stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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WhiplashSmile2
Pity I didn't see this thread first because what I just posted on lally's thread 'why can't people find each other' would be more relevant here. I'm starting a new week after another wham-bam-thank you relationship phase with a female friend. The story behind it is on that thread and also on my journal but suffice to say the reason we aren't together today is all over anger, resentment, bitterness and the past.
The upshot is that we met and formed a close friendship and working partnership whilst in a hostel for the homeless - she was working in the hostel, I was a resident, and it was she who got me working back into working with theatre and also working with the homeless and LGBT community. However she was constructively dismissed by the hostel manager and charity which runs the hostel, in fact it ruined her life, but the same charity helped to give me a home and is also actively supporting me in my support group and work with the homeless.
Funnily enough when all this started I was the one with the issues, I had the anger and the resentment and also - and I openly admit this now - a lot of bitterness towards people and a chip on my shoulder. But this has been changed into passion, and a steely resolve to get where I want in life. It comes down to that same choice, do I want to be a victim or a survivor? I'm choosing the latter.
She has anger issues and a lot of burning resentment, and also a past which involves drink and drugs. But on the other side when she's on the ball she's brilliant, and I mean brilliant, she's a fantastic fundraiser, administrator, she knows how to bring people together and I spent the weekend just how creative and how good she is in her own right as a writer. But her passion isn't theatre, but music. However this weekend there were no drugs, just a few cans of beer and she didn't get drunk like she used to.
Yesterday we closed off the possibility of a relationship and instead chose to remain close friends. She's agreed to help in the theatre and in turn I'm going to do waht I can to help her find contact with some reggae musicians in North London which will help her towards achieving her own goals, aspirations and dreams.
Yes letting go of the past and anger and such I guess is the best foot forward but it isn't always possible. The past is still a part of you and so is that anger and it always will be while it remains inside you. But you know sometimes the issues are just too big for you to 'get over it', or 'let it go' or 'move on' and the thing is the more you try and get away from it sometimes you just can't, it keeps coming back at you, and you wind up in a vicious circle.
But what is anger other than negative energy projected outwards? But you know it is energy and it is energy coming from you, and you always have that choice. If the issue is too big for you to let go then I feel you have to stop being unrealistic and quit trying to let it go, and instead change the situation to where you do have a choice and you can do something about it. You are responsible for everything you say, do, think and for every feeling you act upon. Anything and everything you have a responsibility over you also have control over. This includes the energy and how you project that energy outwards. This gives you the choice over whether you express that energy negatively through anger or positively through passion either through your ideas, your actions or both. One form of working with this issues is through some sort of creativity - music, art, theatre, writing, and another is through sport.
Another thing I find is getting angry at people doesn't do any good. It's like trying to win an argument with an idiot. it doesn't get you anywhere. Not only does it put them on the defensive and piss other people off, it's also as risky and dangerous to your health as smoking cigarettes - it causes high blood pressure, increases stress, releases all sorts of crappy enzymes and hormones into your blood stream and the resentment could eventually wind up in you having a heart attack or a stroke. Getting angry at situations is better, but even better is changing situations where you can so you don't get upset or just letting it go when you can't. This is where a sense of humour comes into it. But I guess you know the situation about the situations where you don't know whether to laugh or cry so I guess you also know the punchline.
Hell Whiplash, what does it matter whether you're domly or not? It may not make you seem domly in your eyes, but you're being negative. Try to look at the positives here - you're human.
Please feel free to PM me on the other side. But it's like Candy says, you learn more from the negative stuff in your life than the successes - the successes are when you get it right.
Try not to be too hard on yourself.
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Letting things go..Anger, Hurt and CoDependancy. - 
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