New adults, still around

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CallaFirestormBW -> New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:00:42 AM)
Ok, I have a question, as it's a new experience for us, and I'm not sure how to handle it. We have two young ladies living with us. They're new adults, and are our offspring, they've signed 'room-mate' contracts with us at an affordable rent, and it looks unlikely, due to economic and educational requirements, that they'll be heading out on their own any time in the next couple of years. Both of them are aware of our way of life, etc., and actually grew up with it, so it's something they've always sort of known. One is in the fetish industry and body-mod industry herself, and is exploring fetish photography as well. The other is an artist and essential hermit, whose work is extremely outre, and deals with deviant and extreme subject matter, and as long as we leave her alone to draw and don't bother her with socialization, she's pretty much cool with anything that goes on around her. An atom bomb could go off in the living room, and as long as it didn't shake her hand while she was drawing, she wouldn't give two hoots or a holler. However, she despises having -anyone- go in her room for any reason... she truly is a hermit. Neither of the girls will be involved in the time we spend with our servants, aside from things like the fact that some of the dishes will be theirs, or some of the laundry that needs to be attended to. Because of the amount of time it takes for us to feel comfortable welcoming someone as a member of the household, chances are good that our new servants and our girls would merely cross-in-passing on occasion. By the time we were ready to welcome one full-time, he'd know the girls and everyone would be comfortable (or, if there is any justice in the world, the girls will be off on their own!). However, they -are- still in the household now, and it doesn't look like they'll be moving out any time soon... at least not for the next year to 2 years... so how would folks handle explaining them to potential s-types considering our household? Thanks in advance

mc1234 -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:06:08 AM)
I think just being up front and explaining it exactly the way you did in your post should cover it. I think they should meet and all be comfortable with one another, but their contact will be limited. I'm sure either the hermit will be in her room or the other will be out and about so often you won't even know they're there. At least, that's how I was when I was a 'new adult' and living at home. lol

leadership527 -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:09:45 AM)
Gosh, I thought that was a pretty credible job right there Calla. As you know, my viewpoint is WAY WAY different from yours and I'm pretty sure I still grasped the fundamentals of the situation and felt it was explained in a clear, non-threatening sort of way. Out of curiosity, what sorts of negative reactions are you worrying about here?

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Gosh, I thought that was a pretty credible job right there Calla. As you know, my viewpoint is WAY WAY different from yours and I'm pretty sure I still grasped the fundamentals of the situation and felt it was explained in a clear, non-threatening sort of way. Out of curiosity, what sorts of negative reactions are you worrying about here? Actually, we've had a few folks sort of squick that we're active in this while we still have offspring at home, even though the offspring are grown and kinky themselves... or, as I think about it... maybe -because- the offspring are kinky themselves... like somehow we've 'corrupted' them or something. I recognize that those folks just weren't going to be a good fit for us... but I was inclined to see if maybe it was something in the way we've presented things that might be... I don't know... tightened up or explained differently to alleviate some of that discomfort. Honestly, the first time it happened, it didn't even occur to me that it might -be- a problem... I'd accepted our offsprings' natures so long ago that it just seemed perfectly natural that we'd welcome them as adults in our homes and still go on with our lives... but that really seems to bother some folks.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:19:27 AM)
I think the way you just explained it on here sould suffice, along being open to any Q&A a prospective submissive has regarding the arrangements. It really does not sound that bad. I actually had a submissive friend who had a daughter that when she became a young adult she dwelled in the same household, knowing that her mom was in the lifestyle. It's not all that strange of a situation, people have young adults still living at home, as long as everybody is aware and in agreement and is respectful and understanding, where's the problem?

leadership527 -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:26:01 AM)
Well Calla... for what it's worth, remember that you're talking to "Joe Vanilla" here and I am not particularly affronted by the idea that a person would raise their offspring in the tradition of their household. Nor am I shocked at the idea that, some of a parents relationship(s) are visible to their um's. As you say, some people will or will not like the idea of grown offspring in the house... but I don't see the problem as any different than a vanilla household with grown offspring living there would have.... some parts of the adults relationship is appropriate for sharing... other parts not.

DreamsOfSpider -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:42:33 AM)
quote: We have two young ladies living with us. They're new adults, and are our offspring, they've signed 'room-mate' contracts with us at an affordable rent, and it looks unlikely, due to economic and educational requirements, that they'll be heading out on their own any time in the next couple of years. Both of them are aware of our way of life, etc., and actually grew up with it, so it's something they've always sort of known. I think this explains it very well -- it covers who they are, why they're living with you, and that they know about your lifestyle. Add some additional reinforcement of the fact that your servants are not going to be involved with them in any direct way, and I think you have it covered. Anyone who's squicked at that point is going to be squicked no matter what you say.

SteelofUtah -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 8:53:54 AM)
To the Op, Personally what you said was EXCELENT. I would print out what you just typed and read it word for word. The Truth of the matter is regardless of the situation either they are going to be okay with it or they are not. Steel

Twicehappy2x -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 9:17:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW I'd accepted our offsprings' natures so long ago that it just seemed perfectly natural that we'd welcome them as adults in our homes and still go on with our lives... but that really seems to bother some folks. You know hon, if the servants you are thinking about adding to your home cannot take on the wonderful sentiment you expressed above; chances are they simply are not the kind of folks you'd want around your house anyway.

RumpusParable -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 10:00:59 AM)
I can't see any problem with the way you've described things, Calla. I think that sounds pretty fine and normal, really... so now it's just down to finding that right fit. :)

agirl -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 10:48:44 AM)
I have two young men (who happen to be my sons...lol) living in my house, both aware of the type of relationship I have and both who have 'lived with' knowing it from a very early age. I haven't raised them in the tradition of anything other than having MUTUAL respect for other people's choices. They spend time around their friend's homes and some they like and some they don't......nothing to do with relationship 'style' but a LOT to do with the way their friend's parents treat each other and their children. No matter how 'different' other people's lives appear to them in style, it's the WAY they interact and respect each other that impacts on them. Mine are only 16yrs and 14yrs but that's a perfectly respectable age to grasp the fact that your parent or parents have lives of their own. I probably wouldn't 'explain' anything, as such. If the contact was as you described, it wouldn't be a great deal different to having a chum stay-over or being around unless you feel the need or desire to explain it explictly. I'm curious about what sort of negative reactions you are worrying about too, and from whom. People squick at an awful lot of things but it doesn't mean they need to be squicked at. I recently found out that my children's friend's parents check their offspring's whereabouts, sometimes by calling other parents. I found THAT squicky! I thought it was 'squicky' that they didn't trust their children. This household wouldn't be able to operate like that at all. agirl

yourMissTress -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 10:53:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW I'd accepted our offsprings' natures so long ago that it just seemed perfectly natural that we'd welcome them as adults in our homes and still go on with our lives... but that really seems to bother some folks. You know hon, if the servants you are thinking about adding to your home cannot take on the wonderful sentiment you expressed above; chances are they simply are not the kind of folks you'd want around your house anyway. What she said. You are talking about bringing people into your home and your life. The kind of people who have a problem with families, are not the kind of people you want IN your family.

apiercedkitty -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 10:59:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW Actually, we've had a few folks sort of squick that we're active in this while we still have offspring at home, even though the offspring are grown and kinky themselves... or, as I think about it... maybe -because- the offspring are kinky themselves... like somehow we've 'corrupted' them or something. I recognize that those folks just weren't going to be a good fit for us... but I was inclined to see if maybe it was something in the way we've presented things that might be... I don't know... tightened up or explained differently to alleviate some of that discomfort. Honestly, the first time it happened, it didn't even occur to me that it might -be- a problem... I'd accepted our offsprings' natures so long ago that it just seemed perfectly natural that we'd welcome them as adults in our homes and still go on with our lives... but that really seems to bother some folks. And that is very likely what it is. i think you explained it quite well. If someone's going to be squicked, there's nothing you can do to alleviate that for them - they're making a decision based on their own morals - not the kind of morals you want in your house anyway. i think it's just one of those times when what you're looking for is just going to be about fishing in a smaller pool - the pool where people go into things with a truly open mind.

stella41b -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 11:26:36 AM)
I think you just did it and would echo what the others have said. It's your household, therefore it's your terms and your conditions. End of.

colouredin -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 11:37:18 AM)
FR Firstly I think its pretty cool how you handled informing them about your family. Secondly as its their home too then anyone joining your household would simply have to accept it. As has been said its your house. These people are paying rent its their home too. So long as you are open and honest about it from the get go thats all you can do. Some wont be cool with it, so you just move on to the next really.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 11:42:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah To the Op, Personally what you said was EXCELENT. I would print out what you just typed and read it word for word. The Truth of the matter is regardless of the situation either they are going to be okay with it or they are not. Steel You took the words right out of my mouth! I wouild add, I think it depends entirely on the new adults and it sounds like yours are plenty mature enough to handle it...

ExSteelAgain -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 1:21:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: However, they -are- still in the household now, and it doesn't look like they'll be moving out any time soon... at least not for the next year to 2 years... so how would folks handle explaining them to potential s-types considering our household? Well, let me be the one to slam all this. Personally, it would take a lot for me to let a potential submissive in my house with my daughters living there. I don't care how cool your daughters are or how old they are. If it came to a point where I trusted a submissive and truly wanted to make the person my slave, and if I thought that I had to do this with my daughters and the rest of us living together, I may consider it. Taking in potential slaves is a whole other matter. However, I would do all I could to find a way to not have all of us living in a house together. Your daughters will be around a long time and they will change as time goes on. They may get religious Holy Roly or what have you in later years. Keep what you do private from them.

TreasureKY -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 1:39:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW ... how would folks handle explaining them to potential s-types considering our household? Please don't consider this a voice of dissent or any type of judgement... I'm simply going to relay how I would feel from a submissive's point of view coming into a household such as you describe. Take from it what you will. First, I would be squicked. While it may be perfectly acceptable for some people to share their sexual lives with their progeny, I did not grow up that way. What my parents got up to between themselves, stayed between them. Personally, I really didn't then and don't now want to know what revved their motors. The idea that anyone would grow up and be accustomed to a particular kink leads me to believe that what went on in the bedroom didn't stay in the bedroom. That would be a fundamental difference in worldviews from my own. Don't get me wrong... I fully believe in educating and open communication. Just not by demonstrating. Additionally I would be put off on the idea of sharing my own proclivities with persons other than my intended partner. While I signed on to be Firm's submissive for him and him alone, I did not do so with the idea that I would have an audience. No matter who they are. Sure, if he wants to dress me in next to nothing and have me crawling from room to room on all fours while I clean house, that is fine if it is just he and I. But to require the same behavior when there is someone else present, even an adult relative, would be unacceptable to me. It would be asking me to share myself (a private part of me) with someone I don't have that kind of relationship with. As for how to bring this type of thing up with a potential? I agree with the others in this thread that I see nothing wrong with how you've described your situation here. It's just that some won't like the idea.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 1:40:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain quote: ORIGINAL: However, they -are- still in the household now, and it doesn't look like they'll be moving out any time soon... at least not for the next year to 2 years... so how would folks handle explaining them to potential s-types considering our household? Well, let me be the one to slam all this. Personally, it would take a lot for me to let a potential submissive in my house with my daughters living there. I don't care how cool your daughters are or how old they are. If it came to a point where I trusted a submissive and truly wanted to make the person my slave, and if I thought that I had to do this with my daughters and the rest of us living together, I may consider it. Taking in potential slaves is a whole other matter. However, I would do all I could to find a way to not have all of us living in a house together. Your daughters will be around a long time and they will change as time goes on. They may get religious Holy Roly or what have you in later years. Keep what you do private from them. Ok, I have to clarify this. None of our potential servants are live-in servants. Our kids grew up with a poly household, so they're accustomed to our -family- who stay with us, of mixed genders and gendershifts, and of varying orientations of top/bottom/keeper/servant, but these folks are already family. I agree with you, Steel. As I said in the first post, it would take a long time (at least a year) before any of these folks might actually be considered to become family, and we won't have anyone living with us who isn't family, but we're not talking about moving these folks into the house -- just having them come by in the evenings, or on weekends, or one or two days a month to train, bottom, and/or serve.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: New adults, still around (10/23/2008 1:57:41 PM)
quote: While it may be perfectly acceptable for some people to share their sexual lives with their progeny, I did not grow up that way. What my parents got up to between themselves, stayed between them. Personally, I really didn't then and don't now want to know what revved their motors. The idea that anyone would grow up and be accustomed to a particular kink leads me to believe that what went on in the bedroom didn't stay in the bedroom. That would be a fundamental difference in worldviews from my own. I completely understand what you're saying here, and I can understand folks who wouldn't be comfortable -- I guess I just don't want to cause discomfort where it isn't really necessary. I probably should clarify, and say that what our daughters 'know' about our way of life, in terms of having seen it or grown up around it, deals with two particular aspects (1)The keeping of servants -- think Clarence the Butler or Tijan the maid or a well-trained geisha rather than Tom the Kinky Window Boy. The difference is in the source of the dynamic... the personal nature of the desire to serve, rather than commercial nature as in having a cleaning service or a more sexual/sensual D/s relationship. Our daughter who grew up split between our home and her dad's home in Brazil had a maid and butler in both places... in Brazil, her dad paid cash for them. In our home, the trade was "in kind" and more relational. (2) Polyamory. Our kids grew up with a plethora of loving parents who were not ashamed to show that we cared for one another with common PDAs like hand-holding, gentle kisses, hugs, chiding, etc. To them, it is normal to have a household with more than just two adults, 2 kids, a dog and a cat. They've also had experience with the more common monogamous marriage, since both girls' dads re-married in traditional marriages, so they understand the whole gamut of possibilities in relating as family.

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