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What if - 12/16/2005 5:33:29 AM   
LaDee


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: VA
Status: offline 		What consequence/discipline would You enforce if You found out Your sub/slave joined an online sissy training stable? La'Dee
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 5:59:57 AM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Well, if they joined online training, that means they no longer desire or need mine. I would wish them luck in their future endeavours as I accepted my collar back.

Lady Ursa

(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 6:29:21 AM   
LaDee


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: VA
Status: offline 		Thanks and I agree. La'Dee

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 6:29:54 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Banishment, immediate and final.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 7:05:54 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Ultimately, I'd most likely end things. To go behind my back for cyber kinks is beyond reproach.

However, nothing is always black and white. Might be worth considering finding WHY that sub did that. If it's a long term relationship, it might be salvagable if that's what you want.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 12/16/2005 7:06:50 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 8:10:54 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		I would feel that I had failed to train the sub properly about what was acceptible or non acceptible behaviour and examine my training methods ....and hopefully either revise them or accept that they were exactly the methods I want to keep.

I would also want to have a discussion with the about why the sub felt the need to join the online training.

HOWEVER ... I can think of no good reason the sub would not have talked to me about this first .... soooo after our discussion Im sure I would conclude there was not the trust on their part that is needed to maintain a relationship and would wish them well and send them on their way ..

I can forgive many things but not lying .. and lies of omission are still lies.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What if - 12/16/2005 8:14:56 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaDee

What consequence/discipline would You enforce if You found out Your sub/slave joined an online sissy training stable? La'Dee


Without your permission I'm assuming?

That speaks to a deep lack of honesty and trust.

I'd tell him/her that they clearly have some exploration they need to do in other areas of BDSM and that I wish them luck. Then I'd tear up the contract.

This would be true for any online or offline kinky relationship/training/etc without talking to me first and getting my ok.

I'm a fairly laid back person. If my slave or submissive wants something I'm not interested in, I'm happy to help them, even encourage, then to explore. But lying to me or doing things without respecting my authority is NO NO.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What if - 12/18/2005 10:36:59 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I'm pretty much with everyone else. One of our boys is into crossdressing - we aren't. This doesn't bother us - he dresses from time to time, and it's all good. If he decided to go behind our backs, however, all bets would be off. He's been with us for quite awhile, so I doubt that we would kick him out entirely, but he would have to start over if he wanted to stay with us ... meaning he would have to start back at the "dating" stage and earn his collar (and our trust) back. He would be severely restricted in what he was allowed to do unsupervised, and who knows what all else.

With the new boy, as much as I love him, he would probably just be gone. He would be given one chance to explain himself and then he'd be packed up and shipped out, and our search would start over ... again.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What if - 12/18/2005 11:12:38 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on the online stable in question.

I go to great lengths to meet a sub's needs knowing I can't realistically meet them all; I expect the same courtesy in return. I expect a sub to forfeit some of his fantasies, just as I forfeit some of Mine in accepting him to My service.

I'm very specific about My BDSM interests. I am not the least bit interested in: Infantilism; scat; forced bi; prolonged verbal humiliation (it bores Me); and several other hard limits. While I occassionally engage in forced crossdressing it's just not My passion. If a sub of Mine joins an online training stable to explore interests that I simply don't enjoy that's his decision.

My primary concern with that sub is how he meets My needs when we're together. If he comes to Me with solicitous concern for My wellbeing, lays out a prepped scene to My specifications and desires, submits to My will, willingly explores and/or endures My interests and desires, I say keep him. A treasure of a sub is just that: a treasure.

If, on the other hand, his online training interests graduate to r/t service to another Domme, or to r/t poly or bi relationships, that's another situation altogether; he's released.

TexasMaam

(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What if - 12/18/2005 11:36:55 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		So the dishonesty that is implied by how the OP is stated wouldn't bother you?

It wouldn't bother me if they went elsewhere with our knowledge and permission ... but the way it's stated:
quote:

What consequence/discipline would You enforce if You found out Your sub/slave joined an online sissy training stable?
leads me to believe that the submissive in question joined the online stable without the Dominant's knowledge, much less, permission, and it is that deceit that is the problem in this scenario.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What if - 12/18/2005 2:39:08 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		I would know that you can not give what he/she needs/deserves.

Why else look?

Look at yourself first!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What if - 12/18/2005 6:44:16 PM   
LaDee


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: VA
Status: offline 		Thanks too A/all for the replies, comments, & opinions. The situation has been discussed and appropiate measures have been taken.
La'Dee

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 4:59:30 AM   
AlderTheKitty


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline 		i have a question on this if i went to learn a skill in something that my domme liked say she was into horse back riding for something melow and didn'tf tell her would the decision be the same if i didn't tell her and w\ent to training in a bdsm sence

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 5:15:28 AM   
MsCece2u


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/10/2005
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlderTheKitty

i have a question on this if i went to learn a skill in something that my domme liked say she was into horse back riding for something melow and didn'tf tell her would the decision be the same if i didn't tell her and w\ent to training in a bdsm sence


There is a difference you are attempting to learn something as a gift for your Mistress. Personally I love it when a sub takes it upon themself to learn a particular skill because they know it is something that I adore.

LaDee's sub had went on to pursue an aspect in BDSM without Her knowledge and therefore was dishonest. Like many of the Dominants that posted to this particular message I have no problem with a sub pursuing an aspect that perhaps holds no interest to Me. However I do expect to be asked and permission will be given 99 percent of the time as long as I feel it is a safe area for the submissive..

_____________________________

Ms Cece
Tis better to let people think that you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 10:11:50 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back the hec up people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st
no one has YET mentioned the boundaries here.
does this sub have any rights on the internet?
i know "I" do as "I" please on here.
MY Ms is all too agreeable to finding anything that will help me become more docile.

you are all so quick to jump and crticize..............WHY?

and i damn well doubt ANY domme can be around 24/7.............what's wrong with a sub looking for more help?
to the 1st poster<<<<<<<<
did YOU stop and ask WHY this sub did this? have You even talked it-out?
is there ANY reason he may have done this?
are YOU into sissify-ing the boy?


whoa people...back up and give the boy a chance.......you all act like he has stolen the candy from a baby........my gawd folks..........

i hope to hear more about this in a more civilzed manner.............

you people sound like a hanging mob...........




_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 11:36:16 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlderTheKitty

i have a question on this if i went to learn a skill in something that my domme liked say she was into horse back riding for something melow and didn'tf tell her would the decision be the same if i didn't tell her and w\ent to training in a bdsm sence


It depends on the rules of the relationship.

Seeking information for your services is quite different in my opinion than seeking other relationships. Even if its for money, training is still a relationship.

Some dominants (I'm remembering thread on this) wouldn't even want you to seek our information or activities without consulting them first.

The way that I read La'Dee's question implied that she felt that her rules and limits had been broken. In that case, my advice was the same as if a submissive said my limits or our rules have been broken -- end the contract.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 12:10:23 PM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back the hec up people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st
no one has YET mentioned the boundaries here.

I second that notion. You have not explained the parameters of your interactions. For example: Is this a partner who comes over for his/her weekly dose of kink and then returns to his/her vanilla universe? Is this a 24/7 arrangement with TPE (or whatever label you prefer) vs. a 24/7 arrangement without TPE? Etc.

Just because someone serves you does not obligate the sub/slave to focus his/her entire life around you and expect you to make all his/her decisions for him/her. That's where the "negotiated" aspect shapes behaviors and consequences.

There's also the critical issue of the sub’s/slave’s motivation in seeking out auxiliary training. Is (s)he doing it to expand skills to enhance ability to serve you (think: surprise gift to you from the sub/slave), or is it done because you can’t/won't provide that sort of training and it’s an outlet for kink that you won’t indulge?

To answer your question, I would need more information about the nature of the relationship and what led up to the sub's decision to seek outside training.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What if - 12/19/2005 1:58:16 PM   
LaDee


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: VA
Status: offline 		Ok let Me clear this up.

I do NOT have a problem with pet looking for info too surprise Me or too show he has taken iniative too improve his skill(s). I DO have problem with him doing so without My permission and if it is a site where he would answer too another. I am his Queen and I will NOT have him answering too anyone else!

I did ask Myself why he would do this then I spoke with him, he will earn My trust and My collar and leash again. And just to let people know I did/do ask for his interest(s) so W/we can grow as a couple in life.

Thanks, La'Dee

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What if - 12/20/2005 12:12:32 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
And just to let people know I did/do ask for his interest(s) so W/we can grow as a couple in life.

Thanks, La'Dee
===============

oh kay
then it SOUNDS like.....m a y b e? the boy is just earnest in trying hard? maybe never gave it a thought?
maybe there needs to be some guidelines?
i am merely guessing here......

i STILL say.......give ANYONE benefit of doubt until proved otherwise.......



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to LaDee)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What if - 12/20/2005 8:26:03 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		First, I would not jump to any conclusions. Communicate with the submissive about what you learned. If his reasons are not plausible or indifferent then dismiss him. His mind is already out of the relationship anyway.

If he did this as a way to learn more to not be a disappointment to you or because you were not available to him as much as he believed he needs, then talk to him about it. Let him know why it upsets you, and work on finding a solution you can both live with.

You can take the punishment/consequences in a wide range of areas if you do not wish to dismiss him. Since his offensive behavior is of a cyber orientation, you could.......
A. Ban him from internet access. (Have him give you his username and password to his account, and change his password for a specified amount of time. If he receives important emails, call him with the information.
B. You could give him assignments to take up his internet time. If you both have an interest in sissy training, have him locate 10 websites a day on the topic and send you an email with the link and a comprehensive synopsis of what he found on the site and if the information is of interest to him or not.
C. You could have him write an essay for you on why his behavior was inappropriate, and what punishments he believes he deserves.
D. Intense paddling scene making him read each entry on the website while he is being paddled. If he misses a word or pauses, then double the force and efforts while demanding he continue. OR paddling making him count out the strikes something related to sissification or why what he did was wrong. OR make him count out the strikes by telling you a different punishment that would be appropriate..... all could be fun. (But run the risk that he is a sensation junkie......... and will do more to receive punishments like this.)

Obviously, you could also extend the time between when he is allowed to enjoy his desire for sissification. Have him assume more 'manly butch' roles during play for a while. On the flip side, you could also require him to spend more time in sissy mode without the benefit of orgasms.

You could obviously also have him send an email to the online group he joined telling them he joined without your permission and explaining how this was a breach of your trust and will no longer be allowed to participate without your express involvement.

I think it is important to find punishments the deal directly with the offense in order to prevent him from repeating it.

MzKim

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 20
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