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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:12:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I am not a drill sergeant, I just expect to be obeyed. If I say "Honey, I'd like some coffee", I MEAN, "Bring me a coffee now, you know how I like it". I can assure you from years of practice that it is possible to be courteous and kind, and STILL be dominant. I do not have to "demand" in everyday life, I just have to make it clear that I want what I want, with no arguments.

Maintaining the "upper hand" in a d/s relationship really does depend on the submissive. A person that wants me to behave like his fantasy dominant 24/7, and only wants to serve in the ways that HE wants is just not going to be my submissive. If he truly wants to please me, he will serve me in the ways I require. In exchange, I will do what I can to make him happy to be doing just that.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:28:41 AM

Lockit

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If I have to bark orders, no thank you. To me dominance is a presence and my 'nice speak' means just as much as an order barked. I simply don't want to walk through life barking and speaking tough. My gentle request is an order, but that is established early on once the dynamic's are in place. If a submissive needs more than that, he needs someone else.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:36:31 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Hey, there's an echo in here!

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:37:40 AM

PeonForHer

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Lord help us, "barking dommes" - makes me think of the sergeant in Private Benjamin! Yeesh . . .

No, "orders" aren't necessary. It just felt like a good place to start with my 'nascent Domme', at the time.

If he truly wants to please me, he will serve me in the ways I require. In exchange, I will do what I can to make him happy to be doing just that.

- that would sum it up nicely for me.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:38:47 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Hmmm... and you have actually been to the Mr Kipling's factory.....

Who wants to buy me a plane ticket to the UK?

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:47:20 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Lord help us, "barking dommes" - makes me think of the sergeant in Private Benjamin! Yeesh . . .

No, "orders" aren't necessary. It just felt like a good place to start with my 'nascent Domme', at the time.

If he truly wants to please me, he will serve me in the ways I require. In exchange, I will do what I can to make him happy to be doing just that.

- that would sum it up nicely for me.

But playing devil's advocate, one could say a submissive could take tremendous pressure off of his new femdom by being proactive and not waiting for commands, but simply thinking ahead, or responding to polite requests as if they were commands. Who is pleasing whom, after all?

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:51:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I thought we already established that polite requests ARE commands?

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:53:32 AM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hey, there's an echo in here!

Yup.. there is! lol I read yours and was like... yes... exactly! I love the coffee thing... and it brought back many memories! Thanks! lol

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:54:56 AM

PeonForHer

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If you didn't start retching on meeting me, Lady H, you surely would on setting foot in the Mr Kipling's factory. Please don't eat a Mr Kipling's cake again. Dommes are already too thin on the ground.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 11:56:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Oh Peon, but I ADORE those Manor Cakes!! And I eat Little Debbies, surely I am immune to all processed foods? Though I must say that Mr Kiplings are not what they used to be...

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:03:59 PM

PeonForHer

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But playing devil's advocate, one could say a submissive could take tremendous pressure off of his new femdom by being proactive and not waiting for commands, but simply thinking ahead, or responding to polite requests as if they were commands.

Absolutely. Too much anticipating could feel like pressure to her, though. With me, at the time, I just made a point of jumping around to her non-sexual requests and trying to anticipate those - to help her realise it was about her enjoyment rather than mine. It didn't take long.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:09:23 PM

PeonForHer

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Nooooo! You should see what they put in them to make them stay squidgy!

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Post #: 32

RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:12:23 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Squidgy? Isn't that what Charles calls Camilla?

(it's just seaweed extract, or melted plastic, right? right???)

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:23:36 PM

ValMari

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Could it be as simple as understanding the sub's whole-hearted desire to submit and my desire to be pleased? What I want and what I demand really must be things that *I* seek, not just ideas/scenes/drills I conjure in my mind to maintain the upper hand. It seems that should be/ is the root of the exchange.

Do I simplify too much?

For what it's worth:

Bearing in mind my previous caveat that I'm a comparative newbie: no, I do not think you're oversimplifying. Rather, I think it's so difficult to see where he's coming from not just because of the "illogicality" of such a submissive desire but, also, because it is so simple. Could he see my post above - and does he agree that he's like me? That'd be my next, crucial, question.

And a wonderful one. I will direct him here and have him give me his opinions on the matter. Very provocative, this.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:23:57 PM

lobodomslavery

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my only advice as an unowned slave would be to tread carefully on this one. give him plenty of time and show huge patience love and understanding of how he feels etc and especially how he feels about himself. dont be surprised if he exhibits signs of low self esteem and be prepared to work to help him with his problems. more and more now males are feeling disconnected isolated and often very down as they struggle to get to the grips with their new identity in society, if your slave/sub shows signs of depression, mental health difficulties and is feeling tired a lot of the time, shower him with plenty of love compassion and understanding and most of all show patience and kindness, and You Mistress will have a greater chance of regaining Your submissive's trust
a bipolar slave
kevin

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Post #: 35

RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:29:57 PM

PeonForHer

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Blimey, you're well up on our royals. Yes, that's true, he did call her "Squidgy" though I doubt he still does.

Just don't read the side of the packets and google the ingredients, Lady H. Not unless you want to bring up your last three meals.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:31:18 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I will take your word for it.

The damn things are so pricey that I don't get them often anyway...

Is it bad to call your dom Squidgy?

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:35:22 PM

PeonForHer

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Good, I'm glad that he can read that post. But, ValMari, please take good notice of what dommes, and other subs, say here - including lobodomslavery's comment above. To warn again: I'm very far from being experienced.

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RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 12:37:18 PM

lobodomslavery

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Thank you . you have made my day , you have made my week. it feels so good to know that there are people who make me feel good about myself in this lifestyle
thank you
kevin

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Post #: 39

RE: Advice for new Domme - 11/4/2008 1:46:46 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
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Is it bad to call your dom Squidgy?

I would personally give a definite "yes" to that, Lady H.

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Post #: 40

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