|
tsatske -> RE: Gay marriage (10/26/2008 10:40:54 AM)
|
Actually, I know of studies citing the opisite. That children in single parent families, children whose parents work, children who grow up in child care, children of divorce, ect, ect - do not show strong trends towards more behavoiral difficulties.
I do know that there were studies around the time *I* was growing up, that showed that children of divorce had more difficulities. But, society had not acclimated to divorce as a norm. I may not *love* the idea of divorce, but, for children, societal norms are what it's all about. You can adjust for it in your home, if you are attentive to your children and work at it, but what children struggle with, as often as not, is *differentness*. Society said that divorce was off, and the children of divorce had trouble with it. In this case, that didn't mean society was wrong - divorce is still not the goal. Its just that, when children are surrounded by other children of divorce, they don't have a problem with it.
It's like transiet kids - kids who move around a lot. They usually have a lot of trouble dealing with all the moves. BUT - kids who come from transient cultures, where the stresses of moving are normal and ways to deal with them built into daily life - like transient farm kids, and military brats - there are clear studies showing they don't have bad pschological outcomes from moving everytime the weather changes. Because it is the norm in their culture.
Now - want me to tell you what DOES cause bad outcomes?
The biggest one is out of the picture fathers. Growing up with a father other than bio dad does not seem to be the issue - even if it is grandfather or uncle. Growing up with a father not sleeping in the next room, kids seem to handle okay. But when Dad steps out of the picture all together, we get statistically bad outcomes. You know what men in prison have in common more than any other single factor? More than race, more than education, more then economic status, more even than drug use and alcoholism? they grew up fatherless.
Want me to cite a great study on it?
Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn
Blankenhorn says something interesting about his book. He says, some people have used 'the greatest generation' to tell him it's bunk. They say, 'look at WWII. A whole generation grew up without Fathers'. Of course, first we have the suport system of the social norm to explain that. But Blankenhorn says something else, as well. He says, "There is a big difference between a child growing up, saying, 'My Dad isn't here with me. He really, really wants to be here, he'll be here as soon as he can, but, right now, he is off making the world safe for democracy." and a child saying to themselves, 'My father does not want to see me or be part of my life.'
Oh, and on the subject of things that cause really bad outcomes for kids, here's another one - the foster care system. Statisticly, kids from the foster care system are more likely to fail entirely - end up homeless, on drugs and unable to maintain relationship or jobs, in gangs, or in prison - than children from the homes like 'Sybil', 'Trudi Chase' and I grew up in. I have strong opinions on the reasons, but that would pretty much confirm this as a jack.
To get it back on track, kids can grow up in gay homes without the intense feeling of unsuported differtness. Any differentness that you make an active decision to place your kids within CAN be positive for them - becuase you are active in thier live, you are making choices to get the most good out of your choices while trying to minimize the bad. A social network of other Gay led families, a church home where you are considered normal and average, just like everyone else - ect, ect - all will go a long way to helping your child have a positive experience.
Like the little boy in my group last year who spent 3 weeks dancing around, singing, telling everyone and anyone who would listen - 'My Mom's are getting Married!'
And, yes, single parents do it all the time, too. I did it for mine. 6 weeks after we lost their father, the cubmaster called and said, 'normally we have a father son bake off at this time of year, but we were talking about suspending it, for your boys sake.'
I said, 'no way.' I knew - my boys needed to know they still had men in thier life to step up to the plate. So I made phone calls - to grandfathers, uncles and godfathers - and cakes got baked. My father, who's entire cooking ability stops at heating canned soup in a microwave - we are talking about a man who won't even make koolaid or make himself a sandwich - baked a cake.
You are not going to able to back up your 'everybody knows' statements with studies from this generation, because all the current studies show the oppisite. With active and involved family, children do just fine in single parent homes.
|
|
|
|
