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thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:37:00 PM

sweetlittlegirl1

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I just got home from being with my Master, him and i been together for almost 3 months now. Today was the first time i used my safe word and signal, and cried like i have never before. I have never had to use it before with anyone i been with. I am kind of feeling as if I'm not a good submissive/slave as i should be, cause of it.

he told me it was okay, but deep down i am feeling inadequate. what are anyone Else's thoughts, do you think it makes anyone any less of a submissive and or slave when this happens.

littlegirl

Post #: 1

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:39:49 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 2

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:41:21 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

*hug* I had that happen and it still happens. I hate using my safe word and when I do its a slap to my face that hey your human and you cant always take what you want. There will be days where you can take a heavy spanking and then the next two days you just can't take more than 10 slaps. Don't get too down on yourself and remember if he wasnt pleased with you, you would know it.

To answer the question...No. Your human, so dont beat yourself up too much over this...its his job to beat you.

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 3

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:45:07 PM

sweetlittlegirl1

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".

No its not him thats saying this to me he said it was okay, and wasnt upset over the fact i cried or used my safe word, i mean he hug me and told me that its alright, but im still feeling like i let him down, cause i didnt let him go as far as he wanted for today.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 4

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:48:54 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

What Sandy said. You're not alone. Doesn't make you any less of ANYTHING. You're human.....let it go and move on.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 5

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:52:57 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I don't think any of us can say something that will make you feel better. This is something you have to work out yourself. However, keep in mind that you have a safeword for this reason. You both agreed on it, you used it, and he stopped. Sounds like everything happened the way it should (in theory).

Why be upset?

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 6

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:57:56 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You had a safeword and used it. He honored it. That's how it's supposed to work.

The only problem is your regret that you did exactly what you should have.

I suspect that a few more play sessions will convince you that everything is okay between you two.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

Post #: 7

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 4:58:19 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I think you may find your not so alone in...this..

I safed out one time in 5 years....why? Why only once, and it was just to slow down a bit...it was my pride. I had the same kinda feelings in some ways your expressing...it was because of my pride...it was in ways very foolish of me.

If ya needed it so be it...ya know if he really WANTED... to get you to safe out...he could do it in a matter of seconds...

You did it, its over with let it go...=peace=

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 8

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 5:03:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Using the safe word makes you a jolly sensible sub in my book. In the early stages with anyone and untill I have their limits logged in or if I am pushijng them, I rely on the feed back (aka safe word) to let me know when a particular limit is reached. remember what you can take today may differ conciderably tomorrow too. Untill you hit the wall neither you or your Master knows where it is ir if has moved. From a Master's stand point, I'd rather a girl or boy tell me (safe word) to stop than later find out that I could have pushed things further.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 9

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 5:11:34 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

You did exactly what your Master needed you to do to help to maintain someone (something) he cherishes. You did exactly what you needed to do to stay safe and healthy for yourself. That's what a safeword is for. Some days it's easier to handle things than others -- the safeword is handy when it's a day when a little bit is too much.

I get pierced and tattooed, just for fun. Some days, I can handle it... some days it hurts like a m*therf*cking wh*res*n... and do I 'safeword' out.... you bet your flaming tush I do. There's no shame in it... it is what it is. A function of the body, which changes and has different needs and capabilities.

Though it feels really uncomfortable now, it is truly nothing to be ashamed of.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 5:14:12 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

If it wasn't meant to be used, it would not be invented and there would not be about 700,00) CM pages about the neccessity of it--if he has an issue--he isn't worth a tinkers dam, IMHO

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 11

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 5:24:59 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1
he told me it was okay, but deep down i am feeling inadequate.

Maybe you should stop questioning his judgment and believe him when he says it's okay.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 12

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 6:12:27 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

A good submissive doesn't allow her Dom/Master's property to be damaged. Your safeword prevented harm from happening. I'd be in trouble for NOT safewording.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 6:23:44 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".

No its not him thats saying this to me he said it was okay, and wasnt upset over the fact i cried or used my safe word, i mean he hug me and told me that its alright, but im still feeling like i let him down, cause i didnt let him go as far as he wanted for today.

I have never used a safe word. i dont want activity to stop just for Sir to dial it down when my body cant handle it. I say yellow. I never say red.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 14

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 7:27:47 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I don't think it makes anyone less submissive to use a safe word. It's a necessary evil. This is coming from someone who has only said "yellow" once in a year-long relationship. I was tied to the foot of the bed while he flogged me. He hit my pussy a couple of times, and I decided I didn't like it one bit but wasn't going to say anything. A few more times, and I began to panic because it really did hurt and I really didn't like it but really didn't want to stop him. I finally ended up using the first safe word, and to my utter horror, he stopped everything. I was near tears, but I told him I was fine and didn't want him to stop....just to maybe slow down a bit....or not so hard. He decided I didn't look fine at all and refused to continue. I was crushed. I felt like a total failure. He snuggled in bed with me and tried to get me to tell him what was wrong, but my pride wouldn't allow me to admit that I couldn't take it. Because of that, he refused to play with me for almost 3 months. Why? He couldn't trust me to use my "yellow" safe word when I needed it instead of waiting until it was nearly "red," and he couldn't trust me to tell him what he did wrong. The point is that you did the right thing, and he would be disappointed in you if you hadn't.

< Message edited by FlamingRedhead -- 10/22/2008 7:29:32 PM >

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)

Post #: 15

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 7:30:35 PM

MasterCorruptor

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

As many here have said........a safeword is for the express purpose of controlling damage...and realizing your physical limits.........discussion can preset some of these to start...yet without finding them...and testing them...they will not be realized in truth..........I have sensed when they were about to be spoken, and held at those points........it is about growth together.........you honored him by telling him in that way what you could endure........no shame in that.....and I have no doubt he values more for that

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 16

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 7:33:45 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

relax..he gave you that to use as You needed it..You did..and he honored it [and you] its there for a reason....

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

Post #: 17

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 7:42:05 PM

MasterCorruptor

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

- Motherfucker! That Hurt!
- Fucker! That Hurt!
- Asshole! That Hurt!
- Bastard/Bitch! That Hurt!
- Sir/Ma'am! That Hurt!
- Master/Mistress! That Hurt!
- Mmphufhhgh! Af huff!

are NOT safewords!
lol........I have heard a few of these.......and NO........they're not

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 18

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 7:57:07 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".

Sure why not blame the guy. I mean after all he did stop when she waved the flag. So it must be his fault. I am sure there is something wrong with him exploring new vistas. If the old time sailors felt that way. We would still think the world is flat.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 19

RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 8:12:12 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".

No its not him thats saying this to me he said it was okay, and wasnt upset over the fact i cried or used my safe word, i mean he hug me and told me that its alright, but im still feeling like i let him down, cause i didnt let him go as far as he wanted for today.

I have never used a safe word. i dont want activity to stop just for Sir to dial it down when my body cant handle it. I say yellow. I never say red.

Master is a hardcore sadist. (He had quite the reputation when we started dating). I'm not nearly close as to being the masochist that it would require to be in a scene with him when he's fully on. Luckily, he says that he came equipped with a volume dial. His goal in play is to get me to yell yellow (which is a safeword). I've called red a few times.

But here's the thing....when your body truly can't handle it, you should be using a safeword. It keeps you from harm. As a friend of mine says...."Dead subs don't serve". Injured subs either don't serve or serve on limited basis. I wouldn't dream of robbing Master of his day to day service because I refused to call "red" in a play session. Matter of fact, he'd punish me for not calling red.

Subs/slaves somehow think there's some shame in calling "red". That it makes them less or they're denying the "D' type something without really thinking about....what if I'm so bruised I can't clean/cook/snuggle/chores/work/sex?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 20

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