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RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 6:08:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
I never quite understood the need some have to constantly advertise their kinks, their sex life, what they do in private to anyone who will listen (and plenty who don't want to listen). Most people don't want to know about your sex life... kinky, vanilla, or absent... they just don't want to know.

Because for me it's the same as women who wear wedding rings, women who talk about their family vacations.

I would like to be able to say "Yea my boyfriend and his girlfriend went and saw a movie yesterday" as much as a wife can say that about her husband. And I don't consider that advertising my kink or sharing what's behind private doors.

I understand the REALITY of life right now is that I can't, and I don't push things just to make my own little ego feel less bruised. But I wear the tshirts, and my personal life is certainly as open as it can be in personal contexts.

(in reply to Padriag)

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Post #: 21

RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 7:03:07 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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I don’t talk about my lifestyle with outsiders. I have a career and display an attitude that is vanilla. I want to blend into all situations. We all want acceptance by our groups and being the norm in a group is truly what works. Besides money means much to me and I ain’t going to test a damn thing.

I know someone who does though and she has a high profile career, also. Some of her friends have met me, so they know by association that I’m into things, too. That gives me pause for thought.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 22

RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 7:47:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I've been threatened because of it.

I'm a graduate student and in my department when we do searches for new professors there is always a graduate student on the committee. I was asked to be on one for a Roman historian a few years ago.

The Greek historian (who had been my advisor then turned into this nasty grouch later on) tried to use my lifestyle and my published work to keep me off the committee. I was informed of this by the committee chair who also told me "Let us handle it TammyJo; just continue to be the professional you are".

I did and it turned out that at a department meeting the rest of the facility told her to leave the committee if she didn't want me on there because they knew I cared about the search and I'd take the job seriously; they were not sure, given her attitude and some things she'd done, that she would.

It was scary for a couple of weeks but in the end I believe that by not hiding who I am or what I do but also by being very professional for each situation, I proved myself to be a good asset to my department. I'm not ashamed of who I am but I do not what is and is not appropriate.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to windy135)

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Post #: 23

RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 9:05:48 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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i have no work milieu; i am on a small pension. Wild horses could not make me tell my family...who wants to deal with the hysteria? i can imagine s'day telling my kid, but not unless it was unavoidable. The kid would not want to know; it would be way too much information about Mom.

i know of one friend who was fired from his job for being gay. There were no laws or rules in place to protect him. Later, he formed a lasting relationship with another guy, very nice, and the two of them had difficulty finding rental property. i find the discrimination which is legally permissible to be repugnant.

candystripper

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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Post #: 24

RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 10:18:11 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Truesub4u, the last thing I wanted when I asked that question was to make you become defensive. I aplogize for that. You should not have to defend yourself in regards to family, but obviously my question brought out exactly that. I was only trying to understand in my own mind, why YOU thought your mom would not understand. And, from what you said, I can almost understand your reasons for not telling her. Thank you for answering :)

Smiles........ IrishMist,

You did no such thing hun. I had no problems responding to your question at all. Made me laugh. I was commenting on the quote after yours.

Your question made alot of since and trust me... i was laughing the whole time I was typing, thinking of things being chucked out the back door!... LOL
Your questioned raised a serious thought of most on know when and when not to come out about our lives. And to whom.

I'm not one that want the whole world to know about my personal life. I don't wear a tattoo across my forhead that reads slave. (Maybe somewhere else, someday, but its not going to show)

Alot of other posters here are making alot of good points and comments on things they've experianced, or don't want to experiance being "outted" I don't look at this as no one whinning about things, just simply expressing themselves about topics they've thought about before, or experianced before. Not just on this topic but on alot of others. Unfortunately these are just words typed out on a screen to others that read them. Unless you know someone personally, you don't know they talk to know the feeling behind what they say. The tone of a voice, makes a hell of a lot of differance. I've made a few mistakes myself in the past month bring on collarme thinking when someone responded to my post I was being attacked. I responded back deffensively. Shame on me to quote one Moderate on here.

Ok done babbling... I've said it once.. I'll say it again. Maybe we need to find a way of making a Voice Profile... or Voice Forum now......... Hmmmmmmmmm?

(in reply to IrishMist)

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Post #: 25

RE: discrimination - 12/14/2005 11:26:18 AM

sothernnyte

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
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i tend to keep my lifestyle preferences as far as bdsm to myself or to those very close to me that i have absolute trust. no sense in my rocking the boat with others that i have no dealings with other than in a work/aquaintance atmosphere.

however, i am out as far as being a lesbian because i will not hide my love for my partner not to mention we have children to think of. i think of it like heterosexuals exhibiting that same right by having their spouses pictures on their desks at work. i do the same. however, we do not discuss what goes on the in the bedrm...dungeon... that is more personal than we want to get.

those who know i am in the Life, may not understand it and may make joking comments though in a playful way, do not condemn me for it. and it is a respected line they don't cross.

i have found though that i have been discriminated against far more for my sexual preference. so i tend to not be so trusting.

sothernnyte

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 26

RE: discrimination - 12/15/2005 2:43:59 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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windy

no i never tell anyone about my liefstyle only my family knows you should never tell anyone no matter how proud we areabout this it is not mainstream\\

mons

(in reply to windy135)

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Post #: 27