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Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 10:27:04 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		OK, just kidding. Fox isn't running their reality series on BDSM until next season :)

You know, many times I read these forums and I see long and in-depth postings and analysis on what happens when the slave fucks up. Oh yeah... there's punishment and apologies and contrite behavior. In extreme cases (and sometimes trivial cases), she is shown the door. But what happens when it's the master who's in error?

This just happened last week in my life and I'd thought I'd share.

A few days ago I pulled mine to my heel, sat down, and confessed. No, not confessed as in, "I promised I'd do the dishes and didn't get em done." We're talking a serious confession here... something akin to "I've lied to you for the last 8 weeks... hidden the truth from you... failed to trust you." In other words, I pretty seriously screwed up. So for us, at least, the steps involved were the same for me as it would've been for her.

a) Acknowledgement of the crime perpetrated... in detail
b) Apology tendered.. in specific detail
c) Apology received and accepted
d) Hug and get on with life

What was interesting to me though was her assessment that if she'd been facing a similar conundrum (expressed in sub-speak, the crime would've been directly disobeying a specific and important command then hiding same from her Master), that attached in her own head to the act of disobedience would be the removal of her slave collar. I agree with her. She is either my slave or she is not. If she is, then obedience is required. If not, then we can decide what relationship we want to have, but it cannot be M/s. For all my talk of love and affection, I'm also a stickler for details and have no issues being very very firm when such a thing is productive. Anyway, in her assessment, it was harder for me to "behave" because the price tag of "off comes the collar" isn't attached.

I saw it very differently. I do not see my role as her dominant as any sort of "right" of mine. It is a privilege that I have earned fair and square by being a good dominant. If I cannot live up to my end of the bargain, then I cannot accept her submission. This isn't even a sense of fair play. It's a sense of survival. As I have said often, my marriage is more important to me than my D/s or pretty much anything else. The implication of a good slave and a crappy master is that the relationship is now, by definition, unfair. Unfair relationships end. I don't want my marriage to end. If I could not live up to the standards required of me as her Master, then I would dial down the relationship to something we both could live with rather than let it self destruct.

So in the end, at least for us, there very definitely are consequences imposed on the dominant. My behavior does matter and is judged by my slave. Poor performance on my part requires correction. None of this is internally motivated. It does not depend on me "having a sense of fairness" to be true. It is graven into the very fabric of our marriage. The only difference that I can truly see is that in the case of her poor performance, there'd be me trying to correct whatever is wrong. In the case of my poor performance, it's still me trying to correct whatever is wrong, but the lash on my backside is called "divorce" and it's WAY WAY more real and meaningful to me than any conceivable session with a single tail. Oh yeah, and in more immediate terms, having to tender the apology and confession was more than a bit painful.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael
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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 10:36:26 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

But what happens when it's the master who's in error?


Pretty much what you explained happened with your wife/sub i would say.  
 
quote:

Anyway, in her assessment, it was harder for me to "behave" because the price tag of "off comes the collar" isn't attached.


I disagree with this. I am fully capable and able to remove my collar if i feel that is what is needed.
 
In my experience i have found that few Dom's are able to accept that they have erred. I can count the amount of acceptances of bad behaviour and apologies received from a Dom in the wrong i have recieved.




_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 10:51:18 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
I disagree with this. I am fully capable and able to remove my collar if i feel that is what is needed.

And I disagree with your disagreement :) That is to say, you and I both agree that my wife was nuts.
 
quote:

In my experience i have found that few Dom's are able to accept that they have erred. I can count the amount of acceptances of bad behaviour and apologies received from a Dom in the wrong i have recieved.
Wow, this is genuinely and truly sad. I honestly hope that you can find better at some point. They're out there.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 10:55:57 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
I disagree with this. I am fully capable and able to remove my collar if i feel that is what is needed.

And I disagree with your disagreement :) That is to say, you and I both agree that my wife was nuts.

quote:

In my experience i have found that few Dom's are able to accept that they have erred. I can count the amount of acceptances of bad behaviour and apologies received from a Dom in the wrong i have recieved.
Wow, this is genuinely and truly sad. I honestly hope that you can find better at some point. They're out there.


Lol your wife is not nuts at all. If she feels only you can remove her collar then that is cool. It only matters how you two feel.
It is a sad state of affairs i agree. Some of the doms incapable of giving an apology or accepting they have erred, have in every other way being fantastic. They haven't all been complete knobs lol.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 10:58:00 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		When it comes to crunch time .. I have learned not to rely on my previous Owners admitting they were in error. In fact the last time it happened the conversation went like this.

"Sir .. I am not looking to have power over you .. but in order for me to be able to trust that you are a good Owner, I must know that you can and will admit when you have messed up ... do you understand that?"
".... yeah whatever Amy ... "

The threat of consequence should not be the main motivator in behaving in accordance with your partner's wishes. The motivation on both sides should be (for me) safe guarding and doing one's best to actively promote the other partners happiness - however the relationship has been set up to do that.

With my previous Owner two bottom lines were agreed ... two ultimatums if you will ... I was required to be pleasing to him. He was required to be a responsible Owner to me. I knew that if I showed him that I was no longer interested or motivated to please him ... I would be released. He knew that if he was no longer interested or motivated to be a responsible Owner ... then I would end the relationship. When I behaved in a way that showed I was more interested in myself than pleasing him ... I was punished and I pulled my head out of my ass. The reverse was not *ever* the case. In the end I lost all trust in him as a responsible Owner because he was not able/prepared to admit where he was not holding up his end of the bargain.

Apprently it was most unslavey of me to believe I could hold my Owner to account for his behaviour. As I said at the time "If that is what being a slave is ... then I know I cannot be one."

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:05:14 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I have met way too many dominants who believe that being dominant means they are never wrong. They do not just use this to cover up their little foibles, they truly believe it. Their subs or slaves have been known to apologize for them, and they live with the knowledge that no matter how wrong their masters are, they are never wrong.
For me, if I screw up,I say I am sorry and we move on. I am not perfect, and I am an example for Fox. If I cant admit that I made a mistake, how can I expdect him to be able to do so? I dont believe in holding him to a higher standard than I hold myself, I am the one he has to live up to.  If I dont want him procrastinating on his schoolwork I cant procrastinate on my work. If I dont want him makign a mess and leaving his clothes all over the house, I acnt leave mine all over the house. If I want him to apologize and own up to mistakes, I have to do the same.
It is only fair, after all.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to softness)
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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:06:00 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		leadership,

I have appreciated your thoughtfulness and the way that you are able to share yourself and your relationship here on the boards.  It appears to me, from your other postings, that you are truly attempting to be the best that you can be in your D/s relationship and your marriage.  That is commendable.

While you are trying to be the best you can be, you must accept that you are human and make mistakes.  Being the best you can be is not being perfect, and accepting that a lesson learned is progress, and perfection can never be attained is a lesson in itself.

You said that in the case of her poor performance you would attempt to correct the problem.  Are you above self correction?  Implying that because you made a mistake, you are now a crappy master seems a little harsh.  But without knowing the specifics of the crime, I don't know how grave the error was. 

My personal opinion, is that by admitting your mistake, apologizing, discussing, and taking measures to correct yourself, as well as ensuring that such a mistake is not repeated, IS living up to your end of the bargain. 




_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:08:31 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		Someone told me long ago, that if a Dominant wanted their "toy" to last, they need to take care of them.  I took that to me, not only toys, but also submissives, and those who served me.  You don't take care of them, they aren't going to be around very long.  To me, part of the responsibility that comes with being a responsible dominant, means that if I screw up, it is my responsibility to make it right.  If an apology is in order, I hardly thing that takes away from my dominance.  I think it adds to it.  I don't know any perfect people, dominants, or anyone else.  I have no problem giving a warranted apology.  Honestly, I think it is important for submissives to see & remember that their dominants are indeed human, as well. 

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:32:27 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

But what happens when it's the master who's in error?


this slave has thought for awhile about what sort of "error" Master could possibly make that would have Him apologizing, repentant, seeking forgiveness, etc.  this slave can't relate to your example, because there is no requirement by this slave for Master to tell her anything He doesn't wish to, including the "truth", if He so decides nor does she require that He trust her to any degree wider than an atom.  If Master has ever sought to apologize in the last 6 years, this slave can't even remember the circumstance.
 
accidents happen, folks make mistakes and also experience errors in judgment.  this slave is pretty easy-going and understanding when accidents happen or mistakes or made, but they don't affect her on the level of begging for release because He broke a glass/ ran over the dog/ stepped on her toe/forgot something.

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:36:25 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My personal opinion, is that by admitting your mistake, apologizing, discussing, and taking measures to correct yourself, as well as ensuring that such a mistake is not repeated, IS living up to your end of the bargain. 


Her words exactly *smiles*. She also noted that I didn't become her good master in one single act and I cannot lose that status in one single act either. And as much as my ego and self-image are still smarting a bit, I agree. However, failing to own up would've been a very different story.

Mostly, I just wanted to get a flip-side that you seldom see discussed up on these boards.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:47:21 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ahh its been an all too common experiance of mine that Dominants are never wrong if something goes bad then its the subs fault for not dealing with the situation right. I have also met the other side of the coin that believes anything that goes wrong is the Dominants fault. Thats not how see it, i think like any relationhip both can be wrong and both need to accept it and appologise when they should. Sure the way that things are dealt with may be differant depending on which side of the coin you are on but thats irrelevent.

A master is onyl as good as their slave and vice versa this is something i truely beleive. I have heard all the you are submissive so you should always be submissive crap but at the end of th day you have to be with someone worth submiting to. I remember a time where in my opinion my Dominant was wrong, he let the relationship slide, didnt make any effort etc etc i gave him the change to make it better, at the time there was no blame and no recrimination but at the end of it all I left. I didnt beg for relaease or dramaticaly return my collar, i just packed my bags and went. At the end of the day a relationship only works if both work at it, that means fessing up to mistakes, saying sorry and not doing it again (the most importnant thing with an appology)

Sure what counts as unacceptable behaviour differs from relationship to relationship, its jsut about keeping promises whatever those may be.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 11:49:19 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Original: Beth
this slave has thought for awhile about what sort of "error" Master could possibly make that would have Him apologizing, repentant, seeking forgiveness, etc.  this slave can't relate to your example, because there is no requirement by this slave for Master to tell her anything He doesn't wish to, including the "truth", if He so decides nor does she require that He trust her to any degree wider than an atom.  If Master has ever sought to apologize in the last 6 years, this slave can't even remember the circumstance.


Fair enough beth, and this is why I love you two as a couple. You are on some levels WAY different than us (giving me a different viewpoint from which to observe and learn) and on other levels (the ones that matter to me) so much the same (enabling me to piece together what i see and make at least some sense of it).

I'd love to hear Mr. Merc post on this though. Because while you may not have any such expectations of him, I got a twenty dollar bill that says that HE has some pretty strong expectations of himself in terms of not being hurtful to you (and I mean really hurtful in a meaningful way). I would argue further that the only reason you are able to have the viewpoint you do is that while you are not watching out for your own interests, HE very definitely is. Good god, the man appears to be as goofy in love with you as I am with carol. That's my best guess. Whether or not he chose to address whatever failures he's had via direct apology, I'm betting that there have been some and they have been addressed internally by him at a minimum. Had he spent the last 6 years being selfishly hurtful to you, I somehow doubt you'd be posting here saying you have no expectations of him. If I'm wrong, send me an address and I'll get that $20 bill mailed -- or just bring it on down when I come visit :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 12:16:37 PM   
littletia


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/23/2008
From: Vancouver BC
Status: offline 		That sounds wild I'm going to google that to see if I can watch the reply of when Doms go bad!

_____________________________

My blog..
http://www.tiedupandfucked.info

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 1:10:13 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Anyway, in her assessment, it was harder for me to "behave" because the price tag of "off comes the collar" isn't attached.


I disagree with this. I am fully capable and able to remove my collar if i feel that is what is needed.


I didn't read what he wrote this way... perhaps I'm mistaken, but I understood that she was saying that because he doesn't have the consequence of having his "collar" removed, he doesn't have that negative incentive to "behave" himself.  I didn't take this as addressing who has the right to remove her collar.

I do agree, though, that it is difficult to find a dominant who is willing to own up to making a mistake or admit that they are wrong.  And in my experience, many of those who do admit to erring seem to think that the admittance in itself amounts to an apology.

Funny, but I've always been under the impression that it takes a bigger man to be able to say, "I'm genuinely sorry."

Kudos to you, Jeff. 

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 1:27:13 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I got a twenty dollar bill that says that HE has some pretty strong expectations of himself in terms of not being hurtful to you (and I mean really hurtful in a meaningful way). I would argue further that the only reason you are able to have the viewpoint you do is that while you are not watching out for your own interests, HE very definitely is.

Leadership,
The problem is that you can't isolate one of us from the other. However before getting into the specifics, be assured, beth has as high an expectation of herself, maybe higher, than I have of her. While she may not assign any similar accountability or responsibility to me; but I'm confident to support your position that her trust in me has been earned and, thus far, deserved. The confidence we have in each other is what makes it work.

That said - I fail regularly. Fortunately for all concerned I succeed more frequently. However, neither my failure or success is personal. Individually we honestly see any failure or success as a combined effort.

There are some mundane things like forgetting to bring something to the other as promised; whether from the kitchen or on the way home from the office. In that regard I don't think a day goes by that we don't exchange the courtesy "I'm Sorry!" On the serious stuff - no; there has been, to date, no reason for either of us to apologize. There is a fundamental reason - regardless of our self assigned labels of 'Master' and 'slave' we honesty both focus on servicing a 'higher power' - our relationship.

Having the relationship as the ultimate focus, apologizing doesn't come into play any more than apologizing to yourself for stubbing your toe or locking your keys in the car. You may get angry at your failure, but as in the case with the keys, you don't apologize.

You are correct and $20 doesn't need to be in your hand when I shake it to welcome you to our place. I'm very hard on myself and make sure that I serve my relationship to the best of my abilities 24/7. If there is anyone who does a better job at it - it's beth. When what you do is the best you can do, regardless of the result - no apologies are necessary or expected.   

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 1:29:48 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

What was interesting to me though was her assessment that if she'd been facing a similar conundrum (expressed in sub-speak, the crime would've been directly disobeying a specific and important command then hiding same from her Master), that attached in her own head to the act of disobedience would be the removal of her slave collar. I agree with her. She is either my slave or she is not. If she is, then obedience is required. If not, then we can decide what relationship we want to have, but it cannot be M/s. For all my talk of love and affection, I'm also a stickler for details and have no issues being very very firm when such a thing is productive.


Holy cow, Leadership... that's twice in 24 hours that we've been in something close to agreement... the world must be turning inside out. *chuckles*

I agree. Like you, I am a stickler for owning up to my errors. I've been Kept by someone who had that whole "Rule #1...Master is always right... when Master is -wrong-, see Rule #1" agenda going, and frankly, I choked on it for most of his tenure as my Keeper. Of course, I knew what it would be going in, so it wasn't like it was a huge surprised, but coupled with my own tendency to resist submission... well... it made for some interesting encounters... AAAaaaaanyway...

Like you, I'm also very pronounced about saying that either one is present to -serve- me, or xhe's not... no half-ways. The dynamic is what it is. Unlike you, because I don't have a romantic attachment to my servants, I'm unlikely to re-arrange our dynamic if one decides that xhe doesn't want to serve any more. Instead, we will find ourselves parting ways... but that is ok, since to me this would be the foundation for an incompatibility that would be irresolveable. There may be the occasional servant who also becomes family-of-choice, but that's a whole other kettle of fish, and so rare as to be a near non-issue for me.

That being said, I have to also agree with your wife. Perhaps it was my own training, having been 'brought up' to Keeper status in our house by said previous Keeper who had the "Rule #1" attitude, but I find that I continuously police myself to assure that I am not taking advantage of the capacity of the D-type to 'let slide' certain mis-behaviors simply because I -could- justify it by saying "...because I'm the Keeper and I say so." I feel that there is a temptation to be less than completely honest about the things that I perceive as my greatest flaws, only because I know that admitting them will limit the pool of individuals suited to dealing with my ideosyncracies. There is always the temptation to not mention something, or to overlook a slip in discipline, then lean on the old tried-and-true "But I -meant- to do that!" In many ways, I find my position as Keeper much more challenging than even my reluctant obedience, with its finely crafted structure, as a servant during my training.

I find that I have become my own harshest disciplinarian, compelling myself to a demanding ethical standard, only because, in taking on the role of Keeper, I finally came to understand the temptations of "Power corrupts... absolute power corrupts absolutely."


< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/23/2008 1:32:20 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 2:13:15 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
Holy cow, Leadership... that's twice in 24 hours that we've been in something close to agreement... the world must be turning inside out. *chuckles*

I'd love to respond in more detail, but since it's now snowing in hell, I need to order some new snow skis *laughs*

quote:

I agree. Like you, I am a stickler for owning up to my errors. I've been Kept by someone who had that whole "Rule #1...Master is always right... when Master is -wrong-, see Rule #1" agenda going, and frankly, I choked on it for most of his tenure as my Keeper. Of course, I knew what it would be going in, so it wasn't like it was a huge surprised, but coupled with my own tendency to resist submission... well... it made for some interesting encounters... AAAaaaaanyway...
OK, now I have to admit, there's a part of me that is just smiling as I imagine those... *coughs* ... interesting encounters. Especially given the shy and retiring nature that you've shown on these boards *laughs more*.

quote:

Like you, I'm also very pronounced about saying that either one is present to -serve- me, or xhe's not... no half-ways. The dynamic is what it is. Unlike you, because I don't have a romantic attachment to my servants, I'm unlikely to re-arrange our dynamic if one decides that xhe doesn't want to serve any more. Instead, we will find ourselves parting ways... but that is ok, since to me this would be the foundation for an incompatibility that would be irresolveable. There may be the occasional servant who also becomes family-of-choice, but that's a whole other kettle of fish, and so rare as to be a near non-issue for me.
*nods* Clearly, I have both a lot invested (15 years) and also more flexibility in terms of my own needs (at least in terms of authority arrangements) so obviously I'd be willing to talk different arrangements. Just as obviously, if my relationship changed in such a way that my needs were no longer being met, I would end it if I couldn't fix it. You're right, this is getting creepy.

quote:

That being said, I have to also agree with your wife. Perhaps it was my own training, having been 'brought up' to Keeper status in our house by said previous Keeper who had the "Rule #1" attitude, but I find that I continuously police myself to assure that I am not taking advantage of the capacity of the D-type to 'let slide' certain mis-behaviors simply because I -could- justify it by saying "...because I'm the Keeper and I say so." I feel that there is a temptation to be less than completely honest about the things that I perceive as my greatest flaws, only because I know that admitting them will limit the pool of individuals suited to dealing with my ideosyncracies. There is always the temptation to not mention something, or to overlook a slip in discipline, then lean on the old tried-and-true "But I -meant- to do that!" In many ways, I find my position as Keeper much more challenging than even my reluctant obedience, with its finely crafted structure, as a servant during my training.

Oh thank god! I can disagree at least a tiny bit *laughs*. In all seriousness, I think the reason that I find my own internal discipline just as immediately compelling as external discipline is that I tend to live my life in the future. So when I sense that I'm on a path which ends in divorce, that is a real, immediate and very current threat for me. If I see that I've allowed my marriage to go unbalanced, then at least to me... the divorce is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER... even if it's actually 3-5 years away.

quote:

I find that I have become my own harshest disciplinarian, compelling myself to a demanding ethical standard, only because, in taking on the role of Keeper, I finally came to understand the temptations of "Power corrupts... absolute power corrupts absolutely."
*nods* In fact, this is one of the biggest draws for me. Absolute power DOES corrupt absolutely. To the extent that I can avoid that and in fact be worthy of the authority she's vested in me, I feel like I've achieved something... jumped a difficult hurdle.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 2:31:53 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline 		  One situation comes to mind where My little girl counted on Me for something and I let her down. I didn't even realize it was happening at the time. When she brought it up to Me, I felt horrible. I try to live and lead by example, and I'm very tough on Myself. I apologized...sincerely and repeatedly. Fortunately for Me, she accepted and we moved on. We have a rule: Once a mistake has been corrected, (by whatever means necessary) it is put away and it's never to be brought up again. The lesson learned remains, but the error is gone, forever.
  After all is said and done and at the end of the day...We're all human. We all make mistakes. IMHO the problem comes from not being able to own up to them. I can maybe understand the "Master is never wrong" mindset if there is no emotional bond between a Master/Dominant and his slave/sub. But, if there is an established emotional relationship, then you owe it to your relationship to be open, honest, and ready to apololgize to your sub/slave if need be. But that holds true for any relationship, and from either side of it. It's not the dynamic that matters, it's the relationship. 
  

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 2:38:44 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Very good post, Leadership.  Welcome to the ranks of the imperfect.  We certainly do hope you will enjoy your stay here with us.  Please feel free to make yourself at home and meet other imperfect people like yourself.  You'll find that many of us are often wrong, admit it, apologize, and try to do better the next day.  Should you happen to be struck with the disease of perfection, I'm afraid you'll have to leave, so that you don't infect the rest of us.

All right.  I admit that little part above was supposed to be somewhat funny.  I'm in an odd mood at the moment.  However, it's My own lack of perfection that has brought it on.  Every once in a while, I need to reaffirm with Myself that even with the best aspirations and intentions, sometimes I will fall short.  Sometimes, My conscious decisions, will be the wrong ones.  There will be instances where I will have to look at situations, and chose between two separate actions, hoping that I've picked the one that is the most appropriate.   I wrote something similar to this on another thread not too long ago.  Sometimes, it comes down to making My best guess, and hoping it will turn out.

I do happen to agree with your assessment of your own situation, rather than your slave's.  Not living up to the type of Dominant that I would want to be is, in My eyes, the same as willful disobedience on the other side of the kneel.  Whoever said the removal of a collar was always and entirely the s-types fault?  I've had one situation that came about roughly three years ago when I was doing so much training and studying  for My occupation that I had to withdraw from a dynamic because I didn't have the time to commit to it.  That was the decision that I had to make based on what I felt was appropriate and the best for all concerned at the time, even though not everybody liked it.

By the way, if you happen to enjoy being a member of the 'less than perfect' club, we have some others you might be interested in.  You might like the 'have emotions and show them society' or the 'I'm not God' club.  A lot of our members are into little groups like these. 



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Tonight on Fox! When Doms go bad! - 10/23/2008 2:48:26 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
So in the end, at least for us, there very definitely are consequences imposed on the dominant. My behavior does matter and is judged by my slave.

This part of your OP caught my attention because it rings true for me as well. 

There are very few people in this world that I truly "respect."  It takes a lot to earn that and it's just not something I dole out easily.  I totally and absolutely respect so much about the Man who is my Master and I've made sure He knows that with certainty. 

If He was the kind of man who could never admit a mistake, never say He was sorry for it or regretted it, or expected me to meet high standards when He held Himself to very low ones, that respect would not be there.  I simply cannot respect any person like that.  Therefore, the consequence of such behavior would be dire in His eyes.  It would diminish that respect that He has so solidly and deservedly gotten from me.  That, in and of itself, would be a horrible consequence to us both. 

As you said, His "behavior does matter" and is "judged."  If He began to act in ways that erased said respect, He wouldn't be the same Man whose property I became those years back.  That's why we are open with each other and apologetic when necessary.  But more than just empty words, after the apology the behavior changes and isn't repeated again................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 20
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