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Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 7:46:49 PM   
SanDieoSub


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Mistresses...  I'm here to ask advise.  I'm a fairly inexperienced sub, I've fantasized about it for a while but haven't deeply engaged in it with a Domme.  As a man I am quite ashamed and embarrassed of my submissive nature, and subsequently that makes me nervous about meeting dommes.

I had the pleasure of chatting with a beautiful Mistress I met here.  And after some extensive online conversations we decided to meet, but when the time came I flaked.  She is rightfully upset with me... but still gives me the privilege of speaking with her, but there seems to be nothing that she finds suitable to make it up to her.

Ladies, is there anything I can do to correct this?  Please make suggestions... I'm open to embarrsing and humiliating myself if necessary.
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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 7:48:40 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		yeah, next time show up

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 7:48:49 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SanDieoSub

Hello Mistresses...  I'm here to ask advise.  I'm a fairly inexperienced sub, I've fantasized about it for a while but haven't deeply engaged in it with a Domme.  As a man I am quite ashamed and embarrassed of my submissive nature, and subsequently that makes me nervous about meeting dommes.

I had the pleasure of chatting with a beautiful Mistress I met here.  And after some extensive online conversations we decided to meet, but when the time came I flaked.  She is rightfully upset with me... but still gives me the privilege of speaking with her, but there seems to be nothing that she finds suitable to make it up to her.

Ladies, is there anything I can do to correct this?  Please make suggestions... I'm open to embarrsing and humiliating myself if necessary.



Embarrassing and humiliating yourself is self indulgent - you'd enjoy it, I'm sure.
Send her a gift with monetary value.  How many hours of her time did you waste?  Multiple the hours by $150. That's the value of the gift.  This is my opinion of course.  Send a gift certificate so she can buy whatever she wants, and clearly state you wasted her time and for that you are sorry, and know her time is valuable.

Akasha


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(in reply to SanDieoSub)
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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 7:49:45 PM   
SanDieoSub


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		And she is of course monitoring this.... so if you suggest something she likes she may hold me too it. 

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 7:57:12 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would have a hard time trusting you to show up until you actually did.  If I agreed to continue to talk to you, I would agree to a second chance to meet.  If you were late or didn't show, I would leave a one minute past the time you were supposed to be there.

You broke a trust in a sense, but I don't see where gifts would convince me that you were sincere.  My trust cannot be bought.  A gift might be pleasing, but it sure wouldn't buy you much more than a smile and a thank you.  Until you would actually meet me, I am not sure that anything would be solved with anything you could do, so I have no idea's for you.  Good luck.

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:00:53 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Subs who flake are a 100 to the dollar, so you'll have to come up with a reason why you're so special that your potential domina should overlook your churlish behaviour.  Frankly, I'd never waste my time on someone who found being submissive shameful and embarrassing, so perhaps you should find yourself a kink-friendly therapist and get these issues sorted first.

(in reply to SanDieoSub)
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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:09:19 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		no show = immediately blocked and move on.

you wasted her time, money, and possibly a day of work.

i went to california to meet someone...i was furious....she was 45 minutes late.  for me = 4 days on bus and 3500 miles traveled.  if she didnt show...i would be in kill bill mode.


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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:11:50 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Be glad that she is still speaking to you.  I leave no shows in the pile of those to be ignored forevermore.  There's plenty like you out there, I advise you to man up or get out of the way of the sincere submissives.

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:20:03 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Just had to add - if you like being humiliated, clearly you came to the right place.

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:23:06 PM   
manxcat


Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		With you Lockit.

If you no-showed again, you would be blocked

manxcat


_____________
Artists make lousy slaves. -Jody Jenson

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:28:32 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Just a word of encouragement from another sub...

There is nothing shaming or embarrassing about kneeling to the will of a powerful woman.  Take heart and show up next time...and bring a gift and let your apology for the previous time be the first words she hears from your lips. 


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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:46:33 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is really good when we can understand the struggle that someone might have in meeting and having no prior experience.  Whether we would actually forgive and move on and trust again, it is a nice thought that we would give someone a chance to be human and not perfect.  But... I would personally be very shaky on trust here, because I would be afraid that once I invested a bit of myself into someone who flaked... that he would flake again.  Because a second chance was asked for and given, I believe you have a very serious situation on your hands now.  You must be secure when you give your word, yet you cannot be afraid to tell her when you feel unsure or have doubts or fears.  Communication is going to be key here and if you are afraid you will mess up, you most likely will.  Be sure.

How can you be sure?  Don't think of kink and if you can handle pain and all that, most I know that have been on shaky ground will shake until they crumble.  You have to think about being a man of your word, whether you can handle things or not, at this point doesn't really matter.  If you agree to something, do it.  Don't agree to playing or anything you are unsure of and I am not sure I would expect you to give your word on anything but on a personal level as one person to another, and being able to trust that you were a friend who would meet and be honest, forthright and able to be vulnerable because you are a man of honor and of your word.

Added... and stop projecting into it... when you are afraid you will project in what could happen and get into fear and you ruin it for yourself and run.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/4/2008 8:52:22 PM >

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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 8:57:30 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Forget the gifts and the money crap.  Write her a heart-felt note and open up to her completely.  Explain why you flaked, and explain why you're not going to flake again if she gives you another shot. Words are all you have at this point.  Make it convincing and make sure it's all genuine.

Good luck :)

(in reply to SanDieoSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 10:42:35 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Yep.  'Nother ditto on the flake = ignored.  Second chances are for people who have earned them.  They don't come free.

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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/4/2008 10:44:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Flaking to Me, is akin to disloyalty.  Whatever you built with her, you lost.  If she allows you to start over from scratch, do so with openness.  It's not a lesson everyone will understand.  Perhaps, you will.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/5/2008 12:51:56 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		If I choose to continue talking to someone after they flaked out on meeting no gift or "heart felt" note would get me to trust them. I have no idea how this woman you bailed out on works but to me, the only thing that could ever regain any sort of desire to even go further with you would be meeting you. That means, you not flaking out again. Words are only words after you failed, gotta have actions to back them up if you're already in the shit hole.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/5/2008 5:33:10 PM   
SanDieoSub


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the responses ladies...  please allow me to clarify... not that this is condonable, but at the very least, we did not yet have a meeting place or time.  So it wasn't as if she was waiting around at starbucks or anything.  I did still waste some of her time, and there's nothing I can do to take that back, and I agree if there is a next time I need to show up. 

Mistress asked me to provide her with reasons that she should give me a second chance and consider me over others.  Realizing that I have not yet even met her, I cannot yet say things like I love her, or that I will solely be devoted to only her for the rest of time because I haven't yet even met her and it would be lying.

So I came up with three reasons:
1. I'm essentially a virgin sub, so she has the unique opportunity to break me in, and mold me however she'd like to.
2. The fact that I am ashamed and a bit "skittish" about my submissiveness is something she could have a little fun with.  Just taking me into a fredrick's with the possibility of buying my own panties in front of people would be enough to have me at her feet for days (not that I wouldn't be there already).  I know you dommes can't deny that that would be fun for you.  That's not something I'm trying to do
3.  I have been told that I have a great ass.  It would be her's to have fun with.

How did I do?

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/5/2008 5:42:30 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		That wouldn't fly with me. It was all about what happens with you.  I have found that a lot of submissive's focused on self will say I could have fun with this or that... no... not my thing maybe or wow... are you sure you want a person to be your mistress or will just anyone do or what the hell... everything here is centered around kink... I want to know the person and if he is only about kink... there isn't even a first chance if I see it.  Much less if he is walking on thin ice and trying to impress me.

It is understandable to be new and not know things, but when all of this becomes about bdsm and not two people, I have a huge distaste for it.  Even a person inexperienced in bdsm should know how to treat another adult and if it is all about play... well... you get the picture.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/5/2008 6:51:39 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps the reason that it's such a bad thing to do is because of all the emotional energy it takes to bring a dream into reality.  True for dommes just as it is for subs, I'd say.  That's what I'd assume she feels has been betrayed.  It's a big betrayal. 

I did it once before.  I wouldn't do it again.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/5/2008 7:31:33 PM   
DominaSusan


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with Lockit, your note is all about you-which rarely appeals to a Domme. However you are very new to the scene and it’s an easy mistake that most of the sub’s I’ve met make. I would cut you some slack on this but you might want to adjust your note to reflect your true sub-self and some inner feelings. I would consider a note that focused on her, learning about how to please her and focus on her desires is a positive step to showing her you are a true slave at heart, if you are indeed wishing to serve that is. I personally go for sincere and heart-felt in my relationships and true service in my slaves. Dommes, if nothing else are the center of attention. Of course I love to whip and cane asses-don’t we all but I can go for any ass, nice or not. It’s the whipping I love and it’s even better when I feel a real connection with the sub.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 20
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