Pet Peaves! (Full Version)

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MissSCD -> Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 7:29:30 AM)

Greetings:
 
I am curious to see what pet peaves you may have about your sub/slave.  The reason I am asking you is simple.  I have been engaged to my slave for four years now.  I would hate to lose  him, but it is coming down to one thing.  Beer.  I hate it. 
I think he is drinking beer just to piss me off.  The smart thing for me is to break it off, but I really love him, and wish he could get his act together.  Punishment doesn't work for him.  
You cannot beat a slave to death and expect him to change.   What he is doing is a direct insult to what I believe. I finally told him that, and maybe that will do it.
I used to be a heavy drinker and smoker.  I have given it up, and I cannot stand to be around it.  All his friends drink and smoke, and I stay home.  I am happier watching tv or working on the house.
Any suggestions?
 
Regards, MissSCD



MissEnchanted -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 8:07:30 AM)

MissSCD,

I hope the two of you can work this out as it is a deal breaker for you.

You already know the answer to this situation, don't you? [;)]

What does he say when you set the line?

Addicts are known to say: "Yes, absolutely...I will quit next week." And then never quit. I'm sure you already know this?

Does he want to stop drinking? If not, that's a sad state of affairs for you.

Wishing you the all the best in this conundrum!
and no personal pet peeves to share...
ME




Imajican -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 8:50:05 AM)

My #1 pet peeve is disobedience. Kinda a large umbrella there, though, isn't it? Thing is, it's not an issue in my current relationship which is as it should be.

The only big pet peeve I have with my boy is that he has a cynical streak and he can be very, very critical about nilla things. I have a feeling some of this is cultural (as he's English) but it can grate me now and then. I think my only "problem" is that I need to learn to gag him when it starts bothering me :)

As for your situation, does he have a true "drinking problem" or is the fact that he drinks at all the problem? Is he an alcoholic or is it just that you think he shouldn't drink because you don't drink? Unless there is a real problem here then I think you need to learn to compromise with him. Just because you've changed your habits does not mean he must change his. Try to find where the middle ground is for you both and see if you can make it to a point where each of you is getting what you want to a workable degree.

-K-



SweetDommes -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 9:00:53 AM)

Our boy has been telling us for 5 years that he is going to quit smoking ... and 5 years later, he still goes out far too often to smoke.  We obviously haven't gotten rid of him, but it is something that I make sure any potential boys aren't going to put me through.  I'm about to give our boy an ultimatum ... the problem is that Holly doesn't seem to care anymore that he smokes - the fact that it's harming his health as well as mine doesn't seem to be as big of an issue anymore *sigh*

If it's a deal breaker for you, and you've told him, then you need to follow through with it.



MissSCD -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 10:16:43 AM)

I appreciate your advice.  Each one was taken into consideration.   He used to be a very heavy drinker.  It seems that when something stressful comes along like finances, work, etc, he tends to drink more.
I think it is the way he handles stress.
Keep the comments coming.   We have some wise ladies here.
 
Regards, MissSCD



slaveboyforyou -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 10:21:17 AM)

Unless he's an alcoholic, I don't see what the big deal is about drinking beer.  I would understand you're opposition if he stayed shitfaced all the time.  But you didn't say he was a drunkard, you just said he likes beer.  Hell, I like beer.  Most men like beer.  Is it the smell that bothers you? 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 10:57:40 AM)

I'd have a hard time denying a person a beer or two...  more than that, I would have an issue.  Maybe he can brush his teeth afterward?



PeonForHer -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 11:00:22 AM)

About which sorts of things is he cynical, Imajican?  I may be able to help - I'm an expert at being English [;)]  Mail me if you prefer.



PeonForHer -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 11:04:11 AM)

Especially as we're only talking about American beer here, too . . .



MissSCD -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 11:31:52 AM)

LOL.  I had to die laughing on that one LadyHibiscus.
Update:
 
We have talked this afternoon.  The situation is under control.   He came to my house Saturday to pick up a washer and dryer that my mother had given to him.   He got his best friend's son who is 17 to help.  We both know the kid is big time into drugs. 
I brought the kid into the house to speak to my elderly mother.  We smelled something awful.  My fiance was right in front of me, and the kid was on the couch. 
After thinking about it, I asked my slave if the kid had been doing drugs, and he said yes.  
I apologized to my slave.  I am not always perfect.  I also told him that if he wanted to drink a beer after I left his house, that would be perfectly ok.
I am still shaking a bit over this, and I did not drink the beer.
No one can do anything with that kid.   No one.  He won't be in my house again.
 
That is the end.

Regards, Thanks, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'd have a hard time denying a person a beer or two...  more than that, I would have an issue.  Maybe he can brush his teeth afterward?



Lashra -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 11:40:07 AM)

Yes I have pet peeves like most people. I refuse to be with anyone who is a alcoholic, a smoker, or a drug user. My sub used to be ALL of those until he nearly killed himself from it (years before we even met) now he does none of those things and he won't, not if he wants to stay by my side.

Somethings I will negotiate on and somethings I will not, he knows he may have a beer if I am with him and he may only have two at most.

~Lashra



Imajican -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 4:52:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
About which sorts of things is he cynical, Imajican?  I may be able to help - I'm an expert at being English [;)]  Mail me if you prefer.


Oh when I visited him it was things like the weather and this and that. I can't remember all the little stuff as it's not *that* important, it was just an issue often enough to stand out.  I think the bigger issue is that he's critical of so many things so he finds fault in things I find to be perfectly acceptable. I told him that I wondered how he could be with me since I'm far from perfect, but of course he says that's different *smile*

-K-



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 5:04:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD
Update:
 
We have talked this afternoon.  The situation is under control.   He came to my house Saturday to pick up a washer and dryer that my mother had given to him.   He got his best friend's son who is 17 to help.  We both know the kid is big time into drugs. 
I brought the kid into the house to speak to my elderly mother.  We smelled something awful.  My fiance was right in front of me, and the kid was on the couch. 
After thinking about it, I asked my slave if the kid had been doing drugs, and he said yes.  
I apologized to my slave.  I am not always perfect.  I also told him that if he wanted to drink a beer after I left his house, that would be perfectly ok.
I am still shaking a bit over this, and I did not drink the beer.
No one can do anything with that kid.   No one.  He won't be in my house again.
 
That is the end.

Regards, Thanks, MissSCD


Ok i am really confused. You are done with your boy or the friends son?

Personally i hate the smell of beer, and don't like being kissed or breathed on by anyone drinking it. I know this comes from being "harrassed" by older drunk males at parties when i was 10-12. I looked much older, and got cornered more than a few times. It just brings back an "ick" feeling for me.  My partner loves beer, ale actually and is actually an afficinado of the different types. So i tolerate his drinking as long as it's not too excessive.

As for smoking that is a deal breaker for me, period. I grew up in a family where everyone else smoked. I was sick all through my childhood with "chronic bronchitis and sinusitis" that miraculously went away when i turned 18 and moved out. Between the way it makes me feel and watching my mother struggle with COPD and emphysema before we had to make the decision to let her go, there is no way i could support another person in that habit. I don't harrass my friends who smoke, but i would never be intimate with one of them.

my real personal pet peeve though is rudeness. it's just not that hard to be polite or even neutral. a little consideration for others goes a long way.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 7:03:43 PM)

It depends how much he drinks and if you think the drinking is a problem...

In case he is an alcoholic, I might need to cut your losses, as cruel as it sounds, I went through it with an ex, I realize now that by being "understanding" and trying to help him out (read bailing him out time and time again) I was enabling him and not doing him any favours, I certainly wasn't doing myself any...



LadyBeckett -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 7:13:12 PM)

The very last line in your post asks, "Any suggestions?"
 
I have a suggestion, but it is preceded by a question?  Why are you even asking this when your post indicates that you are in a sitution that you have very little to no control in, lend the impression that you are very unhappy and perhaps at your wits end.
 
My suggestion is to extricate yourself from this situation, find yourself a naturally submissive boy and play happily ever after.  [;)]



ShaktiSama -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 9:07:14 PM)

If you are a former alcoholic, or even someone who was verging on alcoholism (same deal if you were a nicotine addict), I would say this was a deal breaker. Substance abuse is a very difficult pattern to break, and it sounds as if this man is deeply entrenched in drinking/smoking. These habits saturate his social relationships and are probably foundational in his life. If you need to be in a pretty alcohol-free environment, I'd say you need to make him choose between the habits and you. You've already made the choice for yourself.



MissSCD -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/27/2008 9:16:06 PM)

It is interesting watching you all ponder over a situation you can only imagine on the net.  
The person who smelled was the kid.  He was doing crack that day before my slave picked him up. I allowed the kid to come into our house so that he would have a chance to see how others live.   I am pretty sure the kid will wind up in prison unless a Mentor steps in from some where.  His home life is terrible.
Under no way does my slave do drugs. 
I do not do drugs.
I am not an alcoholic or never have been one.   He is not an alcoholic or never been one.  For me is is something to do with my faith.   I don't do it for that reason, and it makes me uneasy to be around it.
We came up with a salution that would allow him freedom after I leave his house on the weekends.  
Thanks for your advice, and that is what happened.
 
Regards, MissSCD



MsStarlett -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/28/2008 4:12:04 AM)

And to think... I get pissed at my husband for always throwing trash in the kitchen sink.  Almost 23 years... I can't teach him the difference between a sink and a trash can.  At least he doesn't drink or smoke.  But he IS a shop-aholic.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/28/2008 4:43:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

It is interesting watching you all ponder over a situation you can only imagine on the net.  



A bit more information might have eliminated the need for a lot of speculation



ShaktiSama -> RE: Pet Peaves! (10/28/2008 9:38:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

It is interesting watching you all ponder over a situation you can only imagine on the net.  


No one appears to have been particularly imaginative. All posters simply responded to the wording of your post. It wasn't very clear in a variety of ways.

quote:

Under no way does my slave do drugs. 


On the contrary, your slave consumes both alcohol and nicotine. Obviously, another problem with wording.

quote:

I do not do drugs.


You made that clear. In fact, you are adamantly opposed to them.

quote:

I am not an alcoholic or never have been one.


You used the phrase "heavy drinker and smoker". It was not supplied by anyone else. To me, both heavy drinkers and heavy smokers are addicts; both alcohol and nicotine create chemical dependence in the human body. Clearly, you define the term "alcoholic" differently than I do.

quote:

   He is not an alcoholic or never been one.


You described him as a person who could not or would not stop drinking. It was not a great leap. Most of my close friends and intimates are people who rarely drink and smoke, if at all.

quote:

We came up with a salution that would allow him freedom after I leave his house on the weekends.  


The only way I can imagine this being a solution is if you were using the word "engaged" very differently than I would as well. To me, "engagement" is a state of promised marriage--your slave would also be your fiancee. Most people who are "engaged" live together, or plan to live together once married. In such a circumstance, a habit that you "cannot stand to be around" would be very serious.

If your slave is not your fiancee, but simply a D/S partner that you meet with occasionally, this is obviously a very different situation.

Glad you found a solution that works for you both.



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