Lower case, upper case. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

michaels1r -> Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 12:36:07 PM)

i have been in the lifestyle for many ears and totally enjoy and identify with being a male submissive.  Over the years, i have noticed that soem Dommes do not like me using the lower case when referring to myself and the upper case when referring to them.  Others do want this.  Is there any precedents or protocol i should follow?



AAkasha -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 12:43:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaels1r

i have been in the lifestyle for many ears and totally enjoy and identify with being a male submissive.  Over the years, i have noticed that soem Dommes do not like me using the lower case when referring to myself and the upper case when referring to them.  Others do want this.  Is there any precedents or protocol i should follow?


Since you can't be a mind reader when you contact/interact with women you do not know, you have two choices:

1) Use normal grammar and risk offending/irritating women that believe all submissive men, automatically, need to treat them with some level of protocol that has not been established

or

2) Use i/Y type protocol  and risk offending/irritating women that want to establish some sort of relationship with a man before expecting him to use protocol.

Which type of femdom do you want to alienate least?  The one that expects instant submission ("ooh, HOT!" right?) or the one that wants to know you as a person first (booo, boring).  <--all sarcasm in this last line.

Akasha



Venatrix -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 12:46:38 PM)

I think buggering around with the conventional rules of capitalisation in order to prove how dominant or submissive you are is just plain daft. 



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 12:51:52 PM)

I would use proper grammar and punctuations, untill you are in a relationship with a Domme, who tells you otherwise.



LadyPact -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 12:52:45 PM)

I'm in the minority here.  I do instruct My subs to use this.  It is a small reminder of our dynamic together.

Until a dynamic is established, I would say you could use either and not be able to please everyone.  There are some people out there who use it all of the time, just because it helps them remain in a submissive mindset.  Just like there are people who would rather use third person speak.  These are individual choices in how a person wishes to express themself. 

Once a dynamic is established, I'd highly recommend that you use what the Dominant prefers.



beeble -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 1:12:42 PM)

quote:

michaels1r wrote:
i have been in the lifestyle for many ears and totally enjoy and identify with being a male submissive.  Over the years, i have noticed that soem Dommes do not like me using the lower case when referring to myself and the upper case when referring to them.  Others do want this.  Is there any precedents or protocol i should follow?

If she is your Domme, you do as she says, within the limits that you have negotiated.  If she is not your Domme and you are not in a place (such as a web forum or chat room) where particular conventions are expected, she has no business telling you what to do and you do as you please, within the limits of common courtesy.

beeble



MadameMarque -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 1:30:43 PM)

I think the main concern is whether a person is reasonable enough, socially adept enough, and aware enough of others, not to expect a potential submissive approaching her to already know how she likes things, not to suppose that the way she prefers is so obvious as to cast people who don't already practice it in a bad light, as if everyone should know - not to be petty and search for reasons to gripe.  Well, unless that's actually a scene, in which case, hopefully you'll both enjoy her unreasonable and demanding ways.


Online conventions such as the upper/lower case thing, as well as written roleplaying (typing that you're having a scene or serving and being served), is a product of coming into the BDSM scene via the Internet.  It replaces gestures, expressions, tone of voice, actions, and body language.  It doesn't replace them well, but - it serves, as long as people don't get anal about it.




MsStarlett -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 1:39:44 PM)

I actually don't care much for it.  The funky capitalization actually tends to make messages more difficult for me to read.  Therefore, I don't require it.  I do not discourage it as I know some subs are just 'trained' to do that.  In some cases, as with my Wall-e, it distinguishes in print between the times he is talking to me on a friend to friend basis as opposed to the D/s relationship.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 1:43:37 PM)

I can't stand that kind of thing, personally, but I have always been a grammar snob, as well as a nontraditional dominant.  [:)]  



Usako -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 2:35:00 PM)

Respect the English language first, save the "hip and cool" BDSM trends for later if the woman actually wants it.

To me, it's the most annoying thing in the world and makes me instantly not want to talk to a person or read their post on a message board.



tsatske -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 2:38:15 PM)

LadyPact,
as you are in the minority, could you clarify your position a little?
What would you think of a submale who wrote you without using your prefered protocol? Would it impact your decision to write him back?



PeonForHer -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 3:18:35 PM)

All the advice I've been given boils down to this, michaels: the best bet is to act with a Domme as though she's any other woman till she makes it clear she wants you to do otherwise.  (Assuming, that is, you do want to do otherwise after having met her.)

I say "the best bet" - because some Dommes might want the whole protocol right from the outset.  However, my experiences bear out Akasha's point: the few Dommes who've demanded this of me straight away have all turned out to be "wrong" in one way or another.  Bad experiences each time.



LadyPact -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/26/2008 4:34:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

LadyPact,
as you are in the minority, could you clarify your position a little?
What would you think of a submale who wrote you without using your prefered protocol? Would it impact your decision to write him back?


I'd be happy to.  In clip's case in particular, it is supposed to be a constant reminder to him of his submission.  As some of the responders on the thread have pointed out, it's not grammatically correct.  After having a literate life of using capitalization the proper way, it takes an actual focus for him to do his writing as instructed.  Each time he does, he is reinforcing his obedience to Me in the way I want his writing done.  It reaffirms in his mind that I am the Dominant that he has chosen to serve.  If nothing else, he does it because I wish it.

As for sub males who write to Me, I don't expect them to know My preference.  Granted, some do because they know Me from the boards.  Some do it already as the way they prefer to express themselves.  It doesn't disqualify anyone if they don't use it in initial emails or friendly conversations.  It can be a way to know if we already think alike on the subject, but it wouldn't be a kiss of death if someone didn't adhere to My protocol at the outset.  I can always train them to do that later.  Very much the same way I'd teach them the protocols that I use in meatlife.





DreamsOfSpider -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 5:31:59 AM)

This is going to sounds silly, but the capitalization thing kind of put me off when I was first looking into BDSM. On reflection, I can see it working in personal interactions... but the idea that I'm automatically 'i' because I'm submissive? And I ought to capitalize any pronoun attached to anyone calling themselves a dominant? Um, no. I'm glad that's not the cultural standard here.



Pixiespark -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 5:36:20 AM)

i use lower cases on myself because i enjoy my position as a submissive, but i do NOT submit to anyone else. therefore nobody else gets that type of capitalization treatment, they will all be lower case until i respect them and its a far and few thing to gain from me. My Master gets capitalization because i do respect Him and i do look up to Him and worship Him.



PeonForHer -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 6:10:36 AM)

It doesn't disqualify anyone if they don't use it in initial emails or friendly conversations.
 
I was about to ask: if a Domme refers to herself with capitals on e.g. "My" in a profile, should a prospective sub do that when first writing to such a Domme?  I wouldn't, as a rule of the thumb.  So, usual rule then: standard language, standard style of getting to know someone generally, till there are clear signs to start doing otherwise. 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 6:33:01 AM)

believe it or not, there are no universal set rules or protocols in BDSM. you can make things up according to your relationship since what works for you might not work for another.

some like the Upper/lowercase slashy thing. i don't and i don't require my pet to do it either. it drives me batty whenever i read it on the forums.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 6:56:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I think buggering around with the conventional rules of capitalisation in order to prove how dominant or submissive you are is just plain daft. 



I couldn't agree more, I rather have somebody show good manners than type you every time with a capital Y, manners require more of an effort than capitalisation



GabrielleSlave -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 7:06:52 AM)

It is a matter of personal preference and i guess like LadyPact, i am in the minority too.  i love the english language and usually cannot stand to see it butchered by bad grammar, or text speak.  In this case however, i am happiest speaking of myself in lower case in the written word as i am a slave.  This does not mean that i consider myself to be a lower form of human than the Dominants and Masters out there, just that to me, it reflects my position and i am comfortable with that. 

There is no one way of doing what Wwe all do, just the way that works for those individuals concerned.

hugs

gabrielle x



sluna -> RE: Lower case, upper case. (10/27/2008 7:10:53 AM)

Hi, all.  New to posting here.

It's not something I require from my submissive, nor have I required it from any others in the past.  I don't use it when I type, or communicate with someone.  I understand, though, that some subs who contact me have it ingrained in their head as how it's supposed to be.

That said, if they use it, I'll use it against them.  One correction I've made recently with my boy is the capitalization issue.  If he's going to do it, then I'm his only Domme.  Other, previous ladies are mistresses or dommes.  This, to me, signifies that he's thinking of me, not lumping me in with previous experiences.  Just my .02.



Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875