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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 6:33:57 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		The truth is, the only reason I keep my "personals" profile active here is to be able to exchange emails with many of the wonderful people I have met here, on the message boards.  I have found that the connections I have made on the boards have been very meaningful and many people have become extremely important to me.  (looks directly above and waves) Stay here on the boards.  Read, post, get addicted and make friends.  No need to jump into dark waters until you feel absolutely ready to...

So the answer to your question?  No, there doesn't need to be any reason other than because...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 7:16:15 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		The posts keep me coming back. Sometimes through reading them a light bulb moment happens, and sometimes when i am posting i will experience the same.

I didn't sign on to find a Dominant, but to explore and understand D/s. 

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 8:13:07 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		    Darn good point...GreedyTop!   Before I came to the boards hardly had anyfun at all.

And this is a damn good place to meet people and even interact with them as well.

Most important of course is to just be honest and open....hmmm well maybe not to open?   Just have fun with others is the important part!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 8:59:30 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I have no idea what I'm doing and I could attempt to explain why I'm here but it would be so vague and self indulgent, that it really would be a waste to convey it. Does there have to be a reason why I'm here? I was asked that question many times before and my conclusion is, no.


observer,
Does there HAVE to be a reason why you are here. No, I suppose not. There SHOULD be though. There seem to be a lot of people on this site who don't have a clear idea of what they want. Some have vague notions, some have nothing more than fantasies. These are not people I would ever get involved with.

Truth is you have a lot of soul searching to do. You should take the time to examine yourself as honestly as you can, and as long as it takes, to come to an understanding of what it is you are looking for. Believe me, you will have a significantly better chance of making a good choice when the time comes, and a much better likelihood that it will turn out well.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:13:02 AM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Where do I start? Hmm ... thanks to everyone who left their kernels of knowledge for me to digest and of course, the warm welcomes too!

I'll be absolutely honest, this is not the only place where I have trouble reaching out. I belong to a couple of writer's forums and a friend of mine (whose of member of some of these forums, also) has been telling me that I need to participate more and stop being a virtual hermit. I guess it's hard for me to really put myself out there. I think that's why I set up that rule for myself when I first joined CollarMe. I thought, if someone contacted me first, then that means they were interested in something they saw in the profile and it's not like I was imposing myself on another. So typical - I know.

I'm such a girl and full of contradictions.

Anyway thanks again, everyone, for sharing!

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:18:08 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards...
 
As a few have stated...you do not have to have a reason to be here to satisfy anyone...else...
 
I admire your honesty...
 
Good luck

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:26:03 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Loves me my Pimp Daddy and the Pimpettes and all my other friends. Thast why I am here.
To give and recieve loving friendship. Its priceless.


I came here originally because an acquaintance was bemoaning the fact that his girlfriend made a profile on this site and I wanted to see what it was about (they had already broken up but it wasn't his idea, he had just not moved out to his new place yet).  I read the forums for a bit until I wanted to ask someone a question privately, then I had to create a profile to do that.

Since that time, I've made wonderful friends here, some face-to-face, some not.  I could call up Pimp Daddy (CJan) or any of the Pimpettes (Lushy, Greedy, Tulip, Hibiscus) any time for love, support, or a reality check.  I could call up Mercnbeth and ask to stay at their house for a weekend (well, that's what Merc said, anyway, I haven't put it to the test).  And my fella contacted me after getting to know me on the forums.

And those are just some of the people I've met face-to-face. 


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:28:39 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Why is it necessary to explain some thing to a stranger?
For a brief period in the middle of my year on this site I thought I might consider looking for a partner from this site.  But when it came down to it I realised I don't feel it is possible for me anymore.  A buddy of mine in real life suggested that I fill out the kink portion of my profile in case someone might come along to spark my interest.  But my profile over there lists as seeking friends only.
I think those people who contact newcomers are really looking for gullible prey.  "Why are you here?"  "What are you seeking?"  Those are just key phrases to make their target more visible.  That question never came up for me after the first few months.  But if it did, what I am seeking is communicaton.  Why I log on, is the forum.  I am still looking for the cookies. 
Kyst

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:35:29 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I come here to read stella.
 
Dear OP, welcome.  I can't really address the mountains of angst in your original post.  I can only say that I've met online a ton of jerks of all stripes and flavors on CM (and yes, the Lord God made them all).*   But I've also met in person several exciting, caring, and wonderful submissives, and a very few decent friends.
 
And I met my wonderful darling little girl...so sifting through the dross was ultimately worth it.
 
E.
 
__________________
* I am reminded of Vonnegut's comment on why God made rattlesnakes.  "Sometimes I wonder about the creator of the Universe."

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 9:44:00 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		99.9% of the time the collarme side of this site felt like a complete waste of time.  And then one day you open one email and it makes it all worthwhile.   It's hard enough to make a connection in the vanilla world.  It's that much harder here because you have to match kink on top of everything else.  But it does happen.  Stick around on this side, have fun in the forums. 

_____________________________



(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 12:19:40 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theobserver

I set these rules for myself, I said, "okay I will not contact anyone first," of course that's not a very unique stand to take on this website (or any social leaning website).

Not unique, but it does puzzle me. Why do so many choose that particular rule? To me it seems like telling the waiter at a restaurant, "I have some inkling of what I might be interested in on this menu, but I'm not going to tell you."
In addition to that, such rules seem to play into a system in which the end result is an inbox stuffed full of e-missives from would-be lotharios (if you're a woman).
Maybe that's good, though, I don't know.
quote:


I have no idea what I'm doing and I could attempt to explain why I'm here but it would be so vague and self indulgent, that it really would be a waste to convey it. Does there have to be a reason why I'm here? I was asked that question many times before and my conclusion is, no.

You don't have to explain yourself to strangers who show up unbidden in your inbox.
Because they took the time to fish for you doesn't mean you have to jump on the hook.

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 12:49:33 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Because they took the time to fish for you doesn't mean you have to jump on the hook.

OK, I am definitely saving that one for posterity *laughs*

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 1:12:08 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thank to everyone for all the words of wisdom.

I didn't say this in the OP but I was sort of 'sent' to this website by a friend and I was very naive about certain things, no harm, no foul. Reading a few of the other threads, especially the one about replying to messages, has shown me that my initial experiences could have been far worse! Mostly, it was amusing and the good stuff was overall fun. I do want to figure out if entering this lifestyle is truly what I want or is it just a substitute for what I'm not finding elsewhere. So in any case, yes, I'm just going to keep reading the forums and participate when I have something to add to the conversation(s).

Thanks!



(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 1:56:57 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome.
This is as good a place as anywhere to start to interact on a very honest level.
You will figure out in time who you can trust.
It's a good place to learn about people.
Take care
Beth

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 3:07:51 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*sends smooches to Empy*

observer.. even if you decide that this lifestyle ISNT what you want, I for one hope you would stay around.. personally, I feel you've made a great first impression, you're obviously intelligent and well-spoken, and thats always appreciated around here (well, by MOST of us, anyway *grin*)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 4:33:26 PM   
elleinar


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

My cynical side says there is no belief in building real connections and friendships anymore. Maybe that's why I keep coming back, to anywhere I think I might luck up and find one.

I  understand that feeling. However, I can share about a positive experience here. A little over a year ago, I saw a "new" profile in my search criteria... wrote a "welcome back to the area" type of greeting and exchanged some chatty emails. I also invited him to our local group meeting. We have become very close friends. Yes, it is possible to find a connection and friendship, but it may take a great amount of patience.

Regards,
Elle


< Message edited by elleinar -- 10/29/2008 4:43:01 PM >

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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues....Elizabeth Taylor

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:22:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So do you go to one party a year and if you don't meet and marry someone at that party do you then decide all party goers are fakes and you should never go to another party. Most people go for years before they fall in love and marry. So why should something that difficult in the real world be magically easy when you are online?

Talk to people. Read profiles. Write people about all sorts of things, questions about their favorite vacation place photo, shared stories about your pet which their journal entry reminded you of. And don't have any expectations except the hope that you will get a nice email back. Just like you don't go to a party expecting an engagement ring, but only hoping to have a nice time. Same thing here.

I've been to parties where I've made friends, where I've had an interesting conversation with someone I never met again, and with loud drunks who ruined the evening. No one evening defines every possibility so if I'm free, I still go.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 11/1/2008 9:23:21 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't let a few trolls scare you off, remember, this is the internet, a virtual world, you don't have to make emotional investments in anyone in here, so if they try to scare you by "blocking you", after minimal contact they're probably doing you a favor.

Save your emotional investments for the people that treat you with respect, the rest are looking for inflatable dolls.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 11/1/2008 12:31:29 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for the replies. Yeah, I'm learning. I hate to sound repetitive but thanks to everyone for their advice, encouragement and warm welcomes.

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 39
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