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So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:13:19 PM

CuriousSubBoi

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

I've read a lot of opinions about how to approach a domme on CM or any other online venue, and the concesus seems to be "be polite, dont write one liners, share your interests (in and out of the scene)" etc.

But does that really work? because so far it hasn't for me. I've sent countless messages that are polite and detailed, yet to no avail. Somes times they're never even read, and other times they're read with no response. So where am i going wrong?

Often times i've thought that maybe its my age and lack of experience (jee, wonder why that is), but really i can hardly be blamed for that. We all have to start somewhere, so whats wrong with being young and inexperienced? It seems like all the dommes want older subs, whether they themselves are 20 or 55.

So, do the dommes out there have any thoughts on why this is, or how i can identify and fix whatever's keeping me from even getting a response?

Thankyou in advance

Post #: 1

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:16:34 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

try looking into your local real time community and turn off the computer. get out there met real people.

I wrote this on a different forum, on how NOT to get a dominant females attention, it might help you if you plan to keep trying on CM or one of the other personals sites.
_____________
How NOT to impress a female dominant.......

Female dominants are people, not dress up bondage barbies just sitting around waiting for you to allow them to play with you. Do not send cock pictures, or urggggg the ever popular butt plug up the ass picture. Do not send mass emails to every female dominant in your area.... we do talk to each other, and we can recognize a mass email faster then you can say deleate. Don't start off any communication with "I want" "I am looking for" "I want you to do to me" "I have a ___ inch dick" " "I want to orally satisfy you" " I want you to invite over 10 other female dominants so I can serve as their sex slave too" or my personal fav, the challenge. "your not dom enough to top me, bla bla bla" pretty much all these will get your emails placed in a very special warm place called the trash can. Do not type out your fantasy and send it to us as a intro, here's a clue..... we don't care.....we will read it, laugh at it.... maybe forward it to a couple friends so they can laugh at it too..... then yes, it ends up with the rest in the trash. Do not say your have read our profiles if you have not, we do have brains we can figure it out. If we are not important enough for you to spend 1.1 mins reading our profiles then there really is no reason for you to write. Do not type things in text speak.. if you are too lazy to type out you, instead of U then your probably too lazy to carry out tasks.

< Message edited by UmbraDomina -- 10/22/2008 10:29:17 PM >

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 2

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:40:19 PM

MSPERFECTION2U

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousSubBoi

I've read a lot of opinions about how to approach a domme on CM or any other online venue, and the concesus seems to be "be polite, dont write one liners, share your interests (in and out of the scene)" etc.

But does that really work? because so far it hasn't for me. I've sent countless messages that are polite and detailed, yet to no avail. Somes times they're never even read, and other times they're read with no response. So where am i going wrong?

Often times i've thought that maybe its my age and lack of experience (jee, wonder why that is), but really i can hardly be blamed for that. We all have to start somewhere, so whats wrong with being young and inexperienced? It seems like all the dommes want older subs, whether they themselves are 20 or 55.

So, do the dommes out there have any thoughts on why this is, or how i can identify and fix whatever's keeping me from even getting a response?

Thankyou in advance

gifts money and tons of ass kissing letters of adoration.

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 3

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:47:32 PM

DreamsOfSpider

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

You might be able to get more specific help if you posted an example of what kind of initial e-mail you're sending. "Polite and detailed," to my cynical eye, sounds like it could mean "I start out by calling her "Mistress" and proceed to tell her, in detail, what I'd like her to do to me." Or even just something that's too long... everyone gripes about one-liners, but that doesn't mean that longer is better. I think a (fairly short) paragraph is as far as you should go, before you know if she's even interested in talking with you.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 4

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:49:33 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MSPERFECTION2U

gifts money and tons of ass kissing letters of adoration.

Ignore this, OP. Some of us engage in D/s because we love it, not to screw money out of people.

(in reply to MSPERFECTION2U)

Post #: 5

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:53:41 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: MSPERFECTION2U

gifts money and tons of ass kissing letters of adoration.

Ignore this, OP. Some of us engage in D/s because we love it, not to screw money out of people.

Yes, in all honesty, most of us are not doing what it is that we do for any reason other than it is IN us to do it and we love it.

Keep writing, get out into your local scene and meet people, and just keep at it until you do meet someone. The good thing is you are young, you have plenty of time, enjoy yourself, make some friends, and the women will come in time.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 6

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/22/2008 10:58:29 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: MSPERFECTION2U
gifts money and tons of ass kissing letters of adoration.

Ignore this, OP. Some of us engage in D/s because we love it, not to screw money out of people.

Ditto!
Find a lady with similar interests to yours; Write to her, not in a form letter just as you would approach a lady on the street or in a club. If she finds you interesting or attractive, she'll respond. Otherwise, attend munches or join groups near you, be friendly and a gentleman, and you'll find babes to play with.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 7

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 12:06:50 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamsOfSpider

You might be able to get more specific help if you posted an example of what kind of initial e-mail you're sending. "Polite and detailed," to my cynical eye, sounds like it could mean "I start out by calling her "Mistress" and proceed to tell her, in detail, what I'd like her to do to me." Or even just something that's too long... everyone gripes about one-liners, but that doesn't mean that longer is better. I think a (fairly short) paragraph is as far as you should go, before you know if she's even interested in talking with you.

I would have to agree with this. From what I've seen on the forums (and sometimes in person) what one person thinks is "polite" can be rude to someone else. As in, just because a guy "politely" expresses his wank fantasy, it still looks like wank fantasy in my eyes. Starting an e-mail with "Hi" and ending it with "Hope to talk to you soon" doesn't excuse a body filled with fantasies of serving me and how they dream to be at my feet...blah blah blah what they all say. Or whatever other fancy fantasy they have.

Also, with not knowing what you actually e-mail women, sometimes luck is just not on your side. There are a LOT of wankers on the site and some women just say fuck it and lump ALL sub males (or males in general) in the group which might explain your mail not getting read at all. Or perhaps, it's your profile which I haven't perved personally so who knows. Maybe your pic, perhaps they didn't find you attractive. Maybe you happened to e-mail them on a bad day. Or maybe whatever was in the e-mail was polite but not what they're looking for so they just don't respond. No response is a response.

There could be a million and a half reasons why there is no response or the e-mail doesn't get read. That doesn't mean being polite is bad advice though, just takes landing on the right woman.

(in reply to DreamsOfSpider)

Post #: 8

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 5:29:36 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

*giggle*

And here I was thinking "Open your wallet. If moths fly out, you're doomed."

But I recon that joke has already been trampled on.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 9

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 7:20:28 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

To the OP.

Not having read any of your messages, It is difficult to discuss where you might have gone wrong. Still, maybe the problem is who you message rather than what you send. When I see a "I'm tired of..." opening, I pass right on by. When the first thing you read is a complaint, why bother?

If you send a photo, send the one of you in the tuxedo with the Rolls Royce. Surely, you now know of the universal proscription about "rooster" photos... 'Nuff about photos.

Ms Perfections thread has been kicked to death which is too bad. I would like to have explored the ass kissing part. C'est la BDSM!

Hang in there, keep hunting, keep smiling.

Best Wishes,
Mike
SnowRanger
Double Lunch and Hook It!

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 10

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 2:49:23 PM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

Online might not be the best way to go.
There can be any number of fake profiles with photos of pretty girls: if you see a pretty girl at a munch or a party, at least you can be (relatively) sure she's not a dude in disguise.

Also, Dommes get a ton of mail. If there are 60 messages in her inbox and yours reads uninterestingly... well, it's all the more reason to go out to events and wow people in person.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 11

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 4:51:05 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

If you're sending the same "polite and detailed" letter to all the women you try to contact, rest assured that it reads as spam.

Detailed letters are not for first contact. A first contact should probably be about three sentences at most--friendly, polite, and oriented toward the information on the woman's own profile.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 12

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/23/2008 11:16:24 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Based on reading your profile, I'd say your main problem is in the numbers. There are relatively few women looking for novice and casual play partners. Even fewer in your local area. Only looking for part time play and having a "play centered" profile is going to exclude vast numbers of women looking for something more long term or out of your area.

My basic impression of you, albeit a superficial one based only on what your profile says, is that you'd be a lot of work for a Domme. You're new, you're young, you only list things you'd like done to you rather than focusing on reasons a woman might find you useful or appealing. You can't travel far nor commit to anything long term right now. All of those things in combination work against you, in my opinion.

You can't change who you are or what you're looking for, but you were asking why you are not getting much response.

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 13

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/26/2008 6:35:12 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

khem wrote:
My basic impression of you, albeit a superficial one based only on what your profile says, is[...]

That's still useful information -- the people the OP contacts only have the information in his profile and the message he sends them. They can't come to much more than a superficial impression, either.

First impressions, as they say, count. And they're largely superficial.

beeble

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 14

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 10/26/2008 4:18:11 PM

CuriousSubBoi

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

Thankyou everyone for your responses, they've been very helpful. I can understand how having a play centered profile mite not work to my benifit, but the reason its there is because i feel i should be honest. Like i've said, im new to this, so a LTR is not something i can just jump into wihtout having experienced anything. And i dont think its fair to a domme if i were to offer her something i am not capable of delivering. As such i feel the best course of action right now is to experience the casual side of things, see where my strenghts and weaknesses are, and once i feel i am ready, pursue something more long term. I suppose i was just hoping there would be more dommes open to part time, but no such luck. Still, i appreciate the advice you have all given me.

As for my polite and detailed letters, here is one i sent a little while back. I know there are some essential parts missing, like what i can offer the domme, but other then that, please let me know how else i can improve it.

quote:

Hello Mistress <name removed>

Im a willing sub from toronto, new to the scene and i would love to be abused by you. Degradation and humiliation is of great interest to me, and i seek someone who can introduce me to the various aspects of BDSM. If inexperience is a problem, i apologize, but i am a fast learner i assure you.

Outside of bdsm i enjoy reading (mainly fantasy and spy/espionage novels), anime, anything sci-fi, games, astronomy and 90's cartoons. Within the world of bdsm, i love bondage, objectification, collars/leashes, gags, wax play, spankings. And im curious about strap-ons, diapers, and chastity.

If you think i am fit to sub for you, i would love to talk more.

CuriousSubBoi

Some things i realize may come off as too needy (ie: 'would love to be abused by you') but they are based on the dommes profile and what she has listed as her desires.

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 15

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 8:25:22 AM

redsorebum

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

To get a Domme's attention?

Turn up to a munch naked, set your hair on fire and run around some. That should do the trick

To elict their positive interest, I think is a bit more difficult.

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 16

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 8:41:54 AM

GreeneGoddess

Posts: 59
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

I would stop reading after the "i would love to be abused by you" line. At that point, I'll assume the sender is yet another wanker - I get emails detailing what they want done to them all the time.

If I went ahead and read all of it...it sounds like a generic email you send out to everyone on the 'net. Why do I need to know what bdsm things you love at this point? Where is any kind of indication that you wrote that email FOR THAT PERSON YOU ARE CONTACTING, rather than throwing a generic "do me now" email out the universe?

It never ceases to amaze me that so many subs lose all social skills as soon as they decide they are kinky.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousSubBoi

Thankyou everyone for your responses, they've been very helpful. I can understand how having a play centered profile mite not work to my benifit, but the reason its there is because i feel i should be honest. Like i've said, im new to this, so a LTR is not something i can just jump into wihtout having experienced anything. And i dont think its fair to a domme if i were to offer her something i am not capable of delivering. As such i feel the best course of action right now is to experience the casual side of things, see where my strenghts and weaknesses are, and once i feel i am ready, pursue something more long term. I suppose i was just hoping there would be more dommes open to part time, but no such luck. Still, i appreciate the advice you have all given me.

As for my polite and detailed letters, here is one i sent a little while back. I know there are some essential parts missing, like what i can offer the domme, but other then that, please let me know how else i can improve it.

quote:

Hello Mistress <name removed>

Im a willing sub from toronto, new to the scene and i would love to be abused by you. Degradation and humiliation is of great interest to me, and i seek someone who can introduce me to the various aspects of BDSM. If inexperience is a problem, i apologize, but i am a fast learner i assure you.

Outside of bdsm i enjoy reading (mainly fantasy and spy/espionage novels), anime, anything sci-fi, games, astronomy and 90's cartoons. Within the world of bdsm, i love bondage, objectification, collars/leashes, gags, wax play, spankings. And im curious about strap-ons, diapers, and chastity.

If you think i am fit to sub for you, i would love to talk more.

CuriousSubBoi

Some things i realize may come off as too needy (ie: 'would love to be abused by you') but they are based on the dommes profile and what she has listed as her desires.

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 17

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 10:48:22 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Most likely if you emailed me with that... I would email you back with a touch of attitude and the mention of not being a mistress play toy and here for the amusement of strangers. Even if I were to be involved in casual or play and even part time, I would not want to be approched like that because it is as if you are minimizing the woman and treating her casually. You are also calling a dominant woman 'Mistress' and she isn't your mistress. Some like that and expect it, but from what I have seen on the boards and from how I feel, you have no right to call me mistress until I give you that right.

There are a lot... and I mean a lot of younger men who wish to get their MILF and quite honestly, there was a day when I would do casual, but I saw how casual that was and it turned me off. It turns me off to think that by age or dominance, some young stud wants to do me. It isn't a compliment! More insult actually. Even casual can have respect if it is given and if and when I decide to do casual, there will be respect. Just being told that someone wants me to do this or that to them, tells me their interest is in things I have no interest in... therefore... no email response or a red head speakin her mind.

You would need a whole new approach, even in honesty to get anything but my disgust. So... think respectually on how to make contact. Just being honest... I want sex/dominance with you isn't found worthy because it is honest, because it lacks something. You refine it... I am not going to go into more detail on how to manuvor a dominant into your kink. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to GreeneGoddess)

Post #: 18

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 12:46:55 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

Find a local club or munch and start going to it. Get to meet the leaders and volunteer to help. The Dommes in your area will get to know you and you will get to know them.

Oh and ignore the cm people who demand money to chat with them.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)

Post #: 19

RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 3:08:39 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

just an idea, read her profile and then try to send her a letter that shows that you read her profile, not a form letter you send to everybody else

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 20

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