RE: Are You Equal?

RE: Are You Equal? (Full Version)

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WestBaySlave -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 12:53:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa For myself, if I am in negotiations with someone, I do not expect them to treat me in any other way, than what they would do with a friend. I do not expect anything from them, except honesty and openness, which I would expect from any new person I have met. I would no more try to dominate them than I would try to change the color of their skin. We are on equal ground. He has the right and the responsibility to ask as many questions of me as he needs to, in order to feel comfortable with me. I have the same right with regards to asking him questions. Until we have established, to both of our satisfaction that this is what we both want, we are both on equal footing. I am not his Mistress. I am not his Top nor am I his Dominant. I do not require him to call me "Mistress" right from the get-go. I do however ask him to treat me with the same respect that I give to him. If he were to make one of the statements that are in the above bullets, I would correct him. In my opinion, I have not earned the right to be any more special to him than any one else has. Your thoughts? Personally, I tend to interact on an egalitarian basis. I do not think I'm inferior or that they are superior because I'm sub and their dom. Perhaps it's because of who I am or my experience, but there is no golden halo around the masters and dominants I've known. Some of them are good people, some bad, some don't deserve to lick the bottom of my boots; forget about vice versa. Slaves and subs are no better or worse. There's the usual mix of people in this scene, just people with slightly different desires than the mainstream. I've gotten into arguments about this - I've actually had a close friend tell me I'll "never find a master" because of it. Even if that were true, don't care, honestly. The kind of master that couldn't get to know a slave on an egalitarian basis isn't the master I'd want anyhow.

JustDarkness -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 2:08:43 AM)
quote: I've gotten into arguments about this - I've actually had a close friend tell me I'll "never find a master" because of it. Even if that were true, don't care, honestly. The kind of master that couldn't get to know a slave on an egalitarian basis isn't the master I'd want anyhow. exacly...you do it for yourself..not for the sake of rules in the lifestyle

celticlord2112 -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 5:12:47 AM)
I am me. I value my slave. I value others. Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about "equality".

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 5:49:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP My mother used to say that we teach people how to treat us. If we never assert our needs, then no wonder they don't consider us as having any. If we lie down, we should expect to be walked on. This is especially true of submissives just starting a relationship. We do everything we can for the other person and ignore our own needs. Then six months down the road we realize how unhappy we are, but the dominant is blindsided because we never told them the truth. We teach them to overlook us and they assume we're happy with the status quo and decide we were fakes when we suddenly say we can't go on like that anymore. Whereas neither partner is the bad guy, it was just that the relationship started wrong. I hate being blindsided, have had it happen before. This is why I stress I want to know what some of my partners needs, wants and desires are. The world does not evol around me and me alone in a relationship. Perhaps that does not come off sounding all Domly, but it keeps me from ever becoming blindsided. I hate being held accountable for another persons unspoken desires, wish, wants or needs. Being a DOM does not mean being a self centered asshole in my book. The same can be said about asserting limits, issues and problems. If somebody does not let me know about these things, how I can assume and take responsibility for crossing limits that I'm unaware about. Attempt to deal with an issue or problem that I know nothing about?

Evility -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 6:31:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa For myself, if I am in negotiations with someone, I do not expect them to treat me in any other way, than what they would do with a friend. I do not expect anything from them, except honesty and openness, which I would expect from any new person I have met. I would no more try to dominate them than I would try to change the color of their skin. We are on equal ground. For myself, if I am in negotiations then she is the dominant. Doesn't work for me.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 7:08:08 AM)
I wouldn't be involved with someone if they were not my equal, at least on some level. However, when seducing/flirting with someone I feel I have to strut my stuff a bit, but it is not the same as "ordering them about" and sometimes it is simply not doing something obvious and waiting to see if they notice and do it for me, or perhaps waiting seconds before they notice, just as it is about to dawn on them and simply turning with a raised eyebrow trying to get that "oh god he is hot" reaction. I haven't exactly ordered them to do something but I want to see how well they serve and anticipate my needs every bit as much as they want to see if I am all talk or if I actually have "it". I like to see my partners as equals and even superiors to me in some ways. The bigger they are as people, the greater the contrast that provides their submission to me. I very much get off on that. That is why male submissives who are worms kind of turn me off but strong male submissives I think are cool as hell. But back to being equals while courting. I like to meet women naked, blindfolded, on their knees, with their mouths open on the first date so I guess their is a bit of hypocrisy in there as well. I was at a party recently where a wonderful woman I knew only from online was there. I think my treating her as an equal was perhaps why the service she provided me was so wonderfully and intoxicatingly attentive. I would never order someone around who was not mine, (defined by being in some sort of prescribed/understood) relationship so I would never have thought to have her serve me but there it was anyway. I think the fact that we knew she would have obeyed an order made my not giving one both hotter and more demanding. It made for a very pleasant event.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/10/2008 9:30:00 AM)
~ Fast Reply ~ beth and I are equal by the same reasoning that applies to the US 'Affirmative Action' program. There are situations and occasions where, as 'Master', my desires are "more equal" than hers.

elleRT -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/17/2008 3:19:34 PM)
[sm=applause.gif] Good job brigning up a good discussion point. To me, both the Dominant and the submissive are equal as to what their value is and what they should be contributing to the relationship. Just because someone is a Dominant does not mean they get (or should get) their way all the time. It is rather a choosen function that they are passed on by genetics or personality traits. Both the Dominant and the submissive matter, their needs and desires and wants matter. Both need to feed their body and soul to be happy. The only difference is that one is the leader and the other is the follower. Those that say that only the dominant's wishes matter and the slave's needs are not equal to a Dom's is in this for the wrong reasons. We are humans, we have needs and desires and they must be met to a degree for us to be happy. To deny this at any level is cruel and no dominant with honor will subject their charge to this type of enviroment. Many tend to forger. Slave/sub does not equal trash and not worthy of anything. just my opinion. ==A good leader is one that serves those that follow==

mummyman321 -> RE: Are You Equal? (11/17/2008 4:26:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa I ask the following question to those who have not collared or been collared yet. Those who are in negotiations or are being considered. This does not apply to those who are an already established dynamic. IMO, once the dynamic has been established, what anyone else thinks about it is moot. Do any of the statements above apply to you? I am not a collared sub and not currently in consideration by any Domme. I have been in the lifestyle for 15+ years. None of those statements apply to me. I believe in the relationship it is a 50/50 venture between the Domme and the sub. I seek out a Domme who has very similar interests as myself. When courting a potential Domme, I treat her like any chivalrious gentleman should treat a lady but I do not act as her sub and I do not assume to be her sub. To be clear, I am a submissive and not a slave. was not sure if your question was directed to subs or slaves or both. I see the relationship as a partnership. Both parties must get something out of the relationship for it to grow and flourish. I seek a Domme whom I can discuss life's matters (politcs, enviroment, nature, spiritual growth, nightly news, etc..._) on a even plane without regard to who is Domme and who is sub. This is simply my point of view and I am sure other answers will vary.

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