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RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 8:14:41 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		~fr~

If I needed to safe word and didn't THEN I'd be in trouble. While I haven't yet needed to safe word with my Dom, I have safe worded in other situations. I was starting to pass out due to my position and didn't want to re-tear my rotator cuff on the way down. Not safe wording would have been stupid.

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"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 8:15:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you wanted to be the judge of everything and what was ok and not ok to do and create the consequences for your actions, why did you choose to be with a dominant?

I understand your irrational reaction, but best to recognize it as your own irrational reaction and stop wasting time and energy over it.  Laugh at yourself and your silliness.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 9:08:15 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

A good submissive doesn't allow her Dom/Master's property to be damaged. Your safeword prevented harm from happening. I'd be in trouble for NOT safewording.


I would too. I remember once I was in a session and my Dom could tell I was in trouble, for lack of a better term, and he asked me why I didn't safeword, and I said something along the lines of what you said in your post (it's been at least 10 years since this happened so I can't remember exactly what I said) and he asked me where I got that idea from and told me I would be in a LOT of trouble if I ever didn't use my safeword when I needed to again.  I got the message...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 10:10:19 PM   
GaPhoto


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		You did nothing wrong, the wrong would have been done had you NOT safe worded.  Use it when you feel that you are in imminent danger of irreparable physical, mental, or emotional damage, you used the safeword, so now he knows that there is some obstacle there.

Ouch is not a safeword, but 'Sir when I get down from here I'm going to rip your balls off' thats maybe a yellow, depending on my mood.

Zack 



(in reply to MasterCorruptor)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 10:26:50 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		i go with the stoplight colors as well, and the first time i used "yellow" i felt really disappointed with myself afterwards =p
and it had nothing to do with his reaction to it, he never made me feel bad about it, it was something completely internal
i think initially i was frustrated with myself for what i interpreted as not trying hard enough or whatever, but i dont think it's anything you really need to feel bad about

(in reply to GaPhoto)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: thoughts - 10/22/2008 10:35:37 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1

No its not him thats saying this to me he said it was okay, and wasnt upset over the fact i cried or used my safe word, i mean he hug me and told me that its alright, but im still feeling like i let him down, cause i didnt let him go as far as he wanted for today.




Why did you pick him to be your Dominant?  Was it because you trusted him, respected him, and wanted to be submissive to him?  If the answer to the last three questions is yes, then trust him, respect him and submit to him by believing him.  He says it's ok, you didn't let him down, then YOU DIDN'T AND IT'S OK!

Really, you have a safeword for a reason, you used it as you were supposed to, you did exactly as he told you to do.  How is that wrong?


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 4:52:02 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Maybe the problem is with him not understanding or respecting your boundaries then the problem of you being a "good submissive".


Sure why not blame the guy.  I mean after all he did stop when she waved the flag.  So it must be his fault.  I am sure there is something wrong with him exploring new vistas.  If the old time sailors felt that way.  We would still think the world is flat.

BadOne 


First off, we all come from a place of our experiences. So I have experienced something like this. Not from someones malice or sadism but their lack of understanding or experience. They could just be trying to push out boundaries a bit too much. Second, when someone says "maybe" at the beginning of a sentence they are not stating something as a fact they are posing a question.

So no you shouldnt just blame the Dom but the submissive shouldnt blame herself and occasionally their is an issue with the dom. I should know. I have had more than one inappropriate whack in an area that should be considered an endangerment site .

People are widely ignorant on the medical knowledge they should have before becoming a Dominant.

this illastrates areas of caution and endangerment that a person has to stay away from.

http://www.massagenerd.com/pictures/endangerment1.jpg


< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/23/2008 4:56:11 AM >

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(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 5:16:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		In the very beginning of our relationship I used my safeword.... and I felt no problem with using it. It was either puke or stop and I chose to stop rather than puke.

Safewording is not seen as a failure around here.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 5:29:56 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		youve been together for 3 months and youre still learning about each other.  maybe he pushed you a little further this time to see how you'd go.

but look at it this way.  he now knows that he can trust you to safe word which means he can relax and enjoy himself knowing you have the sense to call it when things get too much.  and you know you can relax and trust him to stop.

oh and by the way, why do you suppose the safe call came into being in the first place.

he said dont worry, so dont, do as your told  xx

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 6:46:40 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Sweet, I can understand completely how you feel.  You are disappointed in yourself, but don't be.  The whole reason for safe words is because it is hard for one person to judge when another person has had enough.

I was a Domme and became a slave.  One of my tasks last week was to Domme a male sub.  He asked me to do anal fisting with him and I carefully reviewed the safe words before we started.  It was the first time I ever had a sub call "yellow" on me.  I immediately stopped what I was doing, made sure he was alright, and talked with him about proceeding onto something different.  It turns out that he never had anyone go that far with him before.  I asked me to show him how far I got my hand in, and he was very proud of himself for how much he took.  I was not disappointed in him at all for letting me know that he had reached his tolerance limit.  I did not feel less of him as either a sub or a person.  I would never want to cause harm to another, and if he had not used the safe word I could done just that.

Forgive yourself because you did nothing wrong.  Believe your Dom's reassurances and be happy that he cares so much for you.


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(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 6:55:44 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1
he told me it was okay, but deep down i am feeling inadequate.


Maybe you should stop questioning his judgment and believe him when he says it's okay.


Cali



Good point. Maybe you should bring up the fact that you have trouble trusting his word when he says things so you two can work on that instead of being obsessed with something he's already let go and told you he's okay with. Just imagine how frustrated he would be if you continued second guessing him.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 9:18:40 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		    Like everyone has said already....use your safe word...use it when you need it okay?

Dont irriate him by not using it.   My slave has done that a few times trying to tough it out instead of using her safe word.  And  could tell by her body language that she needed to use it, so I backed off anyway.

Safe words use them always and dont be ashamed okay!?

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 9:45:31 AM   
sweetlittlegirl1


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		thanks all i, i do feel better about it and im sure im gonna talk to him about it tonight when i get home tonight. and i think tomorrow i am going to instead of session time, gonna sit down and talk abotu things that been bothering me like yesterday, i need that.


littlegirl

(in reply to sailorfrank)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 9:50:53 AM   
bound4more


Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Although I understand completely not wanting to use a safeword, not wanting to control or top from the bottom, the fact is no one is you - and no one really knows how much you can tolerate at any given time. Now in a relationship that's not full time and still very much in its sprouting stage, I don't see a thing wrong with using a safeword. It provides your Dominant with the opportunity of learning you, which is very important if you want to get to the point where your safeword isn't necessary, because he understands your limits and will push you past them, knowingly. That's the difference between needing to use a safeword and using it to manipulate the Dominant.

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You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: thoughts - 10/23/2008 9:54:13 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Early in a relationship, a safeword is a wonderful learning tool. Your Master is still learning your boundaries, after all, and one doesnt know what line not to cross until they run into it. It is also possible you didnt know where this line was drawn, either, since you have never used your safe word before.
Some days, a body can handle more than it can others. Your Master seems to understand this, and I am sure he will keep an eye on playtime after this to see if what happened that day was a one time response or if that is a limit on what you can do. Either way you have both learned something. He has learned where the line in the sand is for you, and you have learned  (or will have learned once you realize it) that using your safe word when it is necessary isnt a bad thing. Using it constantly, or when you dont feel like doing something is like crying wolf, that is when it is not an useful time. However, when a scene does go too far, your Master cannot read minds and thats why you have a safeword.

Talk to him, I am pretty sure thats what you are going to hear, as well.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: thoughts - 10/25/2008 12:43:43 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I am glad you are feeling a bit better about it now. My sub side empathises but also understands that calling "yellow" before it gets too bad is the best way for you and your Master to learn where you're at on that particular day. And as others have said, tolerance levels vary from day to day, especially in females with their monthly cycle.

As a Domme, I tell My subs I am going to play till they call yellow. So right from the start, any macho male thing they might have is brought down to "call yellow or this is going to intensify!" That works . In one way, it's surprising it has been 3 months before your Master took you that far ... or maybe He wasn't game to because He thought you might not safeword and He was being ultra careful. Realise that it is a tremendous affirmation of trust to call yellow. you are saying you trust Him to help you explore your boundaries and to see just where you can go ... and it helps Him trust you so that He feels ok about doing that. WhileI agree you and He should talk more about it, realise that something wonderful happened between you and go at it from the positive not the negative. And believe Him when He says it's ok!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: thoughts - 10/25/2008 5:40:29 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlittlegirl1
.....im sure im gonna talk to him about it tonight when i get home tonight. and i think tomorrow i am going to instead of session time, gonna sit down and talk abotu things that been bothering me like yesterday, i need that.


That is exactly the right thing to do; good for you! As long as the two of you can talk to each other without fear of recrimination, you will be fine.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to sweetlittlegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 37
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