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ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet

i secretly wish you were my boyfriend under a name i don't know about. i wish he was engaging in this kind of introspection regarding his past relationships and baggage. it has been affecting our relationship in a bad way lately. but instead of recognizing it and trying to work through it, his solution has been to push me away, as if that would assuage what he puts me through because of it.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

Here's a little more background about what happened.   I myself am so used to being with a Partner with Bad CoDependent Patterns, that I'm used to being one foot step ahead of these very predictable patterns.

I withheld with being one foot step ahead with my Girl, however I was not liking the feeling of it.  Anyways, I came forward and expressed a number of fears.  These sort of fears as being in part normal, and in part driven from being with CoDependent Partners with Bad Habits.

She actually was a bit taken back, that I might think she would or could do such things.  Egg on my face time.  Painfully clear I'm not dealing with a CoDependent type of girl.  Even the way she phrased things and engaged in conversation with me.

So, all my skills at dealing with CoDependent Partners, I have to totally toss those types of D/s skill the fuck out the window.   Gee, Wow... D/s without these things?

Trust me, when I say this.  I'm doing some serious quick reassetments here folks. Not slowly but doing a lot of very quick readjustments.  It's a matter of setting aside the not so good things.  Working with the good things that I do have in my bag.  I'm having to do some major rethinking in certain areas.

My engagement and postings on this message board, may be a reflection of this process.  Even in how I respond to other people's OP's.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Welcome to the ranks of the imperfect.  We certainly do hope you will enjoy your stay here with us.  Please feel free to make yourself at home and meet other imperfect people like yourself.  You'll find that many of us are often wrong, admit it, apologize, and try to do better the next day.  Should you happen to be struck with the disease of perfection, I'm afraid you'll have to leave, so that you don't infect the rest of us.

By the way, if you happen to enjoy being a member of the 'less than perfect' club, we have some others you might be interested in.  You might like the 'have emotions and show them society' or the 'I'm not God' club.  A lot of our members are into little groups like these. 

Why am I saying that again here?  Because I want you to recognize that none of us are perfect, including you.  It really is ok that you're not.  What you've done here is see an area that you need to work on and you're willing to do that.  This is a good thing.  Growth generally tends to be.

There's something else I'd like to point out to you that you probably already know.  There really isn't such a thing as an "undomly" emotion.  Sure, there are feelings that we might think aren't the most dominant type to express.  Stuff like fear, or anger, or even hurt.  Those things aren't the type of feelings that a person in control should have, are they?  It really tears down that image of the stereotypical dominant, who is always in control and certainly in control of themselves so they can control someone else.  I struggled with that concept Myself for quite some time.   I hope I've conquered that false pretense.  Yes, it still rears it's ugly head from time to time, but more often than not these days, I'm reminded that being a whole person makes Me a better dominant, not a lesser one.  How can I expect My submissive, any submissive, to trust Me enough to guide them when they experience those emotions, if they never have any evidence that I experience them Myself?

I'm not going to say anything about the co-dependency issue.  I honestly think you have a pretty good grasp on what you need to look at and what you need to do.  I kind of get the impression that you're beating yourself up a bit on the topic anyway, and I'm not that kind of sadist. 

Instead, I'm going to teach you a lesson.  One that someone was good enough to teach Me a long time ago.  It has to do with that past relationship and what you are hanging on to because of it.   I know this is going to sound a little odd, but I want you to start thinking of that past relationship like a potato.  If you went to your kitchen just now and got yourself a potato and decided to carry it around with you everywhere you went, that sounds easy enough.  Today, tomorrow, and even for a few days, that would be fine.  Eventually, however, the potato is going to rot.   In time, it  is going to decay and become nothing but a decomposing, blackened, stench of a thing that is with you always.  Ask yourself this question.  Is that something you want to carry with you?  It is your decision to put it down anytime you like.  How long will you hold onto it?



From the desk of the still imperfect Lady Pact, who has carried a potato or two herself in her life, and is sort of growing fond of that particular signature.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If you went to your kitchen just now and got yourself a potato and decided to carry it around with you everywhere you went, that sounds easy enough.  Today, tomorrow, and even for a few days, that would be fine.  Eventually, however, the potato is going to rot.   In time, it  is going to decay and become nothing but a decomposing, blackened, stench of a thing that is with you always.  Ask yourself this question.  Is that something you want to carry with you?  It is your decision to put it down anytime you like.  How long will you hold onto it?

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

Sounds like you have made good progress. I have my own ways of dealing with issues from past relationships or associations. Most times I follow the same advise I teach my counselling clients and of course it works, Admittedly, there are one or three I discipate my anger on by mocking up life like dummies and taking then out on a combat ragne which realeses a huge amount of negative energy. I must say I still beloieve that simply catching up with those people and executing them would be more efficient and better however I need to remain within the laws of the land which refuses to sanction any personal executions I may wish to perform...  

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I'm thinking about taking a break away from Collarme altogther, I don't know.  I know that I have issues, some real and some serious issues.  I'm a fucking asshole...

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I had this notion that one can have a healthy CoDependent relationship for too long now.  Time to shit can that one.

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ORIGINAL: cutuppaperdoll
i think you are just thinking too much ; )