RE: Spoiled Rotten

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PeonForHer -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/6/2008 9:37:21 PM)
a high maintenance woman. I do think we need to come up with a better phrase. "High maintenance" always makes me think of Georgian houses with crumbling walls. Venatrix's exterior surfaces don't look as though she needs to call in the scaffolders and stonemasons quite yet.

Lockit -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/6/2008 9:59:38 PM)
Yikes! lol I cannot tell you where my mind went with that one. Thanks Peon!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 8:39:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer a high maintenance woman. I do think we need to come up with a better phrase. "High maintenance" always makes me think of Georgian houses with crumbling walls. Venatrix's exterior surfaces don't look as though she needs to call in the scaffolders and stonemasons quite yet. There is nothing wrong with being high maintenance! I sure am! I don't need furs, jewels, or fine things---I have all those, and provided them for myself, thanks---I need attention. I need what men want to give the least---their minds and hearts! At the same time, I could certainly do with some spackle in a few areas, but the right lighting works miracles. [;)]

DominantJenny -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 9:20:04 AM)
FR (Off topic: Sorry, everyone, just really busy these days, haven't been able to visit in some time. Someday, this will change.) I'm not into the traditional type of spoiling/pampering. I expect to be my partner's number one priority as they are mine...when the chips are down, I have to come first, in other words. I want "my way"...kind of inherent in the personality type, I think. I am happiest when I am given my way without having to take it. Some might consider that spoiled, but I don't. I work damn hard, and I give as good as I get.

IntellectualPro -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 9:43:46 AM)
Ok this is going to chafe a little bit for some... I just can't think of a nicer way to say some things. quote: ORIGINAL: Aakasha Subs - are you attracted to women who have a high need to be pampered, spoiled, or treated exceptionally well? Does it add to the vibe in the relationship if you feel she's high maintenance, demanding, and has very high expectations with regards to how she is treated - from having an impeccable gentleman with opening doors, deferring to her, praising her a lot, doting on her, carrying her bags, etc? Is this kind of 'work' enjoyable or tedious, and more a side-effect of having a femdom partner? Absolutely not. As others have alluded to, this is childish and selfish behavior. It very well may be a side-effect of common depictions of submissive servitude akin to false expectations of dominatrices always donning stilettos and fetish wear. Hey, maybe these two belong together... Anyway, I enjoy pampering a woman, be it small gestures or lavish gifts as long as its appreciated, right up until the point where something becomes expected, whereupon the toy gets taken from the child. When its expected, then someone/anyone could be providing it, given a list of expectations. Allow me to distinguish expectation from predictability. Its fine if you're a step ahead of me; I'll just try harder to surprise you some other way. quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan As I define "spoiled rotten" the answer is no. I don't care to be showered with gifts, nor do I want to be constantly fawned upon. Unless it's my birthday. [;)] However, I make no secret of the fact that I'm high maintenance. I expect to be put first in any relationship ~ before job, family, friends, or hobbies. I communicate this to all of my partners at the beginning of a relationship. If I'm not a partner's highest priority, the relationship is doomed. That said, I'm very family and career oriented, so I'll often take a willing back seat to my partner's job/family or find some means of compromise so that we all get our needs met. Who would really admit that they take until the point of rottenness? That would be to admit that they want more than they feel they deserve. Am I reading correctly that you want someone who puts his career-oriented partner before his own career? One-sided? Maybe you can find someone without a job, family, friends, or hobbies... I see them all the time holding signs... Anyway, the larger take-away is that a lot of high-maintenance people in general can find partners willing to provide maintenance, and they may find more supply of such partners in the submissive population. As Akasha said, subs oft find themselves with non-Domme high-maintenance partners. However, when starting relationships people often put their best self forward, which like any good used car deal usually excludes the price of the maintenance contracts. Its great that you can be up front here and hopefully with your partners. I hope others take the lesson, because hiding something like this really can doom a relationship when it eventually surfaces and its not the peacefully-go-our-separate-ways kind of doom.

persephonee -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 9:49:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominantJenny FR (Off topic: Sorry, everyone, just really busy these days, haven't been able to visit in some time. Someday, this will change.) I'm not into the traditional type of spoiling/pampering. I expect to be my partner's number one priority as they are mine...when the chips are down, I have to come first, in other words. I want "my way"...kind of inherent in the personality type, I think. I am happiest when I am given my way without having to take it. Some might consider that spoiled, but I don't. I work damn hard, and I give as good as I get. oooo Jenny is almost back to us....YAY!!!! smooches

LadyConstanze -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 9:52:56 AM)
Fast reply.... I think we all enjoy being a bit spoiled, it means we are appreciated, the Princess thing with tantrums is not for me, a gift if not given freely has little meaning and if I do not know the person giving it very well, I would be worried that he is trying to "buy" me. I adore presents, who doesn't, but I rather have somebody with good manners, the opening doors, pulling out chairs, good old chivalry goes a long long way, much longer than something you can buy in a shop...

PeonForHer -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 11:26:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer a high maintenance woman. I do think we need to come up with a better phrase. "High maintenance" always makes me think of Georgian houses with crumbling walls. Venatrix's exterior surfaces don't look as though she needs to call in the scaffolders and stonemasons quite yet. There is nothing wrong with being high maintenance! I sure am! I don't need furs, jewels, or fine things---I have all those, and provided them for myself, thanks---I need attention. I need what men want to give the least---their minds and hearts! At the same time, I could certainly do with some spackle in a few areas, but the right lighting works miracles. [;)] Sounds like you want a guy like Nina Simone's, Lady H: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYSbUOoq4Vg - - it popped into my head the moment I read your reply. If he were to be a man who was willing to walk alongside you all the time with the requisite shades and studio lamps on moody-lighting settings - jackpot, eh?! Seriously, though, I have on occasion been put off some women on sight just because they've looked so "expensive". (Not yourself or anyone visiting this forum that I can think of, I very swiftly hasten to add.) I'm not sure what's given me that overall impression when I've seen such women. Combination of expensive clothes and jewellery, shoes that they couldn't possibly walk in for more than ten paces - and very frosty-looking faces. Probably mainly that last, on reflection. As for the difficulty of finding a man who'll 'give his heart and mind': that's been a perennial complaint amongst vanilla women too, of course. Maybe it's a touch harder, initially at least, if the woman concerned happens to be a domme, though. How to express one's domme nature, but at the same time look as though one is ready to give and to receive affection - I could imagine that might be a difficult combination of messages for some to send out. Or maybe the more important problem is the difficulty males have in picking up said messages. Re that, and as so often, I'm just glad I'm no longer in my twenties.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 11:43:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IntellectualPro quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan As I define "spoiled rotten" the answer is no. I don't care to be showered with gifts, nor do I want to be constantly fawned upon. Unless it's my birthday. [;)] However, I make no secret of the fact that I'm high maintenance. I expect to be put first in any relationship ~ before job, family, friends, or hobbies. I communicate this to all of my partners at the beginning of a relationship. If I'm not a partner's highest priority, the relationship is doomed. That said, I'm very family and career oriented, so I'll often take a willing back seat to my partner's job/family or find some means of compromise so that we all get our needs met. Am I reading correctly that you want someone who puts his career-oriented partner before his own career? One-sided? Maybe you can find someone without a job, family, friends, or hobbies... I see them all the time holding signs... Yep. You got it, bucko. I'm at the top of the food chain in my household. Therefore, my career comes first. Of course, when I have finished my university studies next year, it will be my fiance's turn. I've insisted that he figure out a career path that involves more than working dead-end food service jobs. I'll support the family while he goes to school just as he is doing now. My girl is expected to keep the house until I'm finished with my studies. After that, she gets her turn and will be attending law school. And I'll be doing more around the house to give her time to study. Both of them put my needs before friends and hobbies. Then again, I do the same for them. Deal with it.

IntellectualPro -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 12:46:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: IntellectualPro Am I reading correctly that you want someone who puts his career-oriented partner before his own career? One-sided? Maybe you can find someone without a job, family, friends, or hobbies... I see them all the time holding signs... Yep. You got it, bucko. I'm at the top of the food chain in my household. Therefore, my career comes first. Of course, when I have finished my university studies next year, it will be my fiance's turn. I've insisted that he figure out a career path that involves more than working dead-end food service jobs. I'll support the family while he goes to school just as he is doing now. My girl is expected to keep the house until I'm finished with my studies. After that, she gets her turn and will be attending law school. And I'll be doing more around the house to give her time to study. Both of them put my needs before friends and hobbies. Then again, I do the same for them. Deal with it. Ahh, I see the difference. In your case it sounds like putting you first might lead him to actually get a career. What if he already had a more altruistic career like a charity worker, physician, or scientist (my case)? I guess what I'm getting at is: do you insist that he put you before humankind? Personally, in myself and in partners, I prize passion for something greater than oneself (I can already hear some Dom(me)s thinking that they fit the description as something greater than their sub...but I mean greater even than you too gasp). Hijacking their purpose in life, if they have such a purpose, and making yourself their purpose... well... if that was the intent, I guess you just wouldn't find a willing person with that sort of calling. At least you can give purpose to others. No offense intended. I think we just have conflicting views and a lovely freedom to express them ;-) Anyhow, at least you put them before your own hobbies and needs so that part goes both ways. What about family? Does yours come first but theirs doesn't?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 12:53:20 PM)
I respect those that work for charities, and put "humanity" above themselves and their families, though I hesitate to add "physician" and "scientist" to that list. I suspect that those humanitarian types are not going to be drawn to serve a dominant female. If we accept that the essence of a d/s relationship is power exchange, then it follows that yes, the person accepting the power (and its attendant responsibility) IS the more important party. If she has common sense, and wants to keep her partner happy and at her side, she will see that his needs are met. When it comes to the final decisions, they are hers, and it is the submissive who will be doing the bulk of the compromising. That's part of the arrangement.

IntellectualPro -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 1:18:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I respect those that work for charities, and put "humanity" above themselves and their families, though I hesitate to add "physician" and "scientist" to that list. I suspect that those humanitarian types are not going to be drawn to serve a dominant female. Why would you hesitate with physician or scientist? If money is the detractor, know that outside of the U.S., physicians don't receive such copious compensation, so what they do is mostly to help others. Either way, most of them end up saving lives, which is humanitarian in my book. Scientists are a whole other animal. They often worry about the long term for humanity. If not for them, we'd still be stuck in the dark ages, dying of bubonic plague. Physicians do tend to be egotistical, but charity workers and scientists are quite used to serving and thereby well suited to find a dominant female, so long as it doesn't conflict with what they see as their greater purpose. Perhaps they're just not suited for 24/7 TPE.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 1:47:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IntellectualPro Ahh, I see the difference. In your case it sounds like putting you first might lead him to actually get a career. What if he already had a more altruistic career like a charity worker, physician, or scientist (my case)? I guess what I'm getting at is: do you insist that he put you before humankind? As I said earlier, I'm very career driven so I understand the need to be highly successful. In the case of my girl, as an example, her future career in law is going to require a lot of time and dedication. She eventually wants to be a judge so that's going to require compromise for all of us. I also mentioned that I will willingly take a back seat to things like a partner's career and family or find ways to compromise so everyone is content. The point here is that I know I will come first when the chips are down -- if it's a choice between me or the job, I have to know I'll be the top priority. Put another way, if your partner became chronically ill, would you put her before your career? Would you do less for the nebulous "greater good" in order to do more for her? If faced with that choice, I would expect my partners to choose me. However, I'd do the same for either of them. quote: What about family? Does yours come first but theirs doesn't? Not at all. We compromise depending on the situation. ETA: I love my future in-laws so I enjoy spending time with them. Compromising is far from a hardship. Occasionally, I like the fact I can use the need to "compromise" to get away from my relatives.

djaleksandr -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/7/2008 1:57:44 PM)
I like attention, sure. I like being spoiled occasionally. Specifically, I like being spoiled when I need it, and I would like my subbie to be able to know when I need that. Not some psychic mind reading, but if I have had a terrible day, am suffering from a migraine, am sick, or just otherwise going through some rough stuff, it's nice to be pampered. If I've had an incredibly rough day, it's nice to be presented with my favorite bottle of wine (which isn't expensive, mind you, it's only about 10 bucks [8D]), perhaps a neck massage. If I'm sick, it's nice to be brought over soup, or offer to do a few errands so my sick self can stay in bed and recover. On the flipside, I would do the same thing for a sub. It would be with a different dynamic, of course, but were my sub having a really hard day, I would take care of them. Pamper them, nurture them. When they are sick, I make sure their needs are taken care of. I also live by this dynamic when I am the sub. I try to be able to read the signs of whenever my dom/me has had a rough day, pick up the signals, listen to what they say beyond "grab your ankles". And, if I am sick, or in pain, or having a really hard emotional time, I would expect them to nurture me, and take care of me. I do agree about birthdays, though. Birthdays are all about me. I expect to be treated like royalty. Whether I'm taking the spankings, or giving them. [:D]

marsneedswomen -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/9/2008 8:48:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Ladies, do you enjoy being "spoiled rotten"? Do you indulge in selfish behaviors, demand attention, want to be given things on a whim - whether it be attention or gifts? Subs - are you attracted to women who have a high need to be pampered, spoiled, or treated exceptionally well? Does it add to the vibe in the relationship if you feel she's high maintenance, demanding, and has very high expectations with regards to how she is treated - from having an impeccable gentleman with opening doors, deferring to her, praising her a lot, doting on her, carrying her bags, etc? Is this kind of 'work' enjoyable or tedious, and more a side-effect of having a femdom partner? Akasha I did, then I graduated from high school and it went away.

Coupleofwhats -> RE: Spoiled Rotten (11/9/2008 9:46:38 PM)
I'm definitely a bit spoiled. Not in the "Gimme, gimme, I want it!" tantrum-y way. I've just developed quiet expectations.

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