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RE: Intro to Dom and other questions - 10/31/2008 9:15:51 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would assume your girlfriend is also young which is why she was vacuumed up by your local bdsm group as young women tend to me more desirable than old ones, .

HEY!!!

Watch it, buster!!!

(that oughter learn 'im...)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Intro to Dom and other questions - 10/31/2008 6:51:11 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello EqualX. A lot of people have a hard time understanding what ''being'' a dom is but have no difficulty
in understanding what a leader is.

A dom is a leader, one who leads and is not one forcefully imposing his will all the time. In a dynamic, a
dom responding to (or complementing) a partner who expresses submissiveness should not have any
difficulty adapting skill level, motivation level and experience level.

Problems arise when you have a sub expecting to be ''serviced'', that is wanting to be dominated first and then
respond more or less to what is on the dom menu. This is very difficult if inexperienced and always leads to
border line situations which may be too edgy at times for comfort.

I recommend communication. The dom should take the lead in communication. Ask (tell) your sub if she wants to be dominated so she can feel submissive or if she is submissive in order to ''be'' dominated. Think about this, she wants a dominant or she want's to be topped? You can ask yourself the same questions, what is it that ''you'' want?

Once you have the ''expectations'' dealt with, your path will be much clearer to the both of you. Good luck. RL.

(in reply to EqualX)

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Post #: 22

RE: Intro to Dom and other questions - 11/1/2008 8:08:03 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EqualX
-I don't know if I can be a dom, I've never had much desire in either the dom or sub direction. I have been told quite adamantly that it isn't something one can 'force' (or perhaps a better word is learn) - you either discover it as you become sexually aware, or you don't.

Yes, the vast majority of people can learn to be dominant. What is less certain is whether or not you'll like it. Also, some people may take to it more naturally and perhaps just a bit of reading and it all snaps into place for them. Others might require 2 years under the guidance of a mentor for the same thing.

If you have an interest, then you should pursue that interest until it becomes clear whether it's for you or not.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to EqualX)

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Post #: 23

RE: Intro to Dom and other questions - 11/2/2008 2:17:44 PM

EqualX

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/30/2008
Status: offline

Heh well. Now I know I can do it, and I will do it at some point. Enough browsing the internet and contemplating makes me realize that most of what kept me from seeing what a Dom is was not seeing what the term really meant.

Unfortunately, things have soured quite a bit. My now ex-partner wants time on her own. She'll continue to involve herself in her cheating relationship, and I told her I would come and ask her to make a more formal decision about me in a few weeks - but I have been a psychotic and whiny bitch about the whole thing. Earning back a relationship isn't worth it if the relationship is too scarred by things like that. I have tasted pure acceptance, through ignorance at least, and I guess I'm going through withdrawal.
I feel bad for pushing her to this, and I realize I am the only one who can say anything towards fixing it now. So I'll take her advice and poke her about it then.
Thank you so much all for the advice and information, I think, eventually, things will be alright, and I am so very grateful for this whirlwind introduction and sampler of the bsdm lifestyle - It's not so different from what I'm used to, if anything it's a couple steps up on being healthy from there.

(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: Intro to Dom and other questions - 11/2/2008 10:33:30 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EqualX

Alright, so, the number one question on my mind: I don't know if I can be a Dom. I have little experience with the lifestyle, but I have spent two years in a solid relationship with someone who's had much more interest than I've expressed. In fact, things seem to have fallen apart over the fact that this person believed I wouldn't take her seriously. Now, in an attempt to make things work, I need to know a few things about the lifestyle and about the people who practice, and no FAQ online seems to address my concerns quite correctly.

I don't believe you can quickly whip up a dominant recipe to sate the longings of your female. That is, if you wish to do this right. I'm certain I need not point out the fallacy in becoming "dominant" to serve another's needs. If this is the spirit in which you seek taking on the mantle of dominance, you will always be the supplicant party, in truth.

You could just forget what I wrote above and just go for the sensational aspect of it all anyway. Perhaps I'm just a little too much of a purist where these matters are concerned. Perhaps not.

< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 11/2/2008 10:34:26 PM >

(in reply to EqualX)

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Post #: 25