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RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/5/2008 7:37:31 PM

MissAnimus

Posts: 91
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

She's probably a hairy old man like the others have suggested or a blood sucking alien.

However...there is a *small* chance that she is the honest and truly interested person you'd like to meet. I don't think most people do things like I do but she *might* be one of them. To help shed some light on why she might not be giving you what you want I can give you three reasons I hestitate (or used to hesitate) before giving out pictures and phone numbers.

First, I like to get straight to the point with someone new. I don't hesitate to give out pictures. I hate talking on the phone and I don't give out my number often. IF I do give out my number it means I'm ready to meet face to face and I only gave out my number so you can call it to apologize your ass off when you are running five minutes late. I've had some great experiences and made some great friends. Both of those things have bolstered my confidence and now I'm more comfortable moving faster with new people. I've figured out what I want and I've learned how to spot what's not going to work but it wasn't always this way. I used to be extremely cautious about giving out my picture or phone number in part because I knew I was young and naive. I feared getting in over my head. I was also very suspicious of this new 'CM' thing that seemed too good to be true. I was unreasonably paranoid that somehow I'd be 'outed' if I gave out pictures and other information. My worst fear was waking up one day to find my picture plastered all over campus. Now I'm vain enough to be flattered by the idea but that's another story.

Second, I used to withhold pictures and phone numbers to make a point if I felt a sub was too pushy and demanding when he asked for them. I don't play that game anymore.

Third, patience is one of my favorite qualities in a person. I'm extremely introverted and it can take a while for me to warm up to someone. If someone can't wait for me to do things on my own terms then I know it's just not going to work out. No hard feelings, just the truth.

I hope some of this helps.

Best,
MA

< Message edited by MissAnimus -- 11/5/2008 7:42:56 PM >

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 21

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/5/2008 9:45:48 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

I am able to meet someone (at the mall) who doesn't have a picture if we've talked on the phone, have rapport, and I consider them more friend than lover/sub potential. If however, someone seems paranoid and excessively protective of his information and photo, I tend to stop considering them for anything beyone chat friendship. So what I'm saying is that I agree with your red flag/buzzer going off distrust. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to wcj006400)

Post #: 22

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 3:34:45 AM

ApathyRomance

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like you found yourself a nice, creepy, old guy. Fast reply.

(in reply to wcj006400)

Post #: 23

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 6:20:56 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Ok, I've been burned a fair share on this site. It's pretty obvious if you read my profile... lol

But, I'm pretty quick to give out my cell number and I still have pics on my profile, I don't mind making an appearance on my webcam either, just to prove I am who I say I am. Anyone that says otherwise is hiding something... period. No, you can't really get to know much of another person through a few impersonal emails.

Jewel

PS... I added another pic to my profile, just fyi to those that may be keeping track.... lol

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to ApathyRomance)

Post #: 24

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 9:38:00 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

But, I'm pretty quick to give out my cell number and I still have pics on my profile. Anyone that says otherwise is hiding something... period. No, you can't really get to know much of another person through a few impersonal emails.
Jewel

I agree completely, though don't have and will probably never own a cam, but I have plain, and less flattering pict to show who I am. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 25

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 9:48:03 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

I don't give out face pictures on the net, period...... I value my privacy too much. If I met someone online who is local and I would like to met, I invite them either for coffee, or tea, or to a munch..... no expectations, just to met. I have also had alot of people send me pictures, then met them in person who looked nothing like their pictures.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 26

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 9:49:03 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

One thing you have to remember when you're talking to people on Collarme is that we're not all people. Some of us are aliens from the Crab Nebula. Then there are a few androids. Others...fuck, I have no idea what some of the others are.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 27

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/6/2008 9:54:32 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... LAM... it can get scary out there!

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 28

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 7:09:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Ask her how long her usual time period is before she'll agree to meet someone. If she says six months, and that's too long for you, then thank her and move on.

What she needs to feel comfortable is what she needs. No wrong or right there, just compatible or not.

We talked for about a month before meeting, no pics, cell phone numbers exchanged after a couple of weeks.

If someone demanded I cam to 'prove' myself, I wouldn't continue talking to them. I would however suggest you limit your talks to nonsexual items. This way if this domme is actually a he, he'll move on when he isn't getting any more wanker material from you.

Getting to know someone has very little to do with their sexual proclivities for me, I'm much more concerned with basic personality compatibilities. Views towards family, politics, charity, religion, etc.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 11/7/2008 7:10:11 AM >

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(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 29

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 7:20:15 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

im with Lady Pact on this one mate. Never give your house phone number to a person you don t fully know except in an online capacity, if you wish to give a number give your cell phone. the problem with giving your house phone number is you are giving away your privacy you could be plagued with phone calls day and night
kevin

(in reply to wcj006400)

Post #: 30

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 7:55:46 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

I don't give out face pictures on the net, period...... I value my privacy too much. If I met someone online who is local and I would like to met, I invite them either for coffee, or tea, or to a munch..... no expectations, just to met. I have also had alot of people send me pictures, then met them in person who looked nothing like their pictures.

Bingo...

Personally I also get more than just a bit suspicious if somebody asks me to send a vanilla picture with full face after the 2nd email.... Do I know where the pictures end up? Nothing against talking on the phone but again, if somebody is just too pushy...

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 31

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 8:09:27 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

When I came back to CM after being gone for a year, I didn't change my photos. I just didn't think about it. I kept getting compliments on my hair, how long it is, how pretty...ect..ect..I then realized that I had my old photos up. I had long auburn hair, but not anymore. I also noticed I looked nothing like my photos on CM anymore. I now have short blond hair. I had to update my photos fast! I felt I was unintentionally misleading people. My point is, if someone has a photo or photos that are a couple years old, they should change them. Even a hair cut can make that much of a difference to people who you are going to be meeting.

OP, if you see red flags and bells are going off inside of you, listen to them. Instincts are in place for a reason. I don't see any reason why someone who is serious about meeting someone here, to hide this kind of information from you. Why bother signing up on CM, creating a profile and then refusing to "meet" anyone here? (Other than wanting to interact on the message forum). I would ask her what her time limit is on meeting in real time with someone. Give her your phone number. She can always "block" her number from you. I think that a month of talking without seeing her or hearing her is too long. But then again, I always opt to meet someone I am talking to as soon as possible. This does two things for me. I get to see that they are as real in person as they are on the phone and on line, and I can see if we have the potential to fit in real time as we do on line and phone. Life is too short to waste on someone who is playing games.

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 32

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 8:47:41 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have to see a photo before I meet someone. I am pretty casual about giving out my cell number---shoot, it was in my DDI ad, I can hardly argue about sending to a potential new friend! I love to do the online chat, since I am a very fast typist and I can multitask. If a person interests me, I hit the phone pretty quickly, and if they are local, I meet them. Why waste time on a fantasy?

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 33

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/7/2008 9:00:00 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

agreed
kev

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 34

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 1:31:31 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Most people I have contact with via CM already have a photo up as I do, and I'm pretty much liberal with all my other details, my website is in my sigline, and I give out my e-mail and number freely. If I'm meeting someone real time I insist on a neutral meeting but not on a photo and I would prefer a cellphone number.

Yes I've been burned, I've also had people call me with abusive contact, and this is something which no doubt at some point I will experience again.

But you know all the while I'm looking for a direct relationship between words and actions. The other thing I look for is balanced contact, which means I'm looking for the other person to initiate contact as I do.

How long do you give someone? Usually you can tell. I feel it's important to trust your instincts, but also voice your concerns if you have any.

In the OP's situation I would probably start to withdraw contact to see what happens and take it from there.

I'm prepared to do online for a while but as I explain to people online is just a starting point and not the be all and end all with contact with me.

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(in reply to wcj006400)

Post #: 35

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 2:32:19 AM

azjojoba

Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wcj006400

Hello anyone reading. I have a bit of a problem. i jus started talking to a female i met on here and she is switch i guess but very dom towards me. i have enjoyed the conversation, nothing real serious at all, but she insists she has been burned to many times and will not show a photo or talk on phone or anything. i would understand if all she wanted was online chat but she sys she wants more. this is uncharted waters fo me... but it kind of sets off a buzzer when someone is so closed. any thoughts?

Most of the women on this website are either fakes or pros. Those under the age of 30 are all pros or guys that get their rocks off when they get your emails. The ones over 30 are usually men, fantasizers, or if they are a woman that wants a slave 24/7, and of course who is not married. Predictably they demand their men to have a perfect body including at least a 9" cock that can stay hard for at least 12 hours. That proves that women are as stupid as men. ha!ha!

In other words, most women here are as stupid as the men who think they are going to get a super sexy 22 year old that will satisfy all their kinks.

In all the time I have been here I have met two good femdoms. It's a question of your own judgement whether the time spent is worth the benefit. For most of us guys, dominant women are just a fantasy or our very large imaginations.

(in reply to wcj006400)

Post #: 36

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 4:10:37 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: wcj006400

Hello anyone reading. I have a bit of a problem. i jus started talking to a female i met on here and she is switch i guess but very dom towards me. i have enjoyed the conversation, nothing real serious at all, but she insists she has been burned to many times and will not show a photo or talk on phone or anything. i would understand if all she wanted was online chat but she sys she wants more. this is uncharted waters fo me... but it kind of sets off a buzzer when someone is so closed. any thoughts?

Most of the women on this website are either fakes or pros. Those under the age of 30 are all pros or guys that get their rocks off when they get your emails. The ones over 30 are usually men, fantasizers, or if they are a woman that wants a slave 24/7, and of course who is not married. Predictably they demand their men to have a perfect body including at least a 9" cock that can stay hard for at least 12 hours. That proves that women are as stupid as men. ha!ha!

In other words, most women here are as stupid as the men who think they are going to get a super sexy 22 year old that will satisfy all their kinks.

In all the time I have been here I have met two good femdoms. It's a question of your own judgement whether the time spent is worth the benefit. For most of us guys, dominant women are just a fantasy or our very large imaginations.

Thanks for telling me, so far I always thought I'm a woman and not a guy, oddly enough I'm also not looking for a slave but thought it might be a cool place to find like minded people.

It might really really surprise you, but on occasion you can have very good conversations with people and they don't always center around BDSM, just like in a pub, the conversation doesn't center around drinks.

(in reply to azjojoba)

Post #: 37

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 4:52:08 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

I think the general consensus is that we all move at our own pace. I'm sure that the majority of men on CM believe that I move way to slowly. Well folks, I am over 45 and I'm not a man. I do also have a LIFE.

When I start talking to a new person, I prefer to keep the conversation very light, non-sexual, non-BDSM. Those people who can continue to converse with me on those very casual, friendly terms are the ones who seem to be genuinely interested in me as a human being first, not just a "Life support system for my toy bag." (Which one of you said that first? I laughed my head off when I first read that description here.) Then, if I like the person, not just his kink, we move into something more. Those who seemed to be really fun little kinksters that jumped straight into fantasy mail always seem to go *poof* when least expected. Therefore, I end up just bitching about them on the boards... which simply annoys everyone else. So, those guys make it tough on everyone!

So far, I have only managed to actually meet face to face with ONE person from CM that I was interested in. That went amazingly well. Several others stood me up... which also made me a touch warey about setting up another meet. Why bother? I have one that I'm happy with. Others pull no-shows. This means that I don't need to be in a hurry. If a man doesn't like me enough to have patience and wait for the 'right time'... then he's not worth the effort.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 38

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 5:16:29 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I have met with a few and I tend to take the same approach you have, the people I met with were clear that we are just meeting, with one person some years ago I would have been interested to play with but he was more looking for a full time commitment, he wasn't fooling me into meeting him, it somehow evolved that he would be much happier this way and it wasn't something I could give or wanted to give. We parted as friends. A lot of the people here are very very nice but there are also quite a lot of slightly odd people around, so I'm not really rushing into meeting anybody. Like you, they have to go at my pace and if that is not their pace then, well sorry. But my life comes first, maybe I win the lottery one day (should start playing really) and then I can drop everything and meet somebody at a whim, until then work and my normal life comes first, kink and BDSM has to fit in there somehow...

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 39

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme - 11/8/2008 5:25:26 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: wcj006400

Hello anyone reading. I have a bit of a problem. i jus started talking to a female i met on here and she is switch i guess but very dom towards me. i have enjoyed the conversation, nothing real serious at all, but she insists she has been burned to many times and will not show a photo or talk on phone or anything. i would understand if all she wanted was online chat but she sys she wants more. this is uncharted waters fo me... but it kind of sets off a buzzer when someone is so closed. any thoughts?

Most of the women on this website are either fakes or pros. Those under the age of 30 are all pros or guys that get their rocks off when they get your emails. The ones over 30 are usually men, fantasizers, or if they are a woman that wants a slave 24/7, and of course who is not married. Predictably they demand their men to have a perfect body including at least a 9" cock that can stay hard for at least 12 hours. That proves that women are as stupid as men. ha!ha!

In other words, most women here are as stupid as the men who think they are going to get a super sexy 22 year old that will satisfy all their kinks.

In all the time I have been here I have met two good femdoms. It's a question of your own judgement whether the time spent is worth the benefit. For most of us guys, dominant women are just a fantasy or our very large imaginations.

That sentiment runs rampant on both sides of the kneel. I think the issue is there are sooooo many out there and the range of what they want or expect is so vast that the chances of finding that few that want what you want and feel like you feel is pretty damn slim.

Jewel

That was my attempt at being "pc"...

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to azjojoba)

Post #: 40

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