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Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 4:01:06 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to be bold and make this statement, normally I'm not a one wayesm kind of guy, but...

"Mastering D/s is really something very specific to any given relationship one is in."

Sure, one can know and understand D/s dynamics like the palm or back of their hand.  Somebody might have been in x number of successful D/s relationships, or even not so great ones. 

The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner.  Something that changes from relationship to relationship.  A little differenet each and every time. 
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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 4:15:06 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Competency is a matter of opinion.
 
John

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 4:52:15 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

I'm going to be bold


Oh dear.  You're not serious, are you?  Don't you know what happens when someone goes and gets bold around here? :)

quote:

"Mastering D/s is really something very specific to any given relationship one is in."   


I don't like to argue, so my opinion here doesn't count for much, but I can't find anything to argue with in this statement.  Each relationship is unique, hense each M/s dynamic is a unique one.

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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:00:38 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		ok that was a realistic statement, so I'm not sure what you are looking for?
 
I might also add, that O/one's relationship should not be open to be judged by others,

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:01:23 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner.


I think you need to be able to do that regardless of what type of relationship you have.  I honestly don't think that D/s or M/s relationships are special or require special skills.  Perhaps the top needs some if the couple is heavy into impact play and various sorts of sadism touching the psyche.  Beyond that, common sense should be the guide.


_____________________________

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- Albert Einstein

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:08:26 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		How does one master DS?

I am the owner, the dominant, the top, the boss in my dynamic but I'd never say that I have mastered DS whether it was a general statement or a specific relationship.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:18:59 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

I'm going to be bold


Oh dear.  You're not serious, are you?  Don't you know what happens when someone goes and gets bold around here? :)

yeah, somebody ends up pulling out a can of verbal whip ass.  What can I say? I admit it, I'm a little sadomaso.  Too bad I did not share any personal details about things going on in my life.  Though I can express it's been somewhat different and unique.  Type of stuff, that I'm working on getting a better grip on mastering. 
quote:


quote:

"Mastering D/s is really something very specific to any given relationship one is in."   


I don't like to argue, so my opinion here doesn't count for much, but I can't find anything to argue with in this statement.  Each relationship is unique, hense each M/s dynamic is a unique one.


Ahhh... you're opinion does matter and count at times believe it or not.   OK, so you are a self proclaimed "floor sitter" since the slave/submissive debate will rage on until the end of time.  Drat, I was hoping for somebody to find something to argue with about in my statement, I enjoy being proven wrong at times.  Tends to help me out with more correct right minded thinking you know.  Then again, are us DOMS ever really wrong, even if we are indeed wrong?  Mmmmmmm... what a pondering thought.  Then there's the concepts of "Perfect mistakes" where one learns and grows from the experience, without any regrets what-so-ever.

Perhaps I should adopt the title, resident Chair Sitter.  I spend my hours sitting in a chair doing the work I do.  Pehaps I should trade my chair in for a throne and be all Kinky (uummmm mean all Kingly) or was the God like (like the topic of that other thread).   If I add chopped nuts to my vanilla ice cream, have I somehow corrupted the purity of things?  I hope the dead don't really haunt us as Ghosts, I've probally already made my Grandmother turn 10 shades paler by now.  That would be creepy, thinking about my Grand mother as a Ghost watching me.  Probally put more of a scare into her.  She had no idea just how bad of a boy I really am.  

Halloween is almost here, love that holiday to death.   Now what was the point to this thread?  Oh yeah, about things being different.  No matter how much you think you have things figured out, there's always some exception that comes along.  Some new challenge, new issue, or even that new somebody in your life.   Different personalitity, Different imperfections, Amazing perfections... yet, at the same time Amazingly different.   Like a breath of fresh air. 

You'll have to excuse me, I've been a little Quarky lately. (not really a bad thing, just different).  :-)

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:24:54 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

ok that was a realistic statement, so I'm not sure what you are looking for?
 
I might also add, that O/one's relationship should not be open to be judged by others,


I'm not really looking for anything specific, nor wishing to judge or be judged by anybody.  Hence why I don't have any personal juicey details posted about anything going on in my life.

The one thing I know for certain, is that I've met somebody truely amazing. It's been a rather different experience so far.  I'm a little besides myself at times, but those are just moments.

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:25:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
quote:


The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner.


I think you need to be able to do that regardless of what type of relationship you have.  I honestly don't think that D/s or M/s relationships are special or require special skills.  Perhaps the top needs some if the couple is heavy into impact play and various sorts of sadism touching the psyche.  Beyond that, common sense should be the guide.

Ditto.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:27:10 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Competency is a matter of opinion.
 
John


I love neutral mindfuck statements like this, sort of makes one think about the many ways and contexts it applies.  Simple, versitile and true.  :-)

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:43:04 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner.


I think you need to be able to do that regardless of what type of relationship you have.  I honestly don't think that D/s or M/s relationships are special or require special skills.  Perhaps the top needs some if the couple is heavy into impact play and various sorts of sadism touching the psyche.  Beyond that, common sense should be the guide.


Common sense, that's a beautiful word.  Just sitting here thinking about how ironic it is for me topping somebody in the bedroom, sex or a scene is not very difficult at all for me.  The weakness has been in some of my own choices for partners and dare I admit it, in my own relationship skills.  Sort of ties into SimplyMicheals Vanilla D/s thread in a manner of speaking.

OK, I do have to share this detail.  My girl has managed to open a door to some old long forgotten dreams, I had nearly wrote off on life.  She asked me a point blank question about something specific, and I gave one of those fence sitting answers where I could go either way.   Then actually, found myself exploring it in depth, then getting back to her without a fence sitting answer.

In regards to what it is specifically, I'm going to hold onto that tid bit of information.  However, I had never been in a relationship where that dream was a specific and mutual goal at the time.  A breath of fresh air in so many ways, even her personality is very different. 

I'm expressing all Great and wonderful things, and well...  I've had a few moments where my own stupid issues have run the risk of creating Drama (word best fits).  However, I've had a lot of Drama in my life for Ummmmm... at least 5-6 years.  It's awesome to be able to relax, and I keep pinching myself in disbelief.   Part of me, keeps on the look out for Red Flags or Warning signs.  The type of stuff, I had turned a blind eye on in the past.  (Padrig sort of nailed this on another thread).

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:51:35 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		How to better express this.   I have had to Master dealing with a partner with high-levels of insecurities, Master dealing with mindless drama and getting that under control before being able to move into more long range plans.   Basically, sub-improvement projects.  I sort of make a joke out of it now.

I've met somebody who really does not require a lot of fixing, or somebody with issues that are difficult to deal with or manage.  Sure, some baggage, who does not have that. 

She's not super clingly or needy, and if she becomes more needy, lol... well I would not mind in the least bit.   So yeah, it's all a little different for me.   Plus, she's not trying to make my hobbies and interests hers.  There are some wonderful differences, but also a lot of meaningful things we both have in common.

Sort of gives some of you readers the idea of what is going on here!  I'm used to more problems, drama and issues being tossed at me then there are peanuts in the state of Georgia.  That are somebody who is so damn adpative that they literally feel like a creepy clone of myself that's starting to take shape.   One extreme to the other.

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 5:52:44 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
quote:


The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner.


I think you need to be able to do that regardless of what type of relationship you have.  I honestly don't think that D/s or M/s relationships are special or require special skills.  Perhaps the top needs some if the couple is heavy into impact play and various sorts of sadism touching the psyche.  Beyond that, common sense should be the guide.

Ditto.

I basically agree about how this applies to relationships on any level but also that I do think there are most certainly skills and some of them special when it comes to the fetishes and also the wise control of a sub or slave. A control and submission that is inspired while common sense should prevail at all times.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 6:08:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
I basically agree about how this applies to relationships on any level but also that I do think there are most certainly skills and some of them special when it comes to the fetishes

When it comes to an activity, sure.  But I think a marine biologist needs to learn more when it comes to their specialties and the equipment they have to master for their field.

quote:

and also the wise control of a sub or slave. A control and submission that is inspired while common sense should prevail at all times.

It's not about control, it's about authority.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 6:27:42 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with you completely, except for what you said.

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/26/2008 10:22:57 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		If there's always more to learn... then was it ever 'mastered'?

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/27/2008 5:30:47 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

The one thing is that inorder to Master a D/s relationship you must be touch with oneself and your partner. Something that changes from relationship to relationship. A little differenet each and every time.

In other words.....every relationship is unique.

Whoda thunk it?


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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/27/2008 5:34:10 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Fr

this is one of the reasons i cant stand people saying im an 'experianced' anything, because they arent experianced in a relationship with me. As a submissive you have to change in each relationship, not everyone ahs the same routines etc, some people seem to think that because you have come out of one type of relationship you will instantly be able to walk in with the same lever of subserviance but i actually dont agree because each relationship has to set up its own borders and parameters etc so yup all in all i agree

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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/27/2008 5:43:53 AM   
manxcat


Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Congrats on finding someone who makes you rethink who you are, and what you want.  To find someone who can push you to realize dreams and goals long since given up on is awesome. 
Happy for you.  Hope i have similar luck. 
manxy

_____________________________

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a
billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly,
that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.
Ray Bradbury


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RE: Mastering D/s - 10/27/2008 4:41:17 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

Ahhh... you're opinion does matter and count at times believe it or not.  


Thank you, but I didn't mean to sound so self-depreciating. 

quote:

I don't like to argue, so my opinion here doesn't count for much, but I can't find anything to argue with in this statement. 


What I meant was that I don't like to argue, so it's no big deal for me not to find anything to argue about in your post 'cause I don't look very hard.  It's a long story about why I threw that prefactory comment in there.  Suffice to say that I had just been reading another thread before I posted here and there was lots of arguing for the sake of arguing and it wrecked a perfectly fine thought.  lol

But, yeah, your idea of 'perfect mistakes' sounds cool.  Kind of like a 'normal accident'--in any sufficiently complex system accidents are bound to happen and things get fucked up.  Its part of the normal course of things.

Its good to remain open to the uniqueness of each relationship.  The whole snow flake thing.  Part of the challenge of getting through life is to be able to take some hard hits without becoming so cynical that ya fail to notice when things take a turn for the better.  Or, when someone pretty ok and functional comes a long.  :)

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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