RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information

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SimplyMichael -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/29/2008 9:22:15 PM)
Thinking Man, You have gotten some great advice here. I hope that here is some more. Disconnect the god damn computers. She is your partner and has to start acting like it. What she is doing is SO common, years ago I had it done to me, the whole "I love you so I need to fuck someone else while you learn to be a better dom" routine. END IT NOW with anyone outside the two of you. Unless you get the basic vanilla parts of your relationship working, you are never going to get to the hot sexy stuff. Tell her her focus is now on you AND your focus is on her. If she wasn't feeling sexy (and if you were not treating her as sexy) because of her surgery, WORK on that TOGETHER as a TEAM!!!! Remember, for her, playing online is a way to live in a fantasy, to escape her life. She doesn't see that but you need to see that, both that she needs to stop living in a fantasy AND you need to fix the reason she doesn't want to exist in the real world you have helped create for her. Sit down and write out a few places you think you could do better in the relationship and work on those. Don't make a big deal about it, perhaps don't even talk about it, just let her feel the changes. Remember, as hot as fantasies are, they suck compared to the warmth of lying next to a partner you love and next thing you two know you are each other's hot fantasies.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/29/2008 9:55:43 PM)
quote: 2) Being submissive she's having a real problem telling me what she needs. Duh, if she has to tell me then who's the Dom? What do needs have to do with being submissive or dominant? You're the dominant, not a psychic. If she doesn't tell you what she needs, how else will you find out? The problem has nothing to do with her being submissive or your being dominant. The problem is communication--or rather a lack thereof. Drop the online Dom and online sub. Step away from the computer, both of you. Talk, chit chat, talk some more....oh yeah, and talk.

suhlut -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/29/2008 10:53:31 PM)
i lie next to a man that i love every night, but that doesnt change the fact that theres never going to be any magical moment where i look at him and see my idea of a hot fantasy. ThinkingMan is lucky on the otherhand.. that he is in a marriage with a partner, that is open to this, so i can't argue the advice everyone has given, in that they both need to focus on each other, and forget bringing in online partners. ThinkingMan, what i recomend that you do, is start finding other methods and ways of studying. There are many great books around, some focused towards The Dom, and some towards the focus of the Couple. Also, when reading the stories that You have Your wife reading, i once had a Dom friend that gave me assignments, of stories he picked out, i read them, and then had to share my thoughts and feelings, in writing an essay. Also, perhaps you both could form a two person "bookclub" and read them together, and later talk about what you liked about each story, ect. Just remember, those are for fun. There are also many other ways to learn, watching, observing other couples that are lifestyle, going to munches... and well.. just good ole fashioned experimentation.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 6:42:38 AM)
The Dominant that i am with now is Someone who i recognized the Dominance in before He did. When W/we met, i had many years into the BDSM lifestyle, so i actually was way ahead of Him. i knew almost from the moment W/we met that there was something there, but if i wanted that to develop and not be leading Him i had to (a) give Him time and (b) give Him information from a non-authoritarian position. Not only did i have to phrase what i told Him in terms that weren't threatening for Him to hear, He also had to chose how to hear what i said. He could choose to hear what i said about the things that i liked and didn't like as information or as a threat against His Dominance. The fact that your wife likes certain things and doesn't like other things is just information, it is not a restriction on your Dominance and each new thing that you two discuss can open areas that you both may not have thought of. There were many things that i had experienced or wanted to do that initially He was sure He could never, would never do them. They are all being done now because people's tastes, desires, needs change over time. So i had to let Him learn so that He could lead. While i agree with some of the other posters on how to communicate (journals, writing erotic stories, etc.) i also agree that being on the computer is not helping. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate in whatever form feels most comfortable to both of you.

LadyPact -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 7:24:25 AM)
I almost feel like I shouldn't add anything, because you have received really good advice from Rover, Steel, Leadership, and Micheal. I'll probably repeat some of the things they've already said, but I think I might have a thing or two to add that might be worthwhile. quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan My wife and I have played with blindfolds, light restraint, spanking, and role play that included D/s themes for many years but never really thought of ourselves as D/s. Earlier this year she realized that she has a deep need to be submissive but couldn't figure out how to explain this to me, was fearful that I wouldn't understand, and started an online affair. I discovered this at almost exactly the same time his wife did and it ended there. My wife was badly hurt as the guy pretended to be single, disappeared without explanation, saw no reason to apologize, all the usual BS. This is where it would end for most people, but for us it opened a whole new conversation within our relationship. When forced to come clean she discovered that our past play made me feel empowered and highly masculine, and OF COURSE I was open to her submission. Since then we have discovered that BDSM is a huge world and good information about it takes some searching. Since that time we've discovered that when we get our play right she is absolutely quivering with excitement, begging to open her legs for me, and wide open and requiring of my emotional protection and nurturing afterward. At those times I feel like the only man on Earth. I give what she needs, take what I want, revel in her complete submission, and thrive on her wide-eyed wonder at my masculinity as she melts in my arms in afterglow. So, aside from bragging, why am I here? You've already spotted it; when we get our play right. Sometimes we do, just as often we don't. This wasn't one of your questions, but I want to make a comment here. It seems to Me that you already have at least a partial recipe for success. You do know some of the things that work. From the sound of it, they work damn well when they do. Make sure you are incorporating the things that have a proven track record as you look to include new things and going forward. As the old saying goes, you can't argue with success. quote: My concerns at this point: 1) She's months ahead of me on this and I'm playing catch up. Sorry, but I read this particular concern and thought to Myself, "so what?" Ok, so she's months ahead of you in playing on line and learning to type out her fantasies. You're the one in charge here. Put that into use for you. She's gotten used to writing things out, so let her write. Only difference is, it's time to have her start writing to you. Have her journal, write fantasies, put into words her feelings during her on line experiences. In the meantime, you do the reading. Not just what she writes, but do some individual research on your own with a book or two. Both MasterFireMaam and ResidentSadist on this site have wonderful book lists and could probably make very good suggestions for you on where you might start. quote: 2) Being submissive she's having a real problem telling me what she needs. Duh, if she has to tell me then who's the Dom? Duh, exactly who else is going to tell you? Are you just supposed to know somehow? I'll bet the on line Dom had to ask a question or two. Why are you any different? You know this person as your wife, but you're only beginning to explore her as a submissive. That writing I was talking about above might be a gateway to communication between the two of you. I can completely understand that it might not be easy for her to have face to face discussions with you, where she looks you in the eye and bare her soul about her most intimate self. Give her a bridge to get there. quote: 3) In an attempt to learn the ropes (so to speak) she has adopted an online Dom and I am seeking an online sub. I set the rules for this. Upfront from day 1, including admission of marital status, primary focus on our rl relationship, no compliance with requests that would subvert my primary status or otherwise lead to someone outside our house dictating what we do or don't do together. As an example one prospective Dom wanted to dictate when and how we have sex. Sorry Charlie, that's my job. Still, I have niggling doubts about this from the hurt caused by her first online foray. I don't let on. You have before you an opportunity that a lot of people would beg for. Pull the plug on the on line Doms. Skip the idea for the on line sub. Honestly, what do you think you are going to find by starting internet relationships with other people that you can't find right there in each other? All you're doing is looking for an external fill for the needs that each of you can provide. You have that opportunity, right there in front of you. Don't be so blind that you can't see it. quote: 4) Trouble telling me what she needs extends to allowing me to watch her chat online or speaking in much detail about those conversations. That doesn't help me much although I can deal with it as long as it's just words on a screen getting her excited in my world. She just can't seem to open up to me entirely in that venue. Fair enough. What about archiving? I don't know what you're currently using, but most have an option to store everything that is going on. Why isn't this an option for you? If it's not, you might have a bigger problem than what is here on the surface. quote: 5) I have no problem role playing D/s online. It has even helped me get my head around the whole subject and define our places in the structure of the relationship. Still, I question how much this is really going to help overall. How are you defining the structure of the relationship between the two of you with other people? It seems to Me that you used this tool and you get the concept now. All well and good. That's all you need it for. Anything further, I'd question it, too. You are allowing emotional bonds to be constructed with others in ways that each of you is willing to fulfill. quote: Any thoughts on this would be welcome, whether "here's where you might go with it" or "you're being played for a fool, Dumbass." I'm strong enough to take anything into account and determine for myself how it applies. This has been long, thanks for reading and thanks even more if you have constructive feedback. My comment to you here is, you are only a fool if you chose to be. I know your post here is only a short glimpse into your life. I can't possibly understand all of the nuances in your particular relationship. I don't know your needs, nor do I know hers. Still, it seems to Me that you have needs in common. What an opportunity lays before you. The thing is, you have to seize it. I wish the both of you the best of luck.

ThinkingMan -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 7:25:17 AM)
Thank you for your feedback, even that which is on the harsh side. Yes, we have had a communication issue in the last few months but we have always been a team, through economic hardship, health crises, kid and family problems, in all circumstances. We will get through this and have already spent countless hours talking through this situation, which has probably been made more difficult because we are new empty nesters. "I was a Mom. I've been at home full time for 18 years so I could be there whenever I'm needed. What am I now?" Thank you for confirming that online partners are not the way to solve this, my gut feeling told me so all along. I like the idea of online mentors or sounding boards of like sex and temperament instead. That seems more sensible and as a sensible person I suspect she will see the light. She needs my attention and appreciation. Last night when I returned from work I asked her about my request to find literature with elements that appeal to her. "Not yet", she said. "I'd like for you to find either a story or an article that you find interesting to show me every day or so", I said. Her eyes lit up and she sat straighter in her chair as she answered "An assignment?! That sounds like fun!" I had to leave for another hour after dinner, but when I returned she was working on my request, met me at the door with a big smile, and was perky and enthusiastic all evening. She needs more than to be thanked for doing things that need to be done. She needs to be asked to do things that don't, strictly speaking, "need to be done". Some people resent that, she thrives on it. That's who I married.

leadership527 -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 7:52:10 AM)
I just have to say, after reading these forums all this time, it is always a delightfully pleasant surprise when someone posts back with a post such as this. Yeah, OK... so you two are not, at the moment, entirely sync'd. I love you how defended your teamwork and your wife when challenged here. If she actually does pull her nose away from the computer, I'm revising my estimates of big happiness for you two upwards substantially. Go go ThinkingMan and ThinkingWife!

subtee -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 8:00:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan she has adopted an online Dom We can adopt them???? Are only online ones up for adoption or are RL adoptable too? Do they come with papers?

camille65 -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 8:06:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan Thanks for your feedback. One assignment I've already given her is to go to an online story site (name withheld because I don't think it's fair to advertise other sites on collarme) to find some stories that really flip her switches. Reading them to me is a nice touch, I hadn't thought of that. The email and journal ideas are also good, maybe better because it's straight from her mind. By doing these things it might take just enough immediacy off the situation that she can express herself well. We do talk about scenes after the fact, an act that hits a triple by bringing us together, teaching both of us about likes/dislikes/possibilities and it's erotic as well. This is a familiar subject for me. Even after so many years belonging to him I still struggle sharing needs. In the beginning he recognized it and displayed what I see as extraordinary patience heh. I keep a journal and he reads it. I can write absolutely anything in there I want without fear of reprisal or fear of humiliation, its been a wonderful tool and a way for him to glimpse the things I usually keep hidden. I'm just not good at telling him I need things, sometimes my thoughts get all tangled up and writing them down gives him the opportunity to get to my secrets.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 8:36:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan she has adopted an online Dom We can adopt them???? Are only online ones up for adoption or are RL adoptable too? Do they come with papers? Oh subtee, how soon you forget: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1910726/mpage_1/tm.htm

subtee -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 9:11:16 AM)
OMG It's so awesome! Gonna go get me one...

MasterTslave -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 11:29:22 AM)
sounds like she is just new to it all and the two of you really need to just sit down and talk about it (with clothing on). I know that Master and i had to (and still have to) discuss what we are doing every so often. Maybe have her write in a journal or blog about what she is feeling or her wants if she is shy about telling you.

proudsub -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 2:35:16 PM)
quote: My wife and I have played with blindfolds, light restraint, spanking, and role play that included D/s themes for many years but never really thought of ourselves as D/s. Earlier this year she realized that she has a deep need to be submissive but couldn't figure out how to explain this to me, was fearful that I wouldn't understand, and started an online affair. .... This is where it would end for most people, but for us it opened a whole new conversation within our relationship. When forced to come clean she discovered that our past play made me feel empowered and highly masculine, and OF COURSE I was open to her submission. This is exactly how our relationship went except my affair wasn't with a married guy. Good for you for working things out with your wife. It has certainly strenghtened our marriage. quote: 1) She's months ahead of me on this and I'm playing catch up. 2) Being submissive she's having a real problem telling me what she needs. Duh, if she has to tell me then who's the Dom I often gave Hubby suggestions for play and told him what i enjoyed, it doesn't make you less of a dom. The whole point here is for both parties to be satisfied. quote: 3) In an attempt to learn the ropes (so to speak) she has adopted an online Dom and I am seeking an online sub. This part i don't understand. Maybe it would work if you each made a new screen name, pretended to be strangers and played with each other online if that's an easier way to communicate for her. Shouldn't your time and efforts be directed toward each other rather than toward strangers?

SailingBum -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 3:42:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum Yer fucking kidding right? You have a rl wife who seems more worldly to you in submission, So you wanna playing online for pratice? Has the whole world gone crazy or what. More likely the scenrio is... you were boring her in bed and she "discovered" net sex and got busted. Your relationship has far more "issues" than boring sex. SHEESH BadOne OK, I had that coming. Fact is she was sick for months before and after major surgery. Yeah, we didn't have much going on, she rarely got out of the house, and this started out as what she saw as a harmless escape at a time when everyone, me included, saw her more as a patient than a woman. Then feelings got involved, as they always do. Prior to that we've always enjoyed our time together, although after 24 years together we are both happy to be exploring ways to put some additional fire to the flame. Dude, It seems like your moving forward. Keep working on your style. Perhaps all you needed was a bitch slap to get your mind right. Best of luck on your journey. BadOne

Cuffkinks -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 4:45:01 PM)
Thanks Rover. You said pretty much exactly what I was going to say and saved Me the trouble of typing it all out. quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan 1) She's months ahead of me on this and I'm playing catch up. So have her tell you what she knows. Maybe talk about a scene beforehand and let her tell you how certain things make her feel. You might even find that doing so can be highly erotic. Deconstruct scenes afterward... learn what worked well and what didn't. Plan to improve or discard what didn't work. quote: 2) Being submissive she's having a real problem telling me what she needs. Duh, if she has to tell me then who's the Dom? No matter how experienced a Top may be, that experience is worthless with a new bottom (since they all have unique fetishes, interests, trigger points, experiences, abilities, etc.). We all go through the same learning curve with a new bottom, and even though your wife is not new to you, she is new to you as a bottom. So don't feel insecure about it. quote: 3) In an attempt to learn the ropes (so to speak) she has adopted an online Dom and I am seeking an online sub. That's great if she wants to learn what she enjoys with that online Top and if you want to learn what you and your online bottom enjoy together. But if it's your intention to learn about your wife by having an online bottom, and about what you enjoy together, then you might want to reconsider. Do you learn how to have sex with your wife by having sex with your neighbor? Wait... don't answer that. quote: 4) Trouble telling me what she needs extends to allowing me to watch her chat online or speaking in much detail about those conversations. That doesn't help me much although I can deal with it as long as it's just words on a screen getting her excited in my world. She just can't seem to open up to me entirely in that venue. So why not allow her to tell you what she needs from the safety and distance of an email? quote: 5) I have no problem role playing D/s online. It has even helped me get my head around the whole subject and define our places in the structure of the relationship. Still, I question how much this is really going to help overall. Yeah, I'm having the same problem figuring out how it's gonna do more good than harm. quote: Any thoughts on this would be welcome, whether "here's where you might go with it" or "you're being played for a fool, Dumbass." I'm strong enough to take anything into account and determine for myself how it applies. This has been long, thanks for reading and thanks even more if you have constructive feedback. Those are my thoughts. John

DesFIP -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 5:08:40 PM)
She's probably ashamed to tell you to your face what turns her on for fear that you will respond with shock or revulsion. Telling pixels on a screen doesn't carry that risk. So instead of her chatting with others, chat with her yourself. Or talk through emails. Being the dominant means you make the decisions and you set the pace. Whether it's her begging to orgasm and you keeping her at the edge, or her begging for a hard spanking and you feeling comfortable with only a moderate one at this stage, you decide what and when. The other way around fear of her telling you her desires is for you to phrase it as a question such as "You want to be Daddy's little slut, don't you?" If she agrees with you, then you've learned something about her without forcing her to risk more than she can now do.

Jeptha -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 6:16:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP She's probably ashamed to tell you to your face what turns her on for fear that you will respond with shock or revulsion. That's possible. You (the OP) have to be ready to support her in being honest with you and treat it seriously and with respect, even if she mentions some kinks that you don't quite understand. By the tone of your writing thus far, it seems like you'd have no problem with that, though. That's why I like the idea of the bdsm checklist; it does the heavy lifting of bringing up all sorts of possibilities and situations for you and gets the conversational ball rolling thataway. I can't recommend any particular source for that, but Google probably will serve admirably here, if you're interested. When you mentioned her feeling like a patient, rather than a woman, after the surgery, that helped put the online thing into a certain perspective, too. Unlike the majority of posters here, I don't necessarily feel you should put your foot down and eliminate her online thing, but I would advocate for a little more (ok - probably a lot more) transparency about it. I would make terms to that effect; that I would have to be included in the loop there, informationally, in a pretty complete way if I so desired, for me to be ok with it. (and even then I couldn't guarantee that I'd be ok with it...) She's asking a lot for you to grant her an online dom, you'd in turn be asking something of her to reveal that which she might feel awkward about. Those are just some thoughts this hour, take them with a grain of salt.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 6:53:35 PM)
In regards to a submissive communicating her needs to you, that should not be an issue. You are the DOM, and you can not be held accountable for her unspoken wishes and desires. Nobody can be held accountable for the unspoken and uncommunicated things. Somebody already made the journal suggestion, and this is a good tool for a submissive to express herself and for you to learn about things going on inside her mind. I will say this, you two need to get the fuck off the computer and stop wasting time with having other people involved. It's a distraction, sure she is talking with somebody else who is getting to know her. This is taking time away from you getting to know her needs and desires. In short, you need to know these things inorder to take control and be in charge of these things. She needs to entrust you with her hot fantasies, kinks, fears, and all that other fun stuff. Not Dommy X down the fucking street. Same with you. You knowing about Subbie Suzy Q's wants, needs, and desires does little for you knowing what your wife/submissive needs. Communication! It's a two way street. DOMS are not fucking mind readers, we don't own crystal balls, and the only way for us to know a Damn thing is insist upon honest good communication. Communication is high of my expectation list. For one it's good common sense, it's practical and the lack of it will bite you in the ass every time. Sorry honey, this Daddy/Sir/Master/Dom is not a mind reader. I tend to ask questions, do a lot of attentive listening, and insist upon having rules that are focused upon communication. You can give her writting assignments on specific things you want to know about as well. This is another tool besides journal entries. You can have her create personal assetment lists of her kinks, desires, wants and etc. You might have to work with her on improving her communication skills with you some here. One thing is for certain, having other people in the picture, really distracts from the communication time. I have went so far to making joking threats about tieing somebody up to a chair, getting out the spot light and saying "We have ways of making you talk" in a German accent. You can always try an introgration scene, with some sex and forcefulness to it, and ask her some questions. If she resists... what kind of wicked things might happen. hahahah... floggers, crops, clothes pins. The thing is looking and thinking about all the many ways to get HER to TALK to you! Also be assertive in regards to what you want, your issues and etc. The whole bit about playing online with others to learn D/s well is a bit of crock, you two need to be doing it together. Not all D/s relationships are alike. You could always chain her to the desk and force her to go into IM/Chat with whoever it is and watch. Make her type out certain things. hehehehe.. Call it a lesson in humility because you'll be whoring her out to another guy. Sure she might feel like a tramp, but that's the whole intention of it. Her kind of hiding her Chats/IM's from you, is her way of saying "I'm feeling guilty and ashamed about something going on". So why not, insist upon being present and even making certain IM logging is turned on. Sure it might feel awkward and embrassing for her, then again that's the whole point with you watching what is going on. It exposes some ugly truth that she has a hard time dealing with. lol.. Then again, I'm simply offering suggestions and my own personal thoughts on this matter. It's something you should perhaps consider talking with her about. In regards to what it is going to take to shift the focus a little and get her to open up to you more.

Shortbow -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 8:51:02 PM)
I am having more or less the same dificulties has you Thinkingman. I've met a gir (very vanilla) and together we found out she is not so vanilla after all. however at some point in time we got stuck. She were unable to articulate what made her tick, and in fact she more or less blocked totally to me in the BDSM department. We made some experiments and through some friend in the BDSM scene were able to unblock, but still she remains unable to expresse her needs, likes and dislikes. In one sense I belive is shame our embarressement on admiting such things, in the other is ignorance. Not knowing the terms, and more important still... in her way of being she learned that to KNOW if she likes or not of something she has to try it out. Up until recently we were trying to put BDSM in regular vanilla sex... now we are going the inverse way... we are going for plain D\s with punhing the Play (has she does enjoy to simply submit) and if the "sex" sudenly apears all to the good. I can tell you that I've been introducing the D\s slowly but surelly in the last weeks and it's looking good up to now... It's working for us, might something work for you also... Aanyway... good luck :)

girlivy -> RE: Getting what I need from my sub--information (10/30/2008 9:17:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingMan My wife and I have played with blindfolds, light restraint, spanking, and role play that included D/s themes for many years but never really thought of ourselves as D/s. Earlier this year she realized that she has a deep need to be submissive but couldn't figure out how to explain this to me, was fearful that I wouldn't understand, and started an online affair. I discovered this at almost exactly the same time his wife did and it ended there. My wife was badly hurt as the guy pretended to be single, disappeared without explanation, saw no reason to apologize, all the usual BS. This is where it would end for most people, but for us it opened a whole new conversation within our relationship. When forced to come clean she discovered that our past play made me feel empowered and highly masculine, and OF COURSE I was open to her submission. Since then we have discovered that BDSM is a huge world and good information about it takes some searching. Since that time we've discovered that when we get our play right she is absolutely quivering with excitement, begging to open her legs for me, and wide open and requiring of my emotional protection and nurturing afterward. At those times I feel like the only man on Earth. I give what she needs, take what I want, revel in her complete submission, and thrive on her wide-eyed wonder at my masculinity as she melts in my arms in afterglow. So, aside from bragging, why am I here? You've already spotted it; when we get our play right. Sometimes we do, just as often we don't. My concerns at this point: Such is life... 1) She's months ahead of me on this and I'm playing catch up. Yay! You will be learning, and growing 2) Being submissive she's having a real problem telling me what she needs. Duh, if she has to tell me then who's the Dom? Did you pass the mindreading 101 class? Having a problem is NOT only a "s" type issue, it is human. 3) In an attempt to learn the ropes (so to speak) she has adopted an online Dom and I am seeking an online sub. I set the rules for this. Upfront from day 1, including admission of marital status, primary focus on our rl relationship, no compliance with requests that would subvert my primary status or otherwise lead to someone outside our house dictating what we do or don't do together. As an example one prospective Dom wanted to dictate when and how we have sex. Sorry Charlie, that's my job. Still, I have niggling doubts about this from the hurt caused by her first online foray. I don't let on. Why do you "not let on" please? Lead by example. Also, why online? 4) Trouble telling me what she needs extends to allowing me to watch her chat online or speaking in much detail about those conversations. That doesn't help me much although I can deal with it as long as it's just words on a screen getting her excited in my world. She just can't seem to open up to me entirely in that venue. Why online agin? http://www.dadgproductions.com/ 5) I have no problem role playing D/s online. It has even helped me get my head around the whole subject and define our places in the structure of the relationship. Still, I question how much this is really going to help overall. Any thoughts on this would be welcome, whether "here's where you might go with it" or "you're being played for a fool, Dumbass." I'm strong enough to take anything into account and determine for myself how it applies. This has been long, thanks for reading and thanks even more if you have constructive feedback. Go with your gut.

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