WhiplashSmile2
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: JustDarkness
a House of Quality would be nice :P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Quality
we use it at work..with some fantasy you could use it for the subject
I almost fell out my chair laughing when I read "Who's your Daddy"
http://www.qfdonline.com/archives/whos-your-daddy/
found this from one of the wiki-links for the Excel templates.
Think there is a lot to be said for the meeting of another persons needs though. Sure we might not be able to Flow Chart each and every type of relationship all nice and neat. However, if we look at things in terms of needs, expectations we have of ourself and our partners. Lay these things out in the open with one another, it becomes easier to figure out where the strengths and weaknesses are. If two people can realistically meet those needs, and what plans need to be made to meet those needs. Mmmmm... very interesting stuff.
Case in point where something from the business world can perhaps be applied down to a personal level.
I think it's great to take things from other sources and meld it into and apply it to What it is we all friggen do. If anything this tool here, places an emphasis back onto meeting needs and the relationship itself.
Actually, this was one of the things I was talking about with my girl, wanting to make certain I knew enough about her to know if I can actually met her needs, and if I was right Dom for her. I hate to Disillusion somebody with a rude reality later on down the road. Just because I am a DOM does not mean I can move a mountain with a mere snap of my fingers, or that I'm all powerful and all mightly, and that I myself don't have any issues or problems.
At times knowing the needs, wants and desires of your partner, simply allows you to focus your engery on these areas and not on aspects where it's not needed. These things vary from relationship to relationship. Something I was trying to stress in a recent thread.
Personally, I feel if more focus was upon meeting needs and expectations. The whole D/s issue would become a none issue itself. Why? Because D/s is part of the needs.
For instance If a submissive has the need to be in a one-on-one relationship with emotional involvement. A Dom should be able to figure out quickly if they can or can not meet this need. The downside, are the less then honest Dom/mes that lie about this, the submissive becomes emotionally involved only to discovered the Dom is married or cheating or has other sub/slaves on the side. Some Doms enjoy getting away with this crap, and not being responsible for thier own actions. These are the type of guys I really hate, just soon take my hand around their throat and choke the living shit out of. They tend to rub my magic lamp of thought until a Sadist Genie appears. I've engaged in verbal humilation at times, and it was anything but for play. Verbal humilation involves a lot more besides name calling alone, you actually have to use a measure of truth in it for it to be effective. At least true humiliation does.
Good god, I'm on a rant again.
Back to meeting needs. It's a matter of figuring out those needs, wants and desires first. Go at it from there. This is what good communication and the whole getting to know each other process is or should be all about. Sure it's pretty easy to have Sex, engage in S&M and kink. It's a whole different ball of wax when it comes to a committed D/s relationship. There are other things besides sex and kink and bedroom D/s. Bedroom D/s only gets you so far in an actual D/s relationship.
I think a lot of people who have never been in a D/s or M/s relationship have fantasy notions about the sex on demand, having a killer slave girl or being that killer slave girl. It's not until they finally get into a D/s or M/s relationship for real, they are bitch smacked by the reality of the reality it's an actual relationship that takes just as much work as any other relationship. The fantasy images they had fall to pieces overnight.
If only they had spent more time figuring out the other needs besides, Sex and Kinks perhaps they might have been in a better reality to begin with. Ggrrrrr..... I'm ranting again.
Went through the same process in the start of my Dom couple relationship, we met, we clicked and there was a chemistry between us. We even had sex the first night too. However, we were laying in bed together talking, figuring out that our mutual friend hooked up as a bit of practical joke. Then setting aside the fact we both were Doms, started talking about how to make things work and what each other needed and wanted. It was a pretty point blank conversation, with some laughter between us. A lot of Q&A for hours on end, in between more sex. The thing was we both felt an amazing chemistry and started to figure out how her and I would fit together. Back to communication, needs, desires and common interests.
This was the foundation of what went down. I think too many people try to force things into nice neat little boxes when it comes to D/s. Listening to the fantasy notions they have in their heads compared to listening to their prospective partner at times, or partner even.
I think the skillsets involved are somewhat dependent upon the needs involved. For instance, having a partner with ADD or ADHD requires some adjustments and skill in dealing with. If somebody has a certain fear of something, it may require skills to help the overcome those fears or to deal with those fears. However, take any want, need or desire and put it on the list. For instance a Girl who wants to be a Master Pet Kitty Cat girl and have a nice pretty red cage, is probally not a good match for a Dom who is not into Animal Play and has no desire to have a cage in the house. If the Dom is willing to meet these needs and can, that's great. If they are not, then it's not so great. If somebody has a lot of health problems or issues, how are medical bills to be handled? Is the Dom able to cover health insurance for their submissive partner or not? What about living expenses and other things? What about children? All kinds of things. What if a DOM wants to have children and the submissive can not have children? OK, I'm using things for example to illustrate a concept.
Let's go back to D/s relationships again. How much control or authority involved? Checking accounts, money, income, expenses and such. What kind of agreement that meets both sides of the D/s coin can be reached. If a Dom insists upon TPE and the submissive is not into a TPE relationship, this area can become rather sensitive quickly. Things like being kept naked around the house at all times. This might not be so practical if the submissive has young kids still living at home. Oh but wait, there must be 1001 slave contracts circulating around the internet, where this is one of the so called stereotype rules and demands out of a D/s relationship. Crap like this sort or irks the Hell out of me, for one because it places high or unrealistic expectations on D/s and even M/s relationships. There's nothing wrong with keeping a slave naked around the house, however, there are plenty more options to explore.
People are not taking enough time to figure out the actually needs, wants and desires of one another, at times rushing into or trying to force or rush into things. Often faced with bad results in the end.
|
RE: Vanilla and D/s - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread