How do you feel about being asked?

How do you feel about being asked? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

allthatjaz -> How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 10:57:42 AM)
Last night I possibly took the most extreme I have taken so far on my journey. 6 inner labia piercings and a scarification on my right hip. Afterwards we sat and talked into the small hours, though I think my talk was possibly gobbly gook as I was on an all time high. Stephen told me that the reason he got off on the whole thing we do and in fact most things we do because its usually me that initiates it. I asked for the piercings, the scarification and thinking about it I tend to be the one that says 'you know what Stephen? I would really love to try this'. He continued to say that if it had been him that had suggested it and I had said yes and then later said 'I did it for you because I want to please you' he would be really turned off by that. I didn't even realise that I do it but I will often just bend over his lap and say 'would you mind just spanking me?' and he apparantly he really likes that. I found this really interesting and wondered if other dominants felt this way? I am not saying that S doesn't take the lead, he's certainly more than capable of doing that but he enjoys it more when he knows that this is what I really want.

SteelofUtah -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 11:07:21 AM)
I agree, It is this way for me. I really only enjoy something if my partner wants it. I may want my Partner to TRY something that they do not like a few times before they flat out say they do not like it and I may even want them to try something they say they don't like with me once or twice to make sure it wasn't just the Method they didn't like. I find that likes and dislikes can have a lot to do with WHO is doing them and in some cases it is more the WHO than it is the WHAT. For instance if I wanted to do a full Breast Acupuncture Needle Session with a girl and she said she hates needles I would want her to try a few acupuncture needles because they really don't hurt the sting bit at first but then they kind of feel like extentions of your body. I would want the girl to try a few acupuncture needles first before we ruled out the idea completely but if after we tried a few and she still wasn't into it then it would no longer hold any attraction to me and it would end. Steel

allthatjaz -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 11:21:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah I agree, It is this way for me. I really only enjoy something if my partner wants it. I may want my Partner to TRY something that they do not like a few times before they flat out say they do not like it and I may even want them to try something they say they don't like with me once or twice to make sure it wasn't just the Method they didn't like. I find that likes and dislikes can have a lot to do with WHO is doing them and in some cases it is more the WHO than it is the WHAT. For instance if I wanted to do a full Breast Acupuncture Needle Session with a girl and she said she hates needles I would want her to try a few acupuncture needles because they really don't hurt the sting bit at first but then they kind of feel like extentions of your body. I would want the girl to try a few acupuncture needles first before we ruled out the idea completely but if after we tried a few and she still wasn't into it then it would no longer hold any attraction to me and it would end. Steel but what if the girl took them and then said 'I took them but I did it for you'? I have to admit that I love sticking needles in people but I only ever do it to people who ask me. The ones that do are often needle phobic's and they end up after a few months becoming total pin cushions but thinking about it I really get off on the excitement on there face and them saying 'wow thank you' No way could I have just anyone sticking needles or piercings in me. Your absolutely right on that score

SteelofUtah -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 11:26:54 AM)
Well that is where I am a little different, I really enjoy the erotic. If someone is going to go to all the trouble of trying to pretend to be Enjoying something that they are not I would be Hurt and Upset because it would imply that they were lying to me. I believe in Transparency which is why I don't really have a safe word because Stop No and Don't Actually Mean STOP NO and DON'T. I am into the Erotic and the Sexual so if the enjoyment recieved did not translate into "OH MY GOD that was amazing!" then I doubt I would be happy. Steel

allthatjaz -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 11:35:40 AM)
Steel you sound very much like S and me. I have stuck needles in people that look grim after each needle and I have stuck them in people who have this big grin on there face and say excitedly 'thank you, thank you, thank you' and I know which one gets me off! I'm more of a 'ooh ouch yep its ok' or 'ahhh can you just give me a minute?' but we don't safe word either unless its an all out rape game where i want to scream NOOOOO!!!

RealSub58 -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 11:40:22 AM)
I have a tat on my back from the last dom. I like that I have one but there is too much reminder of him when my subconscious brings me to it. In the beginning Sir said "you dont see it, I do." And he is not fond of tats anyway. Last week I asked if I could alter the tat in someway...the answer was yes. I think I bring this up because some times we do things for each other ~~ meaning us and them and it doesnt really matter who is pleased with it the most... it just brings pleasure to all involved.

SteelofUtah -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 12:04:38 PM)
That is a Good point, and I agree. I think this thread deals more with the Taking something and not enjoying it part. I agree that there are times that ando does things for me because they are expected of her and not because she necessarly wants too. There is a FINE line but there is a line and I agree is it not as simple as black and white because for as fine as the line that is as wide as the Grey area that cannot be defined in Black or White. Thank you for pointing that out. Steel

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 12:12:20 PM)
LOL... I'm a bit like Stephen myself in this department. In fact, I make it a point to pay close attention to such things. I've actually enjoy doing activities that both me and my partner enjoy doing together. I hate seeing grim looks upon my partners face after doing or trying an activitity they are not really into. One thing is for certain, if they are into it and I'm into it. There's no Grim looking faces afterwards. If somebody gets off on letting me do something to them that I love the hell out of, they don't have a grim looking face. They don't have to be into the activitity itself at times. Just be into doing it or having me do it to them. Still no Grim faces in the end.

teensub -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 12:57:02 PM)
My master certainly likes it if i ask for things. Altho i find it incredibly hard to do. Im not sure why i just come over all shy. He usually ends up asking me to ask him for it before he gives it to me, because he knows how difficult i find it!

antipode -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 1:44:28 PM)
Good for you. The only question mark I always experience - drat, the Dow lost 200 points in the last 10 minutes of trading, what the f*** is going on? - my question mark, not to do with you, is that I find many of the really young 'uns tend to say what they think you want to hear. Doesn't matter what you agree. And that can include asking for things they wouldn't ordinarily. And then complain afterwards. The funniest was the ex-sub who sued me for ownership of "her" photography. After I pointed out to her legal eagle that she had relinquished all rights in emails, and that those have the power of contract, I didn't hear from them again. You gotta be really confused to be from Utah and try this on a Manhattanite.... Right? Don't these people watch Law and Order? (Nothing wrong with Utah, I hasten to add, or any other flyover state, it just sounds so assertive to say that [8D])

allthatjaz -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 2:19:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode The funniest was the ex-sub who sued me for ownership of "her" photography. After I pointed out to her legal eagle that she had relinquished all rights in emails, and that those have the power of contract, I didn't hear from them again. You gotta be really confused to be from Utah and try this on a Manhattanite.... Right? Don't these people watch Law and Order? Oh believe me I have been down that road antipode. A sub nodding that she wants only to accuse me of taking from her what was not mine to take. I'm done with all that nonsense and tend to choose a well weathered sub who knows exactly what she needs and celebrates the experience without ever going down that vindictive route.

Rover -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 2:28:57 PM)
I certainly am not opposed to my partner expressing a desire for something that she'd find pleasing. After all, I believe my relationships should be mutually gratifying and fulfilling and my partner should be sharp enough to come up with a few good ideas from time to time. On the other hand, I don't feel constrained to wait to be asked for something either. I'm not a service Top. From my own perspective, I'd feel something was wrong (purely subjective) in my relationship if all of the ideas were being generated or initiated by one partner or the other. John

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 3:20:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover From my own perspective, I'd feel something was wrong (purely subjective) in my relationship if all of the ideas were being generated or initiated by one partner or the other. John I want a partner who salivates at the thought of fullfilling some desire of mine. It is also one hell of a massive turn on when a partner comes to you filled with lust directed at you and begs you to do some unspeakable thing to her. OH YEAH! I like being the target of lust and if it was always me initiating things, I would begin to feel like I had a target rather than a partner. I want to MAKE my partner a target but I sure as hell don't want her to be one.

Rover -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 3:24:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I want to MAKE my partner a target but I sure as hell don't want her to be one. *Nice line... kind of like wanting to objectify her, but not wanting her to be* an object. I suppose those are the nuances that distinguish fantasy from reality... that which is fun in doses, but cannot realistically be expected as a permanent state. John**

littlewonder -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 4:30:27 PM)
Master enjoys when I ask for something that he knows I downright hate or would never do for anyone else. He likes that I do it to please him and make him happy but yet it comes straight from me and my surrender to him. But there has to be a balance. I also want him to take what is his to begin with also. It's all about balance.

allthatjaz -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 4:48:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Master enjoys when I ask for something that he knows I downright hate or would never do for anyone else. He likes that I do it to please him and make him happy but yet it comes straight from me and my surrender to him. But there has to be a balance. I also want him to take what is his to begin with also. It's all about balance. I agree about the balance littlewonder. If it was I that was doing the asking all the time then I would seriously start wondering about his imagination. When he strikes its out of the blue and I never seem to know its coming but then thats how I want it, cold, harsh, cruel and without warning.

cagliostro -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 5:05:17 PM)
Yes, I do like being asked. As long as it is balanced. I think you're both right about that. And like teensub said, it is fun to force the request out of you, too. Also, asking is sometimes a necessity. If you're ever exploring your limits, you kinda have to ask for it. It's our responsibility to respect limits during play, so we won't push them. Unless you ask.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 5:07:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Rover From my own perspective, I'd feel something was wrong (purely subjective) in my relationship if all of the ideas were being generated or initiated by one partner or the other. John I want a partner who salivates at the thought of fullfilling some desire of mine. It is also one hell of a massive turn on when a partner comes to you filled with lust directed at you and begs you to do some unspeakable thing to her. OH YEAH! I like being the target of lust and if it was always me initiating things, I would begin to feel like I had a target rather than a partner. I want to MAKE my partner a target but I sure as hell don't want her to be one. Thank goodness! I have at times felt badly because I never wanted to make you feel I viewed you as a fetish delivery device... It was always so refreshing and wonderful when I would bring up some new, disgustingly perverted kink and you would (ahem) rise to the occassion.. I was terribly afraid of rejection for the longest time... One of the best parts for me is that in the past, those things I might be curious about now may have never held much interest for me. But: 1. thinking about doing them with you and 2. anticipating your reaction to my surprising you with the suggestion just created this wonderful little circle of OMFG! for me! At this point, I think if I approached Michael with a request that we cover ourselves in feathers and run across the park yelling, "I'm a llama!" it would suddenly become the kink du jour for us simply because it would be with each other...

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 6:28:25 PM)
Woman, some days you just melt my heart into a puddle of goo. Oh, and have you ever seen how LLamas mate? He forces his mate into the ground and mounts her while biting her neck and forcing her head into the dirt. So yeah, I am up for it! Now, what are we going to smear all over each other to get the feathers to stick, I can only produce so much "glue"...

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: How do you feel about being asked? (10/27/2008 6:32:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Woman, some days you just melt my heart into a puddle of goo. Oh, and have you ever seen how LLamas mate? He forces his mate into the ground and mounts her while biting her neck and forcing her head into the dirt. So yeah, I am up for it! Now, what are we going to smear all over each other to get the feathers to stick, I can only produce so much "glue"... Heh heh.. Why do you think I chose llamas? Couldn't we just poke the feathers into our skin?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875