and growth/ journey to end  though one day it shall , i hope i get to look at the answer key or teacher edition before i go .

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 12:25:59 AM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I've learned that today might be a bad day, but I always have tomorrow to look forward to.  AND.... I've learned in just the last few weeks that living with my Father in his last days of life is one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 12:50:23 AM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		I learned that I really am more controlling (consentually) than kinky sex fiend here.    I know that being turned on by controlling another human being is not encouraged by the people who wrote the DSM series, but have also learned that sanity is sometimes highly overrated.   M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 12:54:19 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		Never go with 1 opinion or advise. Always check a second source..and then form your own opinion.

Don't be afraid to follow your feelings, no matter if others judge you.

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 1:47:53 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've learned that my opinion is viewed as garbage by some and gold by others.
I've learned that I'm a realist.
I've learned that my self worth is not determined by others.
I've learned that some things and some people are just not worth the energy.
I've learned that there are hidden gems all over. 
I've learned that there are levels to all of this that I never imagined and holy fuck are they fun and fulfilling.

_____________________________



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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 3:33:18 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I have learnt the way people post and take all posts into consideration, not just one answer at any given moment - in other words, consistancy.  But that how people post does not mean they are like they post.  That isn't a negative, we have just met people who are more than who they are on here.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 3:36:21 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I want to add one for myself;

Be open to learn.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What Have You Learned? - 10/22/2008 3:48:42 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		I learned that there are many things I need to learn;

I learned that I take pretty lousy photos of myself;

I learned that I can't swallow goats! (Does anyone still remember this?)


_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

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