RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain?

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IrishMist -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/14/2005 7:21:38 PM)
I found that when my husband died, I completly cut myself off from physical pain of any kind...the reason being that I really am a junkie, and it would have replaced the emotional for me...at that time I could not afford to let the hurt fester inside me for even a short time...LOL, I do remembe thought that I used anger...anger at the world, anger at anyone who tried to tell me that things were going to be ok...I broke alot of things in that time...put some holes in walls...and that helped...now, I am not suggesting that you go on a breaking or yelling spree like that...but maybe what Kyra suggested...some sort of outlet that allows you to physically take your emotions out on something can be very helpful, and it may just be more healthy in the long run than allowing physical pain to override...even if only for a short time.

Tine11 -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/14/2005 7:50:33 PM)
quote: I am writing about it in my journal, in my blogs, talking with good friends, I did an extra heavy workout at the gym today, I've cried myself sick, read books I enjoy to get my mind off of it for a bit........I'm trying so hard to deal with it.....I've thought about it, tried to rationalize the feelings....I'm basically a mess at this point, albeit a functioning mess. I know the physical pain can be very addictive...I already am addicted to a mild level of pain, have been for awhile. have you tried seeing a consiler or something. Maybe anti-depression meds... but keep in mind it could also be your hormones

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/14/2005 8:21:55 PM)
Catharsis scenes can be very good. But don't expect them to get to the solution.

ragdoll -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/14/2005 11:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane Quite frankly it is so strong at this point...the need...the craving...that if I knew and trusted someone well enough, I would ask them to do this for me.....flog or paddle me until I reach my limit if not beyond such. Drown the emotional pain in physical pain to the point of being beyond thought of it, of anything save the physical. That describes my current feelings rather well.

plantlady64 -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 3:48:54 AM)
Dear Sarah, I am sorry you are suffering big emotional pain. I hope what ever has hurt you will work itself out quickly. I will keep you in my prayers. I have actually just last weekend gone to the dungeon I play in with some emotional distress and pent up frustrations. I was actually very concerned in how I was going to respond to a heavy scene in this mind set. While I agree after I was done playing I did feel purged, the next morning as I started my sub drop the frustrations not only came back, but came back harder. In my opinion the physical pain was no more than sticking your finger in a hole of a leaking dam. I think it may be a plesant distraction, but not hte answer you'll need to heal your emotional problem that's bringing you down. I say spankings are wonderful things for me, what ever reason I get one. I crave them all the time. Maybe your craving is just a growing point you've reached in your sub path and you are now ready to step up your play to the next level. Maybe you're craving the spanking to have someone you can turn control over to, or to have someone close to you in an intimate way, or someone to talk to about your problem. I have also heard from a sub friend of mine that if she feels she did something bad she needs to be spanked to feel better even if the bad thing she did was not towards her Dom. I say the spanking will be a lovely distraction but your underlying problem will probably not be resolved in this fashion. I wish you peace & joy, sub suzanne

collaredheart -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 4:01:31 AM)
I very much agree that the need for physical pain can help deal with emotional pain. I too am going through a tough time in vanilla and the more emotionally upset and stressed i get the more i need the physical pain from a spanking or other D/s activities to deal with it. It beings a sense of relaxation and calm that nothing else can and gives me strength to deal with the emotional pain i have. It provides an outlet for the release of tension and emotions that build up mentally. Better than any anti depressant in my view. In fact i think it should be available on Prescription through the health service!

slaverubyred -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 4:04:50 AM)
someone has probs already said this but not got the time to read through them all but sometimes a physical pain is easier mentally to deal with than an emotional pain, gives you something else to focus on. just a thought anyway :o) rr xx

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:14:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liltxsubby Like you, I don't consider myself to be masochistic. There have been a few times when I have asked Fangs (who is admittedly sadistic) for a pain session to offer myself some relief. It scared the crap out of me the first time I asked for it. Here I was, asking him to make me cry and thinking to myself "WTF am I crazy"? I think, for me anyway, it gets me to release emations that I usually keep bottled up inside. As has been said before, it doesn't fix things completely but I sure feel at least a lot less tense afterwards. That's what I'm looking for. A temporary release, a break. When the idea came into my head to get a flogging, it startled me, was a scary thought. I consider myself mildly masochistic. I do like a certain degree of pain, but what I want goes beyond that. It's a different and deeper need, and for a much more intense level of pain than I've ever wanted. I too wondered if I was crazy for wanting this. I've been thinking about it a lot, and after thinking, I don't believe I'm crazy for wanting it. I'm still thinking it through and still the craving for it is there and strong.

fyreredsub -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:28:17 AM)
the comfort of the release was not given...i journaled and went to my mentor...so i dont know if it would have helped or not-the person i was asking didnt think that was what i needed.

fyreredsub -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:32:52 AM)
i'm not masochistic at all, but sometimes a cleansing cry is needed to move on and i dont like to allow myself the deep cries sometimes,so having the pain to use as the reason to let it out seemed like a pleasurable idea........besides ,he does smack my ass sooooooo good. its a great stress relief quote: ORIGINAL: liltxsubby Like you, I don't consider myself to be masochistic. There have been a few times when I have asked Fangs (who is admittedly sadistic) for a pain session to offer myself some relief. It scared the crap out of me the first time I asked for it. Here I was, asking him to make me cry and thinking to myself "WTF am I crazy"? I think, for me anyway, it gets me to release emations that I usually keep bottled up inside. As has been said before, it doesn't fix things completely but I sure feel at least a lot less tense afterwards.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:37:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I have yet to use play to purge emotional pain, but I do use it to freely express emotions in a way that would otherwise be unacceptable to my Lord. I have a very short temper. Over the years I have learned to keep a tight leash on it and learned different ways to constructively express it. One of my favorite ways was kickboxing. If I got really angry and needed an outlet, I would spend an hour at a kickboxing class and come away tired but more at peace. Then I was able to constructively deal with the issue that caused the anger. Now I use play to do that. My Lord encourages those he plays with to be completely open and free. If something enters our mind we are to say it or do it, no thinking and no analyzing, just pure reaction. It took me some time to trust that I could be so free and open during play. Most times I am very conscious of my behaviors and words and to learn to stop doing that during play was difficult. I remember the first time that I got really, really angry during play. It was the first time my Lord did kicking play with me. He kicked me on the ass and the feeling was just pure anger. That night I didn’t do much about it except give him some really nasty looks. A few nights later he has me cuffed to cross and takes this short sword and smacks me on the ass with the flat of it. There was an instant primal rage and reaction. I kicked him. He just laughs and says, “Oh, so that’s how you want to play”, snatches off his boots and kicks the hell out of me, with me getting in a few good shots every now and then. To this date that is the best play my Lord and I have had and there have been some really good ones. Afterwards, I was so light-hearted and full of energy. It took a long time to calm down for sleep. Play is a way for me to openly express emotions that I would otherwise be reserved about, anger and tears most especially. Then there are the plays that I just laugh my ass off through (those usually involve clothespins). I think as long as you use it productively, play can be useful in dealing with emotions. Once the emotions are out of the way, then you can deal with the heart of the problem. Many think that the emotions are the core of the problem, but our emotions are just products of our thoughts. Getting past the emotions to see the thoughts that are generating them is tough. If you can find a safe outlet to purge the emotions and then be able to clearly see the thoughts driving them, I say that is very productive. Knight's kyra Kyra thank you. Your reply has had me thinking even deeper about this. I also am one who is conscious of my behaviors and it is difficult to let go, to relax and react. I'm working on that though. I've succeeded at times and gone flying. I need an outlet for this. It is so strongly painful.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:40:21 AM)
I thank you, and I am meeting a friend for lunch today. She understands how I am feeling and I believe the time with her today will help a lot. I've been talking with her online as well through this time.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:44:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WulfMan I know exactly what you're going through. I've been through alot durning my life and seen alot of horible things, People getting ripped to shreds by bullets and such, A bad childhood. I took the mental pain and took the phyisical pain. I boxed alot and everytime I got hit it felt like a small release and in turn every muscle burn felt good. Every athlete and pain addict in a sense are running from something. Yes it helps to a degree, but sorry to say it doesn't solve the problem. The best releif I ever had was sitting down and just talking with someone a good friend, a thereapist. I will admit before I got help I've never truely cried since I was 14, but whith all the support I cried like baby and I had people to hold me, tell me everything was gonna be alright. Look to your friends, look to those you love, your family, some professional help always works too. It hurts bad I know, somethings I just sit down and think and my heart gets heavy, but that's when I turn to friends, and my future wife. Get help the phyisical pain is a small releif but not a total one. I know the physical pain won't cure it, nor do I expect it to. A break, a release temporarily perhaps. I am talking with friends and doing other things to try and work through this pain. As I said, I have no one I can ask to do this for me, but it doesn't change the fact that I am still craving it.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:51:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I found that when my husband died, I completly cut myself off from physical pain of any kind...the reason being that I really am a junkie, and it would have replaced the emotional for me...at that time I could not afford to let the hurt fester inside me for even a short time...LOL, I do remembe thought that I used anger...anger at the world, anger at anyone who tried to tell me that things were going to be ok...I broke alot of things in that time...put some holes in walls...and that helped...now, I am not suggesting that you go on a breaking or yelling spree like that...but maybe what Kyra suggested...some sort of outlet that allows you to physically take your emotions out on something can be very helpful, and it may just be more healthy in the long run than allowing physical pain to override...even if only for a short time. I do have a temper and work to maintain control of it. I too have destroyed things in my time for various reasons. Usually several things have happened to anger me to various degrees and then one more thing just sets me off over all of it. I'm one who, when I am hurting or in emotional distress that is particularly bad, either does, or tries to, curl up and hide from the world. Escape. I have to fight not to do it, because my children depend on me.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 6:58:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tine11 have you tried seeing a consiler or something. Maybe anti-depression meds... but keep in mind it could also be your hormones This pain is related to a specific event not hormones or depression. I was diagnosed several years ago with Massive Depressive Disorder. I take medicine regularly for it. I've not found a counsellor in my area yet, but I will soon. This is something separate from my depression. I generally deal with most things very well on a day to day basis.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 7:00:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Catharsis scenes can be very good. But don't expect them to get to the solution. I definitely don't expect that. I know it won't cure it.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 7:02:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ragdoll quote: ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane Quite frankly it is so strong at this point...the need...the craving...that if I knew and trusted someone well enough, I would ask them to do this for me.....flog or paddle me until I reach my limit if not beyond such. Drown the emotional pain in physical pain to the point of being beyond thought of it, of anything save the physical. That describes my current feelings rather well. I feel for you. It is utter hell.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 7:17:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plantlady64 Dear Sarah, I am sorry you are suffering big emotional pain. I hope what ever has hurt you will work itself out quickly. I will keep you in my prayers. I have actually just last weekend gone to the dungeon I play in with some emotional distress and pent up frustrations. I was actually very concerned in how I was going to respond to a heavy scene in this mind set. While I agree after I was done playing I did feel purged, the next morning as I started my sub drop the frustrations not only came back, but came back harder. In my opinion the physical pain was no more than sticking your finger in a hole of a leaking dam. I think it may be a plesant distraction, but not hte answer you'll need to heal your emotional problem that's bringing you down. I say spankings are wonderful things for me, what ever reason I get one. I crave them all the time. Maybe your craving is just a growing point you've reached in your sub path and you are now ready to step up your play to the next level. Maybe you're craving the spanking to have someone you can turn control over to, or to have someone close to you in an intimate way, or someone to talk to about your problem. I have also heard from a sub friend of mine that if she feels she did something bad she needs to be spanked to feel better even if the bad thing she did was not towards her Dom. I say the spanking will be a lovely distraction but your underlying problem will probably not be resolved in this fashion. I wish you peace & joy, sub suzanne Thank you, Suzanne. You've given me even more to think on and consider. I hadn't thought about it being a growing point for me as a sub. Not sure it is as it is directly tied to this pain, but I'm going to think on it.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 7:22:18 AM)
quote: So my question is, are there others of you that feel this way? yes. but this slave always thought of it as somehow tied to her masochism. quote: Do you need physical pain to whatever degree to help purge strong emotional pain? sometimes. depending on the level of emotions, and the the length of time that has been spent pushing that emotion down instead of truly letting it pass through and out. it has been this slave's experience that releases that "let off steam" and ones that "purge" are distinctly different. quote: If so, does it work at all? like a charm. quote: Does it help you get through it? not just through it, but PAST it. this slave did a lot of mental work and attitude preparation before going through any physical pain that this slave attached an emotional trauma to for purging. another consideration that you might have is you might want/need/feel as if you would like to have heavy aftercare after such an intense release, however, this slave does not wish to have ANY physical contact with anyone for a while after something cathartic. it is a time for deep meditation and reflection for this slave. this slave has witnessed cathartic floggings where the sub needed LOTS and LOTS of aftercare, so this is a subjective thing to keep in mind. this slave would suggest meditation exercises and also look into what is referred to as "cathartic flogging".

samac -> RE: Purging emotional pain through physical pain? (12/15/2005 7:36:12 AM)
When my wife/mistress of 34 years died last year, the emotional pain was beyond anything I had ever experienced. There was no outlet....no one with whom to speak. Two weeks after her death, my firm told me to take as much time as I needed to get myself somewhat together. I got on my bike and rode. I rode 8,000 miles in one month - crossing the U.S from NorCal. ....attending Bike ralleys in Daytona and Phoenix. Visiting my brother. It gave me time away from the pain...but the pain was still there each time I stopped. I found a wonderful woman (or she found me) that loved her whips and especially her crop. I had only experienced pain like that once before with my wife....but this time the release of my body to another was joined by the release of my mind and heart. I was free of the emotional pain for the first time. It was like the pain left with the tears. No, it was not a permanent answer. I continue to experience bouts of pain....but that short experience with that wonderful woman was a beginning for me. Just my experience....YMMV.... Sam

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