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classykindasassy -> RE: Am I or Aren't I ? (12/26/2005 3:15:28 PM)
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The first I heard of anyone (my best gf) getting flogged by a date, I thought she had a screw loose, but I love her and did not judge. I filed away what she told me about what she liked.
Then, years later I was divorced and dating again. I have always had a taste for kink, but this one man I dated kicked it right over the edge. One night we were together and he got a hold of me by the hair and towed me into the next room...and it was on. He laid some moves on me that night that lit fire in my blood. Was spanked, held down, taken, for the first time in my life. He was not an experienced Dom, and the next day I was bruised, but a). I was clear that what we did was PLAY, and b.) everything he did to me I liked and wanted more of.
That experience, against the backdrop of my best g/f's revelation of the BDSM world, started me down a road that I have enjoyed and grown from. I sought out an experienced Dom to teach me the way, and found the perfect one for me quickly after deciding I wanted that.
BUT I DID go through an uncomfortable year and a half, trying to learn to "own" what my desires are. The "world" assigns a lot of "bad and wrong" judgement to it, and I had a very high-profile occupation not unlike being a minister, where I was in the public eye, and very vulnerable and subject to scrutiny. My pursuing the lifestyle during that time was like walking a tightrope - I was keeping my own secrets and that is hard when you are forming a new identity for yourself. My Dom at the time was not a public player nor did he want to be involved with groups. I had no one to talk to outside him.
So, the biggest piece of unsolicited advice I can give, and the ONLY thing I'd have done different, would be to get involved with people/lifestyle groups, such that you can have conversations that will get you out of your head. Trapped in the tight confines of your own mind is a tough place to be when you are feeling this world out. It does not have to be that way. Seek out the input and guidance of those you come to trust, take your time, and most of all, learn about what's available out here. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy, and learn how to establish trust and the Safe,Sane and Consentual philosphy. That will serve you well whether you choose to go on in the lifestyle or not.
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