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Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 4:25:46 AM

candystripper

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I know I speak for more than just myself when I say this, so before you bash me for being overly sensitive, be aware there are others who feel as I do, but who've never spoken about it here.

It is *creepy* to me to receive a panting email looking for a D/s relationship from someone so young, I could have graduated college with their mother. It's not just the men who are doing this; although I myself haven't received too many of these type emails from women, others have.

I don't have the first clue why *you* cannot relate to someone your own age, or what the f**k your deal is, but you should know, some of us find this attention unwanted and even disturbing.

So if you are a 20-something and are chasing CM members in your parents' generation, IMO, you need to AT LEAST read your target's profile and if it says the attention is unwanted, respect that.

I am NOT judging anyone's relationship, nor am I ascribing this conduct to anyone and everyone in their 20's. I am not suggesting there aren't CM members in my age range here who welcome such emails.

What I am saying is that those of you who are in your 20's and are seeking a much, much older partner need to exersize a bit of care, as these emails are seriously creepy to some of us. I don't feel I need to use block features etc. to prevent anyone in their 20's from emailing me....I have FRIENDS of all ages whom I value. My FRIENDS are not trying to get me nakkie.

Okay, I spoke my piece. I hope when members who do not share my feelings in the matter respond, they will nonetheless honor my right to feel as I do.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/2/2008 4:34:03 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 4:29:53 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I chalk it up to their hormones raging. They want to get laid. It is sort of icky in a Mrs. Robinson way, but some of those boys are hot! And some of them do like older women. A few years ago I had one persistent boy who kept lining out for me why he loved older women.

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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 2

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 4:43:45 AM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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Ya, I've asked a few of the 20-somethings what the hell prompted this? It feels to me sort of like having a cousin make a pass at me! The answer I always get is 'you should feel complimented'. Well, guess what...other people do not dictate how I feel.

I am not sure what the 'wanna get laid' thing has to do with this, KatyLied...are you telling me that 20-somethings cannot f**k one another for some reason?

That's what we did. I have lovely memories of being 'engaged' -- ahem -- shall we say often? -- while I was in college.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/2/2008 4:44:40 AM >

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 3

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 4:57:05 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
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I scanned your profile and didnt see a specific part saying no one under .... in age, I saw a part saying no women, monogomy and no one with erectile dysfunction but nothing about age, but of course i did just scan its a very long profile, maybe it would be better to state at the start the key things you are not interested in, I it largely works.

To be honest I get loas of messages from people old enough to be my father so its not just one way.

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RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 4:59:41 AM

DarkSteven

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candystripper, I just perved your profile. It's exceptionally long. It talks at great length about how you do not want a man with ED, and also how important it is that they wear a condom. Nowhere does it say what your age range is.

If you don't specify, why are you surprised when people outside that range contact you?

And a suggestion - make the profile shorter.

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Post #: 5

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:10:42 AM

LinnaeaBorealis

Posts: 8595
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From: Insanity & beyond
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I don't get what the big deal is. There's a delete button, yanno. Quite frankly, I enjoy people who are younger than I. Most people my age are waaaaay too old for me. I am beginning to get to know someone in his 20's who appears to be quite intelligent & mature. I don't categorically reject anyone based on their outsides. For me it's what's inside that counts.

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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 6

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:14:45 AM

kiwisub12

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What the hell?????

If you don't like it - ignore the emails!

Duh!

oh yes - if this is a big no for you - put it in your profile, and that way no-one wastes their time.

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 11/2/2008 5:17:12 AM >

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)

Post #: 7

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:18:12 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

put it in your profile, and that way no-one wastes their time.

People actually read profiles?

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 8

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:19:31 AM

SassyBird

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline

I'm a 20-something too and have the same experience as colouredin.
I get more messages from people 40+ than people my own age. (Not that I have issues with that, I actually do see it as a compliment that they have interest in someone "only" 20-something.)

I agree with the general concensis here, just write on the top of your profile you have no interest in a relationship with someone younger than XX years old, and use the delete button.

SB

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)

Post #: 9

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:20:26 AM

VampiresLair

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Joined: 9/3/2008
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If it doesnt mention in your profile that you do NOT want attention from a certain section then you are open to all. You even said yourself in your OP "So if you are a 20-something and are chasing CM members in your parents' generation, IMO, you need to AT LEAST read your target's profile and if it says the attention is unwanted, respect that."
Does your profile mention anywhere your preferences for age?
Fox and I get emails on this account and on our private ones from all ages and genders. We say we are not looking for service, but that never stops them. If the email wierds you out, then you should set up a mail filter to get rid of all the members of the age group you do not wish to be contacted for. IF, however, you have a double standard of go ahead and contact me as long as it isnt for sex and sex never factors in, then just deal.
Delete them, check the profile before you read the email and that way you wont be wierded out by the email when you read it. And you also need to respect THEIR desire to have older partners, as much as you expect them to respect your desire not to. At least they are making their desire known and not expecting people to read their minds.

DV

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(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)

Post #: 10

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:23:23 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You say they should read the profiles to know if they are in the preferred age group, but you don't have it in your profile. So how can they read it if it isn't there?

Nobody should be expected to be a mind reader. Do you find it equally creepy for a 60 year old movie star to be married to a 35 year old? Because that's common with the older male/younger female scenario.

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Post #: 11

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:23:41 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm not opposed to talking/meeting someone younger than me. I do expect them to explain to me why they are interested and what they can offer. I enjoy the energy and open-minded attitude most have.
You might just be surprised by what some of those young 'uns can teach you!

Like others have said...if it bothers you, put it in your profile.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 11/2/2008 5:25:04 AM >

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Post #: 12

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:31:01 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
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A polite no thank you seems to work for me. Most times, if they have been at least respectful, I will explain why. If it is a women that young, I often think there is a man in the background directing them to write. I know that is very cynical of me, but it is how I think at times.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 13

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:33:32 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

put it in your profile, and that way no-one wastes their time.

People actually read profiles?

Katy, it is your responsibility as a female submissive to be crystal clear regarding what you're looking for. As a Dominant man, it is my responsibility to ignore all that and email you based on seeing your pic and slavering over it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 14

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:38:33 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Is working hard to recall ever having upset an older man by emailing them .... nope .,.. not coming up with anything. Even the ones who are disinterested, manage a simple "Thank you but no thank you" email ....

Surely if emails with a sexual content disturb you this much .. wouldn't it be better for you to not frequent websites such as this rather than to continually expose yourself to such potentially damaging trauma every time you open your inbox?

Returns to her hormones ... which are apparently raging out of control but will magically disperse at the age of 30 (also makes mental note not to be half way through a hormone driven jungle sex fest at midnight on september 27th 2013)

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Post #: 15

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:45:05 AM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

I don't get what the big deal is. There's a delete button, yanno. Quite frankly, I enjoy people who are younger than I. Most people my age are waaaaay too old for me. I am beginning to get to know someone in his 20's who appears to be quite intelligent & mature. I don't categorically reject anyone based on their outsides. For me it's what's inside that counts.

Just as I cannot put myself in your shoes, you cannot put yourself in mine. Believe me when I say I truely do celebrate everyone who has found happiness and fulfillment by finding a partner that fits for them, and I make no judgments about who ANYONE else 'should' be with.

Yea, maybe I need to revise my profile so those who scan it find the age limits that *I* am comfortable with more prominent, but honestly, do I have to have an annoying profile that starts out saying 'NO ONE UNDER 40'?

It's not just MY problem, btw, so it seemed to me that alerting the young members to the apparently unknown fact -- that not every member in their parents' generation is comfortable with their advances -- was quite proper subject for an Op here.

About half the email I received over the weekend was of this sort, and I just thought maybe if they knew they were giving some recipients the creeps, they'd alter their behavior. (At least the more considerate ones would.)

Yes, some older male CM members are ill-at-ease with email overtures from very much younger women. This doesn't just happen to women.

No, I don't happen to think the older members who get squorked a bit by overtures from very much younger members to be any more or less comfy with sexuality generally. I think instead, what's happening is that for some of us, an unwanted sense of the taboo is set off.
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/2/2008 6:07:19 AM >

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)

Post #: 16

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:46:23 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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whoa... hormones disperse at the age of 30? i didnt even find my full sexuality until 33!

i can sorta see the OP's point... sorta... i have a 21 year old son, so, yeah, i cringe when i get some of these mails from the same age group. but i just smile and either do not reply at all, or i merely say... thank you, but, no thank you

i dont feel anyone should be penalized for their age.

tazzy

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RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:46:50 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

It is *creepy* to me to receive a panting email looking for a D/s relationship from someone so young, I could have graduated college with their mother.

So if you are a 20-something and are chasing CM members in your parents' generation, IMO, you need to AT LEAST read your target's profile and if it says the attention is unwanted, respect that.

Good grief...

Do you have any idea how many 40 and 50-something year olds are messaging much younger women? Talk about hints of inappropriate conduct with a minor. Now that is creepy. I'm 37 and I still find it creepy that a 54-year-old man or woman thinks it's acceptable to consider me an option as a partner. My mother is 54! EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!

Clearly, the 20-somethings think you still look young and fit enough to keep up with them. Instead of whining about it on the boards, you should be taking it as a compliment.

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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 18

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:52:04 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Returns to her hormones ... which are apparently raging out of control but will magically disperse at the age of 30 (also makes mental note not to be half way through a hormone driven jungle sex fest at midnight on september 27th 2013)

ummmm - softness - honey - i hate to be the bearer of bad news - but your hormones are just ramping up!!!! You might as well gird your loins, because unless you plan on a life of celibacy - they (the loins) are going to be busy for the next 30 to 50 years - or so. And its wonderful!! Way more fun now than when i was 20'ish!!!

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 19

RE: Clue Phone for 20-somethings - 11/2/2008 5:52:33 AM

Rover

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Frequently, age inequities are perceived to enhance power inequities in relationships.

John

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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 20

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