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RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/7/2008 10:38:53 PM

suessub

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline

To the OP: I read your question earlier in the evening. Then Mistress returned home and we had a session together and I mulled over your question. Mistress was in a mood tonight, so I really got to mull over your question.

There comes that point when she takes me past where my masochistic side wanted to go. But she is just starting to really get into her groove. I can tell by the little giggles she lets out. But I see myself as her slave, my deepest pleasure comes from her happiness. And we have reached that point in the session where i have to provide the reality that is behind me being her slave. So every painful strike she delivers upon me is a moment to continue being owned by her. She knows my deepest desire is to be owned by her and she wants to claim that ownership. I have not offered it lightly.

Once my comfort level has been passed, then we enter into power exchange. So how do I endure the pain? By surrendering myself to it and to her. For we have been there often enough for me to know she understands that is where she must take me to claim me. Then, as she loves to say, i am putty in her hands. So experience will teach you to know that the reward for the endurance is worth the pain and surrender.

_____________________________

"Cause people often talk about being scared of change
But for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
Cause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long "
- Nick Cave

(in reply to HisPrincess05)

Post #: 41

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 5:55:51 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Enduring pain is not too negative a description.

   For me it seems negative and maybe I should explain why.  From dictionary.com endure:

1.
to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding; undergo: to endure great financial pressures with equanimity.

2.
to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate: I cannot endure your insults any longer.

3.
to admit of; allow; bear: His poetry is such that it will not endure a superficial reading. –verb (used without object)

4.
to continue to exist; last: These words will endure as long as people live who love freedom.

5.
to support adverse force or influence of any kind; suffer without yielding; suffer patiently: Even in the darkest ages humanity has endured.

6.
to have or gain continued or lasting acknowledgment or recognition, as of worth, merit or greatness: His plays have endured for more than three centuries

   With that said:   for me, my masochistic side although overlapping into my submissive nature is pretty much stand alone.    I do not enjoy pain simply because he enjoys being the giver of pain.   I do not feed off his pleasure.   As a masochist, I merely enjoy the sensations I get from pain in a controlled enviorment.   (Stubbing my toe hurts and is in no way controlled.)    There of course is an element of pleasure knowing that he is finding satisfaction in giving me pain, however, I could still enjoy the sensations if he got no pleasure from it at all.    As a masochist, it really simply is all about me.    I am not tolerating pain for his sake, nor am I baring the pain, because I am a submissive and it pleases him, I am not allowing him to do it because it is supposed to be part of our dynamics---I do it because deep down those plethora of sensations are enjoyed by me.

   To me endurning pain, does not define me as a masochist---because of that to me the word endure seems negative.    A masochist IMO, simply enjoys pain or the sensations of pain.     If I truly enjoy something I am not suffering from it, baring it, tolerating it, enduring it, I am simply really truly liking it.

    I see nothing wrong with engaging in SM for the pleasure of another person; however IMO if I were to engage in SM simply for someone elses pleasure I would not truly be a masochist.   On the same side, if my One were to ask me to beat someone else and I did so for his pleasure, it would not make me a Sadist.   I do not enjoy giving pain to another person and I would endure the action because I was submissive and feeding off his pleasure.

From the orginal OP

quote:

other machocists can you please help me and give me some tips on enduring what my master dishes out?

    I simply enjoy it.

***disclaimer----these are my observations as I apply them to myself.    My post is in no way placed here to discredit the observations of others, just an attempt to share my own ideas.


< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 11/8/2008 5:56:26 AM >

(in reply to LydiaSciKitten)

Post #: 42

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 7:22:31 AM

HisPrincess05

Posts: 23
Joined: 10/31/2008
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In my original post I stated..... "how to endure the pain?" Which may or may not be a negative way of put this point into persepective. I love how it feels when he has me chained be it the St. Andrew's cross or simpy using some sort of spreader bar. In reading your replies, I have learned of different techniques from breathing exercises to displacing the pain and letting it take me away (something I guess like sub-space). I'm new to this side of me and which is all to exciting if you think about it. Master knows when I've had enough so to speak and he takes me down and kisses my welts (very sensitive as well). I'm sorry if that word "endure"' seems negative.

I just wanted to say thank you for all of your replies. Its hard for being who I am and wanting to tell the world, when you vanilla friends think there is something really wrong with you- again thank you for being an ear to listen and giving advice. much love to you all.

Princess

(in reply to fragilepieces)

Post #: 43

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 7:59:03 AM

StrictMaster979

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/19/2008
Status: offline

I always insist the my subbie express herself openly and honestly. If it hurts or really hurts, I have got to know, so I can judge where to go next. The screams the tears are a real turn on for me...guess this makes me a ................

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 44

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 1:57:51 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
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Whether or not the term "endure" is negative or not, apparently depends upon the person. I prefer not to try to make more out of things than they are, therefore rather than trying to turn the original post upside down and sideways, trying to make it mine; I take it for what it is and answer as best I can. That being said, if endure is the word that you use, then use it, don't apologize for it, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

As a masochist myself, I enjoy the pain to a point, the point when it crosses to unbearable. Like it or not we do the things we do, not only for ourselves, but for those we have given power to. That means that when I have reached the point that surpasses my pleasure, I can't just "tap out," so to speak. Daddy is deserving of the pleasure he receives when lashing, spanking, biting, etc., to inflict this upon my deserving flesh.

Because of that, I can say that, yes, I endure the pain and it is in no way thought of as a negative conotation of the word.

Honestly,
BLGirl

(in reply to HisPrincess05)

Post #: 45

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 6:55:01 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

quote:

Enduring pain is not too negative a description.
   For me it seems negative and maybe I should explain why.  From dictionary.com endure:

1.
to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding; undergo: to endure great financial pressures with equanimity. [/qoute]

I find that you can define words really well but is this necessary? I would think that the people on the forum are able to understand what the meaning of endure means.

quote:

2.
to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate: I cannot endure your insults any longer.

Again I find it interesting that you are showing us how to use the word in a sentence. I just wonder why you decided to do so?

quote:

3.
to admit of; allow; bear: His poetry is such that it will not endure a superficial reading. –verb (used without object)

this is almost getting disturbing, but I guess I'll endure this a little longer.

quote:

  With that said:   for me, my masochistic side although overlapping into my submissive nature is pretty much stand alone.    I do not enjoy pain simply because he enjoys being the giver of pain.

the post was a question on how SHE could endure pain. I would be guessing so that she could please her Dom.

quote:

I do not feed off his pleasure.   As a masochist, I merely enjoy the sensations I get from pain in a controlled enviorment.   (Stubbing my toe hurts and is in no way controlled.)

Wow, I am so confused as to where you came up with this idea. in the original post there was nothing about accidental pain, uncontrolled pain sensation. I am beginning to wonder how you are able to function in the BDSM life style. I am beginning to see there are some serious issues that you might need to address.

quote:

There of course is an element of pleasure knowing that he is finding satisfaction in giving me pain, however, I could still enjoy the sensations if he got no pleasure from it at all.    As a masochist, it really simply is all about me.    I am not tolerating pain for his sake, nor am I baring the pain, because I am a submissive and it pleases him, I am not allowing him to do it because it is supposed to be part of our dynamics---I do it because deep down those plethora of sensations are enjoyed by me.

With saying this is telling me that it is about you and the dynamics and receiving pain is what being a masochist is about. The pain is a turn-on plain and simple.

quote:

To me endurning pain, does not define me as a masochist---because of that to me the word endure seems negative.    A masochist IMO, simply enjoys pain or the sensations of pain.     If I truly enjoy something I am not suffering from it, baring it, tolerating it, enduring it, I am simply really truly liking it.


Please help me out. I do not see where anyone said that enduring pain defined you as a masochist at all. I am beginning to think that this issue has touched a nerve. I wonder if you make these posts to get someone riled up and get a feeling of acceptance.

quote:

   I see nothing wrong with engaging in SM for the pleasure of another person; however IMO if I were to engage in SM simply for someone elses pleasure I would not truly be a masochist.

According to the dictionary to be a masochist is to do just what you are suggesting you would not do. If you would like I could define what masochism is, but I think that everyone else knows

quote:

From the orginal OP
quote:

   other machocists can you please help me and give me some tips on enduring what my master dishes out?

    I simply enjoy it.

You seem to be a contradiction to yourself. At one point you state that you are not defined by the term endurance then you state you simply enjoy it. This is almost confusing to me.

quote:

***disclaimer----these are my observations as I apply them to myself.    My post is in no way placed here to discredit the observations of others, just an attempt to share my own ideas.

You state that your post is not to discredit that of others, but you seem to be attempting to try to push your views on others and with all your definitions and examples of how to use the word "correctly" is almost troublesome.

Daddy of BLGirl

(in reply to fragilepieces)

Post #: 46

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 9:31:30 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BLGirl

It is funny, for me the truly painful part is when he stops.
Perhaps I am just weird like that?

Masochistically,
BLGirl

i don't think that's weird at all :)

(in reply to BLGirl)

Post #: 47

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 10:23:06 PM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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*edited and deleted

< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 11/8/2008 10:24:18 PM >

(in reply to BLGirl)

Post #: 48

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/8/2008 11:30:41 PM

NuevaVida

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I read the definitions of "endure" and don't find it negative at all. I endured pain for my former master, and my use of the word "endure" was exactly as defined above. I didn't like pain. In fact, I can almost say I hate pain (certain pains, anyway). I endured it because he wanted me to be pained in a way that was difficult. I'm not a masochist or a painslut. I'm a submissive, and a former slave who would endure whatever my former master wanted to put on me.

That said, I'll echo the advice to breathe. For whatever reason, it was also really helpful to allow all kinds of sounds come out of me in response to the blows - guttural, grunting, animalistic wails. But I often was not allowed to make much in the way of sounds while enduring the pain I was receiving, nor was I allowed to writhe or twist away from it. What did ultimately help were a few things I clung to:

* If not bound, I would punch - the floor, the bed, whatever it was I could (as long as it wasn't him). Somehow when the implement was brought down with force on me, smacking the ground in response felt like I was transferring the energy from the implement, through my body and right out my body. I would feel a rush of energy shoot through me but it was short lived as it had an avenue out of me, through my fingers as I punched, hit, smacked, slapped the surface I was on.

* I learned I have a bit of a sadistic streak, and would become really turned on by the fact that he was doing this to me, even if I hated it. In other words, I would imagine him doing it to someone else, or I would think of the power he had over me that I actually would take the blows without crying out or moving, and that sense of power overtook the sense of pain. Once he had me clamped, bound, gagged, tied, and was wailing on me and I burst out laughing at my predicament, because, even though I was suffering greatly, it was so damned hot that he would do that to someone. It was as though I saw myself from outside of myself, and I got off on my own suffering. In the last year of my slavery to him, this is where my mind most often went.

* Usually I was left in a heap to soothe myself afterward, and I viewed that as quiet time, to recover, to reflect, and to catch my breath. On rare occasions I would bring my mind there during the painful part, and begin soothing myself in anticipation of being left alone.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to fragilepieces)

Post #: 49

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/9/2008 7:30:32 AM

eastcoastgal

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

I don't know if i'll be much of a help....I've never been in a painful BDSM situation (newbie, here!). However, I have been a competitive gymnast since I was a child and have had to learn how to work though some pretty intense pain (I tumbled in a cast with a broken foot and 2 torn ligaments for 2 weeks before my parents found out my coach was allowing it). I completely agree with the breathing. Another good thing to try is to relax your muscles...almost convince yourself you want it. Move into whatever is causing you the pain. As odd as it might sound, my mindset becomes very selfish....i have to stop worrying about what I look like or what others are thinking about me and totally focus on me- what i'm feeling, what's going through my mind, controlling the breathing, relaxing, etc. That's when I start to enjoy it. It becomes surreal.

Again, it may be a completely different experience, but when I have my first introduction with BDSM, this is what I *HOPE* my stategy will be.

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 50

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/9/2008 12:12:03 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

That said, I'll echo the advice to breathe. For whatever reason, it was also really helpful to allow all kinds of sounds come out of me in response to the blows - guttural, grunting, animalistic wails. But I often was not allowed to make much in the way of sounds while enduring the pain I was receiving, nor was I allowed to writhe or twist away from it. What did ultimately help were a few things I clung to:

* If not bound, I would punch - the floor, the bed, whatever it was I could (as long as it wasn't him). Somehow when the implement was brought down with force on me, smacking the ground in response felt like I was transferring the energy from the implement, through my body and right out my body. I would feel a rush of energy shoot through me but it was short lived as it had an avenue out of me, through my fingers as I punched, hit, smacked, slapped the surface I was on.

Daddy has gotten into the habit of insisting that I stay still, not squirm or try to move away from his current article of torment. However, I am allowed to scream out or cry though (into a pillow or the mattress, when not alone in house). I hadn't tried to hit something to release, not sure it would work for me, but it is worth a try if I get to that point again. Thanks for the idea!

BLGirl

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 51

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/10/2008 2:24:02 PM

cherrydoll25

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Joined: 11/9/2008
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Durring play for me it only the first few that hurt the most.... and those I usually just breathe through......but honestly I go to another place durring our play....its like im floating up above my own body and im looking down on myself enjoying what is happening to me.....its a crazy yet amazing feeling

BLGirl I have to agree with you im the same way the worst part is when he stops....cause I could seriously take the pain and the "beating" for a while...it frees me completely

(in reply to BLGirl)

Post #: 52

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/10/2008 3:44:12 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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I always found that just being stubborn helps. I also think that your not having a safeword can actually be a detriment in just 'taking it'. What I mean is that for me, having a safe word gives me a focus; i just bull my way through it with my focus on "i will fucking not say it" whenever i think it's getting to be too much..

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 53

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/10/2008 6:08:53 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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the being still thing is something i'm working on
i've got alot of "instant recoil" responses that i don't want to get in the way of whatever he wants to do
it's just very hard to get out of them =p
and i remember rambling to him once about jumping away out of fear of where the sensation was sending me =p even though the place i was going to is a pleasant place, i guess it's more a feeling of being overwhelmed really

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 54

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/11/2008 10:07:39 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
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i've read a lot of the posts, but i didn't have enough patience to read all three pages, so i apologize if this has already been said.

i second the breathing techniques. Others have given better advice on this than i ever could. However there is one more thing.

In order for me to deal with pain (and typically what makes it pleasurable) is if i tell myself its coming. i honestly tell myself in my head "this is going to hurt. Accept it. Welcome it. Embrace it". That helps more than i can explain. When i tense up is when the pain becomes worse. That is why the breathing techniques help. It's the same as if you are getting a shot. A shot is much more bearable if you blow really hard right before it is given. It forces your body to relax. That is what the breathing techniques do. Sometimes i have to tell myself to relax in order to enjoy the pain. This has worked wonders for me though, and i hope it works for you. Let us know how it turns out.

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 55

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/12/2008 6:04:25 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

I always found that just being stubborn helps. I also think that your not having a safeword can actually be a detriment in just 'taking it'. What I mean is that for me, having a safe word gives me a focus; i just bull my way through it with my focus on "i will fucking not say it" whenever i think it's getting to be too much..

Exactly! I do this, I say to myself, "I will not give in, I will not break and ask him to stop!" It is definitely about stubbornness, unfortunately, often Daddy will continue to ask if I am okay, when I just want him to keep going. I hate it when he stops!

Stubbornly,
BLGirl

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 56

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/12/2008 6:06:06 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainydayNE

the being still thing is something i'm working on
i've got alot of "instant recoil" responses that i don't want to get in the way of whatever he wants to do
it's just very hard to get out of them =p
and i remember rambling to him once about jumping away out of fear of where the sensation was sending me =p even though the place i was going to is a pleasant place, i guess it's more a feeling of being overwhelmed really

When I flinch like this, Daddy gets down-right evil! It is fabulous!

Happily,
BLGirl

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 57

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/12/2008 6:37:58 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BLGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainydayNE

the being still thing is something i'm working on
i've got alot of "instant recoil" responses that i don't want to get in the way of whatever he wants to do
it's just very hard to get out of them =p
and i remember rambling to him once about jumping away out of fear of where the sensation was sending me =p even though the place i was going to is a pleasant place, i guess it's more a feeling of being overwhelmed really

When I flinch like this, Daddy gets down-right evil! It is fabulous!

Happily,
BLGirl

hehehe :)

(in reply to BLGirl)

Post #: 58

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/12/2008 9:42:07 PM

leakylee

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endure, i dont think is a bad word. of course if you are really learning to enjoy the pain (and yes i throw this in on a bit of a self angle) for yourself, as well as to please him. it does make a difference. breathing is huge. it floods your body with O2. other techinques will come to you personally. i know personally that the sooner i was able to let the emotions loose, the sooner my mind flew. that helps a whole lot. the other thing that helps is finding the pain that you like. whether it is the thud, or the sting. another thing, is that if you are in the bonds, and you need to divert your mind. (if permitted) fight them. it can divert your attention from the sensations. as odd as this may sound is music selection. if you have songs that help you into a meditative state, or just totally psyche you up. try those.

the other big thing is communicate. sometimes the days activities or our emotions can just throw us all kinds of off, and what didnt phase you last week will send you crashing and balling tomorrow. that is a hard lesson to learn, and a hard personal limitation to accept.

i hope some of this helps

lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to HisPrincess05)

Post #: 59

RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? - 11/13/2008 2:00:24 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
I would not agree

leaving alone the notion of being "truly masochistic" for the moment

pain is pain is pain ... whether you get a sexual thrill from it or not ... its pain.
Certain things can be done to extend your tolerance to the pain ... breathing techniques, visualisation strategies ... even learning which body positions are best for you can all increase the period of pain endurance your body can offer. For me the key factors are my mental preparation - recently I played to a level which is usually not problematic but because I wasn't prepared psychologically I really suffered and we had to finish the play much sooner than normal. (not saying it was a bad scene or a traumatising one ... but Sadist was able to "break" masochist much more quickly than normal)

The level of pain you can tolerate (IMHO) has absolutely fuck all to do with your "trueness" as a masochist. I talk about a break point with my current play partner ... the point at which the play goes from intense/pleasurable/satisfying/what I want to unendurable/what I dont want is what we call "the break" and we very rarely push me beyond that break. The fact that my break is at a different level of play to that of say ... missturabtion ... does not make her a truer masochist than me ... it just means the level of pain we can endure is different.

Right on! I'm masochistic, but I don't get any kind of endorphin rush from it -- I can use pain as a tool to augment certain meditation techniques and 'ride' the pain to a deeper level of meditation, but it still flipping HURTS, and only continuous pain like getting a tat works for induction of meditation for me -- more extreme pain (like branding, which I've discovered I can't hang with) and more sporadic pain (like piercing) just hurts -- but I like the results and pushing myself to the limit, so I do it anyway.

Even masochists may need to learn to deal with pain, because all of us get something different out of the experience, and enjoying the process of going through pain doesn't necessarily mean that pain feels -good- during that process.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 60

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