Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Should a Sub be Allowed


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Should a Sub be Allowed Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 9:42:07 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I was wondering, if there are times that a sub should be allowed off limit times.

Discussing things with my Doctor and he stated that during a womans period, she should consider that her down time from sexual activities. And allow her body to cleanse itself, and do any re-adjusting the body feels is time for.

Though I know some women don't let a period stop them from having fun. Hell for some it brings out added hormones and pleasure points. And there are the ones that turn into.... (what was that post I read last night... oh yeah... PMS.. Prime Murder Suspects) LOL

My question to you is not if you want or prefer sex during period.... but should a submissive be allowed the OFF LIMITS time frame during her cycle. As far as sexual activities go?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 9:49:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There is no "should."

However, if that's what you want in your relationships, then you should become committed in a relationship with someone who agrees with that.

If it's not what you want in a relationship, then don't.

While I go through some PMS and some physical side effects of my period, it's nothing to prevent me from doing anything I normally do any other time. For me not having sexual fun during my period is basically not allowing me all that pleasure for an entire quarter of my life. I don't like that.

So, figure out what you need and want and find someone who is compatible.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 9:53:31 AM   
Maxiann


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline 		I have never been allowed to have 'off times' I am a slave at all times and my master decides what I do and when. Generally I get used for mostly oral during my periods but I also get used in my ass quite a lot.
Maxiann

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 9:56:24 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry... it was just more of a question... not advice.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 9:58:55 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

My question to you is not if you want or prefer sex during period.... but should a submissive be allowed the OFF LIMITS time frame during her cycle. As far as sexual activities go?


This depends on the situation. If a servant's doctor has said that at this time, the servant shouldn't be required to do whatever, because of health (mental/emotional/physical) issues, as the owner, I would require that xhe abide by the physician's orders.

If a servant's philosophical/cosomological/spiritual path required that xhe abstain at certain times or for certain periods, I would certainly require that xhe abide by the requirements of her tradition/path/religious rules.

If we perceive that a servant is not thriving at a certain time, -we- may decide that this servant should not be doing XYZ.

If a servant just didn't -like- doing what xhe was told during certain times of the month (or under any other variable circumstance)-- that, unfortunately, is "tough cookies".

Oh.. and the only time one of our servants is "off-limits" is if one of our household's OWNERS has said that xhe is "off-limits". It is never an option of our servants to declare themselves off-limits from any activity that we require nor do we have scheduled "off-limits" times for our servants. They are expected to do everything within their capabilities, to the -best- of their capabilities, at all times, including when it is a bit uncomfortable or inconvenient.

It -is- the servant's responsibility to make sure that we know about anything like medical conditions, etc. It is the owners' responsibility to make sure that what we require will not affect our servants in ways that we find unacceptable, if only because we truly value those who serve us. If we have made the decision that something is to be a certain way, our servants already know that we've considered the situation fully, and in asking, that we are accepting the results of that action. They also accept that, in becoming ours, we get to make these decisions. Over time, we expect that they have come to trust us enough that even if they aren't happy about doing as they are told, they will do so.

Not everyone will have these requirements, and others will handle situations like this according to their own rules, but this is what things look like at our house.

Lady Zephyr

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 12/12/2005 10:07:25 AM >

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:04:24 AM   
mstrofsnfulplsre


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/23/2005
Status: offline 		BEING A MASTER MYSELF I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A SUBJECT THAT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED BETWEEN MASTER AND SLAVE. I DO FEEL THAT ANY SLAVE SHOULD BE ALLOWED DOWN TIME AS THIS WILL RELIEVE ANY STRESS MAKING A MORE OBEDIANT SLAVE. AND IN THIS CASE I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE WITH THE DOCTOR ON THIS ONE BECAUSE WITHOUT A HEALTHY SLAVE YOU REALLY DONT HAVE A SLAVE. ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY THAT I WOULD NOT EXPECT THAT WITH ALL MASTER/SLAVE RELATIONSHIPS THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN THIS IS TO BE DISCUSSED BETWEEN YOURSELF AND YOUR MASTER AND AN AGREEMENT MADE FROM THAT TALK.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:18:33 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with Lady Zepher that any health issues should be considered paramount. However, i am 52 yrs old and have seen probably 40 different ob/gyns and have never been told anything like the Op describes. No MD has said anything like the period being a "down time" when the body cleanses itself. The only medical restriction on sex i know of is a woman, preggers, in her third trimester.

In my life i have had lovers who were revolted by my period and others who did not care. Some even gave me oral during this time; and the orgasms were more intense and helped me relax and avoid serious cramps.

i had a change in hormones immediately before my period -- like a day or two -- when i was very irritable but also very horny (could not think of a lady-like synonym for "horny", LOL). My periods no longer come every month; more like quarterly. However, i still have those days of irritability and desire every month.

i suppose i might want my One to be gentle with me if we had been rough and i had tears in my pussy that needed to heal. Otherwise, no, i cannot imagine saying "for the next few days i'd prefer not to be f**ked".

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/12/2005 10:20:44 AM >

(in reply to mstrofsnfulplsre)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:26:26 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think that is a highly individual thing that should be between a dom/me and sub. Womens' cycles are different for everyone. Some might not need the down time, but some may. If you feel you truly need it, let your dom/me know, and they are usually understanding. Keep in mind that light service, such as easy housework, is still an option for most.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:34:43 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think that there are many sexual activities that a submissive or slave woman could do that wouldn't bother her period directly.

In fact, as a dominant women, I find having orgasms greatly helps with my cramps and with my period's flow but I still dont have penetration during that time for my own health concerns and frankly don't feel like that type of sexual activity then.

Ultimately its a matter for the woman to decide before she gets into a kinky relationship so that she can find a partner who shares that opinion.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:42:26 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		As with Lady Zephyr, I think that "off limits" times are important if they are necessary for health reasons.

I'm prone to UTI's. I get them if I can't go to the bathroom soon after any kind of vagnial penetration. I get them if my medication gets a little off. I get them if I don't drink -tons- of water. Vagnial or anal penetration while I have one makes it worse and makes them last much longer. My bits are off limits during those times.

Similarly, I get UTIs if I have sex too frequently (this one really sucks) or if I'm using condoms. So if we're playing with someone else, or having peentrative sex more than a couple times a day for a while I need down time to recover so I don't get ill again.


For us, it boils down to "this much time without fun NOW so I can have fun in 3 days" versus "this much fun NOW so I'm sick and in pain for 10 days"

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:42:32 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
If there is a specific mental, physical or emotional reason then yes.

Otherwise this is something that is discussed before commitment and then, ultimately it is the dominants decision - but if there is no specific reason to a sub/slaves downtime - then no - I see no reason for it 'just because'. But as all have said - its something that is discussed before hand.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 10:52:21 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

However, i am 52 yrs old and have seen probably 40 different ob/gyns and have never been told anything like the Op describes. No MD has said anything like the period being a "down time" when the body cleanses itself.

candystripper


I was a bit surprised to read the comment from the OP's doctor, but only because this particular comment usually comes from midwives -- in particular, those who are strongly involved in the mind/body healing community. The idea is that the time of the period is a time when the body is cleansing itself, and on an emotional/spiritual level, a woman is most open, and both more powerful and more vulnerable than at any other time of her cycle, as she casts off the vestiges of an incomplete 'creation' within her. Most midwives on this track won't tell women that they can't participate in any activities, though (including sex). They -will- tell her to be aware of her body, and to take a little bit of time during this cleansing to let go of any other garbage she may have in her life, since her whole system is geared to that cleansing phase.

The only other time I've heard comments of this ilk is among very OLD ob/gyns -- where it is usually meant in the same vein as the "weaker sex" comments that show up in various places. These same physicians will tell a woman that she shouldn't exercise during her period, or have sex, or even do things like go to work -- because she's going to be weak during her period, and should save her strength. To the best of my knowledge, there is -no- evidence that this is true, and in fact, most women feel better, and suffer less from cramps, bloating, weight gain and mood swings when they -do- have sex, exercise, and participate in work and other activities that keep them motivated and creative. The only exceptions are for some women who bleed -very- heavily (more than 2 super pads in an hour and unable to use tampons because of the heavy flow) due to uterine cysts or dysmenorrhea, where increased activity or sexual activity has increased the incidence or duration of this heavy flow. For these women, MODIFIED activity is useful in keeping the blood flow regulated, and in preventing hemmorrhage. Another exception is for women who are pregnant, and for whom sex causes premature contractions. Some bleeding is normal for many pregnant women, if there is cervical contact during sex, since the cervix is very friable. However, for a woman who is prone to premature labor, the hormone prostaglandin in semen can cause contractions, and even with a condom, the normal contractions caused by orgasm can trigger premature labor.

There is no reason for a woman in her third trimester with -no- history of premature labor to avoid sex. As long as there is a position where the woman is not flat on her back, and there is not undue pressure on the abdomen, sex in the third trimester can be both pleasant and helpful (the prostaglandin in semen can assist the woman's body in preparing for birth by providing hormonal support for the softening and thinning of the cervix). I've even recommended gentle intercourse during labor -- particularly for women who couldn't relax and whose labors had stalled.

For some women, on a spiritual level, the time around the menstrual cycle is a time for introspection and retreat. I can respect this, as it held this connotation for me, as part of my own spiritual journey. Now that I no longer have periods, I miss the regular reminder to look inside myself and cast off that which was no longer useful -- and I am looking for new ways to create patterns to remind me of the necesary cleansing times in our lives.

If it were one of my acolytes at the "dedicant" level (where they had already confirmed their dedication to our path), or a servant who also walked the spiritual path that I do (or another that makes this distinction -- I believe some of the Native American and the Orthodox Jewish paths both do, along with a few others), as I said earlier, this would be a consideration that I would make and one of the commands to my servant or acolyte. It was certainly not something I expected to hear an allopathic medical practitioner say, though. It is actually nice to know that some may take these kinds of connections into consideration.

LZ

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 11:08:55 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The only other time I've heard comments of this ilk is among very OLD ob/gyns -- where it is usually meant in the same vein as the "weaker sex" comments that show up in various places. These same physicians will tell a woman that she shouldn't exercise during her period, or have sex, or even do things like go to work -- because she's going to be weak during her period, and should save her strength. To the best of my knowledge, there is -no- evidence that this is true, and in fact, most women feel better, and suffer less from cramps, bloating, weight gain and mood swings when they -do- have sex, exercise, and participate in work and other activities that keep them motivated and creative. The only exceptions are for some women who bleed -very- heavily (more than 2 super pads in an hour and unable to use tampons because of the heavy flow) due to uterine cysts or dysmenorrhea, where increased activity or sexual activity has increased the incidence or duration of this heavy flow. For these women, MODIFIED activity is useful in keeping the blood flow regulated, and in preventing hemmorrhage. Another exception is for women who are pregnant, and for whom sex causes premature contractions. Some bleeding is normal for many pregnant women, if there is cervical contact during sex, since the cervix is very friable. However, for a woman who is prone to premature labor, the hormone prostaglandin in semen can cause contractions, and even with a condom, the normal contractions caused by orgasm can trigger premature labor.

There is no reason for a woman in her third trimester with -no- history of premature labor to avoid sex. As long as there is a position where the woman is not flat on her back, and there is not undue pressure on the abdomen, sex in the third trimester can be both pleasant and helpful (the prostaglandin in semen can assist the woman's body in preparing for birth by providing hormonal support for the softening and thinning of the cervix). I've even recommended gentle intercourse during labor -- particularly for women who couldn't relax and whose labors had stalled.

For some women, on a spiritual level, the time around the menstrual cycle is a time for introspection and retreat. I can respect this, as it held this connotation for me, as part of my own spiritual journey. Now that I no longer have periods, I miss the regular reminder to look inside myself and cast off that which was no longer useful -- and I am looking for new ways to create patterns to remind me of the necesary cleansing times in our lives.

If it were one of my acolytes at the "dedicant" level (where they had already confirmed their dedication to our path), or a servant who also walked the spiritual path that I do (or another that makes this distinction -- I believe some of the Native American and the Orthodox Jewish paths both do, along with a few others), as I said earlier, this would be a consideration that I would make and one of the commands to my servant or acolyte. It was certainly not something I expected to hear an allopathic medical practitioner say, though. It is actually nice to know that some may take these kinds of connections into consideration.

LadyBladeswing


As i read the post i remembered those "sex ed" films of the 50's (still being used in my time) in which it was stated as fact that a lady-like woman withdraws from excersize, etc., during her period. The films were a bit short on explaining why, but i got the impression that a lady takes these precautions to avert the disaster of having a stain on her dress revealing that she's got her period. Seems to me these films decried tampons and extolled pads, because a tampon might break the hymen. (Personally i think that's impossible, but i am not a MD.)

My kid knew for years about a period, and when she began to menstruate, i gave her tampons, so she'd feel confident when practicing her flags routine or marching band/playing the flute, as well as the rest of the day. i did warn her to change her tampon at least twice daily because of toxic shock syndrome.

It's not hard to believe that certain religions have either demonized or glorified a period. It is a symbol of a woman's fertility; and her power to create life.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/12/2005 11:12:21 AM >

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 11:32:40 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I DO FEEL THAT ANY SLAVE SHOULD BE ALLOWED DOWN TIME AS THIS WILL RELIEVE ANY STRESS MAKING A MORE OBEDIANT SLAVE. AND IN THIS CASE I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE WITH THE DOCTOR
Aside from personal preference, I've never heard that sex during one's period is bad for a woman unless there is something going on with the specific woman; I have a couple of days during that I crave it, so wouldn't avoid it if I have a partner.

Sidenote to you Master mstrofsnfulplsre, there is a way you can increase your font size when replying here, so that you can maybe avoid typing in ALL CAPS, because I understand on the net, it is considered shouting/rude. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mstrofsnfulplsre)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 11:39:50 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		My ob/gyn would disagree with you. And thank Hank for that

As long as there are no other complications or contraindications being the the third trimester is no reason to abstain from sex. In fact, many doctors recommend it when women get to the point that they just want the darn baby out already because there seem to be some sort of chemical in sperm which can help start labour. Some women just don't feel like it when they are hugely pregnant but there's no across the board medical reasoning for limiting sex in the third trimester.

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
The only medical restriction on sex i know of is a woman, preggers, in her third trimester.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 11:45:52 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think your doctor is confusing her personal opinions with medical science.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 12:08:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

My question to you is not if you want or prefer sex during period.... but should a submissive be allowed the OFF LIMITS time frame during her cycle. As far as sexual activities go?



everyone's answer is right... but only right for themself.

I personally don't allow my slaves this Set Time OFF... the Time off will be made on a moment to moment or case by case basis that suits my will. It is has been a very rare occassion that I have decided not to have sexual activity with my slaves because of their condition. Generally it is when they are sick.... the flu and sex just don't go together... something about rainbow play just doesn't appeal o me *G*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 12:42:44 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

My kid knew for years about a period, and when she began to menstruate, i gave her tampons, so she'd feel confident when practicing her flags routine or marching band/playing the flute, as well as the rest of the day. i did warn her to change her tampon at least twice daily because of toxic shock syndrome.

candystripper[/font][/size][/color]


The female young person that lives with us spent most of her developmental years in Brazil, and came home with this -very- odd mix of a strong personality with very open-minded opinions (she is a self-declared bi, and a strong advocate for the GLBT community) and some very strong inhibitions (she is -never- without a bra. She'll go without panties, but NEVER leave the house without a bra, and she insists that she won't use anything internal until after she's no longer a virgin -- though she says that she will never marry, so its not a matter of staying a virgin until she's married.) It's a fascinating mix -- and she -does- hate the leaking that comes with the choice of pads, but she's completely inflexible about the internal protection issue. Such is life, eh? She's not fond of athletics or anything that makes her sweat anyway -- she'd rather draw her manga, which reduces the chances of accidents. *S*

LZ

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 12:47:59 PM   
dreamtiger61


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		Primary concern should be medical if there are reasons concerning health or safety of the individual submissive. Other than that, it is really up to the submissive and her dom/domme to discuss this issue and decide what is best for the submissive and the dominant.

One time, Master and I were going out and I started my period. I told him about the possiblity of heavy bleeding which has happened before when I am on my cycle.

Thankfully the goddesses were watching out for me that night. Master and I attending the party with no heavy bleeding to ruin the fun. I just kept a very close watch on when to change my tampons. We played and had fun did a scene with eachother while others watched us. I just love playing in front of an audience.

I was concerned about a possiblity of heavy bleeding. During periods with heavy bleeding, I will use a tampon, super maxi pads and an adult diaper to keep rivers of blood from pouring down my legs. I will use these 3 items together as a combination when this happens. I also get very sick when this happens too. I do not get a warning either as the flow can start off very light and then get super heavy suddenly.

I opted to explain this situation to my Master before we left for the party. At first, I did not know how Master would react to discussing my periods. Master reacted better than I expected. He just told me have enough tampons with me and lets hope you do not start bleeding heavily.

I am his slave and subject to his control. Master might take into consideration my physical problems. Master might chose to adjust some activities or not adjust activities. I know Master will make his decisions based on what is best for me. Master will often make sure I am taking care of my physical body and health.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Should a Sub be Allowed - 12/12/2005 1:26:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I was wondering, if there are times that a sub should be allowed off limit times.


this sounds like an excellent question for someone seeking a D/s relationship, regardless of which side of the slash you are looking to be on, BEFORE you make a commitment. will you be allowed to call those time-outs as you see fit or will He be the one to let you know or is it an automatic time-out under certain circumstances? naturally, you will get a lot of different responses here, but the opinion that matters most is the one of the person you are looking to become involved with.

quote:

Discussing things with my Doctor and he stated that during a womans period, she should consider that her down time from sexual activities. And allow her body to cleanse itself, and do any re-adjusting the body feels is time for.


and the next Doctor down the road will tell you that's a bunch of hoooey. considering there is no 100% perfect female model to generate a generic answer-what does YOUR body tell you?

quote:

My question to you is not if you want or prefer sex during period.... but should a submissive be allowed the OFF LIMITS time frame during her cycle. As far as sexual activities go?


it is this slave's understanding that a sub retains a certain amount of negotiatied control, prior to and in certain cases, even after committing to a relationship, so why not? She could even possibly demand OFF LIMITS times for whenever her hormones shift during the month when she is not bleeding, why just limit it to the actual days of menstruation?

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Should a Sub be Allowed Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094