RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 7:34:49 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

~Fast reply~

I find it interesting that so many here have him dubbed as the asshole. I don't see it that way. She asks him why he is punishing her by avoiding, ignoring or not communicating with her. He replies that he is not punishing her....he just doesn't want her. She continues to cling on like a parasite and push for contact in spite of that honest admission. That is creating drama where there needs not be any. Most folks would chalk it up to experience and incompatibility and just move on to the next.

You made the point much better than I could. She is her own worst enemy.

BadOne

As i said before i agree to a certain degree. On the other hand though he has invited her down to visit him to prove herself. Mixed messages.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 11:14:43 AM

subtee

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He goes mad and says he wants nothing to do with her

For me that would be it. Kaput. My very first boyfriend hacked my chest open, cracked my ribs apart, ripped my still-beating-only-for-him heart out of my body, threw it to the ground and spit on it while it achingly slowed and then stopped...

But then, some other guys asked me out. And after I while I went out with them because while I didn't have the same heart and I still wanted that damaged one back, I still had a heart and it was beating so, what the hell.

But then, (JOY!) he wanted me back. Bliss, heaven, all is right and I'll just replace the shiny new undamaged heart with the old, spit-upon heart.

But then, he broke up with me again. Old heart again wrenched from me and tossed.

But then, I dated some more. New heart back and beating stronger.

Repeat, repeat, repeat. It took both of us way too long to learn.

So. Now my deal is, if you say you don't want me, I'm gone. Period.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 11:18:46 AM

missturbation

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Agreed

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 11:32:04 AM

subtee

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I feel for you too, misst. It's sometimes so hard to be a friend. I have a very close friend who basically made an ass of herself and caused herself so much pain with a boyfriend. I would rather have stuck a fork in my eye than to listen to her over and over and over. But I did it. Nnot the fork thing, the listening thing.)

What I would usually say for advice would be something like this:

Her: Maybe I should go over and appologize for getting mad that he trashed all the gardens at the house we shared. I feel like I got too emotional....

Me (thinking, ohforchrissakesyouidiot): But, honey, what would be the best case scenario, if you did that?

Her: (probably wishfully thinking, "he'll take me back for being so gracious and insist that we get married immediately; I wonder if I could wear my peach suit if we head to the JOP today?): Best case scenario, he'd probably say, "no problem."

Me: Right. And what would be the worst case scenario? (Thinking he's probably about ready to get a restraining order...)

Her: Worst case? He might get a restraining order.

We had countless conversations like that. Over months and months. She's still one of my best friends, with a shiny new heart.

I wish you strength and, ultimately, peace for both of you.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 11:36:10 AM

Stroke

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Mixed messages? A clear statement saying that he doesn't want her? Thats not so mixed. If a brick falls on her head would she realize that it even happened? Move on and find a guy who isn't into playing games. He wants to know if she is a real slave? I would be more skeptical over him being real.

< Message edited by Stroke -- 10/23/2008 11:37:12 AM >

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 11:56:37 AM

MissEnchanted

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According to 'professionals' we all put our best face forward in the beginning.

His behavior in the beginning before ever meeting her warrants:

Drop kick him to the curb. You deserve better.

If he is this bad in the beginning, Gawd only knows what he will be like 7 years down the road!

imo

ME

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/23/2008 12:09:37 PM

scottjk

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One page of reading is enough for me...

At the risk of laying down absolutes, here's what I think.

The dom is a game player. Period. This proves out pretty clearly with the profile changes and the statement, "I want to see if you really are a slave."

She should just block the jackass and call it a day.

Just keep it simple.

Lordy, I hate online affairs like this, and this is the primary reason. Too easy to hide behind the screen and play people. Unless you're just as good in person, face to face contact is far more valuable!

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/25/2008 9:55:15 AM

tsatske

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Tee:

Your story reminds me of my favorite recovery poem.

I walk down a street. I fall in a deep hole. It's not my fault! I didn't know there was a hole here!
It takes me FOREVER to climb out.

I walk down the same street. I fall in the same hole.
It's not my fault! It's habit! I don't know any other route!
It takes me a long, long time to climb out.

I walk down the street. I fall in the same hole.
It's my fault. I knew better.
I climb out immedeatly.

I walk down the same street.
I walk AROUND the hole.

I walk down a differant street.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/25/2008 10:07:35 AM

Bstardsbitch

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Tell her what you'd tell anyone else. It's only internet based............block and delete. Why does she have to prove to anyone she's a real slave, he's already stated he doesn't want her. Quick kinky sex is all he's after it seems to me.
xx

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/25/2008 10:11:45 AM

velvetears

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FR

i only skimmed the replies so if this has been said before i apologize. i think you're friend needs to realize that she is the slave she is and she doesn't have to prove anything to a red pixel on a screen - till they actually meet and form a bond she is just a possibility to him, nothing more. He has said a few things to indicate where he is at - the fact that he doesn't want her anymore would indicate to me this was an emotional button for her and he somehow discovered it. Now she wants to challenge that and "prove" to him she is the slave she claims to be. Misst maybe you should concentrate more on trying to get her to see that if he were the "Master" he claimed to be he would not treat her in the manner he has.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/25/2008 10:46:42 AM

bamabbwsub

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First, this situation is not really limited to M/s. I think it's very common in all kinds of relationships.

Women. Some women seem to think that they are "less" without a man, so they will latch on to one VERY quickly and will do nearly anything to get the man to love them. My best friend of over 7 years sounds just like this girl. For 7 years, she would do anything in the hopes of getting a man to love her, but they never did. She just got shit on over and over and over. What prompts a lot of women to take it is lack of self-worth and/or the intense desire to be loved by a man. Today, after many lengthy conversations and countless heartaches, my best friend finally realizes her self-worth. What prompted it? I have no idea, other than she just decided that she was tired of being treated like dirt while she gave everything she had.

Men. There are a lot of men who see thoughtfulness, selflessness, and servitude as weakness, not kindness or love. The more a woman goes out of her way for him, the less he appreciates it and the more he considers it his due. He has little respect for her because if she jumps in with him so quickly, then she'll jump in with anyone quickly.

As for the guy in your friend's situation...men (and some people in general, but most often men) will take as much as they can get for as little effort as they can get. So, if he can get her to come to him (probably at her expense), he will be able to dominate her, probably get laid, and then send her back with no more affection or respect than he had for her before. So what does he have to lose? Nothing.

I recommend to your friend that she read the book, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. She will easily identify herself in the text, and maybe it will help her to see herself and her actions from the outside. There's also an e-book from Christian Carter called "Catch Him and Keep Him" that may also give her some insight. I don't like Carter's writing style, but a friend of mine says he has some good advice, and it's from a male point-of-view. There may be others, but maybe you can take her to a bookstore and peruse the Relationship or Self-Help items there.

As for your role -- I think it's great that you're being a good friend to her. I believe that my advice to my friend helped her some, as she was able to see things from a different perspective. Granted, it took her a long time to actually ACT on it, but she eventually did, and I know she's happier for it. Your friend's actions are hers alone, and she alone is responsible for them. If you lose her because of this, then she wasn't really a "friend" at all.

Best of luck to you both!

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/25/2008 12:19:56 PM

LaTigresse

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In my quest to try and get my points across with a tad less nasty snark I am going to turn this around a bit to make my point.

When I read threads of this nature (though I haven't read all of the responses yet because I am afraid of losing my fragile train of thought ) the first thing that hits me is how unappealing it makes both parties look, slave and Mtype.

MissT, you state that the slave wants (or the guy, cuz I won't call him master based upon the info given, wants her to) prove she is the slave she says she is. Whatever that is. My mind goes follows the path of, this guy sure doesn't sound like much of a master so why would any "good slave" want to submit to or serve him!?!?

So, not only does this story reflect badly on the guy, it also reflects badly upon her for finding something in him worthy of her "good slave" abilities.

So me, sitting here, would look at this and say........"Obviously she isn't as "good" as she wants him to believe she is, if she wants to convince a putz like that, that isn't even much of a master!"

Which all means, as an Mtype, if I hear/read this story and was interested in said slave at some point, it would be gone now. It kinda goes back to people looking at us in the light of the company we keep. Perhaps it's not always fair or realistic, but it is there none the less.

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