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Back and Rewind - 12/13/2005 5:35:02 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		We have so many wonderful threads here recently filled with learnings, laughter, and much wisdom--We have all had relationships in the past, be they play partners, short term or long term relationships--My question today is--what did you learn that you take forward? What will you never do again, what worked, what did you not do that said--ok next time I know better?--

From My experience----I believe I selected well--one today is My dear friend--another--well, needed constant discipline which is so not where My head or desires are---but I didn't delve deep enough into the D/s side--I know--we all talk about whether it matters, doesn't matter, but I choose because it matters--and I did not probe deeply enough into D/s needs---many of you know I now have a sub under consideration, many vanilla desires match as well as the D/dynamic, but I am now at a point with him where I want to understand as deeply as I can D/s needs--these go beyond flogger over paddle, but to deep seated needs and desires--for if I cannot fulfill those, we do not have a D/dance of the dynamic----I'd like to hear from all of Y/you---what did Y/you learn?

edited for typos



< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 12/13/2005 5:49:08 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 12:34:16 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		yeah! Im out of forum penance! so maybe this will move up and I can see what your thoughts are?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 12:57:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh learned so much...learned that it's pointless to lie, learned that the short term and the long term have to work in harmony and never lose perspective, learned that settling for less is never a good idea and never really works out, learned how to do lots of things with my mouth when my hands aren't available, learned how to crawl without skinning my knees, learned how to keep stability with multiple people at one time...lots more.

I'm curious why you are using the "caps rule" for non-personal nouns like "L/lifestyle" and "D/dynamic"? To me that's like using the caps rule for "T/table" and "M/movie"

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 1:03:51 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i'm still naive, even w/ some miles, i can still try to risk trusting another,even if for the wrong reason...i am still happy and whole, just somewhat incomplete w/ out learning more.........bottom line ,i am me, and nothing else....

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 1:10:47 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		sorry, its a bad habit I am trying to break--NY resolution--I was trained eons ago by an old school Domme to write that way--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 1:17:19 PM   
windy135


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		I've never been one to settle so I've learned to tell a Dom. what I think. If he doesn't want to hear it then I don't want to be with him. This site has helped me learn that I can have both worlds and it's ok. I'm a strong submissive person, and I won't settle for a Dom who can't handle that. Look out world here I come.. haha can I sound anymore cheesy!!!

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 2:02:13 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Ive learned to never trust outsiders with my personal life. I've learned to not giving a flying F*** what other people think. This might seem a contradiction though its not.
I've realised that people judge other people harshly and use those judgements to hurt and gain personal ground. Knowing this, i do not share with others what i know can be used against me (my bdsm relationship mostly) in my professional or personal life, yet at the same time, knowing the nature of people now, with all their weaknesses of character etc, their judgements have no effect on me anymore. Its just that im not gonna give people the bullets to shoot me with anymore.

(in reply to windy135)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 2:24:00 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		nothing new. i am still of the notion that most people cannot be trusted beyond my sight..
i have not as yet, found much, i could call new to me.
i find most people are the same no matter what city or state i drive to........and that includes many people i have found on this internet......
there are just some folks i won't give ya 10 cents for.
i am told........
he who pefers princple over people, does not like people.

well that is me.
i was raised and taught to be a man of principle.....and i figure, i don't have to know you to hate you,.....some folks i hate just on general principle that i know they exist...
i'm not clint eastwood and this ain't no hollywood movie..
i don't need a reason to make my day.
just getting out of bed is enough to tick me off already from the get-go.
no...i am not.......a normal well adjusted civilized human being.....
i am the epitomy of scrooge.
like it
hate it
indifferent
doesn't matter
it's me at my core

so NO is my answer.......i have not found anything new........to learn.
when i do, i'll letcha know.......promise!

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 5:10:39 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		i learned that communication is very important and while i still have problems with it, i am learning.....

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 6:10:31 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Y/you have all heard it repeatedly, communication, communication, communication, if that does not happen--walk away----our lifestyle is too dangerous not to---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 6:35:58 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		As corny as it sounds, i've learned to be true to myself -- and to my partner. i've learned to wait, to (sometimes) have a little patience to see what develops. i've also re-learned how to laugh, how to have a good time, to enjoy the moment i'm in -- all of which i never again thought i would do. i have "come a long way", but i appreciate that i have a even longer way to go yet... and to treasure my friends...

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 8:58:56 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		The one thing I have learned.. is to be honest with myself. The more I quit trying to convince myself of something, the more I don't have to convince someone else. Being on Collarme for this short time has helped me be more open and honest about who I really am and want to be. I've had to back track a few times because I've met on line so far a few that seem to think that they can change me to suit them totally. And I've about fell into it a few times. But then I come and read the forums on here, and other sites i've been on and talk to other Dom/Dommes.... and subs... And I find I'm being pulled into someone elses fantasy. And I'm reminded, I am the one who was looking to find one that fits WITH me. Not be pulled into something I really don't want. So far it's looking good... (fingers crossed)

But what I bring with me, that I have learned from my past. Is being able to say... I'm a sub, yes. I'm a slave, yes. But I'm also someone who has a brain and I like to use it. I can carry on a very intelligent conversation, laugh, play, and even play stupid when I feel the need to, (helps me learn something else when people think i'm too stupid to understand things). I like the idea of someone asking my opinion about something. And really wanting it. Not trying to pasify me.

But most of all, I learned... Although I am a playtoy, putting me on shelf till you feel like playing with me and forgetting all else in between... is not what I'm all about. I have thoughts, feelings, ambitions, a life...... and I'm going to live it.. to it's fullest!

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 9:25:31 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I've learned the difference between being manipulated into beating someone and being lovingly begged for that which he desires after he's demonstrated in words/deeds a need to see my needs are met, and that I am content... There is a world of difference when adults communicate well, and show genuine care for one another.

I still have a lot to learn, most of the time the lessons feel like a new positive achievement, but even if/when they don't, I can honestly say I am very much enjoying the ride.
Oh yeah, and that age parameter in my profile, is only a suggestion. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 12/15/2005 9:28:13 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 9:27:53 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		BlkTallFullfig
=============
basically since YOU have always been such a Lady,..i am sure whomever is with You will be in good hands.......as well as with a big heart.

happy holidays to You BTFF!


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 9:32:17 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you VeronicaofML.
I'm not admitting to anything except that I'm talking to someone, but as I'm always doing that, it's inapropriate to come announcing anything before I know the direction of things. I look forward to announcing in the positive experiences some day, but am not there yet.
Happy Holidays to you as well. M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/15/2005 10:05:16 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I did a lot of soul searching after my divorce.. now not quite two years ago. I'm a firm believer in looking back, taking not of what was good, what was bad, what i'd lilke to have again in a relationship and what i'd like to change.
Learning from the bad, but setting it aside, not letting it rule my life, then taking the lessons learned and all the good memories forward.
One thing I realized during that soul searching is that i never , ever again wanted to be in a relationship where i was not free to talk to him about anything and everthing.
My marriage was such that he never, not once, wanted to talk about sex. not before, during or after... never... nor did he ever make a sound.. if he never reached ejaculation, i would never know he even remotely enjoyed the experience. Never knew what he wanted, what he really liked, nothing.
He was from another country and i guess the culture there was different.... sex where he came from wasn't talkeda buot.. But i will never do that again.
Communication is absolutely critical for me in future relationships

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/16/2005 2:17:55 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Ah yes, lifes lessons. I've learned I'm still connected to my GOD. I've learned I've always been connected to my GOD. The times when I thought I wasn't connected was my separation, my GOD cannot separate from me. I've learned no man can come between me and my GOD, no matter how much power they percieve they have, they just want me to think they can. I've learned my GOD is an abundance of life, love, caring, and truth. I've learned those that spew hate are not connected to my GOD, they just want me to think they are.

My only hope is I'm a fly on the wall when some of these so called religious leaders meet GOD so I can hear HIM say," YOU DID WHAT!? YOU SAID WHAT!? IN WHOSE NAME!? YOU CONDEMED WHO TO HELL!? WHO SAID YOU SPEAK FOR ME!? I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF SPEAKING FOR MYSELF THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/16/2005 3:31:43 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
In my past relationships I have learned that you have to accept someone and their faults or move on. To expect someone to change is not an option that usually works. If someone is mostly what you're looking for and you settle out of not wanting to search for your one all you do is delay finding the right relationship where your needs will be met.
As far as learining about the BDSM dynamics I'd recommend Ms. Abernathy's consice slave training manuel and slavecraft. Though you are a man I'd also recommend the web site frugaldomme.com as it has a wealth of information for tops. I'd also recommend castlerealm.com. All these can teach you more about the relationship dynamics of a kinky relationship beyond the flogger as you put it.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/16/2005 4:16:33 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		This is actually kind of hard for me to answer because there are so many things I could list. I try to learn something from every relationship I have, to grow wiser and stronger for it (helps to keep certain relationships from seeming like a total waste! LOL). Lets see, maybe some highlights

Never get involved with married women or anyone cheating on their relationship, never ends well. If they'll lie to him, they'll lie to me, I ain't special.
Hang up my spurs, if I have to rescue her it'll likely become a pattern and she'll end up more trouble than she's worth.
If I have to chase her down to win her affections, her affections weren't worth having.
If she doesn't genuinely want to be in the relationship, kick her out of it and find someone who does.
If they start lying, they generally won't stop, kick them out the door and save yourself the headache.
If I really have to make her obey / behave / etc... she isn't really submissive, next.
If I don't matter enough to her for her to try her best for me, why should she matter to me.
Anger is poison in a relationship.
Let the dead past bury its dead, you deserve a fresh start with each other without having to constantly deal with each others baggage.
Insecurity is another word for trouble.
No fetish is worth sacrificing a good relationship over.
We all have our preferences and fantasies... never let that get in the way of seeing a good thing right in front of you.
Changes aren't permanent... change is.
A slave who has fear as a master will never be able to fully serve you.
Never settle for less than you sought.
Be honest about who you are... or risk someone loving you for who you aren't.
I don't care if she is a 48dd nymphomaniac with the perfect body... if she can't carry a conversation with me in a week I'll be utterly bored with her.
Don't ever fail to reach for something because you think its out of reach, you'll never really know til you try.
"Think you can wear me out in bed" said she... "I have no idea, but I'm pretty damn sure we can have fun trying," said I.
Physical attraction isn't everything, but it is definitely part of it. Try dating someone you feel no attraction for and you'll discover just what I mean.
If I'm not a top priority in her life, then its time to find someone for whom I am.
I don't care if everyone else is doing it... 100,000 lemmings can be wrong!
I can always learn something new.
If a lass says she's no good for me... don't argue.
Ask not what I can do for you, ask what you can do for me... I don't do DoMe Queens.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Back and Rewind - 12/16/2005 4:48:46 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It's good to see you off "moderation...awaiting approval"
(just wanted to give a nod in your direction.

Hugs
Katy

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 20
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